


All That I Am

by Anonymous



Category: RoadTrip (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-05
Updated: 2021-02-22
Packaged: 2021-03-09 20:35:00
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 27
Words: 100,814
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27912376
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: Being a real man has nothing to do with what's under your clothing. Rye's about to find that firsthand when his high school crush Drew, better known as Andy, comes back into the picture after two years of radio silence.
Relationships: Rye Beaumont/Andy Fowler
Collections: anonymous





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I know Drew is a unisex name, but I figured the difference in name distinguishes the official transition for Andy in this story :)
> 
> Warnings include usage of drugs/alcohol, homophobic slurs, transphobia, and description of panic attacks

**Rye's POV**

Everything was riding on this one moment. In the grand scale of things this was just another hurdle in my life; just another defining moment, but right now, at this very second, it was the most important thing to me. Nothing else mattered. I had trained for this all summer and I wouldn't for a second let doubt seep into my mind.

Three defenders stood separated a few meters in front of me, waiting for me to make a move towards the goals. The soccer ball was two feet away. All eyes were on me and the pressure was starting to build. This was only college try-outs and I was only a sophomore but since last year I had been labelled the team's superstar. Sometimes I let my ego get to my head and I'd come off as arrogant, but on the inside I was shaking with nerves. I couldn't fuck this up. I needed to get this perfect to earn the title of team captain. I wouldn't settle for anything less.

My cleats dug into the ground as I took off. My foot connected with the ball as I dribbled it towards the three people; two of them being my friends Sonny and Mikey, one of them someone who I merely tolerated; Ethan. Sonny would be easy. He would let me pass. He made a half-assed effort to stop me, but I got around him.

Next was Mikey. He was a bit of a self-proclaimed class clown, but I see him as more of an asshole. Nonetheless, he was my friend. Not a good one, but still one of them. I smiled when I got to him, knowing that he'd let me pass eventually but not without making me work for it. He almost got the ball off me; almost. I dodged him, spinning around and back-tracking before getting past him.

Ethan was up next. This would be a bit more difficult. Time was going so slowly but really everything was happening in a span of fifteen seconds. Ethan's messy blonde hair fell into his eyes. He smirked at me. This asshole was my biggest competition last year and would be again this year. He wanted to be captain too. Despite our silent disdain for each other, we were somewhat friendly acquaintances. Frenemies is what Sonny calls it.

I ran towards him and just when I thought I could make it and get past, he stole the ball from me. For a second I was lost, confused at how he did that, then I snapped into action. I ran after him, catching him off guard. After a small tousle I stole the ball and as fast as I could, I ran towards the goalie; Jake. A fraction of a second was all it took to see him go left, so I kicked right, aiming for the top corner. The ball hit the back of the net before falling to the ground.

I stopped, breathing heavily. I did it. That couldn't have gone any better. I even got to show up Ethan which was a bonus. I turned to look at the other players trying out. Mikey was giving me a big grin and a thumbs up. Next I looked at Coach Dreelan. His look of approval was all I needed.

"I see I saved the best 'til last," he said, his accent drawling.

"I try." I shrugged with a small smile. He motioned for me to come towards him, so I did. He put his hand on my shoulder, grabbing me roughly. He turned me to the rest of the team.

"Meet our new captain," he said. Joy exploded inside me but I acted cool so I didn't seem like too much of a jackass. I was friendly with almost the whole team so I was met with a lot of smiles, except for Ethan. He seemed disgruntled, but was forced into acceptance.

"I'll post who made the team on my notice board in an hour. Those of you who made it, I expect to see you practice tomorrow afternoon. Hit the showers," Coach Dreelan said.

The team went off towards the locker rooms and I stood there smiling smugly in my success. It was a small win in my usually dull existence.

* * *

Being named captain of a sporting team in college had its perks; one of which being girls practically flinging themselves at you. Later that night while Sonny, who was also my room-mate, was asleep, I found myself with a girl on top of me; her dark red hair falling into my face. I covered her mouth as she climaxed, being a bit too noisy for my liking.

She sighed in relief and lifted herself off of me. She looked down and in the dim glow of the outside lights I saw her smile. I felt nothing. There was no adoration towards the girl I met mere hours ago. There wasn't even a feeling of happiness or excitement. I felt jaded, maybe even apathetic. Yeah, it felt great, but afterwards there was just nothing. I was bored.

"That was fun," she giggled. I nodded.

"Yeah. You should go now though before my room-mate wakes up," I whispered.

"Okay. You'll call me, right?" she asked.

"Of course," I lied. I didn't even have her number, but she didn't realize that. She was drunk.

"Okay." She smiled. She got off the bed and re-dressed herself.

"You alright to get back to your dorm?" I asked. The girl's dorms were right next to these ones so it shouldn't be too difficult.

"Yeah, I'll be fine. I'll see you later," she said quietly, and with that she was leaving the dorm.

I sighed, pulling my boxers back up and throwing the sheet over myself. I wasn't a huge fan of being up too late if I was alone. It left too much time for thinking, and all I felt was emptiness. I wasn't depressed and it wasn't like I had a shitty life, because I didn't. I had a great life. I just felt like I was missing something.

"You bring way too many girls back here," Sonny's voice said. My heart leapt into my throat. He startled me. I thought he was sleeping. At least he was when I came into the room.

"I have the looks, why not put them to good use?" I asked.

"Lucky you. Some of us actually have to work to get girls," he said in a tired voice.

"Yeah, well, sorry I woke you mate. Didn't mean it," I said.

"Whatever," he grumbled. He was usually in a bad mood when tired.

"Oh by the way, I heard some interesting news today," he said, sounding a little more awake.

"What's that?" I asked.

"Drew's back."

I sat up so quickly I got a head spin. I turned, looking at him through the darkness. My heart thudded against my chest. Did I hear that right?

"Drew, Drew?" I asked.

"The one and only," he said. I was confused, excited and a little nervous at the same time.

"Back? What do you mean back? Where? What did you hear? Who told you?" I asked quickly.

"Jeez, Rye, calm down. Anyone would think you're obsessed with her. Then again, in high school you kind of were," he said, with amusement laced in his voice.

"Just tell me what you heard," I snapped.

"I was talking to Honor. She saw her on her class list," he said. That was it? That's all the information he has?

"It might not even be her. How many Drew Fowlers do you think there are in the world?" I asked rhetorically.

"I don't know, Rye," he groaned. "Man I got kept up enough tonight already. Just go to sleep."

I knew better than to annoy him any further. He'd be grumpy with me for days, so instead I laid back down. My mind was reeling after the news. This couldn't be real. Actually, it very well could be, but she left. Drew left and I got used to that. She couldn't be back.

My thoughts drifted to the blond beauty. Drew. Her name hadn't been on my mind for a long time. We went to high school together but ran with different crowds. I spoke to her only twice before. Once when we were both going into the library, I opened the door for her and said 'after you'. She smiled politely and went on in. The only other time was in the one and only class we ever had together when I asked her if I could borrow a pen.

Despite hardly even knowing her, I had the biggest crush on her. It sounded creepy now, but I used to watch her a lot in school. It wasn't like I followed her around, but in class I'd take note of her. I'd hear bits and pieces of her conversation and learn small things about her like how nice she was, but she was also stubborn. She was goal-oriented and I liked that. She, like me, was into soccer, only I never got to play with her because she was on the girl's team and we never had gym together.

She was beautiful. I admit that's what first made me develop a crush on her. Her hair was always long, wavy and perfect, with the bluest eyes. She had a smile that could light up the world. I was practically in love with the girl but she never knew it. The guys I was friends with all knew it though. They used to make fun of me for how nervous I got whenever she entered a room, and how I would be too chicken to go up and talk to her.

The crush eventually ended though. She left. During the summer between eleventh and twelfth grade, she just up and left town without a word to any of her friends. I never heard anything about her since. Now she was apparently back. It was too surreal. It took me about a year to get over my crush on her. The second I got into college I was all about hooking up with college chicks and Drew was barely a blip in my memory.

With thoughts of Drew flooding my mind, I slowly drifted off to sleep.

* * *

I admit, I spent most of the next day on the lookout for Drew. Every lecture I had I'd check for her there. When I realized she wasn't, I'd look out the window in the hopes I'd see her and what Sonny had told me was true. This was kind of small town so the college campus wasn't that big and most people here were from the local high school, so I guess I thought the odds of seeing her were high.

My hopes were diminished though when it got to the end of the day and I was walking onto the soccer field without seeing her at all. My red uniform stuck to my body in the blaring heat. It was a hot day today, hotter than usual.

I looked out at the others, taking note of who made the team. Other than Sonny and Mikey who told me they made it yesterday, there was also, to my displeasure, Ethan. It looked like there was a full team here, maybe even a few extra subs.

I was late, but coach wasn't here yet. He's never really on time. It gave us a chance to warm up without him. Most the team looked at me when I got closer. Sonny in particular was giving me a funny look. I frowned back at him.

"Dude, dude. You can't let a girl onto the team, no matter how much of a freak she is." Mikey was the first to talk to me. I was confused. Who said anything about a girl being on the team?

"What?" I asked.

"Yeah," Jake interjected, "Try-outs were yesterday anyway."

"What are you on about?" I asked.

"Rye, it's-," Sonny started and was cut off.

"They can't even be on this team. There's already a girls team." It was someone else talking this time; Cameron.

"I don't know what team that thing belongs on." It was Ethan this time.

"I remember knowing her in high school. Waste of her looks in my opinion." That was Mikey again.

"You can't even tell it's a girl," Brook said.

"Yes you can. Shut up," Jack said to his friend.

"Everyone shut the hell up," I said loudly. They had formed a circle around me, making me feel trapped and confused.

"Who the hell are you talking about?" I asked.

The group all looked around at each other before parting. Through the gap I saw someone a little bit away, juggling a ball with their feet and knees.

"They wanna try out," Mikey said. I rolled my eyes. I hated stragglers. Try-outs were yesterday and the rules were to try out on tryout day, or bad luck, try next year. I walked towards the guy.

"Hey, dude, tryouts were yesterday," I called out to him. He stopped. The ball dropped to the ground, bouncing a few feet away, then he turned.

I stopped in my tracks. My eyes going wide. I knew who it was straight away but even I had to stand there for a moment thinking I was seeing things. Maybe it was because I had Drew on my mind or maybe I was going crazy, but I could see it all over her face. It was Drew, only not the Drew I once knew.

This Drew looked so much different, yet still the same. My eyes landed straight on her chest. It was flat. She was lean, like she always was, yet she had a muscular, manly build. She was little, but had broadened shoulders. Her hair was cut shorter, with blond and brown roots showing.

This was Drew, but not Drew. This was a guy. I was shocked and confused. It didn't take a genius to figure out that Drew had gotten a sex change. If I hadn't known Drew before then I wouldn't even notice this person standing in front of me hadn't been a girl before. Most of the team was from high school too, so they knew her, or at least of her.

"Hi. I'm Andy. You're Rye, right? The captain? I think we knew each other in high school, sort of," she said. He said? Her voice was deeper. I couldn't speak. All I did was nod slowly.

"I'm a transfer and-,"

"You're a trans-something all right," one of the guys said. There was snickering behind me.

"A transvestite," said another.

"A transfreak," Ethan said this time.

"A-and...I, um," Drew, or Andy, or whoever this was standing in front of me went on, "My plane got in too late last night so I missed tryouts. I know it's sort of against protocol but I'd love to tryout for the team."

"There's already a girls team!" Mikey called out, "Their tryouts are tomorrow."

"Well that's great for them, but I'm a guy so..." Andy-whatever said.

"Do you have a dick to prove it?" Ethan asked.

My eyes were still glued on the person standing in front of me. What bothered me most was the fact that despite all the things being said towards them, they barely batted an eyelash. It was like they weren't affected by what was being said, meaning they got this a lot.

"Yeah, how 'bout you prove it?" Mikey said.

"How 'bout you leave her the fuck alone, Cobban?" I barked behind me. I had no idea where that came from. This person standing in front of me though was someone I had crushed on for so long and missed while they were gone and now they were back and I could barely think straight.

I kept looking at Drew, or Andy, I should say. I looked them up and down. I spent many, many nights thinking of her body and it was different now. Changed.

"Let's see what you've got," I spoke, sounding a little unsure. Yeah, I was going against protocol. People can't have tryouts late, but one thing I loved doing in high school was watch the girl's team's games. Andy was their best player. I wanted to see if she still had it.

"Okay, fine," she said with a shrug, as if this would be a piece of cake. What she didn't know though was that she was going up against the best player of the team.

I walked towards her, past her. Him? I didn't even know. I went over to the ball and turned back to them. The rest of the team stood back, watching on. I notice the coach walking up behind them all.

"You have one task. Score a goal before I do," I said. I looked back to my team mates.

"Hughes. Goals," I said to our best goal keeper. He nodded and ran off past us to one of the goals. I looked back at Drew, staring her down. She looked confident.

"Ready?" I asked. I had spoken more words to her in five minutes than I had during the three years I was crushing on her.

"I was born ready," she said. She spoke the same way as I remember. She had the same attitude. The only difference was her voice was deeper.

"Okay, let's go," I said and without giving her a second to prepare, I had the ball and was dribbling it as fast as I could towards the goals.

She came out of nowhere, like a flash, running across in front of me and stealing the ball. I forgot just how quick she had always been. I ran faster, pumping my legs as fast as they could go. She paused for a second to line up her shot. I almost got to her in time, almost, but she kicked the ball. It shot into the goal, narrowly missing Jake's head.

It happened so quickly and it was out of nowhere. I wasn't expecting that at all. She just showed me up. She looked at me, her face not showing much emotion. That seemed so simple to her, so effortless.

"It's him, by the way," she said.

"What?"

"Before you said 'leave her alone.' It's leave him alone. Him...he...his...Andy, whatever. Using the wrong pronoun upsets me," she said. He. They're a guy now, I supposed, as weird as that was to get used to, that was a fact.

"Got it," I said simply. To be honest I was still in shock about all of this.

"You!" Coach said, getting the attention from the team and both of us. He pointed to Andy. "You're on the team," he finished.

The rest of the team erupted into chatter, most of them not liking the decision.

"But Coach! It's a girl!" Ethan argued.

"Excuse me?" Coach asked. Andy left me, walking towards Coach Dreelan. He took something out of his pocket, some pieces of paper it looked like. Coach took it and read whatever it was. He looked from the sheet, to Andy, back to the sheet, back to Andy, then handed the paper back to him. He glanced around at the team before his eyes landed back on Andy, scanning him up and down like he was on display.

"Like I said, you're on the team," he repeated.

The group once again burst into angry chatter and I stood there looking at Andy, still trying to wrap my head around what just happened.


	2. Chapter 2

Andy had one class with me; just one. It was a compulsory communications class. He sat down the front and I was up the back with my friends. I honestly felt like I was in high school again spying on Drew. It had only been a day since I learnt they were back and I was still trying to wrap my head around everything, mostly trying to see them as a guy.

What's a guy to do when the girl they had a massive crush on comes back as a guy? You google transgender people, that's what. I was up most of the night trying to figure this out. I felt like an absolute idiot. There were so many definitions though and it confused me. All I really got from it was that Andy identifies as a male and I should use male pronouns like he asked or I'd seem like a dick.

I usually didn't care about seeming like a dick. I did what I wanted to and I said what I wanted to but this was different. Andy was someone I really liked at one stage. They were someone I'd subtly try to impress all the time and now I was confused. Part of me just wanted to talk to him, but that would be weird because I had never talked to him when he went by Drew. It literally was like back in high school; being too nervous to go and talk to someone. Obviously I didn't like them anymore. It had been a while since high school. I couldn't explain the weird feeling.

"Didn't you used to have the biggest crush on her?" Mikey asked. He was on one side while Sonny was on the other.

"Back in high school. Things were a lot different then," I told him.

"So...does this make you gay or straight? Because I mean, if she left to go get a sex change then before she left she would have known she was actually a he on the inside. That's how it works, right?" Sonny asked. I had kept him up all night, talking about what I was reading online about trans males, trying to make sense of it and of course he hadn't been much help.

"I don't know. I don't know anything about how this shit works," I grumbled.

"Okay, okay, but," Mikey was talking this time, "Like...theoretically, if she's always been a guy on the inside then when you had a crush on her, or him, then that makes you totally gay, right?" he laughed and I gritted my teeth in anger. This was not the reputation I wanted.

"I'm not gay. Shut up, Mikey," I snapped.

"I wonder if it went through surgery," Mikey said. I could seriously punch him in the face right now. I didn't even want to talk about this. It was too weird.

"Come on, don't call him an 'it'," I got defensive.

"I don't know what else to call...them?" he said questioningly.

"He told me yesterday it's 'he'," I explained.

"But they're not a guy, no matter how hard they try," he said.

I looked over at Andy, just the back of his head as he sat there writing notes. I didn't know how I felt about Mikey's comment. I didn't know how I felt about any of this. I mean, Andy may look like a guy now but are they really a guy? It felt like it was pretend. This was kind of surreal. Sure, I've seen this sort of thing in movies but that's usually drag queens. I've never seen it the other way around. I was both curious and a little weirded out. I didn't really get it.

"I still wanna know if they have a dick," Mikey said and snorted in laughter.

"If they do then it's probably not as big as the one on your head," I said with a sarcastically smile. Next to me Sonny laughed. He didn't get along with Mikey too well and loved it when he was taken down a peg.

"Shut up and pay attention to the professor. God knows you need the extra help," he muttered. I had officially annoyed him, but he'd get over it soon enough.

Mikey was right though. I needed to pay attention to these lectures and take notes. I wasn't here because of being academically gifted. No, I was here on soccer scholarship and I had to make sure I kept my grades up at the same time to keep it. I had always wanted to go to this college. It was close to home, even though I didn't want to live at home. Most people here have homes close by but decide to live in the dorms because they want to be away from their parents or to live the college campus lifestyle. My reasoning was a little from both columns.

Class seemed to drag on forever and before I knew it I was leaving, straggling out of the classroom before parting ways with Mikey and Sonny. Sonny went off to his other class. I didn't have another class yet, and neither did Mikey. He made an excuse to leave me quickly, probably still bothered by my comment.

I leisurely walked along the pathway, wondering what to do next. There was an hour until my next class and I didn't have much to do until then. I considered just going back to my dorm and hanging out there, but stopped when I saw Andy on the side of the road by the parking lot, struggling to get a couple of boxes and a suitcase from a delivery car.

I stood in my place for a moment, thinking about what to do. I admit, I felt a little guilty for this, but I didn't want to go over to him because I didn't really want to be associated with him. He was the talk of the college, or at least my vast group of friends and acquaintances. He was seen as weird and someone to pick on. He was an outcast and I didn't want to be an outcast too. I wanted to avoid drama, but then I just said to myself, 'screw it'.

I went over to him and caught a box, just as it was about to fall on the ground. He looked at me, a little surprised, but then thankful.

"Looks like you need some help," I said.

"Um...yeah...yeah, that'd be cool," he said a little nervously. With one of the boxes off his hands he was able to give the driver some money and say thanks to him. Moments later the car was driving off. Andy turned to me, getting his box settled in his arms.

"My uh, my stuff didn't arrive at the airport the same time I did, so they had to deliver it," he told me. I nodded.

"Cool," I said simply. Cool? That was the best I could come up with?

"I'll help you take them up to your dorm," I added.

"You don't have to do that," he said, shaking his head.

"No, it's fine, let's go," I said and walked off. I let him catch up to me quickly, mostly because I had no idea which dorm I was going to. The boys or the girls? I really had no idea how this worked.

"Which dorm is the boy's dorm?" he asked. I guess that answered that question.

"The one on the left. Just follow me," I said.

Without another word the two of us walked in silence down the path towards the boy's dormitories. I was a little concerned about how everyone would react to Andy living with us. Even if he had a room to himself, there's still communal showers, kitchen and recreation room. He'd be in the mix with everyone else and if the soccer team was anything to go by, this would be rough.

In a way, I still saw Andy as Drew. I still saw him as the girl I used to crush on and would beat anyone up in a second for even badmouthing her. I guess that sense of protectiveness was still there, just a little bit. It definitely wasn't the same.

The two of us got to the elevator and I pressed the button. I glanced at Andy. He looked worried, maybe even nervous. Maybe it was the silence between us.

"So, you're in the boy's dorm, huh?" I asked. I was just trying to make small talk, but after I said it I wanted to slap myself across the face. "I mean, I didn't mean that, I just meant-"

"It's okay," he said with a small laugh.

He didn't say anything else about the topic though. I was truly moronic. I was nervous now. Why the hell was I nervous? So was he though. Looking out the corner of my eye I saw him breathing heavily and slowly, almost as if he was trying to calm himself down. The elevator doors opened and that's when he seemed to calm down, like he actually sighed in relief. I guess he wasn't a fan of awkward silence.

There were two people in the elevator; a guy and a girl. One was Brooklyn, one of my soccer team-mates. The girl I didn't recognize though. They had come up a level from the basement where the laundry room was.

"Hey Brook," I said when we got in the elevator.

"Hey, Rye. How's it going?" he asked.

"Good, great, man. You?" I asked, then turned to Andy.

"Which floor are you on?" I asked quietly.

"Oh, right," he muttered. He shuffled around and pressed the button for the fifth floor. That was the same as mine.

"Never better. It's the start of a fresh new school year," Brook said positively.

"I wish I had the same kind of enthusiasm you do," I said.

"I don't think anyone's as enthusiastic as my Brooky," the unknown girl said, leaning more into him.

I looked at Andy. He seemed a bit nervous again. I frowned, wondering what was up with him. Maybe it was social situations? I had no clue.

"Hey, you're Andy, right?" Brooklyn asked. Andy looked to Brooklyn with a stoic expression and nodded.

"Mate, your skills on the field the other day, they were ace! I don't think anyone on our team can match that speed," Brooklyn complimented him. I looked at Andy for a reaction, and his face practically lit up. He visibly calmed down in an instant and smiled.

"Thanks. That's probably my only talent really," Andy shrugged.

"Don't sell yourself too short. I mean, you managed to steal the ball off Rye, and he's one of our best players," Brook said. He nudged me playfully.

"Yeah, yeah, funny," I muttered under my breath.

The elevator doors opened on level four and Brook and his new girl got out, saying bye and waving to us.

"Wow," Andy said when the doors closed again.

"What?" I asked.

"Oh nothing...nothing. Just didn't expect someone so nice to be on the team," he said. I was a little offended by that.

"I'm nice," I threw out there, "And Sonny, he's nice too."

"Three people. Going for a record there?" he laughed.

"Don't worry about it, you'll settle in soon enough," I said, but even I wasn't too sure about that.

Telling by his expression, he didn't believe it either. It was a small town and with a lot of small towns comes a lot of judgement for anyone who's different. I felt like I was on the fence with this one. Sometimes I told myself, 'it's just Andy, he's just another guy, that's all', and other times I told myself, 'this is really weird. He's really weird. How could he do this to himself?' It was a constant inner battle but today I was on team acceptance.

It wasn't long before the doors were opening on our floor. The hall was empty but the walls were kind of thin, so any sound that was a little too loud was heard clearly. It was a noisy dorm. What else would you expect with a building full of boys?

"That's my room," I said, tapping the door that had 5-5 on the top. There was a whiteboard on the front for people to leave messages to both Sonny and I. Everyone had their own little whiteboard on every door. It was a fun way to communicate but in the end they all ended up with drawings of dicks all over them.

"Hmm...looks like this one's mine," he said and stopped. I looked at the plaque up the top with the room number. 5-8. I felt a bit of dread washing over me.

"Your roommate is Mikey," I told him.

"Cobban?" he asked. I nodded. I didn't know exactly how I felt about this. I was a little worried, but I'm sure it'd be okay.

"I think I saw him at tryouts. He went to our high school," he said.

"Yeah, most people here did," I said.

"He's not that bad though, right? He was nice to me in high school," he pondered. He looked hopeful.

"Yeah, that's because you were..." I stopped myself, trailing off, thinking twice of what I was about to say.

"Were what?" he asked.

"A, um...nothing. I don't know," I said casually, trying to shrug off the conversation. He smiled a little looking amused.

"Girl? You can say the word," he laughed.

"Right...uh, anyway, he's not that bad. He's a total tool and doesn't think before he speaks, but he's harmless. There's worse people you could have been roomed with," I said.

"So...he's like, okay, then? He's not..." he stopped, looking away from me. He looked kind of sad.

"He's not what?" I asked. He looked kind of unsure. He glanced back up at me.

"He's not like...um...aggressive, is he?" he asked.

"What, like, violent?" I asked, a little confused.

"Yeah..."

"No. He's a moron and an asshole but if he accidentally runs into someone on the field he'll stop playing and apologize like seven times," I said as an example.

"Okay, good to know," he said, lightening up a little.

"Why do you ask?" I questioned.

"Just wondering about, like, on the field and stuff. I don't want to accidentally make enemies with my roomie, ya know?" he said casually.

"Of course," I said.

Andy nodded and turned back to the door. He let go of the suitcase he had been trailing behind him and dug around in his pocket for a key. He unlocked the door and stepped inside. I went to follow, but in an instant he turned, putting his arm on the frame, not letting me in.

"You can just leave the box at the door," he said.

"Why? I'm already holding it. I can drop it off where it's supposed to go," I said.

"You've helped enough already," he said quickly.

For whatever reason he didn't want me to go in the room. I didn't know why, but instead of arguing it more, I set the box down on the ground.

"Okay then, well, have fun settling in. If you need anything, I'm in room 5-5. So is Sonny. He's chill," I told him.

"Thanks," he said politely with a smile.

I was just about to leave when the elevator door opened. I looked to the side. Walking out of the elevator was Mikey, and along with him were two other friends and team-mates; Cam McBride and Jake Hughes. They spotted us in an instant and all I wanted to do was shrink into a hole and disappear. I knew I'd get shit for being seen talking to Andy.

"What's going on here?" Mikey asked as he got closer. He looked to me then to Andy, who was standing in the middle of his doorway.

"Oh, no way!" he exclaimed, "I'm roomies with a trannie?"

I stayed quiet. I had already defended Andy enough to Mikey for one day. I didn't want him to get the wrong idea.

"The name's Andy, in case you forgot," Andy said, his attitude well and truly there. Maybe he didn't need me to defend him after all.

"Sure, whatever. So, you're my room-mate then?" Mikey asked.

"Yeah, I am," Andy said firmly.

"This is gonna be weird. Wait 'til the other guys hear this," he laughed, then turned his attention to me, "What are you doing here?"

"I was just helping him with his stuff. Ya know, the gentlemanly thing to do," I said.

"How sweet of you," he said sarcastically with a smile. My face went red. He was getting the wrong idea.

"I mean, they practically begged for my help," I said with a half-hearted laugh. I didn't look at Andy. He knew I was lying. I felt like a jerk and wanted to escape the situation.

"Anyway, I'm hungry. Wanna go get something to eat?" I asked the guys. Mikey shrugged and nodded, looking to the others for confirmation, and they nodded too.

"Sure, why not," Mikey said, and then the four of us were walking back down the hall, leaving Andy to get himself settled.


	3. Chapter 3

I stood on the soccer field with the rest of my teammates, stretching before Coach Dreelan got here to start practice. We were all off in one group, the only lone person being Andy, standing a little bit away, juggling the ball around on each foot, making sure it didn't hit the ground. I could really tell how much talent he had just by watching him do that. It made me feel a little threatened.

I watched him while half paying attention to the others. He was given a uniform and wore it now. It was red, which had me feeling nostalgic because it was the same color as the girl's team uniform from when we were in high school. When his back was turned I could have mistaken him for Drew. Then again, he was Drew. This was still messing with my head.

"I wonder if they're gay or straight," Ethan spoke a little louder than everyone else. My gaze had still been on Andy. I saw him falter, dropping the ball. He glanced over at the group for only a second before starting again. Me, sitting on the ground, looked up at Ethan.

"I think you're a moron," I said with a sigh. I was already done with this bullshit. I was sick of hearing about the speculation. It was like no one had anything better to talk about.

"Ooh, getting defensive of your crush, hm?" he asked. Panic rose in me. My eyes darted to Andy, hoping he hadn't heard it. If he did then he did a good job hiding it. Next I glared at Mikey and Sonny. One of them must have told. Actually, it could have been a few of the other guys. I never really kept my crush on Drew a secret from them in high school. Ethan, however, was never in my group of friends at that stage.

"No," I said calmly, "You're just, like I said, a moron."

"Whatever," he muttered, not willing to go against me in front of the others. "Anyway, I reckon they're gay."

"Why?" one of the other guys, Harper, asked.

"Because, when that thing was Drew, she dated guys, so...they're like a guy now, right? So they're still into guys, so...gay. Or...or straight, because they're technically a girl." Ethan frowned, looking confused at his own theories. I stood up from the ground, dusting myself off.

"You know, you seem awfully interested in whether they're gay or not. Looking to get lucky?" I asked. His face contorted into disgust as a few others snickered.

"Ugh, gross, that's just so wrong on so many levels," he said. I had to admit I kind of enjoyed his discomfort.

"Where do you think his boobs went?" another teammate, Samuel, cut in. Ethan looked relieved that the focus was off him again. I rolled my eyes.

"Maybe she cut 'em off while PMSing," Ethan laughed, and so did a few of the others, "Oh dude, do you think she still gets a period?"

"You are literally so stupid," I snapped, getting a little more fired up than before. I knew Andy could hear. They were talking too loudly and now I was getting annoyed. I barely even knew Andy but I kind of wanted to punch Ethan in the face because of this. I would have too but I knew he'd win in a fight against me. He was taller, more built. He went to the gym and did weights; I didn't.

"Calm down, Loverboy," he grinned slyly. I didn't want this to be some sort of new joke on me where they all tease me for someone I used to have a crush on. I didn't want this false information getting around about me. I could seriously just hit him.

Thankfully the conversation ended there though when Coach Dreelan arrived on the field. The team all stood, facing him, and Andy came closer but still stood a little away from us with a hard expression on his face. I didn't blame him either. Everyone was picking on him like we were in kindergarten.

"Alright, today we're gonna do six a side. Cam and Jack, you're subs, you're benched," Coach Dreelan said, pointing at the two boys. They were our back-ups. They weren't the best players but were still pretty good.

"Shirts versus skins. Rye, Brook, Mikey, Sonny, Antony and Samuel; you're shirts. Ethan, Harvey, Liam, Harper, Zach and Andy; Skins," Coach Dreelan ordered.

Everyone's eyes, including my own, fell on Andy. He looked around, worry seeping through his normally blocked off expression. The other five boys on the skins team took their shirts off.

"Coach Dreelan, can I please switch with someone on shirts?" Andy asked.

"There ain't any special treatment given here, fairy. You wanna be part of the team then you follow the rules. You're skins. Shirt off," Coach Dreelan barked.

I looked at Coach Dreelan skeptically. He could be a bit of a southern hick sometimes. He could have a narrow mind, but I wasn't sure if he was doing this to mess with Andy for his own sick amusement, or if he was genuinely a dumbass and didn't realize what was going on.

"Coach Dreelan-," I started and was stopped immediately.

"No one asked you to talk, Beaumont," he said.

"It's fine," Andy said, instantly defusing the situation a bit. I had watched Andy enough in high school to know what he was like. He was stubborn and although he obviously went through a huge change in the last couple of years, I was about to see that that didn't alter the basis of his personality at all.

With a passive expression he grabbed hold of the hem of his shirt before pulling it over his head, revealing his naked torso. The stubborn side of him made him stand there and not move. He wanted to be on this team and would do what he had to to stay, even if it meant doing something he really didn't want to. In that moment I saw how strong he was.

Despite the ridicule that was sure to come and despite the fact that he was practically being forced to do this, he kept calm, but I could see in his eyes he was anything but calm. They were glistening with tears and if someone didn't do something, or if people kept just staring at him, then he was about thirty seconds away from a breakdown.

I had been staring at his face but my curiosity got the better of me and I looked down. His chest was flat, but where his breasts should have been, there were two long, faded scars. That wasn't what caught my eye the most though, it was the huge scar on his upper arm on the inside. I had no clue what that one was from.

"That's demented," Ethan laughed from behind me.

This wasn't cool at all. This was just not on. I felt like I needed to do something. I looked to Sonny, Mikey and Brooklyn who were closest to me. I had an idea.

"Take your shirts off," I told them quietly. They all gave me confused looks.

"Just do it," I whispered. I was first. I took my shirt off and tossed it at Coach Dreelan, getting his attention. He looked to me, and so did the others, the focus momentarily off of Andy.

"What are you doing?" Coach Dreelan asked.

"I wanna be on the skins team," I said with a shrug.

Next was Sonny, taking his shirt off and tossing it on the ground. Mikey, always the one to want to get naked, took his off too, and so did Brook. Coach Dreelan's face went bright red, full of rage. I glanced at Andy, a small smile appearing on his face. A tear ran down his cheek and he quickly wiped it away before anyone could see.

"Well you can't all be skins!" Coach Dreelan shouted.

"Why not?" I asked like this made complete sense.

"Put your shirts back on or you're benched for the rest of practice," Coach Dreelan said. I stood there, unmoving. The other three followed my lead. The rest of the team thought this was the funniest thing ever. They thought I was just screwing with Coach Dreelan.

"That's it, the four of you, benched," he snarled, "Cam and Jack! You're up!"

Cameron and Jack, who had been sitting on the bench got up, jogging back over to the team. Coach Dreelan turned to Andy.

"Put your shirt back on, Princess," he said. The term 'Princess' was something he used for all of us on numerous occasions. Andy would probably take it a different way though. Andy raised his shirt but then stopped, his gaze wandering over the people gawking at him like he was in a zoo.

"No," he said simply, "I don't have anything to hide. I'll be on skins."

I raised my eyebrows in surprise. He didn't want to hide? I thought he'd be embarrassed or something, at least that's what it seemed by his reaction from before. Now I had no idea what.

Coach Dreelan rolled his eyes, clearly over the bullshit, "Alright, fine. Andy, Zach, Liam, Jake and Harper, you're skins. Ethan, Cam, Jack, Harvey and Antony, you're shirts. For fucks sake, you bunch of pansies. Get in your positions and start the game."

With that, everyone scattered. I grabbed my shirt before Mikey, Sonny, Brook and I left the field, sitting on the bench.

"Sorry, guys," I said to them.

"What the hell was up with that? I mean, I'm all for taking my clothes off, but seriously?" Mikey asked.

"I just wanted to piss off Coach Dreelan," I told him.

"Yeah, well, you owe me," he said, believing the lie. Brook didn't say anything. He was clever enough to know why I did what I did, and so was Sonny. They were also mature enough not to give me shit for it. I liked them a lot. Sonny had always been my best friend, as for Brook, he was more of an acquaintance but he didn't have a mean bone in his body.

After a minute of sitting there, I felt someone staring at me. I looked to my left at Sonny. His eyebrows were furrowed in concentration.

"What?" I asked a bit snappily.

"Nothing," he said quickly and looked away. Brook who was on the other side of Sonny snickered. The two of them looked at each other, communicating silently.

"Seriously, what?" I asked.

"Nothing! I was just admiring your beauty is all," he joked.

"Psh, fag," I muttered teasingly.

I continued watching the game, my eyes falling on Andy. So there was the proof he had surgery. I would think that'd be kind of expensive. I wondered how he got the money for it. I remembered in high school he had lived in the richer suburbs, so maybe it was his parents. I also wondered what in the world goes through someone's mind to want to alter their body so much. I don't think I'd ever be able to understand. It was just something from a different world to me.

I watched him running across the field. In practice the other day his movements were swift; calculated even. Today they were aggressive. Coach Dreelan kept shouting at him to be a team player and he'd calm down for a moment, but minutes later he'd be back at it, stealing the ball, running faster, kicking harder. Most of the other players couldn't keep up and in the end it ended up being like a one person game. He was good though, I'd give him that.

Half way through the game Coach Dreelan was groaning in frustration at the mess of a team. He turned, looking at me. He knew he needed his captain.

"You four, back on field for the second half. I don't want to see any more bullshit. Rye and Sonny, you're shirts. Other two; skins," he ordered.

I looked at the boys, smiling mostly because the punishment that was my fault was over so they didn't have to suffer because of me. I slipped my shirt back on and the four of us went back on the field, getting in our positions as the second half started. There was no room for a break during practice.

The second half went much better. The game was more structured with the four of us joining, or at least with Brook, Sonny and I rejoining. We seemed to be the sensible ones of the team. As the game was nearing an end I found myself walking alongside Ethan, Cam and Antony. None of them took much notice of me as I was a little bit away, but I still heard their conversation.

"Let's take the she-freak out," the sentence uttered by Ethan was what alerted me. My eyes shot to him. What the hell was he planning?

"I wanna see how hard of a hit our team princess can get. Might be our first chance to beat up on a girl," he chuckled menacingly. Joke or not, that was sick. The two other boys smiled and nodded. Those two barely have one person's worth of brain power between them. They'd go along with anything.

I was team captain. I had to look out for my team mates. There couldn't be any segregation. With that thought, or at least that excuse for defending Andy, in my mind, I headed over to them. They didn't even see me. They just ran off, getting back into the game. I followed after them.

"Rye!" Coach Dreelan shouted. I looked to him. He pointed to where I was supposed to be on the field, giving me a 'what the hell are you doing?' look. Shit. I gritted my teeth and abandoned my mission of telling Ethan off.

The game continued. Andy stole possession of the ball from Mikey easily. He came running down the field, heading towards our goals, with Ethan, Cam and Antony jogging away from them, towards Andy.

It wasn't my position to defend. This was practice. Those three boys were supposed to do this, but I couldn't help myself knowing that they were going after Andy, so I took off, ready to intercept him. I got to him, running by his side.

"Let me take the ball," I said. He looked at me like I was crazy.

"No," he said simply. We were getting closer to others. I've seen Ethan against opposing teams. I've seen him accidentally, or more like on purpose, break their arms and give them concussions. This wouldn't end well.

Without too much of a second thought, I stole the ball from Andy, tripping him in the process. He fell to the ground with a thud. I glanced at Ethan, a look of disappointment crossing his face. I hid my pleasure at thwarting his plans. I turned quickly, dribbling the ball down the field before kicking it to Sonny and letting him score.

I stopped, taking deep breaths. I glanced around at the team. Andy was picking himself off the ground with a look of hatred in his eyes directed towards me. I shrugged it off.

"Okay, good practice! At least for the second half anyway..." Coach Dreelan said, "Hit the showers!"

And with that, the majority of the team headed towards the locker rooms, minus Andy who I wasn't surprised wasn't going to join us.

* * *

I lived for the weekends. Other than the occasional weekend game, Saturday nights were a blessing. No school and no practice either. As much as I loved practice and games, it was nice to have a break from it all and get involved in some recreational activities.

That night I found myself in the stairwell, a girl pressed between me and the wall. Her head was thrown back in ecstasy. Her desperate moans came out in barely a whisper as she tried to keep quiet.

Almost in an instant the mood was killed when, in the middle of the night, I heard quick footsteps coming up the stairs. I stopped my movements and looked down the flight of stairs. Standing there, almost like a dear caught in the headlights, was Andy. He was panting, a thin layer of sweat on his forehead.

The mood was gone just like that. I looked at the girl in frustration before pulling out and turning away from Andy to do my jeans up. The girl, I had no idea what her name even was, flattened her skirt out, fixing her clothes.

"Sorry," the small voice came from Andy, still at the bottom of the stairs.

"Don't worry about it," I said a little awkwardly.

He started running again, coming towards us. I took a step to the side, avoiding him as he continued up the stairs, running faster. I frowned and looked down the stairwell. It was empty. I was here on the third floor after not getting back to the dorm, although part of my reasoning was not wanting to bother Sonny again with my antics.

"Well that was bit of a buzzkill," the girl said. I turned back to her.

"Yeah, sorry about that. We should have found somewhere a little more private," I told her. She smiled nonetheless and came towards me.

"Maybe we can hang out again sometime?" she asked. Just like the girl from earlier in the week, and all the others before then, I felt no inclination to continue things.

Andy was still in my mind and how I felt about him when he was, well, known as Drew, I guess. I hadn't had that kind of swooning feeling since then and I suppose I was looking for it, but every girl was just wrong, but just as I was about to reject this girl and send her on home, I had a thought. I couldn't just magically expect some sort of connection. I hardly even tried.

"What was your name again?" I asked. She frowned at me, crossing her arms over her chest in annoyance.

"It's Nicole," she said. She flicked her brown hair out of her face, giving me a look of attitude. I took my phone out of my pocket, went to my contacts and added her name. I handed her the phone and she smiled when she saw what I was doing. She added her number and handed it back.

"Thanks. I'll text you," I told her.

"You better. We've have things to finish," she said slyly, winking at me. I smiled and nodded.

"Mhm, you got it," I said. She kissed me on the cheek before smiling and skipping down the stairs. I sighed in relief, yet not relieved at all. I was sexually frustrated now, but my dick has never deflated so fast after getting interrupted by Andy of all people.

I headed back up the stairs and got to level four when once again I heard the running. I paused as Andy came down the stairs. Now I was just confused.

"Where are you going?" I asked.

"I can't stop," he said and practically bounced past me. Down the stairs he went without another word. God, he was weird.

I leisurely kept going up the stairs. I got to level five; my dorm room level, and hesitated on opening the door. I looked down the center of the stairwell. I saw Andy' hand on the railing. He was already down the bottom. I stayed there, letting my curiosity for this weird kid get the better of me.

He came back up the stairs, running up them faster than I thought possible. Once again he got to me, but this time he did stop. How long had he been at this? He was covered in sweat. I could see it through his grey hoodie. He was huffing and puffing, catching his breath. He must have been outside earlier because I didn't see him when I brought that Nicole girl up here.

"You're still here?" Andy asked, giving me an odd look. Right, because I was the odd one here. He's the one running up and down the stairs in the middle of the night.

"Yeah..." I said, pausing, "You know there's a twenty-four hour gym, right?"

"I know. I was already there earlier...I didn't really feel welcome so...here I am," he said breathily.

"Oh...right...so...why are you, umm, exercising at midnight?" I asked.

"Why were you having sex in the stairwell with a girl at midnight?" he shot back.

"Touché," I said with an awkward laugh. That was kind of embarrassing.

Andy sat down on one of the steps. He sighed in exhaustion, visibly relaxing against the railing. I thought about just leaving him and going back to my dorm, but I felt more tempted to stay. Back in high school I would have killed for an opportunity like this. I used to dream of just getting a second of time alone with Drew and I knew this was different. It was so much different. They were like two different people but at the same time not. It was a confusion I couldn't seem to get over. I just knew I wanted to talk to him, so I sat down on the step above him.

He glanced behind himself at me. He had that same look on his face that he had when we were waiting for the elevator together, and then he moved a couple of steps down. Again, he was so strange, but I didn't think too much of it.

"I'm sorry for tripping you at practice," I told him. He turned a bit so he was facing me more, and leant his back against the railings.

"Don't be. I know why you did it," he said.

"You do?" I asked in confusion.

"Yeah. It was to assert your dominance in the team, right?" he asked a little bitterly. It sucked doing something nice and not getting the credit for it.

"No. It was because they would have hurt you ten times worse," I said. He looked surprised.

"They?" he questioned.

"Ethan, Cam and Antony...you need to watch out for them," I warned. His gaze fell down on the stairs.

"They wanted to hurt me?" he asked. I could hear the worry in his voice. I didn't want him feeling that.

"I mean, not really. They just wanna mess with you, I guess. Like, you're the new guy and stuff. The new guy always has a bit of a hard time," I said but I had no idea if my reassurance was working or not. He went quiet, picking apart at the loose stitching on his tracksuit pants.

"Thanks for the shirt thing," he spoke after a little while.

"Coach Dreelan is a dick. It was fun to stand up to him," I said.

"Right..." he whispered. He looked at me again, a small smile playing at his lips before he changed the topic.

"So I heard you had a crush on me in high school," he said. My face must have gone bright red and my heart rate soared.

"Who the hell told you that?" I asked quickly.

"Mikey talks a lot, and I mean a lot," he said.

"You and Mikey talk?" I asked.

"Have you met him?" he laughed. He had a point. Mikey liked to fill in any bit of silence with ramblings.

"Right...well...I had a crush on Drew," I said, just to clear things up.

"I'm still the same person," he said with a frown. Only he wasn't. At least in my eyes he wasn't. But then again he was. My brain wanted to explode just thinking about this.

"Can I ask you a question?" I asked.

"As long as it's not 'do you have a dick?', then sure," he said. That was actually something I was curious about but I would never bring it up.

"It's not," I shook my head.

"Then go ahead," he shrugged.

"Okay, well...how does this whole, like...transgender thing work? Like...I mean, you're a guy now...but before?" I questioned. I didn't know if this was crossing a line or not. I felt so timid talking to him, like I had to watch everything I said.

"Well..." he started before going off on a mini-speech that sounded rehearsed, "I was born as a biological female, however my gender identity is male. So while I did look like a girl and sound like a girl because that's how I was born, on the inside I was a guy. Psychologically I've always been a guy. It took me until I was about fifteen to figure that out, and now I'm still a guy and still the same person, I just look the part now."

I took in the information, trying to make sense of it. I suppose that's what I thought, but it was good to get confirmation so I wasn't so lost all the time.

"Man, that gets exhausting to say," he sighed.

"Sorry," I said quickly, "I was just..."

"Curious?" he finished the sentence.

"Yeah. I've never met someone like you before," I said.

"I'm just another person," he said.

"Sorry," I apologized again, "I know... I probably sound like an idiot to you."

"No. You sound like the only person on campus who's bothered trying to get to know me without making assumptions," he said.

The only person? No one else had approached him like this? No one else simply asked? I thought back to the soccer team. If everyone else was like that then I guess this wasn't a surprise.

I looked at Andy who once again wasn't looking back at me. He seemed nervous. This was all still so surreal. I got it now, I did. He was born a female but was actually a guy. I missed Drew though. I felt like I lost her when I never even had her.

"You left without saying anything to anyone. Where'd you go?" I asked. He stayed quiet, still not looking at me. I knew they left to get a sex change, but he was gone for two whole years. That's a long time for surgery. A year would even be a long time.

"I'm gonna go to the showers while they're empty," he said simply and then he was up, leaving me in the stairwell.


	4. Chapter 4

"You two bitches take longer to get ready than a couple of girls," Mikey said. He leant against mine and Sonny's closed dorm room door. He had been bugging us to hurry up for a little while now.

I ignored him as I finished tying my laces. I glanced over at Sonny. He wasn't really the most organized person in the world so he was still pulling on his soccer shirt. If he kept this up we were going to be late, not that it mattered anyway since Coach Dreelan was always a little bit late. I couldn't risk it though. Being team captain had its responsibilities and I had to uphold them.

"Guess what I heard," Mikey kept on talking. He never shuts up. He was the type of friend you love, but half the time you feel like you're just tolerating him.

"What'd you hear?" Sonny asked.

"Well, a little birdy told me there'll be a scout at the first game," he said. I looked at him in confusion.

"Seriously? At the first match?" I asked. He nodded, looking so sure of himself.

"Yeah. I mean, it kinda makes sense, doesn't it? They're looking for natural talent. That's easier to find on the first game when no-one's really prepared," he said.

That did make a lot of sense. I suddenly felt so worried. I wasn't expecting having to impress someone until later on in the season. I didn't feel like I was prepared for it at all. The stress was turned on in an instant. This was basically the only thing I cared about. Soccer was almost always on my mind. There wasn't any other career that I wanted. If a scout noticed me and wanted me then I'd drop out of college in heartbeat and leave everything behind. That's how much it meant to me. I wanted it so badly, and now I was in the position of team captain, meaning the scout's attention would definitely be on me.

"Where'd you hear that anyway?" I asked Mikey.

"Ethan," he said with a bit of disdain in his voice. He wasn't that big of a fan of Ethan either.

"Ugh, how would he even know?" I asked.

"He's usually right about these things, you know, with his contacts and bullshit," he muttered then sighed, "Anyway, you fuckers done yet or do you need to put your make-up on?"

"You need to get new material. Your insults are running a little flat," I told him.

"Don't be a hater," he said.

I shook my head as I stood up and the three of us left the dorm.

"Oh, great," Mikey muttered. "He's here."

I glanced down the hall. Standing a few doors down was Andy, violently scrubbing at the door. I looked at him with curiosity. What the hell was he doing?

"What's your problem with him now?" I asked, keeping my voice down so he wouldn't hear.

"Nothing...He's just...strange," Mikey whispered.

"Tell me about it," I mumbled, remembering our little run-in in the stairwell.

"He cries in his sleep, ya know," Mikey said. My gaze shot to him.

"He does?" I asked.

"Yeah. He cries, then disappears for a couple hours, comes back and goes to sleep again," he said.

I frowned. He really was a weird kid, and now he was being even weirder, angrily scrubbing at his door. I decided to go over and see what was wrong. I got to him and saw the whiteboard on the door. At the top on the right hand side was Andy's name, just as everyone's names were on their doors, but someone had written 'has a pussy' after his name. Judging by how hard he was scrubbing, the ink was permanent.

"That's not even creative," Mikey said with a scoff.

He nudged Andy out of the way and went inside the room, to do what? I didn't know. Andy looked upset, but I was starting to find out that he bottled it up well, masking his emotions the best he could, but his eyes told a different story. I didn't really know what to say. Guys here could be assholes. Every guy here gets picked on in some way or another. This just seems worse.

"It won't come off," Andy said through gritted teeth as he continued scrubbing with a tissue.

"Maybe after practice we can get some cleaning stuff that'll get it off," I said.

"Or we can just scribble it out," Sonny suggested. That was a better idea.

Andy ignored us and scrubbed harder, then something a little strange happened. His hand shook and it was like his fingers just gave out and he dropped the tissue. He grabbed his hand, flexing the muscles, his fingers contorting in what looked like an uncomfortable position. He sighed in frustration and went to pick up the tissue, but fumbled with it. How long had he been standing here scrubbing at the words to make his hand go like that? Who knew? He ended up switching hands though, picking up the tissue. He went to start scrubbing again when Mikey came back out, blocking him from doing anything else.

He had a whiteboard marker of his own. He took the lid off with his teeth and wrote on the board. Firstly he wiped off his and Andy's names, then wrote them again in the opposite spots. He then wrote something under the comment too. When he moved away I saw in its entirety. It ended up saying "Mikey has a pussy fetish. Call 854-772 for a good time.'

"There, that's better. Now I just have to sit back and wait for the ladies to blow up my phone," Mikey said. He snapped the cap back on the marker and tossed it in the room.

"Okay, faggots. Practice time," he said cheerily and then he was bouncing off down the hall.

I was still focused on Andy. Oddly enough his reactions were something I found myself constantly focusing on and studying. I could see the appreciation on his face for Mikey. I saw the frustration leave and instead of his eyes shimmering with anger, they were shimmering with gratitude, that someone as idiotic as Mikey could bring himself to do something nice for him, even if it was in his own Mikey-like way.

"Come on, are you ready for practice?" I asked when nothing else was said. I looked him up and down. He was dressed in his uniform and looked ready enough.

"Yeah," he said simply. He shut his dorm door, but before leaving with he ran his finger over his name, erasing it.

* * *

Practice was, well, a normal practice, although it felt a little more intense than usual. Coach Dreelan was really working us hard which made me think that Ethan's gossip about a scout being at the game in a couple night's time was legitimate. I wanted to make the most out of practice, so I did, pushing myself as hard as I could go, which was easy with Andy on the team now.

He was constantly matching me, keeping up with me, even going to further lengths than me. I noticed he strived off of angst. Most times we've played he's seemed angry at something which made him focus his energy into everything more. He was a force to be reckoned with and was beginning to intimidate me. I felt on edge playing with him. I felt like he showed me up and I was a little bothered by that but I tried not to let it get to me and instead focused on the game. That mature approach was about to go down the drain without a second thought.

"Don't run off just yet. I have an announcement to make," Coach Dreelan said before all of us scrambled off to the showers.

I was breathing heavily, a thin sheen of sweat covering my forehead. I rested my arm on Sonny's shoulder, lazily leaning on him instead of keeping myself up. I felt kind of dizzy. Maybe I pushed myself a little too hard today.

"I'm going to get this out of the way and I know some of you might not like it, but you're going to have to deal with it. This is a team, and I'm making a decision that's best for the team," Coach Dreelan said. I listened in curiously, especially when his gaze drifted over to me.

"Now, Rye. I'm sorry but there's going to be a change in captaincy," he said and before he could go on there was an uproar of chatter.

"A change in captaincy?" I asked, both confused and furious at the same time, "What are you talking about?"

He can't just switch like this, can he? I had to have heard that wrong. He can't take away my captaincy. I worked so hard for this. I had the trust of everyone on the team. I had practically been kissing Coach Dreelan's ass for the better part of a year so he'd give me this position, and now he wants to take it back?

"I'm talking about him," Coach Dreelan said and pointed through the team. Standing back, just like he always did, was Andy. I turned to look at him. He looked just as confused as the rest of us.

"Are you fucking kidding me?!" I shouted at Coach Dreelan.

"I'm not kidding you at all. I've been watching you both over practice and that kid's got something special. I need the best player to be captain and represent our team," he said.

"I don't want it," Andy said.

"That's too bad. You either accept it or you're off the team," Coach Dreelan said. After no response from Andy, it was obvious what he chose.

I was fuming. I felt like someone just scrambled my brain. Everyone around me was commenting to each other of their sheer displeasure of the decision and I was just boiling away with absolute anger more and more with every second that passed and what happened next was complete word vomit. My mind wouldn't think before I spoke but I didn't regret it at the time.

"A girl cannot captain this team!" I shouted louder than the rest of them.

"I'm not a girl!" It was Andy yelling this time.

I spun around, facing him. I was blinded by rage and all of it was directed towards Andy. He just waltzes onto the team, late I might add, and thinks he can take over? I've been here longer. He's been here for like two weeks and just gets thrown into the most important position on the team? It was bullshit. He didn't deserve it.

"You shut the fuck up!" I growled. I took a step towards him and I was held back by Sonny and Mikey in an instant. Coach Dreelan stepped forward between the two of us, holding his hands up defensively.

"Enough with the fighting. This whole situation is bigger than you, Rye. I need to show how diverse the team is. I can't be excluding people," Coach Dreelan said, and that was when it clicked.

The reasoning behind why he was doing this fell into place. He was doing this for image. It was the twenty first century and everyone's all about societal movements. No doubt Coach Dreelan was given shit about the stunt he pulled with Andy and his shirt. He's probably trying to calm everything down by rewarding Andy and making it look like he didn't care about the differences. It was bullshit.

"Fuck this," I spat. I glared at Andy, my hatred for him suddenly skyrocketing out of nowhere.

I shook Mikey and Sonny off my arms and stormed past the group towards the locker rooms. I marched in, smacking my hand on one of the lockers as my temper got out of control. I couldn't believe this. I worked so damn hard and now it was taken away all because of Andy. Ever since he was on the team I've felt this annoying competitiveness between us. I've had to work harder and harder but it still wasn't enough.

The rest of the team, minus Andy, came into the locker rooms. I looked at them all. I felt embarrassed. I felt like I let them down. This was my team. I was supposed to captain them, not Andy. Andy couldn't do this. He couldn't control these guys. They wouldn't listen to him for a second.

"Hey, tough break, dude," Ethan said. I shot him a glare. He was the last person I wanted sympathy from.

"Shut the fuck up," I snapped at him.

After seeing the mood I was in, no one else bothered to comment on what just happened, at least for the time being. Not even Sonny or Mikey said anything. They knew when to shut their mouths around me. I needed to desperately cool off. Like all the others guys, we showered in the communal showers, ridding ourselves of sweat and dirt. It was deathly silent and I was still so fucking angry I could barely contain it, and the second it was brought up again, I wouldn't contain it.

"Ya know what, if it were anyone else on the team that got captain, I don't think I'd even care," Antony said. He had a great point. If any of these guys got captain, sure I'd still be pissed, but at least it made more sense.

"It's just complete bullshit that he walks onto the team and then like a week later he's captain? It's so stupid," I said. My comment was met with a resounding agreement.

"It's embarrassing having that thing as a captain," Ethan added. For once I appreciated his input.

"He isn't even that good of a player," I lied, but I was venting. I just needed to vent, and bitching about someone was the best way right now.

"Coach Dreelan is only doing it because he's different," Cameron said.

"Privileges of being a freak," I said and the rest of them laughed, or most of them did.

"Rye, come on..." Sonny said to me quietly. I sent him a dirty look. I didn't need his good guy bullshit right now. I was venting to some like-minded people. It was like therapy.

"He shouldn't even be on the team," I continued on, "It should be like rule; only real men on a men's team."

The guys laughed, some of them shouting 'yes'. I owned this team. I could say anything and they would agree. This was my team, no one else's. I wasn't going to let some guy walk in and take it all away.

Me and the guys finished up showering and got dressed. In my angered state I was moving a little quicker. I kind of just wanted to get out of here and away from the soccer field. I left the locker rooms without much of another word to them. When I was out, I stopped. Sitting there on the bench up against the building was Andy.

He looked up at me, and again his eyes told the whole story. They showed hurt. It was hard to feel sorry for him though. He had what I wanted. He had the captaincy so there was no reason for him to look upset when he practically had the world now. On the other hand, I just remembered I said some pretty horrible things just then.

"You heard all that?" I asked coldly.

"Oh, please," he laughed sarcastically. "What you all said in there is child's play compared to other things I've been through."

I glared at him. Right now I wasn't in the frame of mind to see reasoning. He was the guy who had what I wanted and I guess I was more jealous than anything.

"I didn't ask to be captain," he said.

"You didn't turn it down either," I muttered.

"He would have thrown me off the team," he said quietly.

"And you could pull the fucking trans card and accuse him for kicking you off because of that. You could have said more, but admit it, you want it. You want to be captain. You're just loving this," I said angrily.

"God you're such an asshole. I actually for a second thought that you were one of the good guys. But fine, yeah. I want it. Happy now?" he asked sarcastically.

I didn't need his attitude right now. I didn't get to say anything else to him because I was soon joined by a group of team mates. I walked away, leading the pack. Ethan, much to my surprise, was by my side, and Antony on the other.

"What'd freak show say to you?" Ethan asked.

"Nothing worth talking about," I said.

"He isn't worth talking about in general," Ethan said. That was pretty rich coming from the guy constantly talking about whether Andy had a dick or not.

"True," I said simply.

"Listen, me and most the guys on the team have been talking," he said.

"And?" I asked.

"And...we don't want Andy around as much as you don't right now, so we're gonna force him to quit," he said. Most of the team was watching me, listening in to the conversation. Make Andy quit? I didn't understand.

"What? How?" I asked.

"It'll just be some harmless hazing until he's had enough and quits," Ethan explained.

"You aren't opposed to it, now are you, Rye? We've gotta do what's best for the team," Antony spoke. I glanced at him, then back at Ethan.

"Come on, we're all your boys, aren't we? We've gotta stick together," Ethan said.

"So, are you down?" Antony asked. I looked around, expectant faces glancing at me in every direction. I kept my eyes off Sonny, knowing he wouldn't be part of this, then nodded.

"Yeah, I'm down."


	5. Chapter 5

I couldn't begin to describe the atmosphere of a game night. It was my favorite thing and just thinking about playing had me pumped. Adrenaline was already coursing through me, but along with that were a lot of nerves. It was the first game of the season against a rival college and would set the precedent for the rest of the year.

I stood in the locker rooms with the team sitting around, relaxing before things really got started. This was the point where the captain would give a pep talk, and for the first time ever, Andy was in the room with us. He stood to the side, not speaking, not doing anything. I knew he wasn't captain material. He could barely even talk to the team.

This was what pissed me off the most. He had captaincy but he wouldn't do anything with it. He wouldn't psych the team up. He wouldn't encourage them to play their best. He couldn't throw around orders. No one would listen and he wouldn't even try.

"Okay, this is the first game of the season and we're gonna start off strong. We can't start the season losing. That's just not an option tonight. We, or at least most of us..." I glanced at Andy, "Worked our asses off last year and just missed out on going to the finals. That's not gonna happen again. I won't allow it. Now, we're going to go out there and we're going to kick ass like we usually do."

The guys clapped, cheered and hollered. The short speech was all it took to get everyone in the right frame of mind. I looked over at Andy who was still standing there quietly. I hadn't really calmed down since he got captain. I didn't talk to him at all. I didn't want to. I was so pissed off.

"See, this is why you should be captain," Ethan said.

"I don't think anyone could live up to your leadership," Antony said.

The two of them were laying it on thick today. They were menaces but right now it worked in my favor. I wanted Andy off the team. I didn't want to constantly be watching my back while I'm playing. I didn't want to push myself to the limit every day just because I needed to match him. Mostly I was jealous that he was better than me.

"Yeah, well, unfortunately the world isn't fair," I told them.

Andy, who had been watching me, pushed himself away from the wall and swiftly walked past the team, leaving the locker room. Good. He didn't have a reason to be in here. I was still so bitter. I was having trouble containing it whenever I saw him. The second he was gone, Ethan was up, standing next to me.

"Alright, listen, are we all still on the same page about how tonight's gonna go down?" he asked the team.

I looked at every single one of their faces. Most were on board. I could tell Sonny wasn't. He didn't like conflict. Then there was Brook who couldn't hurt a fly. Mikey looked indifferent, but he was a trouble maker. He would be up for this.

"Remember, whatever you do, just keep the ball away from Andy. Pretend he doesn't even exist," Ethan added on. The guys nodded. I was one hundred percent with Ethan on this one. For once we wanted to same things. He was a new ally.

This was the plan, or at least the first thing we thought of. We needed to isolate Andy. I didn't want him, being the new captain, also getting all the attention tonight. There was a scout and I wanted him to notice me. I wanted my big break, even if it was kind of unrealistic to happen so soon.

"We're gonna take this team back," I said definitively. I was determined. My mind was in this zone where I had one goal; to get my team back and kick ass out there tonight. Nothing else mattered.

The team stood. It was ready to play. Coach Dreelan had been barking at us outside a little earlier before my pep talk so I knew we had to leave. I nodded for everyone to go, and they did. I lagged behind, regretting the decision to leave last when Sonny caught up to me.

"I still don't think this is a good idea," he told me. He had been pestering me about this for the past couple of days.

"Look, all you have to do is kick the ball to anyone but Andy. That's it. It's not that hard," I said.

"I know, and I get it. But come on, this isn't his fault," he said. His words went in one ear and out the other. I didn't want to hear it.

"Just don't go against the team or you'll be the one everyone's going after," I said.

"Oh great, so your little power trip doesn't stop at Andy then. It goes to me too, huh?" he asked. I sighed, looking at him apologetically.

"You know how much this means to me," I told him.

"Yeah, I know. I just wish you had a little more morality about it," he said before walking off after the team. What happened to my conflict-hating best friend? I honestly hated it when he stood against me. The rest of the team was down with this and Sonny would be stupid to go against us. He knew that, and he wouldn't go against us when it came down to it. He just wanted to throw in his two cents.

Whatever. I didn't need to add on a mini-argument with Sonny to the list of things that were stressing me out. I had been so anxious today about everything that I felt physically sick. I just wanted tonight to be over and for everything to work out the way I planned it.

I left the locker room, stepping out onto the field. It was night time, but the field was lit up. We had a decent crowd tonight, all chattering amongst themselves before the game started. One side, the larger side, was filled with our supporters. The opposite side was the away team. They were all already on the field, dressed in dark blue uniforms.

"You okay, man?" Mikey appeared by my side. "You look like shit."

"I'm fine," I nodded. I didn't want to show how nervous I was.

I scanned the crowd. My dad would be here. He loves soccer. He was the one that got me involved in it in the first place. He's the Coach Dreelan at the high school I went to. He also trained me over the summer, making sure I didn't get too lazy with it. He wouldn't let me have a day to do whatever I wanted. It was all training all the time and I appreciated that. I needed the training to be ready for this year. I was lucky to have him.

I saw him and the second I did he gave me a thumbs up. I waved back at him. He was sitting there by himself. My mom was never into this sort of thing. My dad didn't like her coming to games anymore. He always said she made me too 'soft', whatever that meant. I had to be focused, I guess, and not have my cheering mom in the crowd distracting me. My dad pointed to his head and I knew he just mouthed the word 'focus'. I nodded and took a deep breath before going out on the field.

I joined my team. Coach Dreelan was on the sidelines, standing next to Cameron and Jack; our benched players. I felt like all eyes were on me. I knew my dad's were at least. I was paranoid enough to think the rest of the crowd was too. There was supposed to be a scout in the crowd. I had no idea what he, or she, looked like. I had no clue who I was trying to impress.

I just wanted to get the game started, and soon enough it did. From there, everything went by so quickly. Games were full of adrenaline. It was all running, calculated movements, focusing on the goals. There wasn't much time for slowing down. It was a fast game and the opposing side was competitive, bringing their A-game.

Ethan's plan was working. We all kept the ball away from Andy. I could tell he was frustrated. Basically all he had done during the whole game was run back and forth, shouting at us to acknowledge him. If we kept this up then there was no doubt he'd quit the team.

My main mission was to make sure he didn't score any goals, and he didn't. I scored one, Ethan scored another, and so did Antony. The three of us had taken complete control of the team. It was so close to the end of the game now. There was barely a minute left. There was enough room for one or two more plays from either side of the team, and we didn't have possession of the ball.

The score was 3-3. We were tied. I wanted nothing more than to win against this team. They were overly cocky and arrogant. I almost got into a fight with a couple of them but my team was good at diffusing the situation.

One more goal, that's all we needed. I chased after the player who had possession. He was heading straight for our goals. Mikey was going after him too, just missing out on stealing the ball before he kicked it, sending it towards Jake, our goalie. My stomach flip-flopped. I was sure we had just lost the game when Jake jumped so high he caught the ball.

In a split second hope was restored. He threw the ball towards me and then I was off, dribbling it down the field. Two opposing players ran towards me and I passed the ball to Ethan. I kept running down the field. He kicked the ball to Antony, then Antony passed it back to me. By now most of our other players were letting us do our thing; all except one; Andy.

I got closer to the goals, but my moves were too predictable. Our plays had gotten overused. They knew where I was going to go. I stopped and looked back at Ethan and Antony. Both of them were blocked off. There was no one else, except one person. Andy was open. He was looking at me like I was crazy, and maybe I was because for a moment I considered throwing the game and letting the other team win, just so Andy wouldn't have a moment to shine, but then instinct took over. I didn't want to lose, so I took my only option.

I kicked the ball to Andy. He looked a little surprised but reacted quickly. Before the opposing team knew what was going on, he kicked the ball into the goals, scoring the winning goal for our team. Our half of the crowd erupted into cheers, and so did our team, except for me, Antony and Ethan who looked at each other in defeat.

We had won, and that was great. I was happy about that. I wasn't happy knowing that Andy scored the winning goal at all. I tried to let it go though and went to celebrate with the team. The fact that we won was slowly taking over my disappointment.

"You three!" Coach Dreelan shouted as he joined the group in the middle of the field. I turned. He was pointing right at me.

"Rye, Ethan, Antony, front and center!" he roared. I sighed, rolling my eyes but stood there with Ethan and Antony anyway.

"Look, Coach Dreelan, I know what you're going to say and-"

"Quiet!" he barked, cutting me off, "I know exactly what you were doing out there and if you three ever pull a stunt like that again I'll have you benched for the rest of the season."

"You'll lose if you have us benched," Ethan retorted, and Coach Dreelan knew he was right.

"I will bench you. Do not test me," Coach Dreelan seethed. The four of us didn't say anything. It wasn't worth the argument. He was bluffing. He wouldn't bench us. Maybe he would bench Antony, but Ethan and I were good players, really good players. He wouldn't risk losing a game by sitting us out.

"Other than that..." Coach Dreelan said, focusing on the rest of the team, "Good game. I want to see more unity next time and we'll talk about that more at practice on Monday."

He nodded at us all in appreciation and he left. I felt myself relax, but that didn't last long. I looked back at the crowd and saw my dad walking down the stairs as the crows dissipated. He waved at me to come over to him so I jogged over. He stepped out onto the field and held his hand out for me to shake, so I took it.

"Good playing out there, Ryan," he said, but I felt like there was a 'but' coming. I was right.

"Thanks, dad," I said, dropping his hand.

"You seemed a bit off though," he said.

"Yeah, must be just...something on my mind," I kind of lied. I didn't want to tell him I was excluding a player on purpose because he always told me that this was a team sport. He would be so disappointed in me. I knew I did the wrong thing, but I just couldn't help myself.

"What have I told you about focus?" he asked.

"I know, I'm sorry," I said.

"Yeah...don't worry. I'm sure you'll do better next time," he said. I nodded, smiling.

"I will. I promise," I said.

That was the extent of our conversations. He wasn't much of a talker. He just came for the game. I knew I'd probably get an extensive text later telling me everything that I needed to work on. I was about to say goodbye when I stopped.

"Andy!" A man was calling. I turned to my side. Just a little away from us was an older man. I knew him straight away. I saw him in high school every afternoon picking Andy up.

"Hey, dad," Andy said as he got to him. The two warmly embraced each other. I looked away and at my dad.

"Remember Drew Fowler from the girls' soccer team in high school?" I asked him quietly.

"The one you liked?" he asked. My face flushed a million shades of red. I didn't know he knew that. Now I was nervous about telling him who "Drew" was now.

"That's um..." I pointed over at Andy, "That's her now. Remember when she left out of nowhere? Well now she's back as...he's back as Andy."

My dad's eyes went wide.

"That's Drew?" he asked in a whisper. I nodded.

"That is messed up," he said. I felt a little taken aback. I thought adults were supposed to be the mature ones.

"I mean, it's not really...he's just...different," I said, sounding unsure. Dad gave me this look. It was like a questioning and suspicious look. I didn't want him getting the wrong idea about me.

"But yeah, it's totally weird," I said, trying to brush off the topic. He nodded. I glanced back over at Andy and his dad who were talking happily.

"Imagine that, my son, scoring the winning goal. I'm so proud of you!" his dad exclaimed, grasping his shoulders.

"Come on, dad. It was only the first game. It wasn't a big deal or anything," Andy said, trying to downplay it.

"Don't be so modest. I got your text and know you're team captain. I guess my call to the college really worked," his dad said.

"You called the college?" Andy asked, confused, just as much as I was.

"Rye," my dad snapped his fingers in front of my face, "I said I'm going now."

I looked at him, blinking a few times, "Right, right. Sure. See you next game," I said, and that was all. He nodded and was off. I was too engrossed in listening in on Andy's conversation anyway. I turned my attention back to them.

"Why are you so mad? I wasn't going to have some douchebag Coach Dreelan treating my son like shit. That's just not on. I had to do something," his dad said.

"Yeah, but now I'm captain because Coach Dreelan is trying to, like, not get in trouble for what he did," Andy said.

I knew it. I knew it was some kind of special treatment. It wasn't like there was anything I could do about it though. Coach Dreelan made up his mind and he wouldn't change it.

"Just...whatever. I don't want to fight about it," Andy said.

"Okay, good, because you should be celebrating," his dad said with a big smile on his face. Andy smiled too, but then his smile fell.

"Is, um...is mom here?" Andy asked. One look at his dad's expression and Andy shook his head, "Never mind. Dumb question."

"Don't worry about...her," his dad said a little bitterly, "Just go and have fun with your teammates. They're treating you alright, aren't they?"

"Yeah. They're all really nice," Andy said. It was a blatant lie and he was good at it. I felt a little guilty all of a sudden because we hadn't been treating him nicely at all. We had been treating him like shit basically.

I stopped listening into them the second they started saying their goodbyes. Hopefully they hadn't noticed me there. I walked back over to some of the team. They were still celebrating, talking amongst themselves. Most of them had headed off to the locker rooms already.

Sonny came up to me, slinging his arm around my shoulder, "Good to see you made the right decision in the end."

"Oh shut up," I muttered, not in the mood for this.

"Lighten up. Jesus, Rye, we just won the first game. You should be happy," he said.

"I'm happy...I am. I'm fine," I said. I was trying to shake off the bad mood I was in.

"You gotta try better than that Rye. I don't wanna be hanging out with Mr. Grouchy at the after party. I need my wing-man on his best game," he said. I laughed at that and shook my head at him.

"Okay, okay, I'll be happy," I mumbled.

"That's the spirit," he said and ruffled my hair. I pushed him away from me. At that moment, Andy was walking past us. He wasn't really involved with the celebrations and looked like he was leaving.

"Hey, Andy!" It was Brook who called out to him. The rest of us standing there in a small group; that being me, Sonny, Mikey, Jake, and Antony looked at Brook, wondering why he was talking to him. Andy stopped, turning towards us.

"Yeah?" he asked.

"There's this party tonight. Pretty much everyone on campus is going. You should come," Brooklyn invited him. I found myself feeling kind of indifferent about whether he came along or not. My anger towards him was still there, but after the game, and after not seeing a scout approach Andy, or anyone for that matter, I had calmed down a little.

"Thanks, but I think I'll pass," Andy said.

"Oh come on. The dorms are going to be like a ghost town tonight. It'll be so much more fun if you came with us," Brook said. He was too nice for his own good.

"Look...I know you're just trying to be nice, but I know when I'm not wanted. I'm here because I love soccer, that's it. The last thing I want to do is go to a party with people who hate me," Andy said. I felt my stomach churn. I hated this feeling, whatever it was.

"No one hates you," Mikey said, much to my surprise.

"Yeah, they do," Andy said, his eyes darting to me. No one argued with him, and with that he walked off away from us.

"Oh well," Mikey shrugged, "More beer for me. Let's go, boys."


	6. Chapter 6

These parties happened after almost every game. We had it on the field through a few trees that surrounded campus. Basically everyone came, not just the team. It was like a whole school thing and the campus security used to try and stop it, but as long as we didn't get the cops called on us, they let it slide. Technically we weren't supposed to have alcohol on campus at all, but that certainly didn't stop us.

I sat on the back of Mikey's pick-up truck, my legs dangling over the side. I had a beer in one hand, leisurely taking sips whenever I felt like it. There were a lot of people here. There were a couple of big fires spread out across the field. I was just sitting there kind of bored until Sonny came up to me. He had a tall, thin girl with dark brunette hair with him. She was attached to his arm and he looked more than pleased to have found this one.

"Hey, Rye," he said when he got to me, "I'm gonna get out of here. I might not get back to the dorms tonight, so don't wait up."

I smiled. It wasn't often he hooked up with girls so I was kind of proud of him.

"Okay, have fun," I said and winked. He went bright red and didn't say anything else. The girl dragged him away from me and once again I was on my own.

I was people watching. It was the most fun thing to do at parties, other than hook up. Drunk people were the best. It was always hilarious to watch them doing stupid things, and I had been silently laughing to myself for most of the night, but then my mood plummeted when I took note of the other people; the happy couples.

Sure, most people were strangers finding other strangers to fuck them, but every now and again you'd see a couple, off on their own, holding hands, hugging, kissing, and you could just see by their body language and how they look at each other that it was so much more than a random hook up. I felt weird seeing them, I felt a bit empty. I was so convinced I would never find something like that. I knew I never would.

I looked away from the couple and my eye-line was met with a girl's. I knew her. She was a girl I had hooked up with not too long ago but had to cut things short when we were interrupted. Dammit, what was her name? She was little, brunette, cute as a button but totally sexy at the same time. Damn, I couldn't remember her name.

She was coming towards me. I took my phone out of my pocket and went straight to my contacts. I scrolled through, looking at all the names until one jumped out at me. Nicole! Her name was Nicole. I looked back up to see her smiling face as she got to me.

"Hey, Nicole," I said warmly.

"Hey. I thought I'd find you around here somewhere," she said in a sweeter than honey voice. She jumped up onto the truck next to me, sitting by my side.

"What, are you stalking me?" I joked.

"Well...I wouldn't say stalking, just looking out for in case I see you," she said. I flashed her a smile.

"You here with friends?" I asked.

"Yeah, but it's about that time of the night everyone goes and finds someone to hook up with," she said, and that got my attention more than anything. So that's why she found me then.

For a moment I considered brushing her off, but then I thought about it a little. I was feeling lonely and craving the kind of affection that couples have with each other. I wanted the warm feeling. The one where I would smile endlessly thinking about them. Maybe if I got to know Nicole a bit better I could try that with her. She seemed like a chill enough chick.

"So, what's your major here?" I asked.

"Marine biology," she said quickly, as if she had answered this question a million times before.

"Wow, so you're like clever and shit then, huh?" I asked.

"I guess," she mumbled modestly.

"What are you doing hanging out with me then?" I asked.

"I like what I like," she shrugged.

"So you like me then?" I asked.

"Hmm...you're alright, I supposed," she teased.

"Oh I see, you're playing hard to get," I said. I took a mouthful of beer and swallowed the bitter taste.

"I already had you, sweetie. On the stairs, remember?" she asked.

"Ah yes, but we never got to finish," I pointed out.

"Oh right...such a shame," she said sarcastically.

We fell into silence. I wasn't really good at this. I couldn't keep up conversations with girls without them turning awkward or me getting bored. That's why we always ended up in my room.

"So...what's up?" I asked.

"Not much, just waiting for you to hurry up and make a move," she said. She was bold. I was attracted to that and I felt myself being a little more drawn to her.

"Is that so?" I asked.

"Mhm," she smiled innocently. I think I liked this girl. She had this spark to her, like an edge. Maybe she could be this person to help fill the void.

She was looking at me expectantly. I wasn't really up for a challenge so I was glad she wasn't making me work for this. I leant in and kissed her, bringing my hand up around her neck to keep her close. It was a nice kiss, sure. It wasn't mind blowing. My stomach didn't do flips. It was okay. I guess I couldn't force things. I barely knew the girl.

She rested her hand on my thigh and just like that there was nothing but sexual thoughts flooding my mind. I deepened the kiss, my tongue sliding into her mouth. She made a soft moaning noise and all notions of finding a real girlfriend went out the window. She pulled back, pushing me away.

"How about we go back to the dorms...so we're not interrupted," she suggested. I nodded quickly.

"My roommate's not gonna be back for a while," I told her. She smiled mischievously before taking my hand and dragging me off back towards campus.

* * *

We giggled as we stumbled along down the hall on my floor. I was a little drunker than I thought I was, but I wasn't that bad. I'd been much, much worse before. I was just a little tipsy. It was just the right amount to have a good time and this girl was cheering up my mood.

"It's so quiet in here," she whispered as we passed each door.

"Everyone's down at the party still," I whispered back. There was no one around, yet we were still whispering.

"Good, we can be as loud as we want then," she said cheekily. We got to my dorm door and I let her lightly push me against it before her lips connected with mine. I was about to open the door when I thought I heard something. I stopped and turned my head to the side.

"Do you hear that?" I asked.

"What?" she asked a little breathlessly. She went to kiss me again, but I heard the noise once more and dodged her. It almost sounded like crying but I could barely hear.

"That. You don't hear that?" I asked. She gave me a look like I was crazy. I wanted to check it out though.

"Just, give me a minute," I said. I pried her away from me and walked on down the hall, looking at every door I crossed. The further I went, the louder the sounds got and it became obvious it was someone crying, or more like painfully sobbing.

"Who is that?" Nicole asked. I rolled my eyes. I couldn't see the person and neither could she so how should I know?

The sounds were getting louder; like they were echoing, and they were coming from the bathrooms. There was a shower on too.

"Stay here," I said to Nicole. She couldn't come into the boy's bathrooms. I however went inside.

I rounded a corner, and sitting there on his knees, doubled over under the running water, was Andy. His shirt and boxer shorts clung to his body, soaked in water. He was crying, but it was like a hysterical crying. He was gasping for air.

"Andy?" I asked. He looked up at me with wide, terrified eyes.

"S-stay away," he gasped.

"What happened?" I asked. I was frozen in my place.

"Stay away," he said almost inaudible. He looked like he was hurt. I was lost. I had no clue what was going on.

"Andy, what is happening right now?" I asked firmly. He didn't give an answer. He looked beyond upset and it was like he couldn't calm himself down to give an answer. What the hell was wrong with him? Every bit of anger towards him immediately left and I just wanted to make this stop.

"Leave...me...alone," he wheezed before swearing under his breath. I didn't know what to do. I couldn't leave him alone when he was like this.

"Rye?" Nicole spoke from the doorway. My head snapped, turning to her. I jogged over.

"Hey, Nicole, listen, I'm gonna have to give this a miss," I said.

"Is everything okay?" she asked in concern.

"Yeah, just a team mate thing. I'll text you," I said, eager to get rid of her. She nodded, accepting it.

"Okay. Hope everything's cool...I'll catch you later," she said a little skeptically, but she walked back on down the hall anyway.

I ran back into the bathroom. Andy was in the same position before; absolutely freaking out. I went over to him. Water droplets splattered my hair and shirt as I crouched down in front of him.

"Andy, you need to tell me what's wrong," I said. I touched his shoulder to get his attention but it was like he didn't even know I was there until that second and he leapt back while pushing me away with so much strength that I fell onto my back. I pushed myself up from the floor and looked at him.

"Don't touch," he said quickly. His eyes fell on me before going out of focus, like his mind just left, like a switch was turned off. He cried harder, his breathing and sobbing becoming more labored.

"Do I need to go get help? Should I get help?" I asked. I realized I was shaking. This was horrible to watch. I was scared for him. I wasn't equipped to deal with something like this. He shook his head.

"Just...wait," he said. He closed his eyes, resting one hand on the ground while the other went to his chest. He breathed in short, sharp breaths. Just wait? He wants me to just wait while he had this melt down? He seemed to know what was going on though. Maybe this happened before. He needed space, so I sat back, leaning against the opposite wall and watched him.

It went on for a long time; the crying, the sobbing, the struggling to breathe. It was almost traumatizing to watch but I knew I couldn't leave. Eventually, after what felt like forever, he started to calm down. I waited and I waited until the crying stopped. He stared at the ground, unmoving, for the longest time, slowly rocking from side to side.

"Andy," I said once everything was quiet. I got no response from him. It was almost like he was in a trance. I got up and went to the faucet, turning it off, stopping the flow of water. Once again I knelt in front of him.

"Andy..." I said calmly. I got no response. Once again I touched his shoulder. He grabbed my wrist in a second, pushing it away, looking at me with horrified eyes.

"I'm not going to hurt you," I said. He didn't seem to believe me at all, but he let go of my wrist. He blinked a few times and looked around at his surroundings. He was coming back down to earth after whatever the hell that was, but he still looked lost.

"I'll get you a towel," I said the first thing that came to mind. I got up and went over to the cupboards which stored stacks of spare towels, picked out a white one and turned back to Andy. He was standing now, but looking weak.

I hesitantly went back over to him, almost like I was cautiously going up to a wild animal. I handed him the towel and it took a few moments before he took it. He slowly started drying himself off. I didn't really know what to say. I didn't want to upset him but I wanted to know what just happened.

He was looking at me skeptically like he was ready for me to do something, but I didn't know what to do. Without saying or doing anything he walked past me, leaving the bathroom. I was confused. He couldn't just freak out like that and not give me even a little explanation.

"Wait!" I called out after him. I ran from the bathroom, being careful not to slip on the wet floors. I got out into the hallway and he was walking faster.

"Andy, wait!" I called out again. I jogged after him, catching up when he got to his room.

"Please just go away," he said as he opened the unlocked door.

"No," I said stubbornly, "why were you freaking out?"

He turned to me, looking at me. His eyes were filled to the brim with tears. His lips quivered. For a few moments he was silent. He blinked, letting a few tears fall freely.

"It's just so...quiet...and..." He stopped. He looked like he was about to lose it again and I didn't want that.

"Hey, it's okay," I said. I reached out for him once more, but I probably should have realized that was a dumb thing to do because just like before he looked scared. He took a step back into his room.

"Please just...don't touch me right now..." he said softly. I nodded and relaxed my arm, promising myself not to make another move like that again.

Andy turned and sat down on the edge of his bed, tightly clutching the towel I had given him. His expression was contemplative, like he was thinking deeply. It was like he was a million miles away again. I didn't know what exactly to do, but my gut was telling me that leaving him alone wasn't the right thing to do, so I stayed at the door, unmoving, unwilling to leave, but still with no clue how to handle this situation.

"Why are you here? You hate me," Andy finally spoke. I frowned at his words.

"I don't hate you," I said, and I meant it. I leant against the door frame, watching him. This was my fault. I was convinced now. Maybe if I was nicer then he wouldn't have had a reason to be crying like that.

"I'm sorry for tonight...and the other day," I said.

"Where's Mikey?" he asked quickly. He completely ignored what I said, but that wasn't what got to me. What got to me was how out of the blue it was for him to want to see Mikey.

"Um...pretty sure last time I saw him he was taking some girl into the back seat of his pick-up truck," I said.

"Do you think he'll be back soon?" he asked.

"Probably not," I said honestly.

He looked down at the floor solemnly. I had no clue what was going on. Since when were he and Mikey best buddies? Since when did Andy care where Mikey was? Did Mikey and Andy actually talk that often? Maybe they did. Maybe they knew more about each other than they let on. My thought process stopped abruptly as I realized what I was feeling. Jealousy. Before I could dwell on the feeling any longer, Andy spoke again.

"I don't like being here alone..." his voice came out as barely a squeak. So that was why he wanted Mikey back? It must have been. He didn't want to be alone even though moments before he was telling me to go away. I didn't want him to be alone either.

"Sonny's not going to be back tonight either," I told him. I was a little surprised at my own words, and even the offer that was formulating in my mind. He looked up at me questioningly.

"Do you want to, um...stay in my room tonight?" I asked him.

"What?" he sounded a little shocked.

"Well you said you don't want to be alone," I pointed out.

He frowned. "I don't trust you."

I was a little confused. I was just giving him an option of not being alone. What did trust have to do with it? I was a little slow and could be really dumb sometimes, but it clicked in my mind what he meant.

"I'm not going to hurt you," I assured him. He looked so unsure and honestly I was a little offended, but of course he would think I would hurt him. I had been nothing but a dick lately. I plotted against him with someone who was in fact determined to hurt him.

"Don't you think if I was going to hurt you then I would have done it already?" I asked. I had a good point. I had a lot of opportunities tonight to hurt him but that never crossed my mind at all. I gave Andy an expectant look. Would he say yes? Or could I leave now?

Andy stood. He walked towards me and got to the door. I took a little step back, a bit cautious of what he was going to do. He placed his hand on the door handle and started pushing it closed.

"Just let me get changed," he said, and the door shut.

I found myself feeling a little relieved that he agreed to this, because if he didn't then I would have gone back to my room and I would have been worrying about him all night. I didn't realize I cared this much. It felt like it came out of nowhere, but I had to keep reminding myself that this was the person I used to practically love back in high school so of course I'd still care about them in some way. I just wish I would have realized I cared before I acted like such a douche.

I sighed, leaning against the wall. What a crazy night. I couldn't help but think this was all mine and the teams fault. What if we drove him to being so upset that he had a breakdown because of it? He always acted like he didn't give a fuck about what we did or said, but I guess it really was getting to him.

The door opened and Andy walked out. He was now wearing dry clothes; a shirt and sweat pants. His hair was still damp. His eyes still showed how timid he was even if the rest of his face was cold and hard. I didn't say anything, I just walked on down the hall to my room with him following me.

I briefly thought about what everyone would think if they found out Andy stayed the night, and honestly it made me feel a little sick thinking about the rumors that would fly around, but at this very moment it didn't seem to matter that much. I would deal with that in the morning.

I let both Andy and myself inside my room. It was a little bit of a mess in here, or at least on my side it was. Sonny was very disorganized on the most part, but he was also very clean.

"This one's Sonny's bed," I said, going over to the neater boy's bed. I flattened out the sheets a bit and stepped away. I actually felt kind of nervous, like my head was spinning.

"Thanks," he said simply.

"No problem," I said casually. I stepped back and let him have some room. I watched him get on the bed but the second he looked at me I looked away.

Nothing else was said as I went and turned the light off. In the dark I easily found my bed and laid down, pulling a sheet over me. This was so weird. Back in high school I used to think about bringing Andy home to my bedroom to spend the night and now he was here, under totally different circumstances though. It was just so strange.

I was aching to ask him what happened back there, like why he freaked out like that. It wasn't just crying, it was much more extreme than that. It was something I had never seen before. Now wasn't the time to question him about it. We were both winding down now. I was so tired, but for a long time I listened for Andy's breathing to even out into sleep, but I never heard it, so I gave in and fell asleep first instead.


	7. Chapter 7

Andy left before I woke up the next morning, or afternoon, really. I slept in a lot longer than I wanted to and by the time I finally woke up, he was long gone. I was all alone in my room, leaving myself to wonder if he was okay and where he went. I guess I shouldn't have expected him to stay until I woke up. He was only here because he didn't want to be alone and now it was the middle of the day and judging by the sounds coming from outside my dorm, there were plenty of people up and about.

I sat up, pushing my sheets off of me. I had a headache. Even though I slept for a long time, it kind of felt like I never stopped thinking for even a second. Worry could do that to you, and I was still worried about Andy. I was worried about his mental health. Images of him crying so hard he could hardly breathe were flashing through my mind. It just wasn't right. Even if we upset him, that was an extreme case of being upset. I hadn't seen anything like that before.

I got out of bed, stretching my body out. I looked to Sonny's bed. It was neatly made, as if no one had ever been there. I wondered if Sonny had come back in the morning and found Andy here. I probably would have woken up if they had been talking. I was a light sleeper and the smallest noises woke me. Apparently Andy was stealthy in leaving though. I wasn't disturbed in the slightest.

I sighed and grabbed some things so I could have a shower and left my room, walking down the hall. I glanced into people's rooms. On weekends most liked to leave their doors open. Everyone was generally friends with each other and were up and about talking. Today it looked like the majority were sleeping off last night, but there were still a fair few in the halls.

I got to Andy and Mikey's room and looked in, hoping for a sign of Andy being there. I really just couldn't get him off my mind after last night. I wanted to make sure he was okay. However, instead of seeing him like I wanted to, I saw Mikey sitting on his bed with his laptop on his lap.

"Hey, Mikey," I got his attention. I leant against the door frame as he looked up at me, a cheeky smile playing at his lips.

"Hey there, stud. I heard you left with a cute brunette last night," he winked teasingly. I smirked and shrugged.

"Oh...yeah. Nothing really happened," I told him.

"Nothing happened?" he asked in confusion.

For a second I considered telling him about Andy, but two reasons stopped me. The first was that Mikey was a wild card. There was no way to know how he would react and that might include being a total ass to Andy and making fun of him for what happened. The second surprised me a little. I found myself wanting to keep this from Mikey because I had underestimated the friendship that he and Andy had. I didn't even know they had some sort of friendship, but when Andy asked for Mikey last night, it had me questioning things; a lot of things. I didn't know how I felt about it exactly, but I knew I wanted to keep this news away from Mikey.

"She got sick," I made up a lie. A look of understanding crossed his face.

"Ain't that the luck," he mumbled.

"Yep," I said.

He looked back down at his laptop, like he was expecting me to leave him alone to whatever he was doing, but my eyes fell on Andy's bed. The clothes he had been wearing last night in my room were now in a pile on the bed, meaning he had been back here, but where was he now?

"So, room to yourself today, huh?" I asked. He peered back up at me, shrugging.

"Maybe. Fovvs was leaving for a run when I got back in," he said. Fovvs? He has a nickname for him? There was no malice in his voice when he said it. It was just a nickname and it bothered me.

"When'd you get back?" I asked.

"A couple hours go," he said simply.

A couple hours. It was one o'clock now, so Mikey came back at around eleven. Andy left at eleven. I was trying to piece together when Andy might have left my room, and honestly I was paranoid someone might have seen him and gotten the wrong idea. At least it sounded like Mikey had no clue what happened last night.

"Good night then, huh?" I asked.

"Dude, you have no idea," he chuckled.

I would leave it at that. I didn't want or need details right now. Instead I just gave him a smile and a nod then continued on down the hall on my way to the bathroom. Now I couldn't get my mind off Mikey. It's like all I did lately was think about people and I hated it. It was so much easier when all I cared about was soccer. Mikey was unknowingly getting into my head.

Mikey was an asshole, sure, but put into an environment where he has to spend a lot of time with someone, he won't be that big of an asshole to them. He's easily adaptable. He's actually a really friendly guy, which was why I was friends with him in first place despite his lack of brain to mouth filter. I guess the two of them had become friends, which I suppose was a good thing. Andy could use more friends, or at least people on his side.

I showered extra slow that day. My mind was on too many other things and I kept zoning out. It didn't help that I was standing in the same place Andy had been crying in just twelve hours earlier. I couldn't even think straight now, so I pushed everything from my mind and finished my shower.

I got dried, dressed and dropped my stuff back off in my room, then went on a hunt for Sonny and some food. I went into the large room that was a kitchen and mini-dining hall combined. Through the small crowd of people I saw Sonny. He was sitting by himself and looking tired, but happy nonetheless. I waved at him when he saw me, then went to get some cereal. Once I had it, I went and sat next to Sonny who had an empty bowl next to him and was on his phone, probably texting.

"Hey, good night last night?" I asked him.

His smile was so big I swear I had never seen him like this before.

"She was that good?" I asked, nudging his side.

"I'm not gonna kiss and tell," he said a little shyly. Typical Sonny. He was too much of a good guy, but that was okay. I wasn't in the mood to hear about his conquests, just like I wasn't in the mood to hear about Mikey's.

"What about you though? What'd you get up to after I left?" he asked.

I ate some my cereal as a way to delay answering the question. I didn't know whether to go for the truth, or whether to go for a lie. Sonny was clever. I was a confused moron and Sonny was good at deciphering things like this, or things that happened last night so maybe I should tell him.

"Can I tell you something and you promise not to go running your mouth to anyone else?" I asked him.

"Yeah...why?" he asked, sounding like he was suspicious all of a sudden.

I looked down at my bowl contemplatively. Screw it, I'll just tell him.

"I was with Andy last night," I said. His eyes went wide and I realized just how that sounded.

"Not like that, God. Not like that," I said quickly, "I found him in the bathrooms in the shower. Again...not like that."

"What are you talking about? What do you mean you found him?" he asked.

"Well...I came back here early," I said, leaving out the part about Nicole, "And practically the whole building wasn't here. I heard crying coming from the bathrooms and it was Andy."

"He was crying in the bathrooms?" he asked.

"Yeah, well...more like hyperventilating...sobbing like he was about to die or something," I said. I tried to shake the images from my head. I didn't even want to think about it.

"What was wrong with him?" he asked.

"That's the thing. I don't know. He was just freaking out, like, forever and then he eventually calmed down but wouldn't tell me what was wrong," I said.

"So he had a panic attack?" he asked. A panic attack? I hadn't thought of that. I didn't really know much about them.

"I don't know, maybe," I shrugged, "But anyway, he didn't want to be left alone so I let him stay in our room,"

"Really? He wasn't there when I got back," he said.

"What time was that?" I asked.

"Around seven, I think," he said. Damn, he left really early then.

"Speak of the devil," Sonny said and nodded towards the door. I looked up and sure enough there Andy was, coming into the room. Mikey was right about him going for a run. He was in running clothes and looked kind of exhausted. I watched him go over to one of the fridges and find a jug of cold water before setting it on the bench with his water bottle. I looked away as Sonny started talking again.

"Anyway...this girl from last night...man she's amazing. I'm not gonna tell you what we did, but wow, dude, she's great. Her name is Hannah and..." He kept talking, but I tuned out.

My gaze fell on Andy again. I was trying to tell if he was okay, but I was beginning to think he hid things well. There were no signs to show he was still upset. He filled up his water bottle, acting so casually. He went back over to the fridge, put the jug back, then found some food. Everything he did made him seem so normal when just last night he was so damn emotional.

"Hey," Sonny said, shaking my shoulder. I blinked a few times and looked at him.

"Hmm?"

"You're staring at him," he said. My cheeks burned.

"Well...I'm just worried. You didn't see him last night, okay," I said. I just wanted him to forget the topic now. I knew telling him was a dumb idea.

"Are you into him?" he asked curiously. My eyes went wide and looked at him like he was crazy, because that's exactly what he was; absolutely crazy.

"What?!" I almost shouted.

"Calm down, okay. I'm just saying...I knew what you were like in high school. I knew just how into him you were. It was intense, okay? You were so depressed when he left," he said. I couldn't believe this.

"Oh my god, stop saying 'he'!" I scolded him, then realized what I said was wrong and shook my head, "I mean...you know what I mean...I wasn't into him. Things were so different back then."

"Okay, okay...but he's still the same person. You had those feelings for that person," he gestured towards Andy, "And I don't know...you just...you watch him a lot,"

"Oh my God, Sonny. Shut up," I snapped. He sighed, shaking his head and looked back at his phone.

He was insane. He has no idea what he's talking about. I'm not into Andy. I'm not gay. I don't like Andy like that. I was just concerned, but more than anything, after this conversation and last night, I was confused.

"I'm just worried about him. That's all," I said definitively.

"Okay...so be his friend then. Make sure he's okay," he suggested like that was the easiest thing on the planet.

"That'd be weird," I muttered.

"It's only weird if you make it weird," he said.

I thought about that and looked back over at Andy. He had finished eating his snack and was grabbing his newly filled water bottle before heading towards the exit. I felt inclined to stop him and talk to him. I had, after all, been wondering where he was since I woke up this morning.

"You wanna go talk to him, don't you?" Sonny snapped me out of it once more. I glared at him.

"You're so annoying," I muttered.

I pushed my half eaten cereal aside and got up, my chair screeching along the floor. Sonny was a bother today, but mostly because he kept acting like he was so right about everything. I didn't look back at the nuisance as I left the room. I saw Andy just as he went through the door that led to the stairwell.

I jogged down the hall and pushed the door open. He was already going down the stairs. What was with this guy and stairs?

"Hey!" I called out to him. He stopped and spun around quickly. He seemed a little panicked then calmed down when he saw me.

"Oh, hi," he spoke timidly.

"Hi," I said.

"Hello...?" he said a little awkwardly, "Did you...want something?"

"Yeah, well no," I said frowning, "Just, um...how are you?"

He smiled a little and started walking back up the steps towards me. His hand curled around the banister, pulling himself up closer.

"I'm just fine," he said. That was a blatant lie. I knew it was a lie only because of last night. If last night hadn't of happened then I wouldn't have known it was a lie at all. He showed no signs at all of lying. He said it so casually and with a smile.

I sighed. "Andy...what happened last night?"

He looked away, down at the stairs. I felt like I was over-stepping a boundary. He clearly didn't want to talk about, but he gave in anyway; I could see it in his eyes when he looked back up at me.

"You're not going to drop this, are you?" he asked.

"I don't want to make you uncomfortable or anything. I'm just confused," I said. He nodded slowly then stepped a little further higher before sitting on one of the stairs. I hesitated before sitting next to him. I looked at him out of the corner of my eye. He seemed nervous but at the same time confident.

"I had a panic attack," he said. So, Sonny was right about that. I still wasn't one hundred percent sure what that meant though. Well, I did, but it still confused me.

"A panic attack?" I asked, hoping he'd clear things up a little bit for me.

"Yeah. I got triggered by something and couldn't calm down. My brain wouldn't let me calm down. It's just something that happens sometimes and I just have to wait it out," he said. The way he explained it made it seem like this was the most normal thing in the world. That made me feel uneasy.

"So you've had them before?" I asked. He nodded, but didn't say anything. I frowned in concentration, thinking carefully about my next question.

"Was it..." I stopped, thinking twice.

"Was it what?" he asked. I felt so guilty. Regret was coursing through me and if I voiced my thoughts it would be admitted to doing wrong, but I had done wrong and I did feel bad about it, but I had to ask.

"Was it because of what me and the team did?" I came out with it. I was expecting him to either stay silent or say yes, but instead he laughed. I looked at him, confused over the smile.

"No, no. It wasn't that," he assured me.

"Really?" I asked, and he nodded straight away. Now I was a little lost. That was the reason I had been holding on to. That was the reason that made this make sense but now I had no clue what it was. Maybe he was still lying.

"I'm sorry for what I did," I said.

"And what exactly was that?" he asked. He was savoring this apology. I could hear it in his voice.

"Trying to get you off the team," I mumbled.

"Oh you tried to get me off the team? I didn't notice," he said sarcastically. I sighed, rolling my eyes.

"I'm trying to apologize here," I told him.

"Right, of course, continue then," he said. At least he was finding some sort amusement out of this. Maybe this wasn't the reason he freaked out after all.

"I'm sorry for what me and the team did, and I'm sorry for all the horrible things I said. I didn't mean them. I was just-"

"You were angry. I know," he cut me off, "It's okay...well, it's not okay, but...it's not very often people apologize to me so...I'm gonna say it's okay."

It really wasn't okay though. I was way out of line and now that my anger has passed, I can see that clearly. He could say it's fine all he wants but it still wasn't. I wouldn't argue it any further today though.

"So...if it wasn't me or the team, what made you so upset?" I asked.

He looked away from me and I got the feeling he wasn't going to tell me what it was.

"I had a dream, woke up, had a panic attack...went to the showers because they calm me down. End of story," he said.

"What was the dream?" I asked.

"Can't remember," he said quickly.

"You can't remember a dream that made you react like that?" I asked.

"Nope," he said firmly. He didn't want to talk about it. As curious as I was, I knew it wouldn't be right to push him further on it.

I sighed and rested my elbow on my knee, then my chin on my hand. I looked at him. He was such a strange person and so mysterious. I felt like there was so much he was hiding. He looked down nervously, picking at his finger nails, and that's when I noticed something.

"You wear nail polish?" I asked. I took his hand, bringing it closer to make sure I hadn't been imagining it, but sure enough there was the black and purple varnish on his nails. Honestly it was put on a little messily, but that wasn't the point. It was a little weird seeing a guy wearing nail polish.

"I like nail polish..." He trailed off then shrugged, "I was just messing around earlier this morning,"

"You're a guy though," I said.

"Oh, right. I should be drinking beer and banging chicks, right?" he asked with a laugh. Why does he keep laughing at me? I know I'm kind of clueless but I'm really trying here. He stopped laughing when he noticed the frown on my face.

"Guys can like things like nail polish or make-up and not be any less a guy," he explained.

Make-up? I looked right at his face. He looked back, but I didn't take much note of that. I was trying to see if he was wearing make-up, but if he was then it wasn't noticeable. My gaze drifted up to his eyes and I stopped for a moment. I was a little taken aback. Sure, I had looked at his eyes dozens of times since he's been here, but now I really, really looked at them. They were a deep, dark blue.

What really got to me though was how it felt like I was looking right at Drew. Despite Andy's physical changes, his eyes stayed exactly the same and I always used to think they were so pretty. For a moment there I was lost, being brought right back to high school where I would walk around all day craving the privilege of seeing those eyes and how they shined and how there was so much behind them. They were hypnotic.

"Um...Rye?" Andy asked. I blinked a few times, looking around. I felt like I couldn't breathe. I realized I was still holding his hand and let go quickly.

"So, um... so you still like pink and green then?" I asked. My voice shook and I took a deep breath to bring myself back to Earth.

"You know I like pink and green?" he asked with a small smile.

"No," I said quickly, "I mean...maybe." It was just a small thing I noticed back in high school. When you like someone so much you take note of the little things like their favorite color and I could still remember the day Andy came to school wearing several rubber bracelets around his wrist and when asked about them by a friend he replied saying they were his favorite colors. God, I was an absolute psycho for remembering that.

"Just how much did you stalk me in high school?" he asked. I felt so embarrassed that he even knew I liked him at one point. I didn't want to be reminded that he knew. It made things weird, but the thing was he was still smiling, even in a teasing way and that made me feel that little bit more comfortable with how I used to feel about him.

"Hmm...a little bit, I guess. Are you still into dance?" I asked.

"Only in my room when no one's looking," he said. I smiled at that.

"Not much really changed about me, Rye, except for how I look. I still even wear kind of similar clothes. I just feel like I have more freedom with it now," he said. I thought about that. It was true that back in high school he would very, very rarely wear skirts or dresses. He wore shirts and jeans...tight jeans. That I could clearly remember. I shook the thoughts from my mind. I couldn't be thinking like this.

"I have to ask you something," he broke the moment's silence, "Well, I don't have to...but I want to."

"What is it?" I asked.

"Well..." He started, sounding a little nervous, "You had a crush on me once, right?"

"Um...yeah...sort of," I said. There wasn't any point in lying since he already knew.

"Right, right. So my question is...do you still feel that way?" he asked skeptically. My eyes went wide.

"What? No! What?" I asked in confusion.

"I was just asking because you're being really nice to me and that doesn't really happen with people very often since I came back and...and...I don't know, I just wanted to know," he rambled on quickly. I stood up, feeling uncomfortable sitting next to him with this whole conversation going on. I felt like it was Sonny interrogating me again.

"Uh, um, no. I-I don't. I don't like you. Jesus, what the hell is with people today? What, I can't be nice without wanting to be with someone?" I asked. I was beyond annoyed now. I hated being accused of something that wasn't true.

"It was just a question. I get suspicious when people are nice," he said, looking up at me.

"Well maybe some people are just nice for the sake of being nice. God..." I said in frustration. I hated this conversation. I wanted to leave, so I went down the stairs, trying to brush off the entire conversation.

"If I was a girl asking if you had a crush on me would you be freaking out?" he asked. He was following me, so I went faster.

"It's different," I said simply.

"Come on, you're like my only friend here. Please don't get all weird with me," he said.

"I'm not-," I stopped as I spun around. He was standing a lot closer than I thought he would be. I stumbled back onto a lower step and away from him.

"I'm...I'm not being weird," I denied it, even though I was being weird, but so was he.

"Okay, so...we can just forget this conversation then?" he asked.

"Sure, whatever," I muttered, "I gotta go."

With that, I turned and kept going down the steps without him following me again.


	8. Chapter 8

I sat in communications class. It was the only one I consistently showed up to. It was an easy enough class and I had Mikey and Sonny with me, unlike most other classes. I was sitting up the back with them, next to Sonny while Mikey was on the other side. It had so far been a boring lesson and there were only ten minutes left.

"I thought we'd try out something a little different," Professor Crompton said from the front of the lecture all, "I know lectures are supposed to be me talking to you and you listening, but I have some work sheets I want you to fill out and I want you to do it in pairs. So, pair up and I'll hand them out."

I wasn't really an academic person and while most people were more than happy with the task at hand, I was a little annoyed. The reason this class was so easy was being I didn't have to do anything, and now I did. I looked to Sonny and Mikey.

"I'm sure he won't care if we're a group of three," I told them, turning towards them.

"What about him?" Sonny asked. He nodded towards the front of the classroom. Andy was sitting there, by himself, not even looking for a partner. Damn Sonny for pointing him out. I had been doing really well pretending he wasn't here.

"I get it, I get it. You two are besties," Mikey said to us and sighed, "I'll go be his partner."

"No," I said quickly without thinking. What the hell was I doing? The words were slipping out of my mouth before I could stop them. Mikey, who had been about to get up and leave, stopped, putting his books down and looking at me oddly.

"I mean, it's unfair that Sonny and I always pair up, right?" I asked.

"I don't care," Mikey shrugged. Sonny looked at me skeptically but I ignored him.

"It's unfair. I feel bad. I'll take one for the team and pair with Andy," I said. I didn't even want to be anywhere near Andy right now, especially after our conversation in the stairwell a few days ago. I had no idea what I was doing taking Mikey's place, but I did.

I gathered my things and was soon going down the front of the lecture hall. When I got to Andy he was holding the sheet Professor Crompton already gave him. I was hesitant before finally sitting down. He looked up like he was surprised to see anyone approach him, let alone me.

"What are you doing?" he asked. I didn't blame him for being a bit stand-offish. I had been avoiding him the past few days after all.

"You don't have a partner so..." I shrugged.

"I can work by myself," he said.

"Don't make me walk all the way back up there. I'll look like a rejected idiot," I said.

"Gee, I wonder what that feels like," he muttered. I tried not to let his attitude get to me too much. I sighed and stayed in my place.

"Can I see the question?" I asked. He glanced at me, showing no emotion on his face before reluctantly handing me the piece of paper so I could read it.

'Discuss with your partner the sociological concept of 'Face', then together come up with examples in everyday life.'

The task seemed simple enough but my mind was going blank. I felt like I was put under a bit of pressure. I didn't want to look too stupid.

"You've been avoiding me," he said. I placed the paper down and looked at him.

"No, I haven't," I lied.

"Yes, you have," he argued.

"Nope," I said simply, hoping he would drop it.

"Yep," he mocked.

"N-"

"Yesterday when I was walking down the hall in the dorms you let yourself into someone else's room just to avoid running into me and I heard them yelling at you to get out. Two days ago at practice you wouldn't even look me in the eye...I thought you said you weren't gonna be weird," he said. Damn, I didn't think he noticed that stuff.

"I'm not being weird," I lied once again, "Can we just do this thing already?"

I picked up the paper again and pretended to look interested in it. He sighed and snatched it out of my hand though.

"Fine. Let's discuss this," he said, slamming the paper down on the desk. He grabbed a pen looked at me.

"So, the Japanese say a person has three faces, right?" he asked. I had no idea. I knew we talked about this in last week's lesson but I hadn't been paying attention, so I just nodded like I knew what he was talking about.

"Right," I said, acting smart.

"So, firstly," he said and started to write, "There's the face you show the rest of the world."

I watched him as he wrote down the first one, but something happened that was quite similar to when he was scrubbing at his whiteboard. His hand quivered and then gave out. He shook it, stretching out his fingers then continued to write, or tried to write, but it was like watching a child. I frowned in both confusion and concern, about to question him about it when he sighed in frustration and dropped the pen before facing me again.

"Fuck it," he snapped, "There's three faces. The one you show the world, the one you show to your close friends and family and the one you show to no one but yourself."

"Yeah..." Was all I thought of to say. He seemed pissed off and it was a little intimidating, but mostly because he was using intelligence against me and that was my weakness.

"So the damn sheet wants examples, right? Hmm, let's use you as an example. Okay so one, the face you show the world, that one's easy. That's you being an asshole. Then there's the face you show your friends and well, another easy one, it's you being a total asshole. And the final one? The face you show only yourself? I'm sure if you dig deep enough you'll realize that, oh, it's a hat-trick, you're an asshole," he finished.

He crossed his arms over his chest again and I was left there feeling a little bit stunned at his mini outburst.

"Write it down," he snapped.

"You write it down," I countered, but it was more of a challenge. He looked down at the desk, not making a move. That's what I thought.

"What's wrong with your hand?" I asked. His eyes shot to me in an instant.

"Excuse me?" he asked.

"Your hand...you can't write properly. And with the whiteboard thing..." I trailed off.

"That's none of your business," he hissed in a whisper and now I was more intrigued than ever.

"Why is it like you're always hiding something? What's your third face, Andy? What are you keeping to yourself?" I questioned.

"Why are you trying to make me so uncomfortable?" he asked.

I stayed silent, ignoring him and waiting for some kind of answer to my question because the whole mysterious thing was kind of really bothering me at this point. Instead of giving me an answer he grabbed his things and stood up.

"Whatever, I'll see you in practice," he mumbled, and then he was out of there.

* * *

Later that night I found myself in the recreation room along with Ethan and Antony. I had been hanging out in here since the end of practice and now it was nearing midnight. I just wasn't in the mood to go to bed and be too lost in my thoughts, so instead I opted to watching Ethan and Antony playing table tennis. A lot of the other guys were here earlier, but they had all retired back to their rooms by now.

I wasn't in the chatty mood, so I didn't join in on their banter, just listened in like it was a distraction instead. I felt so awful about the conversation I had with Andy earlier today. A lot of words were thrown back and forth and there was a lot of random animosity and all because I had been avoiding him. I didn't really want to be on the outs with him, but at practice today he wouldn't even look at me. I guess I got what I deserved really.

I just felt so down. I hated this. I was used to feeling nothing. I was used to not caring about anything or anyone. Now it was like all I was thinking about was Andy and it made me feel sick.

"When do you think we should go get him?" Antony said to Ethan, grabbing my attention.

"Hmm, we should probably wait until morning so he can come out by himself and hopefully have a crowd to see him," he laughed.

"What are you two talking about?" I asked as I lazily stretched out on the couch. Ethan stopped the game and looked at me.

"Well...you still want Andy off the team, right?" he asked. I didn't. Not anymore. I was slowly coming to terms with Andy being captain and even though I wasn't happy about it, I knew that it wasn't his fault and I needed to accept it. I didn't want Andy off the team anymore, but still, there was something about the way Ethan spoke that made me feel like something was wrong.

"Yeah," I lied.

"Well, let's just say I'm keeping up the tormenting. Someone's gotta do the dirty work, right?" he chuckled. I sat up a bit. My attention was now one hundred percent theirs. I had a horrible feeling about this.

"Torment? What did you do?" I asked casually. Ethan and Antony looked at each other like they were both evil geniuses or something.

"We took all his clothes and towel while he was showering after practice," Antony said.

"And every other thing in there he could use as clothes," Ethan added with a laugh.

"So he wouldn't be able to leave the showers without walking out naked," Antony finished.

My heart and stomach plummeted. If I didn't feel sick before then I certainly did now. I felt tears prickling at my eyes at the mere thought of what they had done to Andy. I couldn't believe that they would stoop this low.

"And he's still in there?" I asked.

"As far as I know," Antony said.

"You're not weird about this, are you?" Ethan asked, "I mean, we all agreed to try and get him off the team, right."

"Yeah, but-,"

"You wouldn't wanna go against the team now, would you?" he asked. I looked at the two of them like they were crazy. They couldn't do this. They had gone beyond simple hazing and crossed way, way over the line.

"I don't give a fuck who I go against. You can't do this to him," I said, and with that I got up and stormed past them angrily. I was so pissed off at the both of them. I honestly never thought they would go this far.

I ran down the hall to my room. If Andy was still in the locker rooms then he would have been left there, alone and scared for the past seven hours. The thought killed me. I admit, I cared about him a lot. I didn't know why. Maybe it was because of how I felt in high school. It was hard to let go of caring about someone so much, even if those feelings aren't romantic anymore. Maybe it was because I had gotten to know Andy as a person now and I just didn't want something bad to happen to him. This was all my fault. I shouldn't have encouraged Ethan.

I went into my room and flicked the light on. Sonny stirred in his sleep, groaning and rolling over to look up at me.

"Turn the light off," he mumbled.

"In a minute," I said. I went to my drawers and found some clothes.

"What're you doing?" he asked.

"Nothing. Go to sleep," I told him quickly. I didn't want to tell him what was going on because then he would want to come with me, and if he came with me I didn't know how Andy would react.

Andy was a fragile person. That much I had figured out on my own. I could see it in his eyes, and obviously that night in the showers he was a total mess. I found myself wanting to be the one to make things better. If Sonny was there then it'd add on to the embarrassment of being left in the locker rooms naked.

Once I grabbed my things I left the room and eventually the building, heading out towards the soccer field. I couldn't get there fast enough. What if he was having another panic attack? What if it was worse this time? Seven hours. He had been in there for seven hours with no way of leaving unless he wanted to walk out naked. I was completely disgusted by what Ethan and Antony had done. I couldn't believe I was once on their side about this.

By the time I got to the locker rooms I was breathing heavily after having ran all the way there. I caught my breath as I went in. I couldn't hear anything. No sounds, no nothing. It was late, really late, and no lights were on. Everything was a dark blue color, only illuminated by the moon shining through vents in the roof.

I walked in so cautiously, admittedly a little afraid of how dark and quiet it was in here. It was also very empty. Ethan and Antony weren't exaggerating when they said they took everything out. I glanced around. There was no sign of anyone, but my eyes fell on the two shower stalls which were cubicles with lockable doors on them.

"Andy?" I called out.

"Rye?" A shaky but hopeful voice called back. He actually sounded glad to hear me.

"Andy, oh my God, I can't believe they did this to you. I am so sorry," I said.

"It's...it's cold," he spoke timidly. I could hear the shaking still in his voice then I remembered my clothes I brought with me; a shirt and jeans.

"I brought you some clothes," I said. I hung them over the edge of the door and a moment later they were gone over the other side. I heard him shuffling around. I listened carefully for any hint that he was crying, but heard nothing but the shaking of his breathing, then silence.

"Andy?" I asked, but got no response. I could just picture him in there, too scared to come out, but I didn't want him to be scared of me.

"I know I'm an asshole...but I... just come out. Please," I said, thinking twice about telling him that I cared.

"Are you alone?" he asked.

"Yes. I'm alone. I came the second they told me what they did," I said. I needed him to believe me on this. There was nothing but silence for a little bit, and then he finally turned the lock on the door and pulled it open.

I studied his face. He looked completely distraught and I would be too if I was trapped in here naked for hours.

"I swear I had no idea they were going to do this," I assured him. His eyes glistened with unshed tears.

"What did I do to them?" he asked.

"Nothing...they want you off the team so they..." I trailed off. This was just awful. His lips were blue and his teeth were chattering. He wrapped his arms around himself. It wasn't that cold tonight, but I guess if you were naked for so long then you would be cold too.

"I just want to play soccer," he choked out, "I'm not asking to be anyone's friend. I'm not even asking for people to not hate me. But I just want to do my thing in peace. I never asked for this, okay? I came back to this college because it's the same one my dad went to and I've always wanted to go here...but it's so hard now..."

A sob escaped his lips and so did the tears from his eyes. I had no idea what to say to make it better. I felt horrible.

"And now I'm crying and I promised myself a while ago that I wouldn't cry over people like this again. I don't want to be weak anymore." He looked down at the floor as he cried. He took a deep breath, which turned into a shorter breath and a shorter one. I didn't want him to have another panic attack. I felt like that was what was happening and I wanted to stop it before it began.

I was unsure if he wanted to be touched or not but I didn't know how else to calm him down. I was surprised at how much it hurt to see him like this. I felt guilty.

I reached out to him, starting off slow. I took hold of one of his hands and wanted to flinch away after I felt how cold it was. He didn't pull away but he looked up at me in surprise.

"It's okay," I said. My own voice shook with emotion. He was turning me into a fucking pansy.

I looked in his eyes; the one true teller of his emotions and I saw that he was both scared and full of appreciation. After he didn't make me stop, I pulled him in close and wrapped both my arms around him in a hug. His entire body was so, so cold and tense. He didn't push me away though. I rubbed my hands up and down his back and across his arms, trying to warm him up.

He didn't hug me back, but he stood there crying, burying his icy cold face into my neck, and despite my reservations in the past, I didn't mind him doing that one bit. Right now it didn't matter how weird it was. I was hugging Andy and it felt like I was hugging the person I knew back in high school. This was the same person. This was the same Andy and I found myself getting a little lost, holding onto him longer than I intended. The lines I had built up between Drew and Andy were hazy, disappearing. All I knew was that I cared about him then and I care about him now.

"I'll make sure they leave you alone," I whispered, and I meant it.


	9. Chapter 9

It was time for practice. I strode across the soccer field with one goal in mind; keeping my promise to Andy I made last night. I was going to talk to the team and make them see sense. I owed it to Andy after all the bullshit I pulled with him. I guess this was my way of clearing my guilty conscience, not to mention keeping the peace on the team.

I saw him as I walked up to the locker rooms. He was standing there with Coach Dreelan, talking to him. At this point Coach Dreelan was practically the only person that would actually openly communicate with Andy. Hopefully that was about to change though. It had to change. I couldn't keep coming across an emotionally distraught and alone Andy. It wasn't good for either of us. I still couldn't forget the sounds of him crying, or the sight of it either.

Andy's eyes landed on me as I got closer and I felt a little uncomfortable. Last night was strange. I didn't regret finding him and I certainly didn't regret comforting him. At the time everything seemed right, but now that I see him I feel like I hugged him for a little too long. We were awfully close last night and I didn't know how I felt about, but just knew I felt weird with him looking at me.

I went straight past, not talking to either Coach Dreelan or Andy, and entered the locker rooms. I was running a little late, but everyone was in there either getting ready or hanging out before they had to go onto the field. Being in here reminded me of last night. I was still fuming over how Ethan and Antony just left Andy in here. Who knew when they would have eventually come for him. Probably never. They would have made him come out naked by himself. It was sickening.

"Hey. Listen up," I said firmly. I dropped my duffel bag to the ground, making a loud slapping noise. All eyes were on me.

"I need to set something straight with you guys," I said. With everyone looking at me, the nerves were starting to set in. I glanced at Sonny and he gave me a little nod. I had spoken to him after I brought Andy back to the dorms last night and told him what I was going to do. He, of course, was on board with it.

"You all need to leave Andy alone," I told them. I studied each of their faces. The majority of them seemed indifferent. Most of them were just followers and would do whatever the leader did and I was making it clear that I was the leader. Other team mates were going to be a bit of a challenge.

"What?" Ethan spat.

"Why are you defending him?" Antony asked, but I didn't answer his question directly.

"I get that you guys don't like him. I get that you're afraid of people that are different and I-," I stopped as Ethan stood, eyeing me down.

"Afraid?" he cut me off, "We aren't afraid of some little fucking pansy."

"Shut up. I'm talking now," I practically growled, "I don't give a shit what any of you think of Andy, but keep it to yourselves. He's part of this team whether you like it or not."

"He will never be a part of this team," Ethan said. I was getting real tired of his shit at this point.

"As long as he's wearing that uniform, he is," I said.

"Guess he wasn't part of the team last night then," Ethan murmured to himself, but I caught what he said.

"Yes, Ethan, we all know of your fantasies to get Andy naked, but he's not interested in you like that so you can just quit it," I said, a smirk forming on my lips. The team laughed and Ethan stood his ground, glaring at me.

"I ain't interested in that queer," he said. I sighed, knowing there was no point in arguing with his opinion about Andy. I looked back at the rest of the team.

"As cap-...ex-captain...of this team, I feel a certain obligation to keep us together. We can't win games if we're not unified and we can't be unified if we don't accept everyone as a team mate. So, leave Andy alone. No more pranks. No more snide comments. Treat him as just another guy because that's exactly who he is," I said

"Why so defensive all of a sudden? Not too long ago you wanted him off the team too," Ethan asked, crossing his arms over his chest.

"I changed my mind. I give a damn about this team and keeping it together. You're all gonna leave him alone and that's final," I commanded. That was all there was to it. I wouldn't accept any more arguments and with the silence that fell, I wasn't going to get it from most people, but I knew Ethan would be a problem.

"Now get out onto the field," I demanded. Without a second thought, they all quickly finished up getting ready and went past me out of the locker rooms, all except one person. Ethan was still standing there, staring at me. I stared back, not wanting to be the one that gave up. It was probably a dumb idea getting on his bad side since he was lot stronger than me and could probably win in a fight, even though I had no intentions of fighting him, who knew what his intentions were.

We were alone, and he finally made a move. He went to go past me, knocking his shoulder into mine roughly. I spun around and grabbed his arm, making him turn back to look at me.

"What you did was cruel, and I'm being serious...Leave him alone," I said, trying to act calm.

"Can't your new boyfriend speak for himself?" he asked.

"He's not my boyfriend," I muttered in frustration.

"You seem awfully worked up over him," he said. A sly and malicious smile formed on his lips and I had to refrain from punching it off of him.

"I'd be this way if you were doing this to anyone else...Sonny, Mikey, Brook, whoever. I'd defend them too," I said.

"Whatever you say," he shrugged.

"Just leave him alone," I ordered.

"Nobody tells me what to do. If I want to mess with him, then I'm gonna mess with him," he laughed.

"And then you can answer to me." My voice was cold, feigning confidence when really I was a little scared of him.

"I'm looking forward to it," he said bitterly. He tore his arm from my grip and left the locker rooms.

God, he made me want to tear my hair out. I took a long, deep breath, calming myself down before leaving the locker rooms and heading towards the field.

"Beaumont!" A voice said from behind me. I glanced back and slowed down as Coach Dreelan caught up to me.

"I heard what you said in there," he said, falling into step beside me.

"Yeah, well someone's gotta look out for the team," I said.

"That's admirable," he complimented. What the hell was he getting at here? He was rarely this nice. He was hard to understand sometimes. He could either come off as extremely ignorant and narrow-minded, or he would come off as not caring about the politics of this team at all.

"Listen, Andy is captain because he's the best player we got," he said. I cringed as jealousy coursed through me. I looked at Andy as we approached the team.

"But you need to be captain because you can control them better than anyone else," he said. I frowned in confusion. I didn't get it. Who did he want to be captain?

"So...what now?" I asked. I stopped when we got to the rest of the team.

"Congratulations, Beaumont, you're co-captain with Andy," he said, leaving me just a little bit shocked. A few claps and cheers of endearment were heard from the rest of the team.

"Um, thanks, Coach Dreelan," I said, feeling a little lost. I always wanted to be captain but I felt a little weird being a co-captain. It certainly was a lot better than not having any type of captaincy at all, so I guess you could say I was over the moon. I guess that was just good karma.

"Okay team, warm-ups!" Coach Dreelan shouted, signifying the start of practice. The team spread out on the field going to do their usual warm ups. I was about to go with them when Andy intercepted me.

"I guess it looks like we're kind of partners now," he said. I nodded, still feeling a little weird after last night.

"Right," I said simply. I went to walk around him but his voice made me stop again.

"I heard what you said in the locker rooms just then...I was standing outside with Coach Dreelan and overheard," he said. My cheeks flushed. I didn't even think that he would have been listening in.

"Okay..." I trailed off.

"Thank you...You didn't have to do that," he said in appreciation. I looked down at the ground and shrugged. God, I felt so weird. My heart was pounding in my chest like I was nervous or something. I didn't say anything as I tried to shake the feeling.

"Anyway...I guess I'll leave you alone," he said with an annoyed sigh, probably because I was hardly responding.

"Wait," I said quickly before he left.

"What?" he asked. I had been thinking about this before coming to practice and knew it was a good idea but had no idea how he would take it.

"Me and some of the guys are going to the movies on Saturday night...you wanna come?" I asked.

"Uh...oh...I...I don't know..." He stuttered out, seemingly surprised at my offer.

"Come on, it'll be a chance to make some friends," I said.

"I don't...um..." He stopped and glanced over at the team.

"It'll just be me, Sonny, Mikey, probably Brook...a couple of girls," I shrugged, my voice fading out. This was a dumb idea. He was going to say no. He looked at me skeptically.

"Just those people?" he asked.

"Yeah," I nodded. He looked so unsure, but at the same time it was like he wanted to say yes, but of course he was worried.

"Uh...yeah, okay. Sure. I'll go," he finally said and I felt myself sighing in relief.

"Cool...cool..." I said, and we both stood there looking at each other awkwardly.

"Anyway, gotta go warm-up," I said quickly and walked past him, going over to my usual friends to avoid the awkwardness of the entire situation.

It felt like I was asking him out on a date, which of course, I wasn't, but it still sort of felt that way. Back in high school I used to come out with so many cheesy pick-up lines to ask him out on a date and now here I was actually doing it, even though it wasn't a date. It was just hanging out with friends. It was still so surreal.

* * *

Movies were a good idea. You didn't really have to speak to anyone. You could sit there in silence for a couple of hours and then afterwards you'd have something to talk about.

Nicole was on my left side, holding my hand. I didn't know how I ended up like this. I never really intended on getting in a relationship. I was all about hook-ups and yeah, I wanted to know Nicole better, I guess, but it kind of happened a little quickly. I asked her to come to the movies with me and my friends as a way to hang out, yet we ended up holding hands like a couple. I guess it wasn't that bad. It was different to what I was used to though.

Andy was on my other side, sitting in the aisle seat. He had been a little distant from the others in the group and had stuck by me. I didn't really blame him. Other than Mikey, he didn't know the others very well, but Mikey was loud and obnoxious. Sticking to him would have been a lot of hard work.

Sonny decided to come along and brought his new girlfriend, Hannah. She sat on Nicole's other side, thankfully not directly next to me because I could stand the sounds of her and Sonny making out practically the whole time. I couldn't help but be happy for him though.

Some other team mates came too including Brook, his girlfriend, Mikey and Jake. None of them seemed to have a problem with Andy, which was great. We were all getting along just fine. I knew this would be a good idea. He just had to mix with the right people so he felt included.

I didn't realize I had been watching him thoughtfully until he looked at me and gave a small smile. I looked back at the screen quickly. I needed to stop getting so lost in my thoughts.

The movie was almost finished but I wasn't paying much attention. When I spent too long without talking, my mind always began to wander. Daydreams would flood my mind, especially if I was a little bored.

I glanced at Andy out of the corner of my eye, noticing his calm, regular breathing, his arms loosely draped on the arm rests, one of them mere millimeters away from mine. His focus was solely on the movie playing in front of him. I noticed the little twitches of the corners of his mouth every time something funny happened on screen.

For so long while I was in high school I used to make up little scenarios in my head about what hanging out with Andy would be like. I imagined doing a lot more than that too. Those thoughts took up a lot of my time for a few years and now that he was back, I felt myself naturally falling back into old habits.

Before I even knew what was happening, I was fantasizing about stretching my fingers out just that little bit more and lacing them with his, just like I wanted to a million times in high school. The thoughts came so suddenly, so abruptly that I was sitting there a little shocked for a few moments.

I was surprised with myself and a little, no, a lot freaked out by what I had just been thinking off. I looked around nervously and the second the credits popped up on the screen, I let go of Nicole's hand and stood quickly before passing Andy and walking hastily down the aisle towards the exit.

My skin felt hot. It was like I was suffocating for a minute there and I had to get out. I stepped out onto the street and breathed the cool night's air in deeply. There weren't many people around this time of night, thankfully.

What the hell was I just doing back there? I should not be having those thoughts because of a guy. My old feelings were messing with me and made me think that maybe becoming friends with Andy was a bad idea.

"Hey," A voice came from behind me. I spun around and saw Nicole there.

"Hey. Hi," I said quickly. I felt like I was caught or something, like she could magically know what was just going on in my head.

"Are you feeling okay? You ran out of there kind of fast," she said.

"Yeah, I'm fine," I said casually.

"Good," she said with a bright smile. God, she was a cute one. She looked up at me and bit her bottom lip. I was attracted to her, which was an excellent sign right now.

"Come here," I said, wanting her to be closer. I reached forward and grabbed the hem of her shirt, pulling her towards me. She grinned and wrapped her arms around my neck.

"Thanks for asking me out tonight," she said.

"Did you have fun?" I asked. I slipped my arms around her waist, my hands touching the warm skin on her back as her shirt rode up.

"I did. It's a shame I have to leave though," she said.

"You do? Me and the guys were gonna hang out some more. Maybe go further into town...get into some trouble," I said, trying to entice her. I didn't want her to leave just yet.

"Sorry, I can't. I have an exam first thing in the morning," she said.

"An exam on a Sunday? Those evil bitches," I joked.

"I know, I know. It's horrible," she said.

"Hmm...oh well, I guess we can hang out another time," I said.

"Mhm, we still have a little something to finish off..." she said suggestively.

I smiled at that and went to reply, but behind her I saw all the other guys slowly dawdling from the movie theater. I looked back at Nicole and glanced at her lips. She gazed back at me, batting her eyelashes innocently. I smiled a little before leaning in and kissing her. It was like I just needed to do it.

"Get a room!" I heard Mikey's voice as he came out of the building. I pulled back from Nicole but still kept her close by my side.

"Don't get jealous," I told him. He rolled his eyes.

"Whatever. Are we going down town or what?" he asked.

"Yeah, I'm in," I said, along with the others who nodded and agreed.

"Great, let's go then," Mikey said before he and the others walked off. I turned back to Nicole.

"I guess I'll see you around," I said.

"Sooner rather than later would be nice," she grinned cheekily.

"We'll see," I shrugged. I leant down to kiss her lips again, enjoying how soft they felt against mine. She was the one who pulled back this time.

"I'll text you," she said, and I nodded. She peered behind me to the others, "Bye guys!"

The others all shouted their farewells back to her and then off she went. I sighed and turned back to the group who had left me behind. I ran ahead, catching up to them, falling into step next to Sonny.

"You alright, dude?" he asked me quietly.

"Never better," I said quickly. Was it really that obvious that my mind was a mess tonight? He didn't bug me again about it. The group continued walking down the street.

"So how does it feel to be part of the cool kids, Fovvs?" Jake asked jokingly. He was walking directly in front of me with Andy by his side. He flung his arm around his shoulder, pulling him closer like they were the best of friends.

"Well, I wouldn't say 'cool kids'," Andy laughed.

"Hey, be nice," Mikey said.

Watching their interaction had my stomach churning. I actually felt a bit queasy. I glanced back at Nicole's form walking away from the group. I felt myself feeling more attracted to her right now than ever.

"Hey guys, I think I'm gonna head off," I said. They all stopped and looked back at me.

"Are you kidding?" Mikey asked. His arm dropped from Andy's shoulder and I felt a bit better about that. My mind was seriously fucking with me tonight. I was actually jealous of their friendship and in a really weird way that I didn't understand, I just wanted to go get Nicole and take her to my room.

"No, I'm just not feeling well," I said.

"Dude, you are so gay," Mikey said, then looked at Andy, "No offence to the gays."

Andy shrugged, "None taken..." He said with a bit of a laugh.

"Anyway, I'll see you guys later." I stopped their mini-conversation. I didn't really wait for anyone to say anything to me, although they did shout their goodbyes and displeasure at me leaving, but I kept walking down the street.

I started jogging and eventually caught up to Nicole. I ran up behind her and playfully grabbed her hips. She jumped in surprise and sighed in relief when she saw it was me.

"What are you doing?" she asked.

"Just wanting to know if you have a little time to spare for me tonight?" I asked.

"Oh? What'd you have in mind?" she questioned.

"Well...my room will be free for a little while and we have some business to tend to," I said and kissed her cheek. I fell into step beside her and took her hand.

"I told you, I need to study and sleep before this exam," she said. I couldn't stand the rejection.

"Oh come on, please?" I asked. I felt like I was being so desperate and pathetic but I needed this right now.

"Hm...nope, sorry," she said with a peppy voice. She was enjoying this.

"Can we at least make out a little?" I asked. I kissed her cheek again, making her smile.

"Maybe if you walk me right to my door," she said.

"Deal," I said quickly.

I was craving some sort of affection right now and would take what I could get. She held my hand tightly and pulled me along a little quicker towards campus. Before turning a street corner I looked back at the group, just in time to see Andy glancing back at me, making my heart lurch into my throat.

I knew why I was having these thoughts. I was so caught up in how I felt in high school that it was messing with me now. That was all. I was just feeling nostalgic and reminiscing about past feelings. They didn't count now. They didn't matter. I had to leave them where they belonged; in the past.


	10. Chapter 10

I lay on my bed, breathing heavily. A thin layer of sweat covered my euphoric body. I squinted at the early afternoon sun that shone through the window now that Nicole who had been on top of me was no longer blocking the light. She lay next to me, equally satisfied with what we just did, the only problem was that for me it stopped at physicality of the situation.

Sure, it felt great. It felt amazing, like it always did, and this was my first time with Nicole, or at least the first time we finished, so that always added a little extra excitement, but after my high subsided I was left feeling empty. I felt nothing; no emotions. I couldn't get over this jaded feeling, like what we did was meaningless, despite the fact that I actually liked her, I just didn't feel 'it'. 'It' being that feeling in the bottom of your stomach that no one could ever quite explain.

I felt anxious now, worried that I was doing the wrong thing because it just didn't feel right. I was beginning to feel suffocated and was looking for the eject button.

"I think we should stop seeing each other," I said. If it wasn't silent before then it certainly was now. The words came out of my mouth before I got a chance to think them through.

"What?" she asked, propping herself up on one elbow. I was a horrible person. This was not the time to do this but I've already done it now.

"Shit...Fuck, Nicole, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to say that now," I said.

"You want to stop seeing each other?" she asked, her voice going higher as she furrowed her eyebrows together in both confusion and anger.

"I swear, it's not you. It's m-,"

"Don't even think about finishing that sentence!" She barked. She climbed over me and grabbed her clothes from the floor, pulling them on hastily. I couldn't believe I just said that out loud. I should have waited for a better time.

"You decide to say this now!?" she shouted.

"I know, I'm sorry," I said as I sat up, "I didn't mean to."

"You didn't mean to?" She scoffed, "You didn't mean to? That's bullshit."

"I'm just going through something right now," I said, pulling out one of the most cliché excuses guys give when breaking up with something. We were hardly even dating though.

She rolled her eyes at me, shaking her head. As she headed to the door I quickly snatched my boxers from the floor and slipped them on in case anyone was in the halls, which I knew there would be. They were usually packed this time of day because most classes were over. I honestly, truly felt bad for doing this at such a stupid time.

"Don't give me that shit!" she practically screamed as she tore the door open. She spun around and faced me in the hall, "You just wanted a quick fuck and then you drop me straight after! You fucking prick!"

"Okay, look, I'm sorry, alright?" I said and walked closer, trying to calm her down. She looked at me disgustedly as I got to her.

"Fuck you!" she shouted and then in a second I felt the sharp stinging of a slap across my cheek. My head flung to the side. A series of 'oohs' were heard throughout the halls from people who either were already there or came out to witness the scene unfolding, and boy was Nicole good at making a scene.

"Okay...I deserved that," I said calmly, taking a deep breath.

"Damn straight you did. Never contact me again," she seethed. No problem there.

She went to leave and for a second I thought I was in the clear to forget about her and sink back into my room, but then she turned back to me, glaring hatefully.

"And by the way, you have a tiny dick!" she yelled.

My mouth dropped open as laughter filled the halls. Did she really just say that? She was a liar. I was perfectly well-endowed down there. She was moaning about just how big I was only moments before. Still, I kept my mouth shut, knowing I had accidentally humiliated her enough this afternoon. She stormed off, leaving me there in the doorway.

"Aha! I like her, Rye, why couldn't you keep her around a little longer? That was priceless!" I heard Mikey's annoying voice. I rolled my eyes and looked down the hall, ready to shout a comeback at him, but when I saw him, I saw Andy in his soccer uniform standing right by him.

I stopped myself from saying anything, mostly because I was ten times more embarrassed right now. Did she really have to say what she said? It was such a low blow.

"Okay, alright, show's over," I said to them all, not hiding my bitterness. The stragglers who hadn't gone in their rooms yet all went back in, chuckling at what they had just witnessed.

Andy, holding his soccer gear since he was probably going down early like he always did, walked down the hallway towards me. I stood there, wanting to say something, anything, about what just happened. He gave me an amused look, but kept his lips locked shut.

"I...I don't have a tiny dick," I shook my head.

"Good to know," he said with a forming smile and kept walking.

I wanted to smash my head against a wall when I realized what I had just said to him. Why did I say that? What in the world possessed me to say that out of all the things I could have possibly said about the situation? Was I really that concerned about my ego getting knocked down a peg that I had to correct what Nicole had said? And to Andy too? I was a moron.

I shut the door and banged my head on it repeatedly. I stopped when I realized I needed to save all the brain cells I could. I groaned and flopped back down on my bed, burying my head in my pillow.

What a day. I ran into Nicole while I was coming back from my final class, and on impulse I asked her to come up to my room. At that point I really, really wanted her. Just like the other night at the movies, it was something I felt like I needed to do, and while we were doing it, it felt great, but now I felt awful. Was it going to be like this after every time I slept with a girl? Would I keep feeling empty and hopeless, knowing that I'll never feel what normal couples feel? I wish I could feel it just once so I know I'm not a robot.

I didn't want to lay here and let my mind delve deeper into my conscience, so I decided I needed to do something. Practice was soon and although it was still a little too early to go down, I decided to anyway. So, I gathered my things, getting changed into my uniform before heading down.

When I got to the field, Andy was already there like I suspected. At least I wouldn't be down here alone for the next half an hour before practice officially started. He was standing in the middle of the field, bouncing a soccer ball around on his knees and feet, making sure it never touched the ground. He was really good at that.

I quietly dropped my duffel bag on the ground and snuck up to the boy who had his back turned to me. When I got close enough, I grabbed the ball when it was mid-air, stealing it from him. He gasped and turned around quickly, facing me with a look of horror on his face before he saw me and calmed down in an instant.

"Do not sneak up on me like that again," he said, sighing a deep breath, but laughing a little too.

"Sorry, couldn't resist. You're here early," I commented.

"I always am. I was gonna say the same thing to you though," he said.

"I guess I didn't feel like being in the dorms anymore," I shrugged. I still felt embarrassed about how that whole scene unfolded.

"How's the face?" he asked with that same amused tone from earlier. He went to touch my cheek but on instinct I pulled away.

"Still tender," I said, and he dropped his hand.

"Messy break-up, huh?" he asked.

"Gee, how could you tell?" I asked sarcastically. He smiled warmly.

"You alright?" he asked, a little more seriously now.

"Yeah. I mean, it's not like we were really going out," I told him nonchalantly.

"She seemed pretty mad for 'not going out'," he said. What is he, the break-up police?

"Yeah, well, girls are crazy. I can see why didn't want to be one anymore," I said, and I felt like slapping myself as hard as Nicole had. Instead, I groaned and rolled my eyes at myself.

"Sorry, that was a really dumb thing to say, huh?" I asked apologetically.

He shrugged, no sign of offense written on his face before speaking, "Your stupidity is kind of endearing."

I couldn't stop the smile from forming on my face even if I wanted to. My other cheek probably went as red as the one Nicole had slapped. I looked down at the ground, telling myself to calm my nerves down. I was just so nervous talking to him sometimes.

"Anyway," he continued, "How 'bout a little one on one?"

My eyes shot to him in surprise.

"What?" I asked quickly.

He took the ball out of my hands and held it up, raising one of his eyebrows questioningly. Oh right, soccer. He meant soccer. Of course he did. My brain was clearly not working at all today.

"Oh, sure," I said.

"Great. Try and keep up," he said with a grin, and with that he dropped the ball on the ground and zoomed past me.

That began a good twenty minute game, not that either of us were really keeping track of what the score was. Mostly it ended up being like a competition of who could show off the best moves. I found myself beating his own plays quite often though, somehow managing to guess what his moves would be and at first it just felt like natural instinct, but then I realized that I had spent so long watching him play every afternoon in high school that I had actually picked up on his exact strategies which had hardly changed. He became predictable. It was a good thing the opposing teams have never stalked him though.

He was beginning to get too good for me, although he kind of always was from the start. I wanted to get the next goal, so I went for it, but before I could, he grabbed the ball, swooping it up from the ground with both hands.

"Hey, you can't do that," I said through heavy breaths.

"There's no referee. Who's gonna stop me? You?" he asked cheekily.

"Is that a challenge?" I questioned, stepping forward as he stepped back.

"Could be," he said.

He held the ball out towards me on one palm. I went to go take it, but he moved it away. I smiled, shaking my head at him. I was about to get the ball again when behind him I saw a few members of the team approaching. I guess it was practice time already.

"Fun's over," I said, nodding towards the others.

Andy turned to look at them, but the second he did I grabbed the ball from him. He looked back at me in mock shock and anger.

"You play dirty," he said in fake annoyance.

"Gotta win somehow," I shrugged.

I tossed him the ball back and he caught it with one hand. I walked around him towards the slowly gathering team, and honestly I felt a little saddened that Andy and I couldn't continue our fun, because after all it was a lot more enjoyable than what Coach Dreelan liked to put us through.

* * *

I sat on my bed late at night with a text book open, highlighting the things I needed to know for class. Sonny was fast asleep by now, the lucky devil. All I wanted to do was sleep too, but I couldn't.

Between practice, class and attempting to maintain somewhat of a social life, I had to fit in hours upon hours of studying. I had to keep my grades up somehow since I was on a soccer scholarship. I couldn't risk getting kicked out.

I was finding it hard to find motivation. Back in high school my dad would make me study at the dining room table every afternoon and would shout words of encouragement every time it looked like I was lacking in focus. It was just like practice time. Honestly he sounded like a bit of a drill sergeant sometimes.

The thoughts of my dad quickly turned into a dream as my body switched off. I was in the middle of a field as soccer ball after soccer ball was thrown at me from this giant I only knew of as 'dad'. I was trying to keep up, but I couldn't. Every ball I missed, another insult was thrown my way. I couldn't do it, I just couldn't, no matter how hard I tried.

Next, I was torn from that scenario and thrown into the kitchen of a fast food restaurant, my clothes dirty and stained. My boss shouted at me how pathetic I was and how I was going nowhere in life. I looked up at him and he was no longer a boss, but my father, telling me how I should have tried harder so I didn't end up here.

With a look of pure disappointment on his face, he turned his back on me, walking away from the failure of a son that I was. I reached out for him to come back, but I couldn't move. I was stuck.

I woke with a start, sweating, my heart beating rapidly. It took a little while for what I felt in the dream to subside and I felt a little more relaxed. I sighed in relief and wiped at my sleepy eyes. I glanced at my phone to check the time. I hadn't even slept for long.

I pushed my textbook off me, flipping it closed. That was enough for one night. I couldn't get the dream out of my head. It was my equivalent of a nightmare. I needed some water, so I got up and left my dorm, going towards the bathrooms since they closed the kitchen this late at night.

I was in a bit of a daze when I went into the bathroom. The lights shone way too brightly off the white tiles on the floor and walls. I could hear noises in here but paid no mind to them. I looked at myself in the mirror. I didn't look that bad for someone who just woke up at such a stupid hour of the night.

I got the fright of my life when out of nowhere someone appeared from one of the shower stalls behind me. It was Andy. I looked at him in the reflection of the mirror. His hair was wet, his shirt was off and he wore long, dark blue, pajama bottoms. He stopped like a deer caught in the headlights when he saw me. Clearly he didn't expect to see anyone here this late at night either.

"Don't mind me," I broke the silence.

I turned the faucet on and cupped my hands under the cool, running water. I splashed it onto my face, refreshing myself. He came up to me, setting his toiletries bag on the counter and leaning against it, looking at me.

"I didn't know anyone else was in here. Why are you awake?" he asked.

"I was studying. Fell asleep. Woke up. Feel like shit," I said bluntly.

"Maybe you should go get some more sleep, then," he said.

I nodded. That was an excellent idea and just what I needed. I looked at him, but my eyes didn't fall on his face, they fell on his chest, more specifically the scars where his breasts used to be. I couldn't help but be curious. I wondered how much it hurt and how different it felt.

"Are you alright there?" he asked. Fuck, I was staring. I looked away.

"Uh...yeah. Sorry, I was just...sorry," I said, not knowing what else to say other than to apologize.

"Go on, ask," he sighed.

"What?" I asked, glancing at him.

"Ask whatever you wanna ask. People always do anyway," he said, sounding a touch annoyed.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to stare," I said. This was just another case of me being an absolute idiot and it really, really sucked because I tried so hard to not be a complete moron but I always am anyway.

"I'm fucking with you," he said with a laugh, "It's fine. People are always going to be curious and I get that...plus it helps when I can tell you're not thinking bad things."

"What are you, a mind reader now?" I asked, relaxing myself.

"Yeah, it's one of my transgender super powers," he said.

I laughed and shook my head at him. I did have a lot of questions though and he seemed so chilled and maybe even open to talking to me about this, or more so educating me, so I decided to take my chances.

"So...you got surgery, huh?" I asked cautiously.

"Nah, they just fell off one day," he said sarcastically.

"You're too sassy for your own good sometimes. You know that, right?" I asked.

"Gotta be," he shrugged.

I nodded in understanding. I got that it was a bit of a defense mechanism with him. He acted like he didn't care about what people said or what they thought, but I wondered if it really did get to him on the inside. I looked at him again, trying not to stare, but I was just really, really curious and wanted to know more about him, more about this.

"Did it hurt?" I asked.

"Afterwards, yeah, for a bit. But it's worth it to feel more like myself," he said.

I nodded, and surprisingly I understood what he meant. I had still been researching this kind of stuff, well, mostly the psychological side of it all because I wanted to understand him whenever I got confused, which was most of the time because I was an idiot.

"What are you doing here so late?" I asked.

"I shower late to avoid running into people," he said. That was right, I remembered now.

"Doesn't that get tiring?" I asked.

"Yeah, but it's a lot better than worrying about people trying to sneak peeks at you," he said. I felt guilty again for staring at his chest. He must have thought I was a jerk.

"That's what the stalls are for," I pointed out.

"People still try," he said a little sadly.

"I'm sorry..." I trailed off.

"Don't be. It's not your fault," he said.

I nodded and looked down at the basin. Surprisingly despite all the dumb things I said, and the topic at hand, I wasn't really that nervous to be talking to him. The way he spoke gave a sense of calmness which relaxed me a bit.

"It just bugs me a lot, ya know?" he went on, "That people feel like that they have the right to know whether I have a dick or not...Sorry, I'm ranting."

I looked back up at him.

"No, no. It's okay. Rant all you like. It sucks that people treat you like an object. It's wrong for them to be so curious," I said.

I was trying so hard to be understanding. It's like I really wanted him to think I wasn't like the other guys, when really I probably was, or at least he thought I was. I didn't want to be like them though. I wanted Andy to think I was a good person, despite my own self-doubts.

"I don't blame them for being curious. After all, I'm curious about what's in a lot of guys' pants too," he joked.

"Yeah, same," I said, then realized what I said. "Wait, fuck. No. Not like that, I mean the other way around. Like...I don't even know what I'm saying anymore and I should shut up."

He laughed at me, shaking his head.

"Endearing..." he said under his breath, but I caught it. That was the second time he called me that, and to be honest it was becoming one of my favorite words.

This conversation was so, so weird, but it did lead me to think about what exactly was underneath Andy's pants. I hadn't really thought about it all that much before. I didn't know why I hadn't. Maybe I didn't want to know so I didn't think about it, or maybe I really was curious. I didn't know.

"You're thinking about it right now, aren't you?" he asked in amusement.

"What? Thinking about what?" I asked, playing dumb.

"Whether I have a dick or not," he said with a small smile. At least he didn't sound annoyed or upset.

"No I'm not," I lied.

"Well...hey, maybe I'll let you see for yourself one day," he said. His voice was practically dripping with flirtation. Even an idiot like me could see that. My cheeks burned.

"Uh, I...um...wh-...um..." I stuttered. I had no clue how to respond to that.

"Calm down. I'm joking," he laughed.

"I know," I said quickly and defensively.

"You know, for someone who is such a confident leader, you get awfully nervous when you're alone. You were the same in high school," he said.

"How would you know?" I asked.

"I remember in eleventh grade one day, you were sitting behind me and tapped on my shoulder, and what exactly was it you said?" he asked then went on the mimic me, "'I, uh...I um...pen...um, I lost my pen. C-can I maybe borrow one? Please, I mean if that's okay. I, um, I'll give it back...or...or just forget it. I-it's fine.'"

"I did not sound like that," I said, completely unimpressed with his impression.

"Sure you did. I just thought you were shy...but it turns out you had a crush," he said. He was really loving teasing me right now. I brushed it off with a smile and a roll of my eyes though.

"You're not gonna let that go, are you?" I asked.

"Probably not," he shrugged.

I laughed and ran my fingers through my messy hair. This guy really had a lot of attitude, not that I was complaining.

"I would have totally been up for it back then, ya know?" he said. My attention flicked back to him in a heartbeat.

"What?" I asked.

"If I knew you had a crush...I probably would have went there," he said. "Anyway, I'll see in class tomorrow."

He left me there, feeling a little lost and shocked at the same time. I didn't think he knew the effect his words had on me. He spoke so casually and here I was reeling from his little confession, and sure, we weren't in high school anymore, so what he said didn't even matter, but it still got to me.

I felt kind of disappointed that I missed an opportunity in high school, but mostly I was disappointed that he said he would have went there, as in past tense.

I shook the thoughts from my mind, knowing how stupid I was being, before finishing up in the bathroom and leaving.


	11. Chapter 11

I sat in class. Professor Crompton already started the lecture and Andy's absence was not lost on me. His usual seat down the front of the lecture hall was occupied by someone else and he was nowhere to be seen. I found myself feeling a little anxious. Knowing that people like Ethan were out to get him made me nervous.

The nerves quickly left when I saw him rushing through the door, momentarily distracting Professor Crompton. I made a mental note to get his phone number some time so I could call or text him next time I was worried. He didn't have many friends so he probably needed someone looking out for him, and honestly I didn't exactly hate the idea of being that person.

I watched Andy as he stopped, his eyes landing on where he normally sat. He looked around for a vacant seat. Sonny was on one side of me, and Mikey on his other side, leaving the space to my right with no one there. His gaze caught mine and I motioned for him to come over. He smiled and made his way over to me as Professor Crompton continued on with the lecture.

"Somebody's late..." I spoke to Andy quietly as his frazzled self made himself comfortable next to me.

"Somebody overslept," he whispered back.

"That's what you get for staying up all night talking to attractive boys in bathrooms," I said. I frowned at my own words. That was a really weird thing to say. Sometimes I wondered if I even had a brain.

"Right..." He laughed under his breath, "That's all your fault though."

"You're the one that stayed to talk," I pointed out.

Professor Crompton loudly cleared his throat from the front of the room. I looked at him and half the class who were staring back at Andy and myself. I didn't even notice it had gotten so quiet in here. Professor Crompton's disapproving face was enough to make me sink back into my chair and keep my mouth closed.

He went on talking to the class and everyone looked away from us. Andy and I glanced at each other, both of us started giggling at being the disruptions of the class. I tried to wipe the smile off my face as I attempted to pay attention, but I couldn't. I felt like I was back on the football field hanging out with him. I was starting to see a lot more of Andy's personality and realized that I already knew what his personality was like since I spent a lot of time observing him in high school. Seeing it again was like meeting up with an old friend.

I felt undeniably strange though. My feelings towards Andy were weird to me and I was unable to completely pinpoint them. I actually really wanted to spend time with him. I enjoyed his company. We were quickly becoming friends, but talking to him made me feel all warm inside. It was kind of like how you feel when you go home after months of not being there. I couldn't describe it any better than that, even to myself. It was probably because I knew him in high school, sort of, and was just feeling nostalgic about that.

I never felt this way about any of my other male friends, and I never felt this about a girl, whether they were a friend or something more. I just felt different, but the feeling was good and one that I wanted to keep experiencing. I felt like I was in a constant state of confusion lately.

The thing that comforted me the most was that these thoughts were all in my head and no one else knew them. No one could use them against me and that was a good thing because I needed them to stay with myself until I figured out what the hell was going on with me. As long as no one knew, no damage could be done. I was just going to continue being Andy's friend because I liked it. I enjoyed being around him, even if we were just sitting here in silence.

Silence was okay, but I was getting really bored as the minutes ticked on and on, and soon we were nearing the half way point of class. I looked at Sonny, wanting to annoy him or something but he was taking down notes like a good little student. Mikey was on his other side and was too engrossed in his phone to notice me.

I glanced at Andy. He was facing forward, watching Professor Crompton as he spoke to the class body language used as communication. Speaking of body language, Andy noticed mine and looked at me.

"What?" he whispered.

"I'm bored," I told him.

"Shh, you'll get us into trouble," he said, barely audibly.

"So? It's college. He can't give out detentions," I said, but despite the fact that detentions didn't exist, I still spoke in the quietest voice I could muster up.

"Yeah, but he can kick us out," he pointed out.

"Would that be so terrible? Maybe then we could have a one on one rematch since I beat you yesterday," I teased.

"You didn't beat me. I owned your ass," he said.

"Whatever. No you didn't," I mumbled, rolling my eyes.

"Psh, shut up. Take some notes," he ordered.

"Mm...no," I said in a bored tone, shaking my head.

"What's wrong? Need to borrow a pen?" he asked with an amused smile.

"Shut up," I laughed, and knocked my knee against his.

Once again the class went silent and I looked out to them all. Professor Crompton had stopped, waiting for us to be quiet once more. Enough was enough. I had to behave, although I kind of wanted to just get out of here right now. Everyone went back to what they were doing, quickly forgetting about Andy and I being interruptions. Damn, other people talked in class every other day. What made today so different? I leant in towards Andy to whisper quietly.

"Someone has a stick up his ass today," I said. He laughed a little louder than intended and covered his mouth, pretending to act casual when some people looked back at him.

I grinned and moved away from him a little, relaxing in my seat again. Apparently Professor Crompton had enough of our antics for now because he put his notes on his desk and turned off the projector which had all his important lecture information on them.

"Well, we're about half way through now, so let's have a fifteen minute break and maybe when we come back, people will be less restless," Professor Crompton said. He eyed both Andy and I. There was no doubt that comment was for us. It wasn't unusual to have breaks in the middle of lectures though since sitting here for two hours straight could make anyone want to fall asleep.

"Bathroom break. I'll be back," Andy said and got up.

"Mmk," I mumbled as he went on down the rows of seats back towards the exit.

I stretched in my chair, completely glad for the break between the constant droning of the lecture. There was only so much of this I could take without going crazy. I turned to look at Sonny and Mikey, about to start a conversation with them when I saw the two of them were already looking at me with curious expressions.

"What?" I asked.

"Nothing," Sonny said quickly. Too quickly.

"Okay..." I said a little suspiciously. They were both looking at me weirdly, especially Mikey.

"Do you realize what this looks like?" Mikey asked.

"Mikey," Sonny scolded in a harsh whisper. I frowned, shaking my head.

"What are you talking about?" I asked. Sonny sent a warning glare to Mikey, but he ignored it and so did I.

"You two...flirting..." he said, like it was obvious. I looked at him with wide eyes.

"What? We're not flirting. I'm not flirting," I defended myself. Were they crazy?

"It sure looks that way," Mikey said with a shrug.

"You're an idiot," I practically spat. I rolled my eyes and looked at Sonny for answers. He was the responsible one. He was good at things like this and I knew he would be on my side. I was wrong.

"He's kinda right," he said cautiously, "Not that how you two are acting is a bad thing or anything. It's totally fine."

"How we're acting? What? We're friends. I act like this with all the other guys. What, just because Andy'...well, Andy...that means I have to be into him or something?" I asked, speaking rapidly.

"Woah...chill. I'm just sayin'..." Mikey trailed off.

"Well you're wrong," I said firmly.

"Okay, so I might be wrong. But everyone else is gonna think something's going on...and it's kind of weird," he said.

I frowned and looked away from him, no longer wanting to participate in this conversation. I couldn't believe the two of them. It was like I wasn't allowed to be Andy's friend without wanting something more out of it. I knew they were only saying this because of what my feelings used to be in high school, but that was so irrelevant now.

I tapped my pen on the desk. My head hurt just thinking about all of this. If Sonny and Mikey got the wrong idea, then what if Andy did, too? I didn't want him, or anyone else for that matter, to think that I was into him when I wasn't. I just wasn't. It was getting really hot in here. I felt like my skin was burning up and needed some air, but I stayed put.

A few minutes later I saw Andy coming back up the steps and taking his place next to me.

"Crompton just death glared me when I came back in," he laughed.

"Oh?" I asked. I was suddenly so aware of how I was speaking to him. Before it came so naturally, but now I didn't want to give off the wrong impression.

"Yeah. It makes me feel like a troublemaker. I guess you're a bad influence," he said.

I gave him a half-hearted smile but didn't say anything as I looked down at the blank notebook open in front of me.

"Is something wrong?" he asked me quietly. I shook my head, mumbling a no, and he went quiet.

I was stuck in my own mind now. I had no idea what the hell I was thinking or feeling. I felt like I got kind of lost when I was talking to Andy, then someone, or even myself, brought attention to it and I felt like I had to stop and reign myself back in to act normal. I hated the feeling of having to watch what I did or said, and now I felt like Mikey and Sonny were watching me like a hawk.

"Do you wanna maybe go down to the field and play some soccer after class?" Andy asked. For once I actually wanted Professor Crompton to start talking again.

"Can't," I said, shaking my head.

"Why not?" he asked.

"Busy," I said bluntly. I felt like I was suffocating in here.

"Doing what?" he asked. I could tell from the tone of his voice that he knew something was up. He was onto me but I still backed off, acting cold and distant. I couldn't help it. I sighed in frustration. Why couldn't he just drop it?

"You know what," he said, snapping his book shut, "I getting real sick of this whole hot and cold bullshit."

Without another word he stood up and marched away from me, going back down the stairs and out of the classroom, leaving early. I sighed in relief, relaxing a little, but I still felt awful.

I could feel Sonny looking at me, so I glance at him with an annoyed expression. This was half his fault after all.

"Don't let Mikey stop you from doing what you want," he said.

"You think you know what I want?" I practically snapped. I didn't even know that.

"I think it's obvious," he said.

I didn't say a thing. I was just so confused. This whole situation was giving me a headache.

* * *

I had been lying in bed for hours now. I couldn't even get five seconds of sleep no matter how hard I tried. It was going past one in the morning now, yet I was wide awake, and who was occupying all of my late night thoughts? Andy. I couldn't get how I treated him off my mind. I couldn't get what Mikey and Sonny said off my mind. It was all so confusing to me. It made my stomach and chest tighten.

The dormitories had been deafeningly silent for a while now, so through the paper thin walls it wasn't that odd to hear people coming and going whether it be through the sounds of the elevator, or the doors that led to the stairwell. I hadn't heard anyone for at least an hour now, but I could distinctly hear the sounds of quick footsteps on the stairs. It got me thinking. Andy liked to run in the middle of the night, so I wondered if it was him.

I was probably just a little bit obsessive, or at least obsessive enough to leave my dorm room at 1AM and tip-toe quietly down the hall to the stairwell door. I pushed it open, seeing no-one there. I could hear the footsteps though. I went over to the railing and looked down, seeing a familiar glimpse of Andy down at the bottom.

I turned and went back into the hall, heading back to my room. I wondered briefly about why he would be running now, but I already put it together in my mind that running was like a coping mechanism for him. Mikey had once told me he left in the middle of the night when he got upset, so I kind of put the pieces of the puzzle together myself. I guess I wasn't completely stupid after all.

When I got back to my dorm, for a second I considered just going back to sleep, but I was drawn to spending time with Andy. There would be no one there to judge my every movement. Plus, I regretted how I acted in class and kind of wanted to make it up to him. I liked being his friend and maybe I had to tone things down a bit with him, but I still wanted to be his friend, so instead of getting back into bed, I changed into some running clothed and put my shoes on.

By the time I went back down the hall and opened the door, Andy had just reached the top. He looked a little startled to see me, but the surprised expression quickly disappeared. I was pleased to see there wasn't any hint of a glare, but he did look a little annoyed.

"Want some company?" I asked.

In a second his face softened. He breathed in deeply and nodded.

"Sure," he whispered.

I waited for him to go first, but it was like he was stuck in his place, so I made the first movement. I started skipping down the stairs and he came after me, falling into step beside me.

I wondered what made him so upset all the time. In the back of my mind I felt like it was me. I knew I wasn't even worth that much of a thought though, and I had the feeling he wouldn't let the team get to him that much, so maybe it was something else. I knew he wouldn't talk about it with me though, so for now, we stayed silent.

We got to the bottom of the stairs at the ground level, then turned and started running back up them. He was really fast, and focused too. He was quiet, probably because he thought I was a jackass and didn't want to talk to me. I was a jackass. I really needed to stop acting like suck a tool.

Up and down the stairs Andy and I went. I tried to keep up with him the best that I could, but he had a lot more stamina than I did. I noticed him slowing down a little so I could keep up. I pumped my legs until they were aching. I wanted to give up a few times but I wanted to stay with him.

He got ahead of me a few times and I would watch him. I'd notice every movement. I'd notice his style of running, the way he would breathe, and despite how much pain I was in, I just wanted to stay and watch him.

We had been at it for a while. The silence made the atmosphere so much more intense. Maybe he hates me. Maybe he had finally had enough of me. I didn't want that though. I didn't want to drive him away when I had been getting to know him so well lately. I didn't want to lose this feeling because I was finally getting to know someone I had a crush on for so long and not many people got that chance.

I felt lucky to be here. I felt lucky to be in his mere presence. I felt lucky that he knew I existed after all this time. I felt, well, I felt kind of sick, but not really a physical sickness.

He stopped on the platform on level five; our floor. That was a good thing because I didn't think I'd be able to go another second. He turned to me, breathing heavily. His loose clothes now clung to his sweaty body. We were face to face, a few feet apart. I tried to analyze him and guess what he was thinking or feeling but my mind was way off in another land just watching him.

"You okay?" I asked breathlessly.

"Yeah..." he said and nodded.

"Good," I said.

My heart lurched in my chest at the thought that it was the middle of the night and there was no one else around except the two of us. I was just looking at him as a familiar feeling washed over me.

"Fuck..." I whispered to myself as thoughts of something I wanted to do since high school and had imagined so often infiltrated my thoughts.

Two quick strides was all it took for me to get to him, grab him by the shirt and tug him towards me, pressing our lips together.

I admit, I was scared, and judging by Andy's frozen stance, so was he. I was so unsure of what I was doing and so afraid, but one tiny little whimper from the back of Andy's throat was enough to make me feel completely lost.

I sighed into the kiss, almost like I was relieved he was actually responding. His lips started moving at the same time mind did. It was, for lack of a better term, mind-blowing. I knew then and there that I had that feeling I was searching for with all the girls I had ever slept with. It was the feeling of not being so empty. It was the flipping of my stomach and tingling of my lips.

Speaking of lips, his were addicting. It was like I needed more. I needed more like a drug addict needed more drugs and I couldn't get enough. It was like I couldn't be satisfied and the second I thought of pulling away I just couldn't because I needed another fix.

His lips were so soft and so sweet, just how I imagined them. They moved at the same rhythm as mine. His shaky hand touched my neck and it felt like an electric shock, zapping me back to reality.

What the hell was I doing? I pulled away, stumbling back a few steps. I caught my breath in the back of my throat as I looked at him. I felt dizzy and light-headed. He looked back at me but I was suddenly so filled with panic that I didn't even register the expression on his face.

Almost in a daze I turned to the door that led back to the dorms and pushed my way through it, leaving him standing there and going back to my room. I rushed inside, shutting the door behind me and locking it for good measure.

I leant against it, breathing in and out heavily and quickly. I couldn't get my body to just calm down for a second.

"What the fuck?" I whispered to myself.

I placed my hand over my heart, feeling the rapid and rhythmic thumping coursing through my entire body.


	12. Chapter 12

In a groggy, half asleep state I kept my sheets pulled over my head while a menacing Sonny stood over me. He had been trying to get me up for about an hour now but all I wanted to do was stay here and sleep.

"Get up!" he practically shouted. The sounds no doubt echoed past our door and into the hall.

"No. I don't wanna. Tell Coach Dreelan I have a cold," I said and rolled onto my side.

"No!" Sonny yelled. I felt the sheet being torn from my fingertips. He ripped it from my body, leaving me feeling cold. I looked at him with an annoyed expression.

"God, leave me alone," I groaned, and sat up to try and grab the sheet back, but he stepped away.

"No. I don't why you've been a freaking hermit crab in here for the past couple days, but it's game night! Now get up, and God damn it, have a shower, get dressed and get down to the field."

I glared at him before lurching forward and snatching back my sheet. I flopped back down onto the bed, pulling it over me once again.

"No. You can do it without me," I grumbled through the thin material.

"No we can't. Coach Dreelan will kill you. He will literally come up here and strangle you. Your dad's gonna be there too, like usual, and he'll kill you too if you don't show up," he said.

I paused, thinking about what he just told me. He did have a really good point about my dad being there. As much as I wanted to avoid the entire world, or at least one tiny aspect of it, I knew I had to go to the game. I pushed the blankets off of myself and looked up at Sonny with a less than impressed expression.

"Alright, fine," I sighed. He smiled brightly.

"That's the spirit!" he said enthusiastically.

I groaned and got out of bed, not being bothered to deal with Sonny anymore right now, and grabbed some things before heading off towards the showers. I had barely left my room for two days, and even now I was cautious as I walked around the building.

I was avoiding Andy. That much was obvious to me and I wouldn't try and deny it for a second, although I would deny it if he asked. I just didn't want to risk running into him and having a more than awkward conversation. I was embarrassed about what I did in the stairwell that night. I was confused more than anything.

I couldn't believe I kissed a guy. Mostly I couldn't believe how much I actually liked it. He made me feel things I craved to feel every time I was with a girl. I couldn't take this any further than the kiss though. I just couldn't. It was a stupid thing to do in the first place. My mind was playing games on me, trying to convince me that I was into Andy, but I knew I wasn't. It was just because of my feelings for him in high school that made me kiss him, that was all. I didn't actually like him now. That would be ridiculous.

I wasn't gay. I never have been and nor will I ever be gay. That boy just messed with my mind so much though. It was only a kiss. It was a dumb kiss in the heat of the moment. I did it out of curiosity, really. I wanted to know what it was like and now that I did it, I regretted it so much.

I hadn't communicated with Andy at all since it happened. I hadn't even seen him in the halls. Granted, I was barely in them. I had no idea what he thought about all of this. I didn't want to hurt him, but I didn't want to lead him on or give him the wrong idea either, which I knew I had done by now.

I was so lost in my thoughts and doing everything on auto-pilot that before I knew it, I was with Sonny, walking along the sidelines of the field. It was night time and the bleachers were filled with either students or family coming down to watch the game. The atmosphere was unusual tonight. Instead of feeling pumped up at the thought of playing a game, I felt completely drained. I didn't want to be here.

The opposing team was already on the field, wearing blue uniforms and looking intimidating. Our team was there too, gathered around Coach Dreelan and talking together. There was only about five minutes until game time. I'd be lying if I said my eyes hadn't landed on Andy first, but for now I pushed all thoughts of him from my mind.

"Well it's about time!" Coach Dreelan shouted at us when we got close, "Drop your shit off in the locker rooms and get on the field!"

Without a word to Coach Dreelan, we both did as he told and went into the locker rooms. They were empty. I went over to my locker, opening it and shoving my bag inside.

"Seriously, what's been up with you lately?" Sonny asked from my side. This was only the millionth time he's asked me that in the past couple of days.

"Nothing," I said, just like I said every other time he asked.

"Okay, fine," he sighed. "Stick with that story."

"I will," I said plainly.

I couldn't get out of this bitter mood. I really just wanted to be left alone. With a friend as worried and persistent as Sonny though, that was near impossible.

"Are you gonna be alright to play tonight?" he asked cautiously.

"Yeah," I muttered.

"You seem a bit, well a lot, out of it," he said.

"Sonny!" I shouted in frustration, looking to him. Jesus Christ, he could be annoying sometimes. My bad mood had no effect on him though.

"I'm just saying...you've gotta get your head in the game," he said.

I rolled my eyes and turned away from him, ready to leave, but I froze when I saw Andy standing there by the door. I felt a bit panicky when I saw him. Actually, it was a lot panicky. I looked to Sonny. He was looking between us questioningly. I glanced back at Andy. He looked every inch the casual and calm person that I definitely was not right now.

"I need to go over some captaincy tactics with you," Andy said. It was a lie. It was just an excuse to talk to me and I wanted to run, but I didn't.

"Sure," I said, mentally cursing myself. I knew I had to face him sometime. It may as well be now.

"I'll leave you to it," Sonny said and left us.

Andy and I were alone. Shortness of breath, light headed-ness, heart twisting and turning in my chest; these were the signs of having a crush on someone. Either that or I was about to drop dead. I'd sooner go for option number two.

"We're going to be late for the game," I said, already trying to bail out. I was so bad at this.

"We have a few minutes," he said. He stood in the door way, making sure there was no room for me to leave. I nodded, giving in and staying put.

"So...you've been M.I.A lately," he pointed out.

"Uh, yeah...I've been sick," I said.

"You're a terrible liar," he said with a laugh. Fuck, I loved his laugh.

It's like that kiss had opened a gate of feelings and thoughts that I couldn't control. I needed to control them though because this couldn't happen. I didn't want to hurt Andy, I really didn't, but I couldn't let my crush on him in the past affect how I thought of him now. It was like a delusional. I had to let him down easily.

"Come on, tell me you've been avoiding me. I can take it," he said.

I hesitated before sighing, "Okay...maybe I have been. I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry. I think we should talk about what happened though," he said, and I nodded in agreement.

"Did you tell anyone what I did?" I asked.

"Uh, yeah. I told, like, the whole team," he said, and for a second there I panicked until I saw the mischievous, cheeky grin on his face.

"I'm kidding," he said and I relaxed, "Of course I didn't tell anyone. I knew you wouldn't want me to."

"Oh, well...thank you...and I'd appreciate it if you continued not to tell anyone...please," I said all too politely.

"Okay," he said simply. We fell into silence. I didn't want to lead this conversation. I just wanted to run away, but he was standing there waiting for me to say something, anything about what I did. I sighed, giving in.

"Look...I don't know why I did what I did...but...I...I..." I stopped, turning into a stuttering mess.

Goddamn it, where was my confidence? Where did that suddenly disappear to? I couldn't even find the right words to say this. Why was it I could blurt out to Nicole that I didn't want to be with her, but with Andy it was like I was standing on a podium in front of thousands of people, trying to speak but nothing would come out?

"It was a mistake and you want to forget it?" he finished for me.

I frowned at his words. That was exactly what I wanted to say, but the way he said it made it sound like that's what he wanted too, and I didn't know how I felt about that.

"Yeah," I said cautiously.

"Consider it forgotten," he said casually. It was that easy for him? I wished it was that easy for me too since I've been so utterly confused lately.

"Cool..." I spoke quietly.

"Anyway, we've got a game to play," he said, and gestured towards the door. I nodded, snapping out of it and leaving with him.

That was actually a lot easier than I thought it would be, mostly because Andy said what I couldn't. At least I didn't get a slap across the face this time. Strangely enough, I didn't feel much better after the conversation. I thought it would have felt like a weight was lifted off my shoulders, but instead I felt hollow. I'd get over it soon. I knew I would.

I was more or less a zombie as the game started. I tried to pump myself up and throw myself into it, but I'll tell you what, I was terrible. I could barely get focused enough to make a play. I wasn't fast enough. I wasn't alert to what was going on around me. My mind would go wandering off and I was barely thinking about what I was doing. I was a mess.

"What the fuck is wrong with you, Rye?" Ethan asked angrily as he fell into step beside me. I didn't say anything. I didn't need thoughts of him to be packed onto everything else in my mind. I just couldn't shake the feeling that everything's off.

"Beaumont," Coach Dreelan called out to me. I was expecting this. I was about to get the lecture of a lifetime. I headed straight over to him, ready to nod along to his insults, only this time, I didn't get it.

"You're benched for the rest of the game," he said simply.

"What?!" I almost shouted, "Wait, Coach Dreelan, I can do better."

"I know you can do better, but tonight is not your night. You'll sit this one out," he said and pointed to the bench.

I wanted to argue it, but it wasn't worth it, so I went and sat down. He was right to make me sit out. I was pulling the team down. I was a useless waste of space out there. I knew it, the team knew it, the crowd probably knew it. Speaking of the crowd, I looked out at the mass of people, hoping that for once in his life, my dad would miss a game, but it was false hope. He never missed a game.

I saw him there, watching me intently as if he had been waiting for me to look his way. He gave me a 'what the hell are you doing?' look, and all I could do was shrug hopelessly. I looked down at the ground, not wanting to meet his gaze again. Hopefully once he realizes I'm benched for the rest of the game, he'll just leave. I knew I wouldn't hear the end of this though.

"What's gotten into you tonight?" Mikey asked as he plonked down next to me.

"Nothing," I said, shaking my head.

"I've never seen you play this bad. Something on your mind?" he asked.

I ignored him, but I looked up, my eyes falling on Andy who was standing over by Brook and Sonny. He drank some water out of his bottle before pouring some over his head and hair, then shaking the water droplets off. I looked away. I should not be finding that attractive. He had seriously consumed my thoughts and I just wanted them gone. Maybe I was going to have to distance myself from him even more.

Soon enough the game started back up again and I sat on the sidelines. I felt so down while watching the rest of them play without me. I felt like I was missing out. Maybe it was my total laziness of the past two days that had caught up with me so my mind and body weren't able to cooperate together. This was the longest I had gone with no exercise or training.

It was torture not participating in the game, but eventually it came to an end, and we lost. Coach Dreelan was flipping out, shouting at the team even though I knew the shouts were mostly meant for me, and when I saw him storming towards me I knew I was about to get an ear full.

"We have another game next week, Beaumont, and you better be ready for it or I'll cut you from this team so fast you won't even have a chance to say goodbye to your scholarship," he barked.

My stomach dropped. I would be filled with anxiety until the next game, I just knew it. The pressure was on. I needed my soccer scholarship or I would be out of here in a heartbeat. Soccer was all I cared about. I couldn't let myself fuck up again.

I nodded at Coach Dreelan before getting up and going with the rest of the team, minus Andy, into the locker rooms to shower. The guys didn't really say anything to me. I didn't expect them to. I knew I lost it for them and they knew it too, but everyone has been there before. Everyone's fucked up, but the thing was, I never had. I was always on my game. I always played at one hundred percent, so it really was a letdown that tonight I hadn't. I hated losing. I really did.

I got showered and dressed quicker than everyone else because I didn't have to worry about socializing with them all. I was quick to leave too. The crowd was basically half gone, everyone already heading out after the game.

I glanced at Andy who, like normal, was waiting outside the locker rooms for everyone to leave. I wondered briefly what he thought of me right now. He probably thought I was a failure. I was just going to walk straight past him and back to the dorms when someone grabbed my arm. On instinct I yanked my arm away and went to back off, but then I saw who it was.

"Dad?" I asked, a little surprised that he even stayed for the second half when I wasn't playing.

"Don't you walk away from me," he said. I stopped in my place, the initial surprise of seeing him wore off. I was dreading this. I knew exactly what was to come.

"What the fuck was that out there?" he asked, trying to act calm but I could see his annoyance past his eyes.

"I don't know," I said with no energy.

"Do you even care about soccer anymore?" he asked.

"Of course I do," I said defensively.

"Well it doesn't seem like it! You're on a scholarship for fuck's sake, Rye. A soccer scholarship! If you lose that then you're screwed because God knows you don't have the smarts to do anything else with your life!" he shouted. Glancing around I noticed a few people look at us, but were uninterested and looked away. I hated when he made scenes like this.

"I'll try better," I said.

"That's what you said at the first game and you got worse," he pointed out. That was true.

"I'm sorry. It was a bad day," I said.

"What if you get into professional soccer, huh? You can't just let a bad day effect your game then," he said aggressively. I almost took a step back, but didn't because I knew how much he hated signs of weakness.

"You're right," I agreed.

"You're damn right I'm right," he spat.

"I'll be focused next time," I bargained.

"You better be. I spent too much time training you for you to fuck this up," he said.

I nodded, "I won't let you down again."

"Don't let yourself down," he urged.

"I got it, dad. I get it," I said in annoyance. I just wanted him to leave me alone already. I could feel myself getting upset and the last thing I wanted to do right now was cry in front of him.

"Have you been in the gym lately? I know kids your age pack on the weight once they get to college," he said. That hurt a bit. I was always trying to make sure I was fit.

"I could probably do some more," I said.

"That's a good idea. I want you on a treadmill every day. You need to keep the strength up in your legs, and your speed too," he ordered.

"Yes, sir," I said with a nod.

"Alright then. Go get some sleep so you can be up first thing in the morning to get your training back in order," he said.

"Okay," I said simply. It was the only word I could get out because right now I was filling with rage and I wanted to explode at him.

"I'll see you next week at the game," he said.

"Okay," I replied again.

"I really, really expected better from you," he said in disappointment. I felt absolutely awful now.

I didn't say a thing, and he didn't say anything else either. He left me there. My hands curled into fists and as I watched him walk away, all I wanted to do was follow him and hit him. I generally wasn't a violent person, but when I was all worked up I just had to let it out.

I turned and stormed away, going around the side of the locker rooms. I hastily and aggressively threw my bag to the ground in anger. I couldn't believe him. I was having a hard enough time as it was and didn't need his input. I knew I was absolute shit out there. I didn't need the reminder, but he just couldn't help himself. He couldn't help having this control over me. He just had to order me around and honestly I wanted to punch him in the face.

I wanted to punch anything actually so in a flash I turned to the brick wall beside me and went to punch it on impulse, but mid-punch someone caught my hand. I looked at Andy who I guess had followed me here. His hand had latched onto my fist, stopping me from letting the anger out.

"Stop it," he said firmly.

He was looking directly in my eyes. He looked a little afraid, but still didn't move. I was shaking in fury, my heart beating rapidly.

"Breathe," he said. What was he talking about? I was breathing, wasn't I? I wasn't. I let out the breath I was holding, all the while looking at him, knowing full well he was the reason my mind was an absolute mess, but I couldn't look away, or pull away for that matter.

"I find it better to let these things go. Don't let some asshole get to you like this...it's not worth it," he said softly, and of course he would know.

He's probably been through so much worse than a judgmental prick of a father. He words seemed to calm me down. I took another deep breath. He was right, but I couldn't just forget what my dad said.

"Are you okay?" he asked.

Was I? I didn't know. I shook my head. I just wanted to break down. Tonight was awful. I hated feeling like this. I hated being on the outs with my dad. I hated being confused about Andy. I hated the way his thumb lightly trailed across mine and sent shivers through me.

My fingers loosened, and so did his. I went to pull my hand away but instead found myself twining my fingers with his. It stopped as soon as it started when I remembered where I was and knew that at any second someone could round that corner.

I dropped my hand, feeling completely hopeless at this point. It was like I had no control over anything in my life anymore. I couldn't even control my own feelings.

"I'll see you around," I said bluntly.

I picked my bag up from the ground and didn't wait around for him or anyone else before wandering off back to the dorms.


	13. Chapter 13

No matter how much pain was coursing through my legs, I didn't stop running, not for even a second. My body was bathed in sweat and had been for the past hour that I was running on the treadmill. The gym had practically been my home for the past couple of days. I barely left, but why would I need to? I had to get my head back in the game somehow and working myself harder and harder each day was how I was going to do it.

It was early morning and not many people were here. It was college so the average student wouldn't get up this early just to exercise. It just so happened I was friends with one of the least average people on campus, and in he walked, much to my surprise.

Andy, wearing his own exercise gear, came into the building. I glanced at the door from where I was running. Why would he be here? I didn't think he liked the gym. He came straight over to me and in my own egotistical way I jumped to the conclusion that he was here for me.

"Hey, thought I'd find you here," he said from directly in front of me. He was distracting me. I slowed down a fraction, but quickly caught back up with myself.

"What...are you...stalking...me...?" I said in between heavy breaths.

"Some people stalk people in stairwells. Some stalk people in the gym," he said with a cheeky smile. He had a point there. I went out of my way to join him in the stairwell so I guess I couldn't really judge if he was stalking me too.

He jumped up on the treadmill next to mine and set it to whatever level he wanted, then began running next to me. This wasn't what I needed. I didn't need a distraction like him.

"Why...are you...here...I thought...you...preferred...the stairs?" I labored out. Talking and running at the same time was exhausting. My throat hurt as I tried to take in more air than I could.

"Well, I was just passing by and figured you might be in here because of what your dad said at the game the other night," he said.

"I'm not here...because of my dad," I said quickly. My legs were burning at this point, but I couldn't stop. I promised myself to add on an extra half an hour every day until the next game and I still had a few minutes left.

"Okay...sure," he said, like he didn't believe me.

I ignored his slightly judgmental tone. He ran beside me, quickly getting to my speed, but it didn't seem to affect him at all. Then again, why would it? He's only been running for a minute.

"How long have you been running for?" he asked.

"A bit...over...an hour," I breathed.

"Your dad's wrong, ya know? You're plenty fit," he said.

"I told you...I'm not here...because of him," I said. It was a lie, sort of. Sure, my dad pushed me to get into shape, but I was here because I needed to be. I needed to step up my game so I could keep my soccer scholarship.

We stopped talking and I stared straight ahead so I could focus. I imagined I was on the soccer field and had to get to one of the ends to beat the team, but I wasn't good enough. I was never fast enough, unlike the person next to me who could run so effortlessly.

My sides ached. My legs felt like jelly, but also like they were about to cramp up at and second. I could barely breathe and as much as I didn't want to stop, I had to for a second. I jumped up on the sides that weren't moving and latched onto the handles. I gasped for air desperately. My feet hurt. My legs hurt. My chest hurt, but I still wasn't done.

"Are you alright?" Andy asked. I looked over at him, nodding.

"Yeah...just...just leave me alone...please," I said.

I regained my composure and slowed the treadmill down so I could start running again, and I did, starting off easy before gradually making the machine go faster.

"Maybe you should give it a break for a while," he said, but I didn't listen to him. I swear, if it were anyone else then I would have yelled at them to fuck off, but for some reason I just couldn't get angry at him.

"Sorry if I'm being a bit, I don't know, annoying? I just still want to be friends," he said.

"We are friends," I confirmed.

"Good...good. I don't want things to be weird," he said.

I nodded without making a reply. I didn't want things to be weird with us either. I thought it would be weird after the kiss, but it was a lot easier than I thought to just push it from my mind, which was exactly what I had been doing.

I was running the fastest I could now, and with each second that went by I felt more and more awful. I just had another minute and I would reach my goal. I just had to hold out for one more minute. I was pushing myself too far. I knew that, but my own stubbornness wouldn't let me stop. That was until I felt like I was going to be physically sick. I tried to ignore the feeling, but in the end I ended up running off the treadmill and heading outside.

I dropped to my knees in front of the nearest garden and heaved up the contents of my stomach which was basically just water. I clutched at my stomach, coughing painfully.

"Are you okay?" Andy, of course, showed up by my side. He was making it really difficult to distance myself.

"Does it look like I'm okay?" I snapped. I instantly regretted talking to him like that, but I wasn't in a good way right now. My stomach hurt, my legs hurt, my head hurt. I was a mess.

"Hey, drink some of this," he said.

He held my water bottle out to me. I was just about to take it when the urge to throw up started again, but with an empty stomach, all that came out was liquid. It was horrible. And now Andy had seen me like this. How embarrassing. I begrudgingly took the water bottle from him and drank some, clearing the awful taste out of my mouth.

"When was the last time you ate something?" he asked and I thought about it.

"Yesterday afternoon," I said.

"You'll feel better if you eat something. Come on, let's go back to the dorms. I've got some killer mac and cheese packs I can cook up," he said. I looked up at him curiously.

"Why do you care what I do?" I asked.

"I don't know...you've helped me out with stuff before...I just wanna return the favor," he said with a shrug. I guess I could accept that.

I stood up a little too fast and had a major head spin. It felt like I was on drugs or something and completely threw off my balance. I stumbled, my legs giving out on me, but Andy caught me, steadying me.

"Woah, are you alright?" he asked.

"Yeah...yeah...thanks," I said. Once the spinning stopped, I stepped away from him. He looked at me cautiously and maybe even with a bit of worry. I looked away, not needing my stomach to do anymore flopping around.

"Can we go back to the dorms now? I think you've had enough exercise for one day," he said, and I agreed with him. I could barely function right now so I didn't want to go back in that gym.

"Yeah, me too," I nodded, and so off we went.

The boy's dorms weren't too far away, so before I knew it we were standing in the elevator together. I leant against one of the walls and watched him. My feelings towards him were so mixed up right now. On the one hand, I wanted to avoid him. On the other, I wanted to be around him all the time and even just staring at him made me feel all warm inside. He was right, I was always hot and cold.

"Well...you know the type of family mine was, right?" he asked.

"Uh..." I paused, trying to think of a way to word this without sounding offensive, "You guys were...wealthy, and uh, sophisticated."

"We were rich snobs," he said bluntly. "Or at least that's my mom. I like to think I wasn't like that."

"You weren't," I said quickly. He smiled and mumbled a thanks under his breath.

"Anyway, my mom was really into the whole debutante thing. She was practically training me my entire life for this one event where I would come out to society as a pretty young lady, ready for a man to ask for her hand in marriage," he said with a laugh that was much too sad for my liking.

"She was always trying to get me into dresses and be what she thought was beautiful...and act like a lady. I went along with it in the beginning because I wanted to make her happy. I wanted to make her proud, but I just couldn't do it in the end. I wanted to back out but she wouldn't listen to me when I said I didn't want to do it...or that I just mentally could not do it. It was important to her and she wouldn't drop it, so she ended up pushing me over the edge," he said.

"So, what did you do?" I asked cautiously.

He laughed again, this time sounding a lot less sad and lot more amused.

"Well, during one of her stupid little events where I was supposed to be her perfect little daughter...I cut off all my hair, dressed in a suit and introduced myself to all of her precious friends and work associates as Andy, her son," he said. The smile on his face let me know how proud he was of that moment.

"Seriously?" I asked.

"Yeah. It was awesome at the time but probably a little over dramatic," he said.

"What happened next?" I asked eagerly. I was hanging off of every word he spoke.

"Well my mom freaked out, said a bunch of horrible things. She tried to kick me out and my dad decided that enough was enough. That was just the cherry on top of a lot of...other stuff...it doesn't matter. But he ended up taking me away to Florida where I was until I came back here," he explained. It was really amazing to learn this stuff about Andy, especially since I had spent so long wondering what led to him just leaving in high school.

"I'm getting off topic," he continued. "My point is, you can't let your parents control your life. It isn't healthy. It'll get to the point where you feel like you have no control over anything anymore. You'll become a mini them and end up doing things you don't want to."

"I love soccer though," I pointed out, "I want to be better. I want to push myself."

"I know you do. But if you keep letting your dad pressure you then it'll cross the line from something you love, into something you resent because of him," he said.

I guess he had a really good point. I knew I shouldn't let my dad get to me, but it was difficult not to. He had been telling me what to do when it came to soccer for my entire life. Not listening to what he had to say would be going against everything I had ever done, but for the sake of Andy, I would agree with him for now.

"Thanks for, like, telling me all that stuff," I said.

It must have been difficult for him to open up. I didn't think he did it that often. He smiled and I was about to change the topic when we were suddenly joined by someone. Sitting straight across from us, much to my displeasure, was Ethan. I rolled my eyes. What the hell did he want?

"Well, well, well. Isn't this a cute little date?" he teased.

"Oh fuck off, Ethan," I said. I didn't have time for his bullshit when I already had a lot going on right now.

"Woah, no need to be hasty," he said defensively, but at the same time he sounded so fake.

"What do you want?" I asked.

"Nothing with you," he said, and turned his attention to Andy, "I have a bone to pick with the freak, though."

I gritted my teeth. I thought everyone was past the childish insults by now.

"What is it?" Andy asked, like he didn't care what he said.

"Don't think I didn't notice you intercepting the ball whenever it came my way during the last game," Ethan said.

I glanced at Andy, wondering if what Ethan said was true. I tried not to take much notice of Andy during the game so I didn't really notice what his tactics were.

"Accident," Andy shrugged, but I could hear the discreet hint of menace in his voice which told me it was no accident.

"That's bullshit and you know it," Ethan sneered.

"Is there a point to this conversation, Ethan?" I asked.

"Yeah, there is actually. I want him to quit the team," he said.

"What?" Andy asked. He sounded bored.

"You don't belong. You've done nothing but cause shit since you've been here," Ethan said. I could hurt him. Really, I could. It would be so easy.

"I haven't done anything," Andy said defensively.

Ethan smiled smugly, "Quit the team before the game this weekend...or I'll make sure you regret it."

"That's enough, Ethan. What the fuck is wrong with you?" I asked.

"Nothing was wrong until this transvestite showed up," he said. Now I was pissed. I went to get up and probably leap over the table, but before I could even make a move, I felt Andy's hand on thigh underneath the table, pushing me back down. The shock of him touching me was enough to make me freeze.

"You don't scare me, Ethan," Andy said. Not an ounce of fear was in his eyes. He let go of my thigh when he realized I wasn't going to move.

Ethan smiled this smile which was so calm that it was actually a little terrifying.

"Quit the team. Make the right choice, buddy," he said, and with that he got up and walked away.

"I hate him," Andy seethed.

"Everyone hates him. I'm sorry," I said.

"Why? It's not your fault he's a dick," he said.

"Yeah...but still..." I trailed off. I still felt bad for once encouraging Ethan's behavior.

"It's whatever," he brushed it off, "There's always going to be people like him in the world. Anyway, I have some study to do so..."

"Right, sure. I'll catch you later," I said.

Without another word or even a glance he stood up, taking his dirty dish with him and went over to the kitchen. I watched him thoughtfully as he washed his plate. I couldn't take my eyes off of him. It was like every movement was hypnotic. I frowned, feeling a bucket-load of confusion washing over me again. These weren't the sorts of thoughts I was supposed to be having over a friend. I couldn't seem to shake them.

I waited for Andy to leave before doing the same thing; getting up, cleaning my plate, and then leaving, going back to my dorm.

I opened the door and shut it behind me, leaning against it. Sonny was lying in bed but was awake, looking at his phone.

"'Sup bud?" he asked.

What was up? That was the question of the day. For a while now I had been so confused and I thought that my feelings would just sort themselves out, but every day they got more complicated, and Sonny was clever. Sonny was smart. He was my best friend and I trusted him, so I couldn't help but talk this through with him.

"I kissed Andy," I blurted out. He sat up slowly, looking at me like he was unsure of what I just said.

"What?" he asked calmly.

I sighed and sat down on the edge of my bed. I ran my hands through my hair and Sonny swung his legs off his bed, looking at me intently.

"I kissed him. It was last week..." I said. I didn't know if I was okay with telling him this or if I was already regretting it.

"What? Why? How? What?" he asked quickly.

"I don't know why...or how...it just happened. I just kissed him out of nowhere," I said.

"Where?" he asked.

"In the stairwell," I said nervously.

"Wait...what?" he asked, sounding almost as confused as I had been lately.

"Why are you so confused? You're the one that keeps telling me I like the guy," I said.

"Uh yeah...but...wow..." he said in shock.

"I shouldn't have told you," I said, regretting my decision.

"No, no. It's fine, dude, it's fine. You just caught me off guard. But...wow. Are you two like, together now or?" he asked.

"No!" I almost shouted. "We decided it was a mistake and to forget it."

"We? Or just you?" he asked.

"Um...I don't know," I said truthfully.

"Hm...so...are you like, into him?" he asked. I sighed dramatically.

"I don't know. That's why I'm coming to you," I said.

"Well...how do you feel about him right at this second?" he asked.

"I don't know...I...fuck...I can't stop thinking about him, okay? This is so embarrassing and I swear to God if you give me shit about this I'll never talk to you again," I threatened.

"Hey, calm down. I'm trying to help you here," he said. I really just wasn't good with talking about my feelings, regardless about whether they were about Andy or about a girl. I just wasn't good with it.

"Right...right..." I calmed down.

"I totally knew you were into him though. Just saying," Sonny said smugly.

"I'm not...I mean, I don't even know if I like him. I mean, he's a guy!" I exclaimed.

"So?" he asked.

"So? I'm not gay," I whispered harshly.

"Have you ever heard of this thing called 'bisexual'? Or hell, even pansexual?" he asked.

"What the hell is pansexual?" I asked. Pans?

"Never mind. Just stop overthinking your sexuality too much," he said like it was so simple.

"I kissed a guy for the first time ever. Of course I'm gonna overthink it," I said.

"So you kissed a guy. So what? What are you so worried about?" he asked.

"I'm worried about what people would think...what they'd say," I said.

"Who cares?" he asked.

"I care..."

"Well...who's to say other people even need to find out?" he asked.

I groaned in frustration and laid on the bed. Sonny really wasn't helping at all. He made it sound so simple when really it was so complicated.

"Look, do you like him? Yes or no?" he asked.

"It's not that easy," I said.

"Fine...do you think you might possibly have a thing for him?" he asked. I paused, thinking about it.

"Maybe," I said, my cheeks heating up.

"So, ask him out," he said.

"I can't do that,"

"Just ask him out as a friend. Invite him somewhere. Hang out more and see what happens. It's not like anyone has to know you might be into him. It's no one's god damn business," he said.

My head hurt thinking about this. Yes, okay, yes, fine, I liked Andy. I really, really liked him. I've tried escaping from it, but I liked him, and it felt good to admit to myself, but at the same time it was terrifying.

"Listen, if you want my opinion, which clearly you do or you wouldn't be here. I think you like him a lot and I think you'd be stupid not to see where this could go just because you're scared of what other people think," he said.

Damn it, he had a point. I didn't want to lose an opportunity, not again at least. I lost him in high school and now it was like getting a second chance and I really did like him. I would never say it out loud though, especially to Andy. I didn't even know if he liked me back. I just knew I wanted him close. I wanted him around.

"Do you think this is weird or wrong?" I asked.

"When have I ever thought things like this was weird?" he asked.

That was true. Sonny was accepting of everything. He always had been.

"Thanks, Sonny," I said, standing up.

"I live to give," he said with a smile, and I smiled back despite the fact that anxiety was filling my chest.

"I'm just gonna...umm...I'll be back," I said nervously. He gave me a knowing smile as I left the room.

I shut the door behind me, going into the empty hall. I took a few deep breaths because I was really nervous. Was I actually going to go for this? It was insane. I was still so flippy floppy about all of this, but I knew I hated pushing Andy away, and when I wasn't pushing Andy away I was annoyed that we were just friends. I kind of hated myself for liking him, but I would probably hate myself even more if I didn't do anything about it.

I headed towards Andy's room. When I got there, I was almost going to back out, but I was here giving off the impression that I was just a friend asking another friend to hang out. I had nothing to be nervous about, so I knocked on the door.

"Who is it?" Andy called out.

"It's Rye," I said back.

"Oh, come in," he sounded a little confused.

I pushed the door open. Andy was sitting there on his bed, and just like he told me, he was studying. He had a text book open in front of him. He looked at me, smiling. Thankfully, Mikey wasn't anywhere in sight.

"Hey, so..." I decided to jump right to the point, "There's gonna be a party in the girl's dorms after the next game, whether we win or lose. You should come with me...and Sonny, and like...all the guys. Like, the whole team will be there. And most of campus. Everyone. Not just...not just me and you. Like...yeah, you should come."

Real fucking smooth you idiot. I had never stumbled over my words that much in my entire life.

"Uh...I don't know..." he said cautiously.

"Come on, it'll be fun. And you wouldn't wanna be here alone, right?" I asked.

I was a bit cautious saying that because it was just a reminder of what happened last time. Honestly I didn't want Andy to be alone, especially after Ethan's threat today which I was sure was just him trying to be all macho and intimidating, but it still had me a bit worried.

"I'm not really a partier," he said.

"So? You can just hang out...be a wallflower like me," I said. He looked like he was thinking about it.

"Uh...fine, alright...yeah, sure, I'll go," he gave in. I smiled widely.

"Awesome. Anyway...I'll leave you to it," I said.

"Okay," he said with a shy smile, and he looked back down at his book.

I left the room, shutting the door behind me. Well, this was sure to be an interesting weekend.


	14. Chapter 14

We won the game and I was practically on top of the world. I somehow got my mojo back and it was like last week never happened. I was more determined than ever to do better, and so I did. It was a lot easier when I didn't have much negativity holding me down. My mind felt a lot clearer after my talk with Sonny, and it was like there was a whole lot less weighing me down.

Game night could not have gone any better. Coach Dreelan was pleased with my efforts and stopped threatening to take away captaincy or cut me from the team. The team stopped being so cold with me and we were back to normal. My dad even had a few nice words to say to me afterwards. His trophy son was back to making him proud, and as much as I didn't want to care about what he thought, I still did.

Once the game was over my stress levels had dropped and now it was time for some fun. I was on top of the world, just ready to wind down and enjoy the rest of the night. I wish I could say the night stayed stress free, but I was delusional if I thought that the second Andy crossed my mind that I wouldn't be filled with anxiety.

Nerves. They killed me. I made plans to hang out with Andy tonight, just as friends, but I couldn't back out. I couldn't just ditch him no matter how much my hands were shaking. I hadn't felt this way since high school, and even then the only times I really saw Andy was walking through the halls. Now I was actually communicating with him, but I had to admit it was a lot easier talking to a guy. Yet, still at the same time talking to Andy, or even just thinking about talking to Andy had my heart racing.

"Would you stop fidgeting?" Sonny asked. I sat on my bed. I was ready to go but I had to wait for him.

"Would you hurry up? We're going to be late," I said impatiently.

I could hear the loud thumping music from the girl's dorms next door. The boy's dorms were practically empty. Everyone was already over there except for a few stragglers. Being in the soccer team and having just played a game, it took us a little longer to get ready, not to mention we had lazed around a little before deciding to go.

"You always show up late. You hate going early," he pointed out.

That was true. I did like going later. That was because I liked to get in and out quickly. I liked to show up when everyone was already half wasted, then leave after I've watched enough stupid people do stupid things. Tonight though I kind of wanted to go earlier to spend some extra time with Andy.

Goddamn it, I had it bad. I was still trying to sort out my feelings for Andy but I knew I liked him. I wasn't quite sure of the extent of those feelings or what I was going to do about them though. I just knew I wanted to be around him.

"Yeah but...Andy's waiting," I said.

"He said he's fine with going later," he said. Another true point.

I groaned in frustration and stood up, "Can you just hurry up with your stupid shoes?"

"Okay, lover boy," he muttered under his breath.

"What did you just call me?" I asked even though I heard him.

"Nothing..." he said, shaking his head. He smiled brightly once he was finished and stood up.

"Are you finally done?" I asked.

"Yeah, are you?" he asked.

"Yes. I have been for the past half an hour," I told him.

"You know, you could have gone and got Andy without me," he said. Yet again, this asshole wouldn't stop thinking logically and making good points.

"I know that. I wasn't about to abandon my best buddy though," I said, but truth be told it was because I was nervous enough as it was and didn't want to add being alone with Andy onto it.

"How thoughtful. So, are you bringing condoms?" he asked.

"What?!" I practically yelled. Surely my eyes went the sized of saucers. It felt like they popped right out of my head.

"I'm just asking. I mean...you always screw people on the first date," he said like it was obvious.

"This is not a date," I hissed.

"You're wearing your good jeans. It's a date," he said with a smug smile.

I looked down at my tight, black jeans. How did he even know these were my good jeans? I didn't even know these were my good jeans. Sonny was really starting to test my patience now. I regretted telling him about how I felt towards Andy because he's done nothing but tease me about, just like he did in high school.

"Can we just go?" I asked.

"Alright, okay. Lead the way," he said, gesturing towards the door.

"I will," I said firmly.

I marched over to the door and swung it open, going straight down the hall. With all the confidence I could muster, I knocked on Andy's bedroom door loudly. I could do this. It was just hanging out with a friend. A friend who I was practically in love with for years. I couldn't do this. I took a step back, but Sonny was right there. He held my shoulders, keeping me in place. I shot him an annoyed look, but looked at the door as it opened.

Andy stood there in the doorway and I almost choked on my own tongue. I was so used to seeing him wearing either the soccer uniform or whatever lazy clothes he wore to class or around the dorms. Tonight he was wearing a black button up shirt that had sleeves which went to his elbows. He had on dark blue skinny jeans which hugged his figure perfectly.

I've seen hundreds of guys wearing the same thing before and never had I been at a loss for words or thought they were attractive, so why now? Was my mind playing tricks on me? Or was it just because I liked him? Either way, right now he looked so good that I kind of wanted to tell Sonny to fuck off and skip the party all together.

"Hey, I almost thought you forgot about me," he said, and I knew he said it. I knew he spoke, but it didn't really register in my mind, so I stood there, not speaking, like an absolute moron.

"Forget about you? Never. Rye-Pie here was just taking a little too much time to get ready," Sonny said. It was a lie but I wasn't bothered with correcting him.

"You..." I started. "You look fucking hot."

I had been looking at his body but my gaze quickly flicked to his face in horror. I did not just say that. Those words definitely did not just come out of my mouth. Oh God, they did.

"I...I mean...it's a hot night...and don't you think wearing longer sleeves will just make it hotter?" I asked. I prayed to God that he would buy that cover up. He smiled in amusement.

"The temperature's fine. Thanks for the concern," he said sarcastically. I could tell by the way he talked that he was onto me. I had a plan. It was to play it cool with Andy, and that wasn't working at all.

"Well...in that case, you look nice. I mean...you look party appropriate. Good...uh, good choice of clothing...attire," I stuttered out.

"Stop talking," Sonny whispered.

"Okay," I agreed, not needing any convincing. I could barely fucking breathe right now. Andy on the other hand looked calm and as cool as a cucumber.

"You don't look that bad yourself," Andy said, his small smile growing. The flirtatious tone of his voice was almost lost on me because I was still standing there in embarrassment after that debacle of a greeting.

"Okay...I don't know about you two, but I wanna go to that party. I mean, unless you two wanna stay here..." Sonny said suggestively. I sent him a glare.

"We're comi-...We're attending...the party...right now. Let's go," I said awkwardly.

I didn't stick around to make even more of a fool of myself. I led the way down the hall. I couldn't believe how stupid I was acting. I was never this clumsy with my words around anyone else. It was like my brain just shut off. I silently cursed myself as I got to the elevator and pressed the button repeatedly.

"So what are these parties like, anyway?" Andy asked.

"Hm...usually people getting drunk, doing stupid things and hooking up," Sonny answered.

"Oh, okay. Is that what you two do?" Andy questioned.

"Not really. We're more of the observant type," Sonny said.

"Well, that's good then," Andy said.

He sounded nervous while talking to Sonny. I glanced at him when we got into the elevator together, wondering if he was okay. He looked a little off, but then he caught my gaze and gave me that same, cheeky smile. He was weird. I always thought he was weird, but now it was a different weird. It was almost like he was...endearing.

I tried to hide my smile as I pressed the button for the ground floor. Sonny and I exchanged looks. He nodded towards Andy, silently telling me something but I had no idea what. He was trying to play match maker but I still wasn't sure that was exactly what I wanted. I mean sure, I liked Andy but I had no idea where I was going to go from here.

Sonny and Andy chatted as we went over to the girl's dorms. I kept my mouth shut, mostly because it was clear I had no brain to mouth filter so it wasn't safe for me to talk while I was this on edge. I stayed a few feet in front of the two of them, distancing myself as we came up to the building.

The girls had parties here often and they had the same setup every time. The top level was where the sports teams hung out, or for lack of a better term, the 'cooler' kids. It wasn't like it was planned like that, that's just how it happened. Everyone naturally gravitated towards their normal groups on each level. It wasn't like people couldn't drift from level to level, but people usually stuck to their friends.

The first level was always empty. The second was usually filled with those people wanting a more quiet night, but still didn't want to miss out on the party. The third floor was usually filled with the smarter kids who despite their squeaky clean image sure knew how to throw a party. The third floor you'd usually find the more artsy type of people who were a lot more sexually active than I would have given them credit for. The fourth floor was like a non-stop dance party with people too drunk to even remember their own name, and then there was the fifth floor, which was where Sonny, Andy and I were on our way to now.

I didn't even know what I was going to do at this party. Every other party I went to I would drink a little bit, watch people, then usually find a girl. That last part was definitely off the cards tonight. I could not handle starting something with someone when I was having these thoughts about Andy. I didn't want Andy to be bored though so I didn't want to just sit around doing nothing either.

"Rye," Sonny said, grabbing my attention.

I blinked a few times and looked around. We had reached the top floor. Music was blaring loudly, but not loud enough to make us have to scream to hear each other.

"Right," I muttered.

I had been too lost in my thoughts. I walked out with the two of them. There were people scattered throughout the hall, but mostly people were in the rooms. Most of the rooms had the doors open; each of them with people hanging out or dancing. The girls would push all their things to the side to try and make room. The rooms with doors closed meant that those girls didn't want their rooms to be used as a party zone.

"So...what now?" Andy asked. I smirked. He was like a fish out of water. This was my territory and it made me feel a little more calm, but not much.

"Down here," I said, nodding down the hall.

I knew where most of the team would be. They were always right down the end where the girl's had their recreation room. It was the best room in the entire dormitories, and since we had just played a game, we had the rights to it. Sure, there were plenty of other sports played on campus, but none as popular as soccer was.

It was kind of a cool privilege to get the better room. There were couches and bean bags laid out everywhere. There was space to dance, and trust me there were a lot of people grinding against each other. There were tables too with either people playing games, or people sitting around them, and even a few girls dancing on the tables.

I went into the recreation room first and there were a lot of people in there. I could see everyone from our team through the crowd though. Unfortunately, Ethan was one of them. He was definitely a partier so I guess I had to expect him to be here. My plan was to ignore his existence.

"Maybe I shouldn't be here," Andy said. I turned to look back at him.

"I thought you didn't let other's opinions get to you," I pointed out.

He rolled his eyes, but inevitably gave in. I smiled and led the way again, going through all the people. Sonny was at my side but quickly took off when he saw his girlfriend, Hannah, with a group of her friends. I was left alone with Andy, or as alone as I could be in a room full of people.

I looked around and my eyes fell on a group of people chanting. They were all standing around none other than Mikey who was doing a hand stand, being held up by a couple of other guys. He was drinking beer straight out of a keg. I smiled and laughed a little.

"Do you drink a lot?" Andy asked. The voice came so sudden and so close to my ear that it startled me a little.

"Uh, no. Well yeah, I do. Not a lot though. Just enough to have some fun," I told him. "Do you?"

"Just a little," he said.

We stopped talking and I kept watching him. He seemed a bit in awe. I knew he used to go to a lot of parties in high school, and so did I, but they seemed kind of tame to this one. Everyone was overtly sexual here and alcohol was a lot easier to obtain.

I turned my attention back to Mikey. He finished his little chugging session and the guys dropped him. He fell to the floor with a thud, but quickly got up, screaming that he was okay. The crowd cheered for him but for only a moment until someone else took his spot.

The drunken boy saw the two of us and stumbled over. He flung two arms around Andy, hugging him. I had the urge to take his arms and rip them off, but I didn't because I didn't want it to seem too obvious that I liked Andy.

"Eeeey best buddy," Mikey giggled. He pulled back a little but stayed close to Andy, leaning on him for support.

"Hey there, Mike. You doin' okay?" Andy asked like he was talking to a child.

"Yeah man. I'm so glad you came. You...you're great," Mikey's words slurred.

He sloppily kissed Andy's cheek, and honestly, despite knowing he was just messing around, it felt like someone just trampled on my heart. I got jealous easily and common sense told me nothing was going on with Mikey and Andy, but that was because I knew Mikey wouldn't go there. I had no idea how Andy felt towards him though. I did however see him grin, laugh, and not push Mikey away.

I spotted the mountain of alcohol sitting in the corner and made a bee-line for it, leaving Mikey and Andy to catch up or whatever the hell they do. I didn't even really know what their friendship was like. They seemed to hit it off so quickly which was weird since Mikey said a lot of stupid stuff about Andy when he first came here. Then again, so did I.

I grabbed a plastic cup, took a bottle of vodka, and poured it in, not bothering to mix it with anything. I drank a large gulp, cringing at the burning feeling. That was disgusting, but in the end it'd do the trick. I needed to calm down. I needed to relax, because at the moment I was freaking out on the inside and it wasn't doing anyone any good.

Andy showed up at my side. He leant against the table, looking at me with raised eyebrows. I gave a small smile and looked down at my drink. He was clever. He'd have to know by now that something was up with me.

"He's not my type," he said.

"What?" I asked, looking at him again.

"Mikey...he's not my type," he repeated. I wasn't going to lie, it felt good to hear him say that.

"Why? What's wrong with him?" I asked. A sly smile spread across his lips.

"He's straight," he said with a shrug.

What the hell was that supposed to mean? Was he implying I wasn't straight? Did that comment have anything to do with me at all? It probably didn't. Not everything has to do with me. That was just a really suggestive look he was giving me, or maybe I was imagining it.

"And...and what is your type?" I asked nervously.

A contemplative expression crossed his face. His gazed flicked down and he took the drink out of my hand. I let him do it and watched him take a sip. He licked his lips, looking back up at my eyes.

"Brunette boys who drink straight vodka," he mused.

My face heated up as he grinned cheekily and left me standing there. I definitely heard that right, and I definitely needed another drink.


	15. Chapter 15

My mind was unbalanced as I stood by the alcohol. I had been at the party for a couple of hours now and was trying to make my next choice. I felt like if I had any more hard liquor then I'd be sick, so I went for some beer. I grabbed two plastic cups and messily poured some beer into them from a nearby keg.

I staggered back over to Andy. It took every ounce of whatever was still sober in me to not push him onto his back and kiss the hell out of him. Instead I stayed a safe enough distance away, sitting next to him, barely touching.

"I got this for you," My speech was slurred, but I was fine. I felt great as I handed him the beer. He took it but placed it on the floor. I frowned at him.

"I've had enough for tonight," he explained, talking loudly so I could hear him over the music.

"You've had like...this many," I said and held up three fingers.

"I don't like to drink too much," he said with a shrug.

"But...but it's fun," I giggled, "But you don't have to. That's A-Okay."

I sat back a little and sipped my drink, looking around. There were a lot of people in here now. Just moments ago I was up being an idiot with Mikey. I had turned into one of those people I watched being stupid at parties. I admit it was fun though. On the most part Andy had been sitting here or sometimes talking to someone from the team like Brook or Jake. This was the first time in a little while that I had actually sat with him though.

I looked at him, smiling. My nerves had flown out the window and I kind of wanted to be alone with him but I had enough common sense left not to suggest that.

"Why are you looking at me?" Andy asked, a small smile on his face.

I simply laughed. If only he knew what was going on in my mind right now. I wanted to ask him to dance, but there were so many people around who knew me. I wanted to keep how I felt about Andy a secret. They would all know just how into him I was if I danced with him because I knew I wouldn't be able to keep my hands off him.

I could barely control these thoughts right now. It was like the wall that I had up was knocked down, all thanks to a little friend called alcohol. I knew it was probably a bad idea to drink so much, but the more it calmed me down, the more I drank.

"You've had a lot to drink. Maybe you should slow it down," Andy said.

"Maybe...M-maybe you should fast it up," I replied. That made no sense, which just made me laugh again.

"I honestly wouldn't have picked you to be the type of guy to get this wasted," he said.

"I'm not wasted. I-I-I'm not," I shook my head, pouting.

"And yet here you are...on what, your tenth drink?" he questioned. I frowned, looking down at the drink. Okay, so maybe I did have a little too much to drink.

"Mmm...yes," I admitted, "But...but it's because I am nervous."

"Nervous?" he asked.

"Yes," I said as a matter of fact.

"Why?" he asked.

"Because..." I sighed, "Because you have really pretty eyes. And that's okay. I'm...I'm a guy and you...you are also of the male gender and...and it's 2024, why can't a guy compliment another guy on his eyes, right?"

"Right," he chuckled. I smiled at the way his eyes lit up when he laughed. He was so beautiful.

"So...are you having fun?" I asked.

"Yeah," he nodded, but I noticed something was off. I leant forward, looking into his eyes, seeing that little flicker of deceit.

"You're not," I said.

He sighed, shaking his head, "I told you, parties aren't my thing."

"Well...you gotta...y-you just gotta have some fun!" I exclaimed. He looked a little unsure.

"I don't know. I think I might head off soon," he said.

I shook my head in confusion. He couldn't go. He had to stay. I wanted him to stay. The night's not even nearly over yet. Before I got the chance to argue though, I was being dragged from the couch. I looked up as I stumbled away from Andy and saw my friend Honor taking me towards the dance floor.

"Come on! I have to have at least one dance with you tonight," she said happily.

I looked back over at Andy.

"But...but I...I..." I stopped and looked back at Honor. I guess one dance couldn't hurt. I was here to have fun after all.

I gave in and danced with her and one of her friends that she took me over to. I missed Andy already. He was just so cute and knowing that he was in the room and I wasn't next to him was just killing me. I glanced back over, but only to see he wasn't on the couch anymore. I frantically looked around and saw him heading for the exit.

"Gotta go," I said to Honor and pushed her into the arms of her friend.

I dodged the people around me, getting knocked around a little as I made my way to the door. I set my drink down on the table, not caring about it anymore. I got out into the hall. There were a few people around, most of them either talking or couples flirting with each other. I caught up with Andy who was half way down the hall by now.

"Hey!" I called out after him. I ran a little as best as I could and he turned to me.

"Where do you think you're going?" I asked.

"Like I said, I think I might call it a night. I didn't want to bother you while you were having fun," he said casually with a shrug.

"You can have fun too. Just come back and dance," I said, or more like pleaded.

"I don't know, Rye. I'm really not into dancing," he said.

"You were in high school. You're a great dancer," I said with a huge grin, just remembering seeing him on the dance team.

"Let me rephrase that. I'm not into making a fool of myself in front of everyone in there," he said. He was too nervous to be seen dancing by them. That gave me an idea.

"I know where we can go where no one will even notice it's you," I said.

"Oh, and where's that?" he asked.

"Just one floor below us. Trust me. Just trust me, okay? This'll be great," I said and bounced past him.

I led him down the hall and instead of going to the elevator, since it would have taken too long to wait around for it, I opened the door that led to the stairwell. It was empty, and the second we were both in and the door was closed, it blocked out a lot of the noise, giving me my first chance to think a little clearer.

My thoughts consisted of the boy obediently following me. He made me smile so much. I missed having a crush on someone, and I missed someone having a crush on me too, and I knew he had a crush, I just knew it.

"You _liiiiiiiiike_ me," I said childishly as I got to the bottom of the stairs. I spun around and watched him walking down them. He raised his eyebrows, looking at me curiously.

"What makes you think that?" he asked.

"You said you like brunette boys that drink straight vodka," I said, and then I pointed to myself with a knowing smile.

"There are plenty of boys like that," he said with a shrug as he walked past me before leaning on the wall by the door which lead to the fourth floor.

"Psh, like who?" I scoffed, looking right at him.

"Umm...Mikey, for one. I saw him drinking vodka straight out of the bottle earlier. It was kind of hot," he said. My jaw dropped.

"You...you take that back," I ordered.

"Oh...I don't think I can," he said solemnly. I didn't know if he was being serious or not.

"Please," I whined.

He smiled that devilish, cheeky smile that he seemed to have perfected. I gasped when I realized what he was doing.

"You're a little liar," I whispered.

"You're fun to mess with," he shot back playfully.

I stepped closer towards him. I loved how amused he was all the time. I loved the sly smile and the hint of flirtation in his voice. It killed me and he knew it. Two could play at that game though.

"You can mess with me all you want," I said suggestively.

"Is that so?" he asked.

"Mhm..."

I leant one arm against the wall, standing close to him. He sighed deeply and looked away from me. Now he suddenly decides to be shy? I didn't get him sometimes. He was either really confident, or shy, and nervous, much like I usually was when I was around him.

"I like you," I told him. He looked back up at me in an instant.

"I like you too," he said with a small smile, but could see just a hint of sadness. He shouldn't be sad right now. Tonight was a fun night.

"I want you to be my boyfriend," I said with a giggle. I bit on my bottom lip, waiting to see what his reaction would be.

"Well...I, um...I don't want to talk to you until you're sober," he said.

"That's okay. We don't have to talk," I said softly.

I leant in and he turned his head away from me. I looked at him curiously as he shook his head.

"Yeah...I don't think so," he said dismissively but I didn't want to give up that easily. I wanted to kiss him. I needed to.

"Why not?" I asked.

"Because I don't know if you really want it," he said.

"But I do. My lips..." I paused, my eyes darting to his neck, "They want to touch yours again."

I leant in, a little slower this time so I didn't startle him, and then I kissed his neck. His soft, warm skin brushed against my lips and I felt him shiver.

"And my tongue..." I whispered into his ear, "Would love just a taste," I kissed just below his ear.

With my confident arrogance at an all-time high, I felt like I could get away with anything. I thought I would too, but he moved around me, looking flustered as he distanced himself. I sighed and looked at him longingly.

"I think I prefer it when you're awkward and stuttering," he told me. I pouted, giving him the puppy dog eyes. If I couldn't get the kiss then I would settle for the next best thing.

"Can we go dance now?" I asked hopefully.

He smiled and nodded, "Sure."

My mood was up again. I stepped towards him and resisted every urge to just grab him and kiss him like that day in the stairwell in the boy's dorms, but instead I took his hand, lacing our fingers together.

"You know...you're gonna remember this in the morning and probably regret everything," he said, and there it was, that sad little look in his eyes again.

"You're silly. Don't be silly," I laughed.

I pulled him towards the door and pushed it open. The first thing I noticed was the trance-like dance music filling the hall. The next thing I noticed was how dark it was. The lights were dimmed and instead of being bright, they gave off a blue glow.

People were everywhere, attached to each other in kisses. Some were doing drugs. The people on this floor were either out of their minds on drugs and alcohol, or too busy hooking up. I'm pretty sure I actually saw a couple having sex as I passed the rooms.

It was so loud in here. There was no way I could even speak to Andy, so I just squeezed his hand as we went along together. The further we got down the hall, the better I saw it; the flashing light. At the end of the hall was a rec room. The lights were all off, except for one; a strobe light.

There weren't as many people in here as there was upstairs. In the flashing lights and darkness I couldn't recognize anyone I knew, and if there was anyone I knew in here, I would hardly be able to see them anyway. All I saw were bodies moving together.

I turned to Andy, smiling before taking his other hand and pulling him towards me. I could barely see his reaction, but I could tell he was a little shy. This was why he needed to drink a bit more. It's like all nerves are abolished.

Eventually he got a little more into it, moving with me to the beat of the music. It was a lot of fun. He was a lot of fun once he relaxed a little. I knew I could make him have fun. He just had to trust me.

I let go of his hands and tugged him closer by the edges of his shirt. His body pressed against mine. I smiled, maybe a little egotistically. He looked away but wrapped his arms around my neck. God, he was so cute. It was killing me.

The way his body moved against mine honestly had me a little turned on. I couldn't help it. He was just so sexy. I had never felt an attraction like this before. I wanted to kiss him. I wanted to really, really badly.

I touched the bottom of his chin and made him look at me again. His eyes stayed locked with mine, so I stopped touching his chin, instead I dropped my hands and held him by the hips. I remembered what he said in the stairwell about not wanting to kiss me, and I was clever enough not to go against that, no matter how much I wanted to.

I rested my forehead against his, our noses brushing together. I wanted to touch him so much. I wanted to feel every inch of him. I wanted all of him. I was a bit handsy, I admit. I rubbed his hips, my hands sliding under his shirt to feel his warm skin.

He pulled back a little and took my hands, prying them off of him. I groaned in frustration. The second he let go of them, I wrapped my arms around his back, holding him tightly to me. His body froze, going rigid, and I wondered what was happening. We were just having so much fun dancing and he stopped.

He put his hands to my chest and pushed me away before running past. I frowned and followed him out, wondering what I did wrong. I got out, squinting around the dark hall until I could see him.

"Are you okay?!" I shouted over the music.

He said something, but I couldn't hear a word of it. He looked so stressed out. What the hell did I do to fuck it up?

"What?!" I shouted back.

He shook his head and went off down the hall. There was no way I wasn't going to follow him, so I did. I followed him down the hall and he burst through the stairwell door. I went in after him, thankful for the silence the closed door granted us.

"Are you okay?" I asked again.

He nodded quickly, breathing heavily.

"I'm okay. I'm alright. Just...give me a second...Over there," he said quickly and pointed to the stairs which were a safe distance away from him.

I didn't really know what to do except do what he said. I went over and sat on the steps, hugging my knees to my chest and resting my chin on them. I watched him breathing in and out slowly and methodically. Did I do this? Did I make him freak out? I just wanted us to have fun. I didn't mean for this to happen. It reminded me of that one time I found him in the bathrooms. Only this time wasn't as bad. This time it was like he was able to control himself.

He had his eyes closed as he breathed, and he finally opened them, looking at me. I was a little scared. I was still drunk and a little bit out of it so I didn't know how to react, or how I should react, at least.

"What happened back there?" I asked. He shook his head.

"Um...Just...nothing. Nothing," he sighed.

"It was something," I muttered.

"It was just...flashing lights, darkness, touching...it was a little overwhelming. Don't worry about it. I'm okay," he said.

"I'm sorry for touching you," I said.

"It's fine. You didn't do anything wrong," he said, but I didn't believe it.

"I upset you," I said.

"You didn't," he said and looked away before mumbling, "Maybe I just need a drink."

"Let's go get you one then," I said and he looked up at me in surprise. I didn't think I was supposed to hear that last.

"Maybe," he said, nodding.

I smiled and stood up, but as I did I went light-headed and fell down. I was so drunk and it was hitting me harder now.

"You okay?" he asked, a little amused.

"Uh huh," I groaned from the floor.

He held a hand out and I hesitated before taking it because I didn't want to freak him out by touching him again. He helped me up and let go of my hand. I felt a little steadier as I went back up the stairs with him and opened the door.

It was a shame that going downstairs didn't result in what I wanted it to. I wanted to kiss him, but most of all I wanted him to have fun and he didn't. Instead I made things worse.

We walked in silence down the hall and we got back to the rec room. Standing there at the door with a small table full of shots was Antony. He stopped us from going in.

"Here, have a shot!" he said. I shook my head, not really feeling like anything else and went to go past him. He stood in our way though.

"Rules of entry! Everyone must have a shot!" he said and picked up two shot glasses.

I rolled my eyes but took one anyway, and so did Andy. I glanced at him, shrugging, before quickly downing the liquid which burned my throat. I looked at Andy, seeing him squinting a little at the horrible taste. He coughed a bit and placed the shot glass back on the table, and so did I.

"Can we go in now?" I asked Antony.

"Be my guest," he smiled.

I finally walked past him, back into the room. Andy led the way, taking me over to where Sonny and Hannah were on the couch. He pushed me down next to them.

"Wait here," he ordered, so I did, waiting there, ignoring Hannah and Sonny who were making out. Andy came back a moment later and handed me a bottle of water.

"I want you to drink all of this, okay?" he asked. I frowned at the water, not really wanting to drink it, but on the other hand wanting to do what Andy wanted me to do.

"Okay," I said simply.

"I've had enough for tonight, so I'm gonna go now, okay?" he said.

"But-"

"Shh, I'm tired," he silenced me. "I'll talk to you tomorrow when you're not intoxicated." He sounded a little judgy, but I ignored it.

"Okay, fine," I said, not liking the decision at all. Tonight did not go how I wanted it to, but I guess the two of us had a little bit of fun. He smiled down at me one last time before leaving.

I sighed, relaxing on the couch. I felt a little calmer now that Andy wasn't here. It was like I didn't have anyone to impress anymore. I could act natural again. Sonny detached himself from Hannah and turned to me as she got up to dance with some friends.

"Where'd you two just go?" he asked me teasingly.

"Hmm...to dance," I said.

"Oh really? Have fun?" he asked.

"I did," I said with a smile, not really wanting to explain how I ruined things.

I felt myself slowly sobering up as I sat there, drinking water, relaxing. Sonny was a little bit drunk too, but nowhere near my level.

"Hey...I have a question," he said.

"Yes?"

"What if you and Andy get together? What happens when you two...ya know?" he questioned.

"What?" I asked in confusion.

"Have sex?" he whispered.

I thought about it for a moment and the images of kissing Andy, making him moan, making him feel good, were driving me absolutely insane. It was a hot thought, but then I realized I didn't exactly know how sex with Andy would go down, I mean, not that I'm thinking that far ahead. Sonny was putting ideas into my head now.

"Complicated," I answered.

"Complicated?" he asked.

"Yeah, like...it might be...complicated. I mean, I dunno what he's got down there. It'll be like...surprise!" I said with a giggle.

"So you don't even care what he has?" he asked.

My head was hurting now and I didn't know what to think. Sure, I was curious, but did it matter? I didn't really know and hadn't thought about it a whole lot.

"I don't know," I groaned. I drank some more water, hoping it would clear my mind a bit. It was way too early to be thinking about this though. I mean, we had only kissed once and he was wondering about sex already? It was ridiculous, even if I had a track record of sleeping with people quickly. Andy was different.

Sonny stopped talking and we sat there in silence. I watched everyone dancing, having fun, openly kissing whoever they wanted to. I did that for a little while until I started feeling a little sleepy. My mind was less of a haze and I stopped finding everything so damn amusing.

I felt like I was going to have one hell of a hangover tomorrow. Just like most people though I would probably vow to never drink again, but would end up doing it anyway because it's fun at the time.

My phone vibrated in my pocket. I took it out, wondering who the hell would be calling me at this hour. I saw Mikey's name on the screen. I pressed answer and held the phone to my ear.

"Yeah?" I asked.

"Is Andy with you?" he asked quickly, almost like he was in a panic. I sat up a little.

"No...why?" I asked.

"Fuck. Shit. Fuck," he spat through the phone.

"Mike, what's wrong?" I asked. I sobered up in an instant and got a really, really bad feeling.

"Do you know where he is? We need to find him," he said.

"Why? What's wrong? What happened?" I asked.

He paused on the line, not saying anything but I could hear him breathing.

"Mikey!" I practically shouted.

"I swear to God I didn't know they were going to do this to him. I swear I didn't know." He was crying.

"Mikey. What...the fuck...happened?" I asked slowly and clearly.

"Just...just help me find him!" he said, and the line went dead.


	16. Chapter 16

I stood in the elevator with Sonny. I was feeling jittery and anxious. My head was throbbing in pain as a mixture of alcohol and worry infiltrated every inch of me. The damn elevator wouldn't go fast enough. I shouldn't have let Andy leave by himself. That was so stupid of me.

"I'm sure he's fine," Sonny tried to reassure me, but his positive nature wasn't going over well with me.

"You didn't hear Mikey, okay? He was freaking out. Mikey never freaks out," I said.

It was true. Mike was always chill about everything. Knowing how seriously he sounded on the phone just made me think something really bad was going to happen or had happened. Speaking of phones, I really wished I had gotten around to getting Andy's phone number like I promised myself I would. This was the exact reason I needed it in the first place, especially since Mikey was too much of a moron to tell me what was going on.

"What do you think happened?" Sonny asked.

"I don't know!" I shouted in frustration which shut him up.

All I knew was that it was something to do with Ethan. It had to be. I knew Ethan was after Andy after he didn't quit the team, but I thought he was all talk and would never act on his threats. I was so naïve sometimes.

The doors finally opened on our floor and I didn't wait a second before rushing out with Sonny hot on my tail. I got to Mikey and Andy's room and tried my luck with the door. It opened with ease and I flicked on the light. There was no one in there. Andy's bed was still made to pristine perfection.

"Mikey!" I shouted down the hall.

I marched down the hall, looking for any sign of either Mikey or Andy, but didn't see anything until Mikey emerged from the rec room. He looked at us with so much worry in his eyes but also a little hope.

"What the fuck is going on?" I snapped in annoyance. Why couldn't he just tell me over the phone?

"Did you find him?" he asked, jogging towards us.

"No. What's going on?" I asked again. My temper was really being tested now.

His expression changed to one of pure guilt. He froze in the middle of the hallway, not saying anything. I was done with his silence, so I closed the gap between us by grabbing his shirt around the collar and slamming him against the wall.

"Hey, hey, you two, calm down," Sonny demanded, but his pleas were promptly ignored.

"Tell me what the hell is going on or I'll rip out your fucking tongue and you'll never be able to speak again," I threatened him. I was on the brink and anything would tip me over the edge right now. I was trying so hard to stay calm.

"Okay!" Mikey shouted as he tried, and failed, to pry my fingers off of his shirt, "It's Ethan...Him and Antony...shit..." He stopped again.

"Tell me!" I growled. He actually looked scared. Good.

"I heard from Cam that Ethan was going to drug Andy. Antony was helping him and...and I can't find Andy anywhere," he explained.

"Drug him?" I asked in confusion, "Why?"

"Fuck, I don't know," he said, and I could tell from the look in his eyes that he really didn't. One thing did get to me though; when I was on the phone with him he sounded so guilty, and he looked like it right now.

"You look guilty. Why?" I asked.

He didn't say anything and I stood there with my hand to his throat, glaring into his eyes and then I just knew. Last year Mikey went through a phase where he sold drugs to people on campus. I thought he stopped, but looking at him now I just knew he was back into it. He sold it to them. I knew it. It wasn't something I was a fan of, but I would deal with that later. Right now I had to focus on Andy.

"Where have you looked?" I asked, and let go of him.

"Here...the bathrooms, rec room, Ethan's room, Antony's room. I have no idea where he is," he said.

"We checked the girl's dorms before we came over here, and around outside," Sonny said.

My head hurt as I thought hard about where Andy could be. We looked everywhere. They might have taken him off campus. Oh God, who knew what they could be doing to him. I had to find him. As images of Andy and places he could be flashed in my mind, one stood out to me; the stairs. No one checked the stairs.

I ran down the hall towards the door that led to the stairwell. People rarely went up or down them. It was the perfect place not to get caught. I couldn't get there fast enough. I was so scared for Andy that I felt like crying.

"Andy!" My voice echoed as I opened the door. He wasn't in my sight but I heard noises.

"Shit," One said.

"Go. Get out," Whispered the other, but I heard it, and I knew the voices; Ethan and Antony.

I jumped into action, running down the stairs. I heard the squeaking of a door as the culprits escaped. I went down two flights of stairs until I saw Andy laying there on the ground. The first thing I did was rip open the door to find any sign of Ethan, but it was like the place was deserted. I'd deal with him later.

I turned back to Andy. Sweet, innocent Andy, who didn't deserve any of this. I dropped to my knees beside him and brought his head onto my lap. I brushed his hair of his face and analyzed him for any kinds of cuts or bruises but I found none. Maybe I got here just in time.

He groaned and his eyes flickered, but other than that he made no movement except for his arm flopping on the side of the concrete. He was totally out of it. I caressed his face softly.

"It's okay. Everything's gonna be okay," I told him.

I heard running from above and soon Sonny and Mikey were standing over me.

"Is he alright?" Sonny asked.

"I don't know," I said with a frown. I looked up at Mikey.

"What kind of drug was it?" I asked.

"It wasn't anything hardcore. Just enough to make him fall asleep. He'll wake up. He'll be okay," he said quickly.

"Yeah, he will, because I'm taking him to the hospital," I said and started to lift Andy's body up.

"No, no. Please, no," Mikey pleaded and I stopped, "I have a Juvie record, Rye, they'll throw me in jail if they trace this back to me."

"I don't give a shit what happens to you!" I shouted, "I'm taking him to the hospital."

"Rye..." Sonny said warningly, then looked at Mikey, "Mikey...promise us he'll wake up and be fine."

"I promise. I swear," Mikey replied quickly. Both of them looked back at me and I felt like I was put on the spot. I hated this.

"He'll get into a lot of trouble if we tell someone what happened," Sonny reasoned with me.

I glanced at Mikey. He looked distraught. He had been crying. His tears brimmed his eyes now. I didn't feel sorry for him though. In my mind this was his fault.

"I didn't know he would do this to Andy," he whined.

"What did you think he was going to do?! If he didn't do this to Andy then he would have done it to some poor girl and who knows how far he would have gone then! How many other people did you give this shit to, huh? How many people's lives are you ruining tonight? And what the fuck are you doing dealing this shit again anyway?" I was beyond pissed off and it definitely showed.

"It was to make some extra money," he cried. "Shit...I wasn't thinking. But...but he'll be fine..."

"He wouldn't have been fine if we didn't find him," I said quietly. I looked back down at Andy and even though he was asleep, he didn't look peaceful at all.

"Can we please just take him back to the dorms?" Mikey asked.

"He is not going anywhere with you. He's staying with me. Just fuck off, Mike," I said quietly, but firmly. It'd be wise of him not to go against me, and he didn't. He stayed there for a moment before going back up the stairs.

"Help me with him," I said to Sonny once we were alone.

"I think you were a bit too harsh on Mikey," he said. I wasn't going to talk about this right now.

"Just help me with him," I said again.

I stood, lifting Andy with me. Sonny supported him from the other side and together we easily carried him up the stairs, back to our floor. We made our way down the hall to our room and went inside. Sonny let go as I gently placed Andy on my bed, resting his head on my pillow. I made sure he was as comfortable as he could possibly be before standing back.

"I hate that we aren't doing something about this," I said to Sonny.

"We are doing something. We're helping Andy," he said.

"And letting Ethan get away with this," I pointed out.

"We don't have any proof that it was Ethan. It's our word against his. Do you really think any of the team who knows will actually out him and say it was him? They're all gonna keep their mouths shut. You know that," he said.

I wondered how many people knew Ethan was planning this. Most people on the team were good guys, but some were Ethan's followers who found shit like this funny. I wondered what he was planning on doing to Andy. My guess would be he was going to take him somewhere and leave him there, just to scare him. He was a bad person, but I didn't think he would go as far as to kill Andy or anything like that. He was trying to scare him, but in the end all it did was terrify me.

"We can decide what we do when Andy wakes up and ask him what he wants," he said. I nodded. That was a good idea. Andy was clever. He would make the right choice.

"Listen...I'm gonna go, maybe find Hannah or something...leave you two alone," he said casually.

"You don't have to," I said. My gaze didn't leave Andy for a second as we spoke.

"It's fine. I'll catch you tomorrow," he said. I appreciated him leaving even though he didn't have to.

"Thanks," I said quietly.

He left me there without another word. I sat on the edge of my bed and sighed deeply. I was exhausted. It was all catching up with me now. I had forced myself to sober up at an alarming pace when really my mind still wasn't all that pulled together.

I didn't want to bother Andy, so I got up and sat on Sonny's bed, and that's where I stayed for the rest of the night. I didn't sleep. Some of the time I watched Andy, willing him with my mind to wake up so I could see how he was. Some of the time I lay there, staring at the ceiling, finding comfort in hearing his steady breathing.

It wasn't until the sun started to peak its way over the horizon when something happened. I had almost drifted off to sleep myself when Andy groaned. I looked over at him. He turned his head slowly from side to side, his body stretching out. I got up and rushed over to the side of the bed, kneeling on the floor.

"Hey...hey, And. It's Rye," I said.

He opened his eyes, squinting even though it was still fairly dark. His gaze was everywhere except on me. He struggled to try and sit up.

"Lay back down. You need to get some more rest," I said.

He opened his mouth, trying to form words but sighing in frustration. It was horrible seeing him like this. It was like he was confused and hardly able to move.

"G...get away," he slurred.

He managed to sit up this time and I was too afraid to touch him, scared of what his reaction might be. He moved around me and fell out of bed.

"Andy...please stop...get back into bed," I told him softly. I had no idea how to handle someone in this condition.

He crawled towards the door but was unable to reach up for the handle. He leant against it and I went over to him, crouching down so I was at his level.

"Andy...it's me. It's Rye. I'm here to keep you safe," I said.

He finally looked at me. He was breathing heavily, like he just ran a marathon. His eyes, which were glistening with unshed tears, showed a little bit of recognition, but mostly he was confused.

"Rye," he said.

"Yeah...it's me," I confirmed. I just wanted to hug him so badly and comfort him, but I had no clue what his boundaries were right now.

"Wha...where...why...wh..." He mumbled in confusion. He was so lost. He was still half out of it.

"I want you to get back into bed and sleep for a little more. When you wake up again you'll be better, okay?" I asked.

He nodded slowly and groaned an 'okay'. I reached out hesitantly and he didn't flinch or fight me off as I helped him get up and took him back over to my bed. He lay down, still looking absolutely confused and terrified.

"Just sleep it off. I promise you'll feel better afterwards," I whispered.

He looked around in a daze a little more and I watched him as he fell back asleep. I sat back on Sonny's bed, my heart pounding rapidly. I hated Ethan for this. I truly, truly did. The only comfort I found was in the fact that I had Andy here now so nobody could hurt him.

For the rest of the day I slept just a little bit, then stayed awake for the most part. It was a Sunday so there were no classes or practice, not that I would have gone to them anyway with Andy here. He slept for the whole day, and I mean all of it. I barely got a sound out of him other than his breathing. I watched over him, not caring how creepy it was that I found myself staring at his sleeping face.

I didn't just sit there staring at him though. I did some assignments and caught up on some studying. I rarely left the room; only for bathroom breaks and to have a shower. Sonny came back a couple of times but he didn't hang around. I didn't know where he went, even into the night. Maybe he was with Hannah or Mikey. I didn't think about it too much.

I was trying to stay awake until Andy woke up, but my body and mind got the best of me and I ended up falling asleep in an upright position on Sonny's bed late at night. When I woke up, I was laying down and it was still night time. I grabbed my phone from next to me and squinted at the bright light it omitted. I barely slept two hours.

I groaned, wanting more sleep, but also wanting to check on Andy first. It took me a second to realize that the room wasn't completely dark. I quickly looked over at Andy, my heart leaping into my throat as I realized he was awake. He had the dim light on at the side of my bed which I used to not bother Sonny with the main room light late at night.

I took a deep breath, calming down. He was leaning against the wall and looking at me. At least I wasn't the only one who watched people sleep.

"Hey," I said and sat up. He looked a lot better now, or at least just better than this morning.

"Hi..." he croaked out. He still sounded tired.

"How are you feeling?" I asked.

"Awful...how did I get here?" he asked.

"Umm...you were drugged," I said, feeling a little silly saying that phrase. It was just so surreal.

"I know," he said coldly.

"You know?" I questioned.

"Doesn't take a genius to figure that out." He sounded a little bitter, but then again of course he would. I felt so guilty for not preventing this.

"What do you remember?" I asked.

"Leaving you at the party...then waking up in your bed..." He paused for a moment, "I guess it's a good sign we're both wearing clothes."

I frowned at the comment. "I didn't do this to you..."

He didn't say a thing. Did he really think I would do this?

"Do you think I did this?" I asked.

His bottom lip trembled. He looked at me, analyzing me, then shook his head with a sigh.

"No, no. Of course not. I just...I woke up and can't remember anything that happened in the past twenty-four hours and that really scary...so...so I'd like to know what happened, please," he said calmly.

I shuffled around on the bed, swinging my legs off the edge so I could face him properly, but I didn't go over to him. He seemed so timid.

"A little while after you left I got a call from Mikey. He said he heard that Ethan and Antony slipped something into something you drank. I think it was probably those shots Antony gave us. We went looking for you and found you in the stairwell. Ethan and Antony were there. I didn't see them but I could hear them. I called your name, they ran, and I found you passed out. Sonny and I brought you back here," I told him step by step everything that happened, hoping it would help clear things up for him, or at least get rid of that confused expression which made him look like a hurt puppy dog.

"Is that all?" he asked. I thought about it and remembered one extra bit of detail I figure he should know.

"Yeah...uh...Just um...that Mikey sold them the drugs," I told him. He looked genuinely surprised.

"He what?" he asked.

"He didn't know what they were going to do with them, but he sold it to them. He caused this," I said, not bothering to hide how mad I was at Mikey right now. I knew I would calm down eventually, but right now I was pissed.

Andy was quiet, not looking at me. I couldn't tell what he was thinking or feeling right now. He spoke so calmly but he was good at acting.

"Sonny and I couldn't decide whether to go to the hospital or police. We still can if you want," I said a little hopefully.

"No," he said quickly with a shake of his head. I was a little annoyed at that.

"So...I've just been asleep this whole time?" he asked.

"Mhm...yeah," I nodded.

He looked around, taking a deep breath in and out.

"I think...um, I might go have a shower and...whatever," he said, sounding unsure, like maybe he was even still a little out of it, but he seemed okay.

"I'll come with you to watch. I mean...not watch. Keep watch...outside, like, so you're not alone and feel comfortable," I said, stumbling over my words, feeling like an idiot. He looked up at me, smiling a little.

"Good to see you're sober again," he said.

He got out of bed and I almost thought he was going to fall back over, but he didn't. The drugs had worn off and he was able to work his body on his own.

"I'll get you some clothes," I said and went to my drawers.

"I can get some from my room," he insisted.

"No," I said firmly. I wanted him away from Mikey, but I didn't want to sound jealous of their friendship. I turned to Andy, holding the clothes I picked out.

"Why bother bothering Mikey, right?" I asked.

"I have to get some other things too though. Toothbrush, shower gel, towel, other stuff," he said. He had a point.

"Where are they in your room? I'll get them for you," I said.

He tilted his head to one side, looking at me thoughtfully. I wondered if he was catching on to me really not wanting him anywhere near Mikey.

"Okay," he agreed. "It's all in a red bag, on the floor, at the end of my bed."

"Great. I'll go get it for you and be back," I said.

I went to walk around him but he stepped in front of me, blocking my path. I stopped, feeling a little light headed with him standing so close. He surprised me by wrapping his arms around my neck and pulling me into a tight hug. I was a little shocked, but hugged him back, wrapping my arms around his waist and back.

He turned his head to the side, resting it on my shoulder. I felt his chest against mine, rising and falling slowly. Despite the seriousness of the situation, I couldn't help but feel extremely happy to have him this close, holding him, especially since that's all I wanted to do all day.

"You okay?" I asked. I lazily rubbed my hand up and down his back.

"Yeah..." He took a deep breath, "Sometimes the warm hug of someone I trust really helps."

I smiled lightly and turned my head towards him before kissing the side of his head. This felt so right, so comfortable, and I was more than elated knowing that he wanted me to hold him and that he was okay with it when just earlier I was so sure he would freak out if I so much as touched his hand.

He was so strange, so odd. He reacted differently to what normal people would. He wasn't breaking down in tears about this which at first I thought was a good thing, but then I realized it's because he's become immune to bad things happening so it affected him less. Part of me wanted to know what the worst thing he's ever been through was, but another part of me never wanted to hear about it, ever.

We held the hug for way longer than we should have but it was really, really nice and I didn't want to let go. I remembered last night and just how into him I was. I finally admitted to myself just how much I wanted him and how much I liked him. Honestly I felt like a bit of a fool for acting how I did, but at least it made me realize how I felt. I really liked him.

"Okay..." Andy sighed and let go of me, pushing me away a little. "Go get my things, otherwise we'll be standing here for the next hour."

"What so wrong with that?" I asked with a sly smile. He looked away shyly.

"Go," he ordered.

I hesitated because I wanted to be around him, but eventually I walked around him and out of the room, shutting the door behind me. I walked the few doors down to Mikey's room and knocked on the door. Two seconds later I saw the light switch on and the door was yanked open. Standing there was Mikey. I glanced past him. His room was empty. I guess Sonny was with Hannah, then.

"I just came to get something for Andy," I said coldly.

"Is he okay?" he asked.

I pushed past him, nodding, "He's fine, I mean, as fine as someone can be who just got drugged."

"That's...good. Can I see him?" he asked.

"No," I practically scoffed.

I spotted the red bag Andy was talking about and picked it up before turning back to Mikey.

"What is with you two?" he asked suspiciously.

"He's a friend who I care about, because no one else seems to give a damn about him or his well-being," I snapped.

"How many more times can I apologize?" he asked.

I didn't answer that. I was just being stubborn and his existence had really been getting on my nerves lately.

"I've been looking for Ethan, but I think he's laying low," he said. My blood boiled at the mention of his name.

"Leave Ethan to me," I said, looking right at him. He didn't do or say anything, so I went straight past him, heading back to Andy.


	17. Chapter 17

I sat on the floor by the bathrooms, leaning against the wall and waiting for Andy. He had been in there for a little while now. I was so tired, but it was worth it to make sure he was okay.

"Hey," he spoke, startling me a little.

I looked up, seeing him standing there after having just finished up. His hair was wet and he was fully clothed.

"Oh hey, you're done," I said as I got up.

It only took one look at his face to see that his eyes were reddened. He had been crying in there.

"You alright?" I asked.

"Yeah," he said, putting on a smile.

It was obvious that he didn't want to talk about it, so I wouldn't make him. I felt like he was the type of person that didn't like showing his weaknesses. I always saw him holding back his emotions, and even now he told me everything was okay when I knew he had been crying. At least he let it all out while he was in the shower and didn't bottle it up.

"Come on," I said, nodding towards the rooms.

The two of us walked down the empty hall side by side. After the party last night, everyone must have been too tired to stay up late. Besides, it was Sunday night, which meant Monday morning early classes were just around the corner.

"I can probably just go back to my room," he said, stopping in his tracks. I stopped too, turning to him.

"You can if you want, but..." I paused, not wanting to be too forward, but on the other hand I didn't want him to leave just yet, "I'd rather you stay with me so I can keep an eye on you."

"I'm sure I'll be safe in my own room," he assured me, but I felt anything but comfortable with that decision.

"He sold those drugs, Andy. Who knows how safe you are with him," I said. My jealousy towards Mikey was bubbling up all over again.

"He's not a bad guy," he said.

I sighed, giving in. If he didn't want to stay with me then he didn't want to. He seemed so adamant not to.

"Okay...okay fine. Go back to your room then. I'll see you in class, I guess," I said.

He didn't say anything and I lingered for a moment, hoping he'd change his mind, but he didn't do anything.

"Goodnight," I said softly.

I turned and walked down the hall towards my room, absolutely hating this decision and honestly feeling anxious. With Andy out of my sight, who knew what could happen to him and I wouldn't be able to stop it. I would feel a lot more secure if I had him with me, but for whatever reason he didn't want to be around me.

"Wait," he called out.

I stopped just as I got to my bedroom door and turned back to him. He jogged over to me, sighing as he got closer.

"You're such a baby," he said.

I smiled, relieved that he changed his mind. I pushed my door open and let him go in first before following after and shutting the door. He dropped his bag with his clothes and other things he needed for the shower.

"Are you tired?" I asked.

"Uh, yeah actually, which is kind of weird considering I slept for so long," he answered.

"Do you think you're still feeling the effects of the drugs?" I asked. I took a step closer, examining his face, although I didn't really know what kind of signs I was looking for. He seemed fine.

"I don't know. I guess I just feel lethargic," he shrugged.

"You should get a little more sleep then. You can stay in my bed again," I offered.

"You sure?" he asked hesitantly.

"Yeah, it's fine," I smiled.

I really liked the idea of Andy being in my bed. I liked the image too as he went and sat on the bed, pulling the covers over him. I had every inclination to join him, but it wasn't my place. I didn't even really know what was going on with us and I was a little too scared to ask.

I went to go to Sonny's bed, knowing he wouldn't care if I slept there given the amount of times we've both shown up here, drunk, and passed out in the wrong beds anyway. I stopped though and turned back to Andy. He looked up at me with big, innocent eyes, which looked way to innocent considering what he had been through. I was honestly a little sick of him masking his emotions. I thought about my next move for a brief moment before sitting on my bed, facing Andy.

"Are you okay? I mean, seriously. Just level with me here," I said firmly, and Andy nodded.

"I'm fine." He was lying.

"I just..." I sighed, "I just want you to know that you can tell me what you...like...feel?" I really wasn't good with things like this, but I needed him to know that.

"Rye, it's just not something I want to dwell on. If I think about it too much I-"

"Then don't," I said quickly, not wanting him to freak out. I put my hand over his and gave it a reassuring squeeze.

"You don't have to say anything," I went on, "forget I asked."

He smiled a little and nodded, and despite his efforts to hide what he was really feeling, I could see how cut up about it all he was on the inside.

"Man, I could just kill Ethan," I said in anger.

"Don't," he said quickly.

"Well, I'm not literally going to kill him," I joked.

"I know, but just promise me you won't do anything. Please," he begged.

"Why? He deserves to pay for this," I said.

"I don't want you involved. I don't want to make it worse, and I hate violence. It's just something I really don't want in my life," he said, and I could tell how passionate he was about this. I generally wasn't a violent person, but when I thought of Ethan, all I wanted to do was break his neck.

"Alright," I agreed, but I only half meant it. I looked down at our hands so he couldn't see in my eyes that I was lying. I didn't think I could hold back my anger the next time I do see Ethan.

"You know..." Andy spoke again in a soft voice. He turned his hand over and laced our fingers together, bringing a small smile to my lips. Who knew that simple hand holding could feel so good?

"Everything else aside, I really enjoyed the party," he said.

"No you didn't. You hate parties," I said, looking back up at him in disbelief.

"Some parts were fun, though," he said quietly.

"Oh yeah? What parts were they?" I asked.

Andy didn't answer, but he did smile bashfully and look away. God, he was adorable. I felt lucky to just be sitting next to him.

"I don't know why you bother hanging around me," I mumbled.

"What do you mean?" he asked, frowning.

"I don't know. I'm an asshole, right? If I were you I would have told me to fuck off a long time ago," I said.

"You're not an asshole." He shook his head.

"Really? You once said I was," I said, and I didn't realize it until just now, but that time in class where he called me an asshole numerous times actually really, really hurt. I guess I just didn't want him thinking that of me, no matter how true it was.

"I was wrong about you. I was mad and...well, you confused me a lot," he said.

"I confuse myself a lot," I said with a laugh.

He looked at me with a contemplative expression, then moved a little closer. I didn't dare move away. I liked being this close to him.

"In class...I told you you had three faces, and all of them were assholes," he said.

"Yeah..."

"Well, I take it back, and I want to do it again," he said.

"Go for it," I shrugged, suddenly really curious about what he thought of me now.

"Okay...so...there's the first face, right? The one you show to the world. I think, to the world, you act like you're this jock who doesn't care about anything, except soccer, of course," he said.

"Oh, harsh," I chuckled. I thought he was going to be nice.

"But just because it's the face you show the world, doesn't mean it's true," he said.

"What does it mean then?" I asked.

"It just means you don't let people in easily. You're afraid of being vulnerable," he said.

"What are you, a psych major?" I asked.

He laughed and shook his head, "Sometimes I like to pretend I'm super insightful and clever. Is it working?"

"Hmm...a little. Keep going. What's the second face?" I asked.

"Ah yes, the one you show to your friends and family," he said, and paused a moment as he thought about what to say. "You...you put on the role of being like leader to your group of friends. You want people to respect you, or the team at least. I haven't really seen you around other people to know how you act with them though."

I nodded along with what he was saying. At least that wasn't too bad, and it was true, I did see myself as kind of a leader amongst my friends. I guess that made me sort of annoying though.

"And the third? The one that's supposed to be the truest reflection of myself?" I asked.

"Well...that's the one that only you one hundred percent know what it is. I'll never really completely see that person," he said.

"Give it a go," I encouraged him.

"Alright...Okay..." He paused, looking away for a moment before back at my eyes, "I think you're an angel in disguise."

"Oh please. You're giving me too much credit," I said, shaking my head.

"Let me talk," he demanded, so I stayed quiet, watching him as he spoke again.

"I think you're totally clueless sometimes. You say the wrong thing a lot, but it's okay because I can see your mind ticking away all the time. I see your confusion. I can see how hard you try to understand things you don't really know about. A lot of people would just brush things off if they didn't get it, but you're the type of person who tries their hardest to accept different things and concepts that you think are important." He stopped and I didn't really know how I felt. It was like I was under a microscope, but wanted him to continue because I loved hearing what he thought of me.

"You have the best and purest intentions, which is so hard to find in people, and believe me, I've tried. I search every day for people who I feel comfortable being myself around and it's just really rare to find someone like you, and I don't think people realize just how much of a good person you really are, and you are a good person and..." He stopped, shying away all of a sudden, "I'm gonna stop talking now because this must be really awkward for you."

I didn't feel awkward at all. I felt shocked. I was shocked that someone thought so highly of me. I didn't even think these things about myself. I felt like he just latched onto my heart right at that second.

"No one's ever said things like this to me before," I said in a whisper.

"That's because everyone else isn't as weird as I am," he said.

I smiled and shook my head, "Normal's boring anyway."

We both went quiet and I looked down at our hands. I had never felt a connection with someone that was this strong before. It was so different and way out of my comfort zone, so on the one hand it was terrifying, but on the other hand it felt so good. I've never just talked to someone like this before.

"Thank you for being here for me the past day," he said. I looked back up at him.

"Where else would I be?" I asked.

I just liked him so much. Maybe I was tired, deliriously tired, or maybe I was so affected by the conversation, but I really wanted to kiss him, and he was sitting so close. I leant in, but he instantly pulled back, leaving me feeling really disappointed.

"Sorry," I muttered. I went to let go of his hand but he held it tighter.

"You can only kiss me if you promise you're not going to freak out after...and that it actually means something, like there's something more going on with us, because I just can't deal with more of the hot and cold or with you ditching me again and I just...I want to make sure you're sure before you do anything," he said.

I was sure. I was more sure than anything and I didn't need to say anything to confirm it because actions really did speak louder than words. I leant in again and pressed my lips to his softly. My heart exploded with the simple touch.

"You sure?" he whispered against my lips.

"Mhm," I hummed and kissed him a little harder.

This was so different to our first kiss. The first one was quick and passionate, which isn't to say that this kiss wasn't filled with passion, but it was more tender. Kissing was something I used to just do without a thought, and it never meant much, but this kiss meant everything.

I didn't use tongue. I was completely content with the sweet kisses. I loved the feeling and his lips molded against mine, moving slowly. His nose brushed against mine softly. I smiled into the kiss. This was just too much.

He pulled back a little, smiling, grinning widely. His cheeks held a tint of pink blush. He looked away shyly and covered his face with his hands, laughing a little. He was so cute.

I gently took his wrists and pulled them away from his face. He looked at me with puppy dog eyes, slowly biting his bottom lip which he really, really shouldn't have done in my presence. I captured his lips again as I let go of his wrists and touched the side of his face, feeling how warm his cheek was.

His breathing was shaky as he kissed me back. I could practically feel the nerves coursing through them. It was a nice change from how confident he always was, not that confidence was a bad thing, but I kind of liked knowing I had this effect on him considering he had this effect on me all the time.

He turned his head to the side. I stopped, pulling back a little to look at him. He kept his gaze lowered, not looking at my face.

"I think...I might go to sleep now," he said. He was probably getting a little overwhelmed.

"Okay," I agreed.

I lightly touched his chin and made him look at me again. I kissed him again, letting my lips linger for a moment.

"So umm...you should maybe...go over there..." he whispered.

I respected that he didn't want to share a bed. I would have been up for it if he offered, but I knew he had these boundaries which I hadn't quite figured out yet, so until then I'd just do what he told me to do.

"As you wish," I said, and kissed his lips one more time before reluctantly dragging myself away from him.

I sighed and went over to the light switch. I glanced at him one more time then switched it off, and in the dark I maneuvered my way to Sonny's bed, laying down on it.

"Goodnight," he said.

"Goodnight," I replied simply.

I couldn't stop smiling. I was so tired though. I was absolutely exhausted, and now that I was laying down, it didn't take me long to fall asleep.

* * *

**Andy's POV**

It happened in a park, just past noon. Anyone could have seen. Anyone could have stopped it. Nobody did. Either they didn't see, or they didn't have the guts to go up against the three strong teenage boys beating the life out of the poor, transgender kid. Who knew when they would stop? The transgender boy was long passed out at this point. They could have been going at it for minutes or hours for all he knew.

I jolted away with a start. My heart beat was racing and my breathing irregular. It felt so real but I had dreamt about this so many times that I knew straight away that it was a dream and I wasn't in that situation. I was safe. I was safe. I kept saying that over and over again to myself to calm down.

I breathed in and out, counting in my head. Most times I could prevent a panic attack from coming along, and thankfully this was one of those times. I felt myself calming down. My body relaxed, almost forcefully. I was okay, and that wasn't real. Everything was fine.

I shook it from my mind and instantly replaced it with good thoughts; anything I could hold onto, and the first thing that popped into my mind was Rye. I was still in his bed and an actual smile formed on my face as I breathed in deeply, smelling his scent everywhere.

I glanced over the other side of the room, only to frown when I saw that Rye wasn't in the bed. I guess it wasn't that unusual. He could be anywhere in the dorms, or maybe he even went off to class and didn't want to bother me.

Good thoughts; I latched onto them constantly, all of them, because it helped with the memories. It helped with the darkness in my life. I was so good at detaching myself from the bad things, and Rye was good at distracting me. I trusted him and he was such a bright source of light in my life right now.

I sat up and glanced around. It was weird being in someone else's room, alone. This room was similar to mine and Mikey's, there were just different things lining the walls. Rye's side was so typical; posters of cars, half naked girls, generic rock bands. I didn't want to snoop around, so I didn't.

I got out of bed, stretching. It was really quiet in here, a little too quiet for a Monday morning. Usually the halls would be bustling with people and it'd be really noisy. Today though, I could barely hear anything. I frowned, getting a bad feeling.

I went over to the window, knowing that the view would be the courtyard, parking lot and soccer field. Maybe something was going on today that made everyone leave the dorms. When I looked out, my eyes landed on the soccer field, and there was something going on. There was a large crowd of people, but the thing that caught my eye was the ambulance.

After what had happened to me at the party, which I was still trying to block from my mind, which wasn't actually that difficult since I barely remembered, I found myself curious about what could bring an ambulance on to campus. Maybe someone else had been drugged and hurt.

I went over to my bag, found my jeans from the other night because I was too lazy to go back to my room, especially since I didn't really know what I was going to say to Mikey. I was disappointed in him, sure, but I knew he didn't mean any harm. He was just, honestly, a little bit of an idiot.

Once I was dressed, I made sure the coast was clear before I left Rye's room, because I didn't know if he was ready to tell people that we were a thing, that's if we were a thing. Last night was pretty telling. It was definitely the start of something, we just hadn't defined it yet.

I took the stairs down. I always preferred them more than the elevator. Elevators kind of scared me. They were too small and I was always afraid they'd malfunction on me and I'd get stuck in one.

I got down to the bottom floor and went out, walking across the courtyard. It was practically a ghost town around here right now. Everyone must have been drawn to the soccer field. I wondered if it was one of the team that got hurt. Then again, a lot of people just used the soccer field to hang out on when there's no practice, so it could have been anyone.

I got there quick enough and maneuvered around the people. It was a little difficult to get through, but I saw an opening towards the front and pushed my way through so I could nosily see what was going on.

I saw a lot of things and people before me, but two stood out the most which made my heart clench; a bloodied Ethan being carted into an ambulance, and Rye standing there to the side with blood on his hands.

He looked up, as if sensing my presence. His eyes locked with mine and I couldn't stop the fear from showing. He did this to Ethan, right after I told him not to. I felt so stupid for trusting someone not to be fueled with the animalistic, yet totally human compulsion of pure rage. I couldn't be with a violent person, I just couldn't. So I turned, pushing my way through the crowd of people again and doing what I did best; I ran.


	18. Chapter 18

**Rye's POV**

He was running from me and it took me a moment to figure out why. The blood on my hands. It was so easy for him to get the wrong idea. I was supposed to stay and talk to the police, but right now Andy was more important, so I ran after him.

No one tried to stop me. The police knew I didn't do anything, but still wanted to question me. There were witnesses to support that I wasn't in the wrong. I had woken up early this morning and couldn't help but go and find Ethan. I had no clue what I was going to do when I did find him, but I just knew I wanted to find him.

After searching for him at his room, I ran into Sonny who got the main gist of what was going on and decided to come along with me in my search because he thought I was going to do something stupid. We headed towards the soccer field because that was the next place he would be other than the dorms.

I found him, but not in the state I was expecting to find him. He was there, at the side of the locker rooms, his face covered in blood after an apparent beating. It was a horrific sight. I would be lying if I said I didn't feel just a little bit of satisfaction when I saw him like that, but mostly I was scared for his life.

That was the point when I dropped to my knees to make sure he was okay and that he was breathing. After shaking him, trying to get him to wake up, he started coughing up blood, so I turned him on his side so he wouldn't choke on it. Disgustingly enough I got the blood all over my hands. Right now it was dried after wiping it on my jeans. Good thing they were old anyway, but I looked a mess. I looked guilty. Thankfully there were plenty of people around who saw the commotion so they saw that I didn't do that to Ethan.

I didn't know if I would have done that to Ethan if I had found him earlier when he wasn't like that, but it was possible. Maybe I would have been able to control myself, for Andy's sake at least. I knew he detested violence and now he was running from me because of it.

I followed him straight into the dorm buildings, and how typical it was of him to go straight for the stairs. He was so quick, so by the time I opened the door on the ground level, he was already up a whole two flights of stairs.

"Andy, wait!" I called after him.

"Stay away from me!" he shouted back. His voice was shaky, distressed.

"Please, Andy. I didn't do this!" I shouted.

I ran up the stairs two at a time, grasping the banister and pulling myself up as quickly as I could, gaining a little bit of ground on him.

"Bullshit," I heard him say.

"I swear I didn't! I was helping him!" I yelled. It was a good thing the stairwell was empty otherwise we'd be creating a big scene.

I kept running up the stairs and before I knew it I was on the fifth floor and he was standing at the door which led to the rooms. He hand his hand on the handle and was looking at me, his eyes showing a bit of confusion, fear and anger.

"What the hell were you thinking?!" he asked aggressively.

"I told you, I didn't do this. I found him like that," I said desperately. I needed him, more than anyone else, to believe me.

He looked down at my hands which were still tinged with Ethan's blood.

"I was trying to help him," I said, trying to keep my voice calm. I didn't need another reason for him to be scared of me.

He looked at me for a moment, furrowing his eyebrows together. He looked like he was in pain, which was ridiculous. I should be in pain since he won't believe me.

"Just...leave me alone," he said, and opened the door.

He went out into the hall, but I wouldn't leave him alone, not yet at least. I didn't do anything and I'll be damned if I was going to let him think that I did.

"Do you seriously think I would lie to you?" I asked.

"Just go away. I need to think," he said in frustration. I kept following him down the hall.

"I guess all that stuff you said last night about me being a good person was complete bullshit then, huh?" I asked.

He spun around to face me as he got to his room door.

"I've trusted people before and thought they were good people and they've turned around and done much, much worse," he said. I could see it in his eyes. He truly thought I did this.

"I didn't do-"

"Shut up," he cried.

I couldn't believe this. I just couldn't. He turned to his door and opened it. He went to go inside but stopped in his tracks, looking in. Wondering what was going on, I stepped towards him, peering inside.

Sitting there on the floor by his bed, crying, was Mikey. He had his hands held out in front his him, shaking; his hands which were covered in purple bruises and blood.

"Mikey..." Andy said cautiously, getting his attention.

His gaze snapped up to us quickly. He looked scared and down-right insane.

"I didn't mean to hurt him that bad. I didn't meant it. I didn't mean it," he kept saying it over and over again.

It was Mikey who did this. Mikey was never a violent person. He was less violent than me for God's sake, yet here he sat with all the evidence of beating someone almost to death. If Andy freaked out because he thought I did that to Ethan, then I could only imagine what he would do now that he knows it was Mikey.

I was expecting Andy to yell, kick Mikey out, or run away. Something, anything other than what he did next. He calmly walked into the room and knelt in front of Mikey, taking his hands and examining them.

"You need to stop crying," Andy said. He looked Mikey in the eyes and I stood there, completely baffled.

"What?" Mikey asked.

"You need to stop crying. One look at you and anyone would know you're guilty. Get up," Andy said, standing. He pulled a confused Mikey up with him, and he wasn't the only one confused.

I watched on as Andy took Mikey out of the room. In curiosity I followed them as Andy rushed him into the empty bathrooms. The whole damn place was empty. Everyone was busy down at the soccer field watching all the drama unfold.

Andy held Mikey's hands under the running water and washed off the remnants of the blood. I was so confused. Why was he helping him? I was just shocked. I looked down at my own hands with splatters of blood over them. It honestly made me feel a little queasy.

I turned the tap on closest to me and washed it off as best I could. This whole situation was so surreal. I looked back at Mikey and Andy who were finishing up.

"You need to get out of here and lay low for a couple of days. Go stay with your parents or something. Don't let anyone see you," Andy ordered to Mikey.

"I can't just run," Mikey argued, shaking his head.

"Do it, or you'll go to jail. You need to disappear until the bruises fade," Andy said.

I didn't believe it. He was helping Mikey cover this up. With me he was so quick to feed me to the sharks, but with Mike it was like he had this soft spot for him. Apparently I didn't deserve the same thing. I was honestly hurt, more hurt than I had ever been.

"Mikey, go," Andy said firmly.

The teary, mess of a boy nodded, pulling his dripping hands away from Andy. He ran past us, going God only knows where, leaving us alone. I looked at Andy like he was absolutely insane. He hadn't been looking at me. He watched Mikey run off.

'Look at me,' The voice inside my head willed him. His gaze flicked to me, a look of guilt set deep in his eyes. I blinked, my own eyes going blurry as they went teary. I held it together though, being more consumed by anger than actually being upset.

"Rye..." He started off apologetically.

"Just don't bother," I shook my head, turning around, "I'm supposed to go talk to the police."

As I set off I was hoping he'd try and explain himself, or say anything, just anything to let me know why he was so quick to turn on me, yet was there for Mikey. I was wanting anything that gave an indication that he gave a damn about me, and when I heard his voice again I was even hopeful, but those thoughts were crushed.

"Please don't tell them about Mikey," he said.

I stopped in my tracks and slowly, cautiously, turned back to him. My jaw was dropped in disbelief. Unbelievable. I didn't even have any words to say to him. Nothing I could say would be enough to express how I was feeling right now. I couldn't get anything out. I was that shocked, so I didn't say a thing.

I left, leaving him there, going down the hall and in almost a daze of trying not to lose my mind, I went back across to the soccer field. Sonny saw me before anyone else important did. He stormed over as I emerged from the crowd and grabbed my arm.

"Where the hell did you go?" he whisper-yelled, "We're supposed to go to the station. The cops are looking for you."

"Doesn't matter," I mumbled.

He didn't question me on it anymore. Instead he led me over to where a police car was with a cop, waiting there patiently. The ambulance was gone by now and most people were still watching on to see what would happen next.

The cop Sonny led me to looked kind of young, maybe mid-thirties, and had black hair, stubble and was a little short, but seemed intimidating nonetheless.

"Mr. Beaumont, we've been looking for you," the police officer said. I didn't say a word, just gave a little nod.

"I'm officer Daniel. I'm going to need you, both of you, to come down to the station to formally answer a few questions," he explained.

"Sure," I said and paused, "Is he going to be okay?"

"Ethan? Yes, it looks like it. We're still going to need to question you though," he said, and gestured towards the police car.

"Are we being arrested?" Sonny asked him curiously.

"No, but it would be much appreciated if you were to cooperate," he said.

"Of course," Sonny said.

Officer Daniel, I had already forgotten his last name, opened the door to the backseat and both Sonny and I got in, being watched intently. This gossip would be spread like wildfire. There would probably be rumors that either Sonny or I did this, or that Ethan is dead, which I hope for Mikey's sake he gets better quickly. Then again, when Ethan wakes up and if he remembers it was Mikey that did this to him, then he is going to be screwed.

I sat in silence the whole way to the police station, not even looking at Sonny who was sitting by my side. My high from last night had well and truly worn off. When I woke up this morning I was ecstatic. I kissed the sleeping Andy on the cheek and left, with every intention of being back within at least an hour. Instead, now I felt like my relationship with Andy could be over before it even began because it was obvious he didn't trust me.

My thoughts kept going back to Mikey and Andy. Maybe there was something more there than meets the eye. Andy told me he wasn't interested in Mikey, but maybe that was because he knew Mikey was straight and therefore unavailable. Maybe Andy really did like him but just couldn't do anything about it. The thought of him having feelings for Mikey made me sick.

When we got to the police station I just did what I was told. I didn't have the energy to fight with authority or give any attitude. It wouldn't do me any good anyway. Sonny went in to get talked to first while I waited, then not very long later, he came out of the room and I was called in next.

The room wasn't like how you see it in the movies. It wasn't dark with a single dim light hanging over a table and there was no good cop, bad cop scenario. There was just a normal room with a normal desk and cabinets around the walls with Officer Dan sitting down with a few documents in front of him.

"Please, take a seat," he said in a friendly tone, and so I did.

It was only then did I take full notice of the video camera sitting on a tripod next to the desk. It was pointed directly at me.

"We're going to film this for our records, if that's okay with you?" he asked.

"Yeah, sure," I shrugged, not caring in the slightest. I just wanted to get this over with and go home.

"So, let's get started. Recount to me exactly what happened this morning," he requested.

I would have loved to tell the world how Ethan drugged Andy and he should be locked up, so that's why I went to find him, but I made a promise to Andy not to go to anyone about this, so I decided to leave it out of my story. Plus, Sonny and I agreed before the ambulance and police even got there about what we were going to say if we got questioned, so I had to stick to what we agreed.

"Sonny and I went down to the soccer field this morning," I said.

"What time?" he interrupted.

"Umm...It had to be around seven, maybe. Right before we called the ambulance," I said.

"Okay, continue," he urged me, suddenly sounding more professional, rather than being officer friendly.

"Right, well, we went down to the field and went to the locker rooms because that's where we get the soccer equipment from. We were going to do some practice together. I was just looking around when I saw Ethan on the ground around the side of the building. He was unconscious and in a real bad way. I told Sonny to call an ambulance, which he did, and I tried to see if Ethan was okay. I shook him, he stirred a bit and started coughing up blood. I turned him on his side and we stayed like that until the ambulance got there," I explained everything that happened, step by step. The only lie was that we went down there to practice.

"And you had no part whatsoever in what happened to him?" he asked.

"No, none," I confirmed, "Witnesses saw us walking up to the locker rooms. They saw us find him."

"I know, and we got on the scene statements from a lot of them which match up with what you're saying. That was just a regulation question," he told me. He looked down at the document in front of him.

"Did you see anyone else around? Maybe someone who looked suspicious or that could have done this?" he asked.

"No, no one out of the ordinary," I said.

"Do you have any idea who could have done this?" he asked.

I paused, pretending I was thinking about who it could have been, but really I was contemplating whether or not to tell him the truth about Mikey. The temptation to do that, and get back at Andy for choosing Mike over me, was so strong, but not strong enough.

"No," I said simply, shaking my head.

He nodded and wrote something down on a piece of paper. He then leant over and turned the camera off.

"Well, everything seems to check out. Leave it with us, and hopefully we can find the guy who did this," he said.

"Yeah, hopefully," I said half-heartedly.

"You're free to go, and so is your friend," he said.

I nodded and stood up, leaving the room without another word. When I went out I saw Sonny was sitting there waiting for me.

"Come on, we can go," I told him. He nodded and stood with me.

Together we left the police station. I really hoped my dad didn't find out about this little visit. He thinks I'm a failure enough as it is, so adding a trip to a police station probably wouldn't win me a trophy in being a good son.

Campus was only a short walk away. They kept a police station just down the road since it was common for drunken college students to end up arrested. Sonny and I, at first, walked in silence but I could feel him staring at me.

"It was Mikey," I told him. I had to tell someone, I just had to. It was eating me up inside not telling anyone.

"What? Mikey did that to Ethan?" he asked in shock. I nodded.

"Yep...I went back to the dorms following Andy and Mikey was just sitting there, crying, with blood on his hands," I said bitterly.

He was silent for a few moments as he took in the information.

"Did you tell the police?" he asked.

"No. Andy asked me not to," I said.

There was so much more I had bottled up inside me about this situation but I wasn't really up for telling Sonny that Andy and I had kind of gotten together because I knew it was probably over so it hurt too much to even mention.

When we got back to campus, all eyes were on the two of us and I knew that for the next couple of days we would probably get a million questions from everyone, but for now I wanted to ignore every one of them, so the two of us made a beeline to the dorms, dodging any looks anyone gave us.

When we got to our room, I flopped down on my bed in exhaustion. It was only morning, but it felt like it was the afternoon already.

"So, do I have my bed back or? Because I mean, Hannah's probably getting a little annoyed with me spending too much time with her," Sonny said.

"Yeah, you have it back," I said.

He sat on his bed and once again he was staring at me. I sighed, looking to my side.

"What?" I asked in annoyance.

"You're just acting a little weird, that's all. What's going on with you and Andy?" he asked. What is he, a goddamn psychic?"

"Nothing's going on," I mumbled.

"Really? Because I thought after the party that it was kind of leading in that direction," he said.

I gritted my teeth, trying to stop myself from getting upset because honestly just thinking about this made me want to cry. I hated being so emotional.

"We were...and now we're not," I told him.

"What do you mean? Why?" he asked.

I sighed and sat up, looking at him.

"We were going to get together, okay? But then he thought I hurt Ethan, which fair enough that's what it looked like, but he didn't believe me when I said I didn't do it. He basically wanted nothing to do with me. And then we found out it was Mikey, he helped Mikey cover it up. He was ready to leave me out in the cold, but he wanted to help him," I ranted.

I felt a little better getting that all out and all I wanted was for Sonny to just agree with me, but he always played the devil's advocate.

"Maybe he had a reason," he shrugged.

"A reason?" I asked like it was stupid.

"Yeah, like, I don't know, maybe you should just talk to him," he asked.

"I don't want to talk to him," I muttered stubbornly.

"Ugh, don't be one of those couples that fuck up a relationship because of lack of communication," he said with a deep sigh.

"Since when were you a relationship expert? You've been with Hannah all of five minutes," I said.

"Look, I am not going to sit around and watch whatever you have with Andy go down the drain. In high school I watched you pining over him for years and I have never seen you like that with anyone else, not ever. Not before high school, not after. I am not going to let you let this slip between your fingers and have to deal with you being an emotionless little fuck. Now get your ass up and go down that hall and talk to him!" he ordered, or more like barked.

I had never seen Sonny like this. He was always the calm one and it scared me a little.

"Okay, okay, Jesus...Calm down," I said, standing up, "I'll go and talk to him."

"Good," he snapped.

I didn't really know what to do about him, so I just did what he said and left the room, heading to Andy's.

I didn't want to see him. I didn't want to talk to him at all. I was still mad with him. I was still hurt. He couldn't say anything that would make me understand why he cared so much more for Mikey than he did for me. I did however want that explanation, but I was afraid it would hurt.

Despite my fears, I still knocked on the door and waited for him. A few seconds later the door was opened a crack and I saw him peering through. Once he saw it was me, he opened the door properly, standing back.

"You're back," he commented.

"Yeah, and don't worry, I didn't tell on your precious Mikey," I said with attitude. I couldn't help myself and didn't care if I was being childish.

He sighed, pushing his door back a little further.

"Can you come in so we can talk about this, please?" he asked.

I hesitated, but I wanted this sorted out now, I guess. It would be better than sitting around in confusion all day, so I went in and he shut the door behind him. The two of us stood in the room, facing each other.

"Well?" I asked expectantly.

"I'm sorry, okay? I'm sorry for freaking out and getting mad at you for no reason," he said, and it sounded sincere.

"I know you're sorry, but what I wanna know is why you wanted to help Mikey and not me," I said, or more demanded.

He looked at a loss for words, like he was trying to come up with something, but couldn't.

"Come on, give me anything to understand this. Do you like him or something?" I asked. Fear rose in me as I waited for an answer.

"No, no of course I don't. It's...it's hard to explain," he said with a sigh and sat on his bed. I sat on Mikey's, directly across from him, facing him.

"Try. Why did you want to protect Mikey, but you wanted nothing to do with me?" I asked. I was being so forceful with my questions, so overbearing, but I needed to know why and I was still pissed off.

"Because...because you mean more to me than he does," he said.

I was confused, so confused. I was getting a headache now.

"That doesn't make any sense," I said.

"I told you it was hard to explain," he said quietly.

He put his head in his hands and I gave him a few minutes of silence to think of something to say. I just waited there. There was something more going on. I always had the feeling that he was hiding something and would tell me when he was ready, and for some reason I felt like this had something to do with that.

He looked back up at me and a tear fell down his cheek. Just like that I felt guilty for coming in here guns blazing. I absolutely sucked when it came to people I care about crying, especially since Andy just looked like a hurt puppy dog.

"I care about you a lot, like...a lot a lot. And..." He stopped, breathing deeply, "So...I guess I have higher expectations for you. It, um, it hurt more thinking that you did that to Ethan, than it did knowing Mikey did it."

I thought about it, and it kind of made sense, but was still a little confusing.

"Like...when I thought you did that, it kind of just abolished every good thing I thought about you. I felt let down, and I know it was wrong of me to ignore you when you were telling me the truth, and I'm really sorry about that, believe me, I am," he said.

"Okay...so, Mikey though..." I sighed.

"When I saw Mikey, all I saw was a friend in need," he said.

There was something missing here. I understood what he was saying, sort of. He likes me more so he was let down more. That part I understood but there was still something missing.

"I feel like you aren't telling me something," I said.

"That's because I'm not," he said.

He looked away from me, avoiding my gaze, a look of contorted pain crossing his face. He covered his face with his hands again and started shaking, crying. Something was really, really wrong. I went over to him, getting on my knees and facing him. All anger was gone and I just wanted him to be okay.

"What are you talking about, Andy?" I asked.

He moved his hands away and I wished that he hadn't because seeing him crying was the worst thing I could ever witness, especially since I knew how hard he tried to keep everything in.

"I hate t-talking about it," he sobbed.

"You don't have to," I said quickly, no matter how much I wanted to know what was going on with him.

"I have to...otherwise you're not going to g-get it. If-if I don't tell you, w-we'll just k-keep having problems that you don't u-understand," he said, finding it difficult to talk, and breathe for that matter.

"I want you to just take a moment to breathe and calm yourself down, please," I said, taking both of his hands in mine.

He nodded, breathing in deeply, but shakily. He closed his eyes and I thought he was going to have another panic attack. That's really where I thought this was heading but it was like he knew how to control this. He did this methodical breathing which eventually kept him calm and he was finally able to talk to me without crying. He opened his eyes, blinking away the shimmering tears.

"Back when I was transitioning...someone I was really close to did something bad to me. It was just so out of the blue and...it was awful," he said quietly.

"What did they do?" I asked softly.

"Him and a couple of his buddies..." He stopped, shrugging like he didn't know what to say, "They hurt me. They...they beat me until I was comatose."

That's all it took for me to start crying the tears that had been in my eyes practically all day. I knew it. I knew something like that had happened. I didn't admit it to myself, but in the back of my mind I knew something awful like this had happened, but hearing Andy say it, and hearing that he had been through this, that just brought all these emotions to the forefront, and I just couldn't imagine someone I care so much for going through something like that.

"I was in hospital, unconscious, for a little while. That's why I never came back to school. I had to recover," he said.

"How bad was it?" I asked cautiously.

He looked down at our hands, pulling his right one away from me.

"I had some brain damage, which I'm mostly over. I got through it...but I had some issues my hand motor-skills, which is why I can't write sometimes," he said.

That made a lot of sense. I took his hand in mine and brought it to my lips, kissing his fingers lightly. He wiped away the few of my tears that had fallen.

"I'm so sorry you had to go through this," I said.

"It's okay, I mean...it's not okay, but...I've worked through it. I'm dealing with it. I...I still have dreams, and, um...and panic attacks, but I try to think positively. I try to block it from my mind and that's why I never want to talk about it, and I don't want to talk about it with you again. I really, really, don't," he said, but I wanted to talk about it. I wanted to help him through it, but respecting his wishes came before what I wanted, so I nodded.

"Anyway...my point here is that someone who I was really close with, and I never ever, would have thought they'd do anything violent at all, suddenly lashed out at me...and then when I saw you with blood on your hands it just brought it all back and..." He stopped, shaking his head.

"I would never do anything to hurt you," I said.

"I know, I know. I just hope you understand why I freaked out," I said.

I nodded, "I do, I do, and it's okay, you don't have to apologize or explain yourself anymore. I get it."

He smiled lightly, "Thank you."

I moved forward, standing up a bit so I could hug him properly. He hugged me back, his face against my chest. This was all so intense, but I was glad he opened up with me. I pulled back and sat beside him on the bed.

"So...are we good now?" he asked. I nodded quickly.

"Of course we are," I whispered.

"Good, great, that's...that's good. I was really worried," he said softly.

"It's okay, we're fine. Things can go back to normal, or as normal as they can with us," I said with a little laugh.

He nodded, smiling, "Yeah...look, I don't want to kick you out or anything but, um...I kind of want to be alone for a little bit."

I understood that. We had practically been together the past few days and he probably needed a little bit of time to himself.

"That's fine. I'll see you in class tomorrow?" I asked.

"Definitely. Save me a seat," he nodded.

I felt so much better as I stood up, heading for the door. I didn't expect him to tell me what he did, and it broke my heart, but we also made up and things seemed okay. I had to process everything he told me too, and as much as I wanted to continue talking to him about it, I couldn't, so instead I said goodbye, and left him for the rest of the day.


	19. Chapter 19

I woke up to the sound of a door being quietly closed. The small noise was enough to make me stir and roll over onto my back. I opened my eyes, blinking a few times as they adjusted to the morning light. The first thing I saw was Andy walking towards me with what looked like two coffees from one of the campus cafés in his hands.

"Hey," he said with a bright smile.

He sat on the bed next to me, his light weight slightly shifting the mattress. I cleared my throat and looked up at him with a smile.

"Hey you," I rasped out. I rested my hand on his thigh, just wanting to touch him.

"I brought you a coffee. Class starts soon and I ran into Sonny. He said you were tossing and turning all night. Figured you didn't get much sleep." He spoke a little too quickly for my brain to catch up.

"I didn't." I shook my head, still not bothering to actually sit up.

"Why? What was wrong?" he asked in concern.

I frowned, remembering our conversation from last night. All I could think about all night was what Andy went through and how horrible it would have been. Plus, I had all these questions floating around in my mind that I wanted him to answer about what happened, but I couldn't even ask because I knew he didn't want me to. He just wanted me to forget about it, but I cared about him so much so it was difficult to forget about something as big as this.

"Nothing you wanna talk about," I said dismissively, but gave a smile so he didn't think I was annoyed or something.

He looked away from me and nodded without saying a word. I really wasn't good with this whole relationship thing. I barely knew how to communicate with him when we weren't together, and now that we were I felt like I was skating on thin ice around him, not wanting to say something stupid that would mess things up.

"Lay with me for a bit?" I asked hopefully.

I was still half asleep and he was looking so cute sitting there in a dark grey hoodie with the sleeves pulled down over his hands. He looked so warm and inviting. I wanted to hold him. I've never wanted anything so much before.

"What? We, uh, we gotta go soon. You've gotta get ready," he said nervously.

"Five minutes?" I whined like a child.

He looked at me and sighed.

"Fine. Five minutes," he agreed begrudgingly, but I could see his lips twitch into a smile.

He set the coffees down on the floor and I pushed my blanket back. A hint of pink rose on his cheeks as he shuffled under the covers with me. It was cute how he suddenly got all shy with me when he never really had before. It was strange how confident I got too. I had him now and no longer had to nervously tip-toe around my feelings for him.

I draped my arm across his waist, relaxing it after I pulled him just that little bit closer. He felt so good lying next to me. He was warm and smelt nice after obviously just showering. I felt so calm now. I could probably fall asleep like this.

"I'm not crossing a boundary, am I?" I asked.

"No, no. You're fine," he said, placing his hand on my arm and lightly trailing his fingers along it.

He seemed so tense though. Maybe it was the nerves. I didn't want him to feel like that around me. My nose brushed against his cheek before my lips pressed against his soft skin. I felt him smiling. I pulled back a little, seeing his smile fade away.

"You okay?" I asked, relaxing my head on the pillow again.

"Hm?" he hummed.

"Are you alright?" I asked again.

"Yeah," he said positively but I saw a flash of sadness in his eyes, "Yeah..."

I frowned and sat up a little, propping myself up on my elbow and looking at him.

"It's been a weird few days, huh?" I questioned.

"Yeah. I just want things to get back to normal," he said with a shrug and half-hearted smile.

"Does normal include me?" I asked.

I was suddenly so aware of my insecurities. Yeah, I thought we were together, but he was acting distant. Maybe he changed his mind. Maybe the past couple of days were just too much and he wanted to opt out to be by himself. Maybe he had turned off of me completely. These were all the things that had been worrying me as I tried to go to sleep last night too.

Before he got a chance to reply, the door opened. My heart leapt into my throat, thinking I had just been caught in bed with Andy, which I had, but thankfully it was just Sonny. In that moment I wanted to kill him. I literally wanted to commit homicide and didn't care about the consequences.

"Oh, sorry! Sorry...uh..." Sonny stopped, a cheeky and knowing smile forming on his face.

"I'll just leave," Andy said shyly.

"No, it's fine. I'll go," Sonny said quickly.

"Yeah, see, he'll go," I confirmed.

I held Andy a little tighter, but that didn't stop him from getting up anyway. I lay there, disappointed and disheartened. He picked his coffee up from the floor and looked at me.

"I'll see you in class. Drink your coffee," he said, a little rushed.

"Okay," I said simply, sitting up.

The moment was gone, the conversation ruined and I was left hanging for an answer about where we were going with whatever our relationship was, and all because of Sonny.

Andy left without so much as another glance and I glared at Sonny. Much to his credit, he seemed apologetic. I groaned and lay on the bed again, covering my face with my arms.

"Sorry," he said cautiously, "Did I interrupt something?"

"Yes!" I snapped, looking at him, then sighed, "No...I don't know."

"Trouble again?" he asked as he went over to the other side of the room, shuffling through the things on his desk.

"Don't say it like I'm fucking things up on my own. He's being weird," I said.

"You know, I'd be able to help you with this if you actually told me what you two talked about last night that had you muttering angrily in your sleep, or lack of sleep, last night," he said.

I shook my head, "I can't say anything. I won't. It's not something I can tell."

"Sure, understandable. Anyway, I've done enough meddling in your love life for now. Get up, shower, whatever. We have class to get to," he ordered.

I nodded and although all I wanted to do was lay here and sleep all day, I still got up out of bed. I picked up my coffee and brought it to my lips, tasting it. It was actually really, really good. I guess he knows what I like then. That was a nice thought.

"Hey Sonny?" I asked as another thought crossed my mind.

"Mm?" he mumbled.

"You aren't gonna tell anyone about Andy and I, right?" I asked.

"Rye, I'm your best friend. There's plenty of shit you've done that I've never told anyone. I won't say anything about this," he said, and I knew I could trust him. I didn't know why I brought it up in the first place.

"Thank you," I said gratefully.

"However, I will say that you shouldn't treat Andy like he's your dirty little secret," he said.

"I'm not!" I argued.

"Okay! Calm down. Just...make sure he knows that," he said.

I rolled my eyes, "Seriously, since when were you a relationship expert?"

"I'm not. I'm just insightful," he shrugged.

"You're just full of yourself more like it," I mumbled.

"Just hurry up and get ready or we're going to be late," he said, and I sighed before resentfully getting out of my nice, warm bed, and heading off to the showers.

* * *

I sat in class, the only one I really enjoyed because Andy was here. The only person missing was Mikey, but right now I was biting my tongue and suppressing my thoughts about him since I didn't want to get in the bad books with Andy, and honestly I didn't know how I felt about him. I was so pissed off at him because Andy has a soft spot for him, but now I knew why he acted like that, so I wasn't sure if I was still angry or not. He had just done a lot of messed up things lately. I'd deal with how I felt towards him when he eventually comes back.

Andy was sitting next to me. That wasn't very unusual. He had sat there numerous times before, but this time it was different. This time I was much too aware of how I was interacting with him. I didn't want to seem too close or too friendly. I didn't want to give anything away and I was afraid that a simple look towards him would somehow alert everyone to how I felt about the boy sitting to my right.

It was a good thing that the only person in this class from my usual clique was Sonny, so at least I didn't have the whole soccer team staring at me, making me feel paranoid. I knew I was acting distant, replying to everything he said to me with one word answers, pretending I was actually paying attention to the lecture when I really wasn't. The thing was, he was still being a bit off with me too.

The class seemed to drag on forever, and eventually Professor Crompton told everyone to go on a ten-minute break. I sighed, relaxing a bit as the class erupted into chatter.

"Come with me," Andy said quietly, then without waiting for a response, he got up and walked down the stairs towards the exit.

I glanced at Sonny, hoping he would assure me that the request didn't seem as cold or distant as I heard it to be, but he didn't comfort me at all.

"Someone's in trouble..." he teased.

"Shut up," I muttered.

I snapped my book shut before getting up and following after Andy. I left the class room, spotting him just a little bit away, standing out in the sunlight near a few trees. I went straight over to him, cautiously looking at our surroundings, only seeing a few people from class.

As I approached him he actually looked a little bit annoyed. I felt bad now. I didn't mean to act so distant but I just felt like something was wrong between us. I felt strange.

"What's up?" I asked when I got to him.

"Are you being weird with me?" he asked, or more like accused.

"What?" I played dumb.

"I mean, because it seems like you're being weird with me," he said with some attitude and a shrug.

"Um no, you're the one being weird with me," I said.

We were standing a few feet apart and talking quietly. There was no one even around us, but I still looked around in paranoia.

"Are you worried people are watching?" he asked.

Not wanting to verbally admit that, I just shrugged a little. I've never been with someone I felt so cautious to be around. I glanced at him again and he nodded back towards the building before walking past me. Was that it? End of conversation just like that? There was so much tension in the air and we needed to talk about it. I didn't want to just forget this.

I followed him back inside, but instead of going through to the lecture theatre, he went to the stairwell, pushing the door opened. I looked around for any witnesses and after seeing no one, I went in with him, letting the door shut behind me and finally we were away from anyone's gazes or looks. I felt instantly relaxed.

"You really like stairs, don't you?" I asked. He turned to me, leaning against the wall on one shoulder.

"Everyone in college is so lazy, they take the elevators so the stairs are always empty. I find comfort in that," he said, and I agreed.

"Fair enough," I mumbled.

"Yeah, anyway...so...you're acting weird," he said, being a little more casual and less accusatory now.

"No I'm not, you are," I laughed nervously.

"Have you considered that maybe we both are?" he questioned.

I was stubborn and didn't want to admit it, so I stayed silent, but it was obvious I agreed with him. He sighed, crossing his arms over his chest.

"Fine, let's deal with me first," he said.

"You like talking things out, don't you?" I asked.

"Uh...I guess," he shrugged.

"Sonny always says it's best to communicate," I said, realizing mid-sentence how pointless this tangent was. I was stalling, kind of worried about what he'd have to say.

"Sonny's a clever person," he said.

"Yep, yep he is," I nodded slowly.

He didn't say much. He was waiting for me to continue. This was awkward. I really didn't want things to be weird. I thought that once people got together, it was supposed to be all sunshine and flowers for a while before any tension began.

"A-anyway, back to you. What's up? You're being distant," I said.

He looked down at the ground, scuffing his shoe along the concrete.

"Last night was just kind of, um...intense," he said slowly.

"Yeah, it was...but in the end the air was cleared, right?" I asked.

"Yeah, but, that's the problem," he said, his ocean blue eyes gazing back up at me. I didn't understand how that could be a problem.

"Right..." I said, because I didn't know what else to say.

"I mean...I'm just not really used to telling people about what happened to me. Like, I don't tell anyone, ever, because I don't want them to think differently of me," he said honestly.

"I don't think differently of you," I said.

"You do though. I see it written all over your face. You feel sorry for me," he said sadly.

"Well...yeah, but if I didn't feel sorry for you then wouldn't that make me a sociopath?" I asked.

He paused, glancing away before back at me, "True...but still...I don't want sympathy from anyone."

"I can't just turn that off," I argued, staying calm though. I wasn't angry or anything, just trying to understand him.

"I don't expect you to. I'm just saying that that's why I'm weird, because I've opened up to you more than I've ever opened up to anyone before and that's kind of scary," he said.

He actually did sound scared. I took note of his stance, his posture. His arms were defensively crossed over his chest and he was leaning away from me. I didn't want him to be afraid to get close to me, emotionally or physically.

"I'm glad you told me though. I like knowing things about you. I don't want you to feel weird just because I know these things. I mean, doesn't it feel more weird if you're hiding things from me?" I asked.

He shrugged, "Maybe. I guess I just have to get used to it. Maybe I feel a little embarrassed."

"You have no reason to be. You told me something, it helped me understand you more, the end. I'm not going to treat you any differently. I'm just going to be more aware," I told him. This felt so good to actually talk about it and get it all out there.

"You're not as stupid as you always make yourself out to be, ya know?" he said, dropping his arms to his sides and slipping his hands into his pockets.

"You're too kind," I smiled, and he smiled back.

"Anyway, what about you? Why are you acting so different?" he asked.

"Because..." I started and stopped, gnawing on my bottom lip as I thought of an answer, "This is different."

I paused again, hoping he would just magically know what I was thinking, but he wasn't giving any indication that he did, so I had to explain.

"I'm in a relationship with a guy and that's not something I've ever done before," I said, hoping he would get it. A smile formed instantly on his perfect lips.

"So, we're in a relationship?" he asked.

My eyes went wide and fear rose in me. Why did I say that? I shouldn't have said that.

"Oh...uh..." I paused, trying to stop myself from freaking out, "I...I...I shouldn't have assumed."

"Calm down," he laughed, "I wasn't saying I disagree with you...I just wasn't sure on what we were."

"Right...right," I took a deep breath, "So we're..."

"Boyfriends?" he suggested.

I smiled bashfully, looking away from him.

"That sounds so weird," I whispered mostly to myself.

"It's not that weird," he said and I looked back at him.

"I know, but like I said, I've never had a...a boyfriend before," I told him, but of course he already knew that.

I had a strange feeling in my stomach. It was nerves, a lot of nerves. I had never really committed to an actual relationship before. I've had flings that have lasted a couple weeks at most, but nothing that felt quite like this, and honestly it was all so new and a bit scary. I really, really wanted this though, so I pushed down the fear.

"It doesn't bother you, does it? Like having a boyfriend?" he asked.

"No, I want to be with you..." I trailed off.

"But?" he questioned.

"But...can we just keep it between the two of us for a while?" I asked cautiously, really not sure of how he would react to this. I didn't want to offend him.

"Sure, of course. But, how long do you think it'll be until you're ready to come out?" he asked.

The term 'come out' seemed so weird to me. I didn't considering myself gay, or even bisexual. I had always, for as long as I could remember, been straight, but I liked Andy now, that was all. It didn't make me a different person and the notion of 'coming out' seemed so ridiculous to me.

"Don't worry about it. Take all the time you need," he said after I didn't respond.

"Really?" I asked.

"Really. I know what it's like to be too scared to be yourself. It took me years to come out, so I get it. And besides, I might like sneaking around with you," he said cheekily.

"Oh really?" I asked, moving closer.

"Mhm," he smiled.

He was so playful all of a sudden and I loved when he got in this mood. All I wanted to do was kiss him, but when I leant forward he dodged me, moving back and giving a teasing look and smile.

"We've gotta get back to class," he said.

With that he went to walk around me, but stopped as he got to my side. He stretched up on his toes and kissed my cheek before going straight past, leaving my skin burning and my breathing hitched. What the hell have I gotten myself into?


	20. Chapter 20

We were in Andy's room this afternoon. Our little secret rendezvous had quickly become my favorite thing over the past few days. It felt so weird to officially be in a relationship, especially with a guy, but as soon as I was alone with him it felt like the most normal thing in the entire world.

The week had dragged on since all the drama at the party. Things were getting back to relative normalcy now, even though we knew we'd eventually have to deal with Mikey and Ethan, but for right now, right this second, it was Friday afternoon and I was absolutely content with spending time with Andy before we had to go back out to the real world.

So far our relationship seemed a bit PG rated, or a lot PG rated. It was like we had a childish crush on each other since the most we really did was secretly steal glances at each other, or hang around and study together. We hadn't really gotten past that, and it was mostly because I was too afraid to make a move because everything was so new and I didn't want to rock the boat.

Right now I was writing an essay. I was laying on Andy's bed with my head rested on his lap and a laptop on my own lap, typing away. Andy wasn't doing a whole lot except supervising me to make sure I actually got this done. I was pretty sure he had his done days ago.

He played with my hair, his fingertips lightly massaging my head and it felt really, really nice. He made me feel so relaxed, yet at the same time my heart was racing. I didn't know whether I wanted to fall asleep or convince him to let me fuck him. That last thought came out of nowhere and I shook it from my thoughts in an instant. It was way too soon for that, or at least for him it was too soon.

"Hey, don't get distracted. Keep working on that," he encouraged me like my own personal cheerleader.

"I'm almost done. I think I've earned a break," I said and shut the laptop.

I looked up at Andy to see him smiling down at me as he twirled my hair with his fingers. I sighed quietly, feeling so comfortable. My heart was warmed just being this close to him. I really liked our small bits of alone time together.

"Maybe we should skip practice today," I suggested.

"Hmm...I don't think so. With Mikey and Ethan gone, Coach Dreelan would have a major freak out if we disappeared too," he pointed out.

"Screw Coach Dreelan," I muttered.

"Don't be a baby," he teased.

"I'm not being a baby," I whined, "I just wanna stay here with you...not having to worry about...whatever."

"About keeping your distance?" he asked.

"Mm..." I mumbled.

Andy gets it, he really does. He's very understanding of how I feel about all this and how I don't want to come out to everyone yet. It was terrifying to even think about doing it. I was lucky to have someone being so patient with me.

"Do you think it's going to be worse with us?" he asked.

"What do you mean?"

"Like, because I'm Trans...people will probably be more judgy about the two of us," he said.

"Probably," I said thoughtfully and paused, suddenly getting so irritated, "God, that's fucking annoying that they're gonna be..." I stopped, sighing in frustration. I hated how the world saw Andy.

"Shh..." he hushed me, "Darling...relax."

He called me darling a lot. That was something I noticed within the last few days. Surprisingly I actually really liked it. The way he said it was so filled with affection it made me feel kind of special. He usually only said it when I was angry or worried about something. It did the trick to calm me down though, and with his fingers comfortingly running through my hair it was easy for me to relax.

"Why aren't you bothered by this?" I asked.

"I never said I wasn't bothered," he said.

"Well...you don't really act like you are," I said quietly.

"I guess it's because I've been going through this for a while so I'm used to the judgment that comes with being different," he said it so casually, like it didn't even matter. I looked away sadly.

"But it does bother me," he assured, "It bothers me a lot. Like...I don't understand why the world can't just accept everyone for who they are. We're all just humans but with different bodies, different minds, different preferences, different lifestyles...As long as no one is hurting then there shouldn't be a problem. Like...it's not that difficult to be a nice person."

He let it all out, sounding frustrated. He actually looked sad. There was some feeling in his little speech other than the usual dismissal of the topic.

"I can't imagine what it'd be like to go through what you're going through, to not be accepted," I said.

"But Rye..." He started, his eyes locking with mine, "You'll get a taste of it one day when you come out. It's going to happen and you need to be prepared for the worst."

I knew that. I wasn't stupid. I knew it was going to nerve-wracking and bad, really bad. I thought about it often but I preferred to block it from my mind which was what I was going to do now.

"Can I just spend my days in this room with you without anyone bothering us?" I asked.

I took his hand, stopping him from playing with my hair. He smiled down at me.

"I would more than like that," he said.

He bent down and pressed his lips to mine, then giggled at how weird it felt to be kissing me upside down. He pulled back, sitting up.

"An upside down kiss? What are you Spiderman now?" I asked.

"Uh huh, and that makes you my Mary Jane," he said, poking his tongue out at me.

"I am not Mary Jane," I argued.

"Sure you are, my pretty little MJ," he smiled and it was killing me. I sat up and turned to my side, facing him.

"I am not pretty," I said firmly.

"Yeah you are. You're gorgeous," he said.

I shook my head, "Guys aren't pretty or gorgeous. They're hot."

"So you admit guys are hot then?" he asked.

"No!" I practically shouted, "I mean...shut up."

"Make me," he teased.

It was an obvious challenge and I admired his boldness. He was so suggestive as he lightly bit on his bottom lip. He was killing me again. I had never been this attracted to someone in my entire life.

I reached forward and cupped his cheek in my hand. I ran my thumb along his bottom lip, making him stop biting it. He smiled before I kissed him. It wasn't a fast kiss or a slow one. It was just perfect.

He sighed into the kiss, being just the right level of responsive, melting into the kiss and moving his lips in time with mine. His lips were so soft and fit with mine perfectly. We hadn't really kissed much so I spent more time fantasizing about it than actually doing it, which just led to a lot of pent up sexual tension. He couldn't be himself without making me feel this way about him. This was totally all his fault.

I moved back a bit, bringing him with me, then I wrapped my arm around his back and both pulled him up off the bed while pushing his back back down onto the mattress. His legs uncurled from their sitting position, finding their way comfortably between mine as I was stayed on top of him.

As if sensing what I wanted to do, he opened his mouth and our tongues slid across each other's. He tasted so good, so sweet. My body was on fire at this point. I loved kissing him and loved him kissing me back. I wanted to do this more and more. Screw our childish flirtation. This was what I wanted.

I stopped kissing him and went to his neck, brushing my lips along the sensitive skin, craving for him to have some sort of reaction and I was not disappointed in the barely audible gasp that escaped his lips.

"We, uh...we..." He breathed heavily, "We've gotta get ready for practice."

I stopped, completely freezing in my place. I knew he wouldn't want to go further, it was just a matter of when he would stop it and I thought I was prepared for that but my body was telling me otherwise. My mind was screaming to respect his wishes and so reluctantly, I pulled back, moving off of him but staying next to him, propping myself up on my elbow and looking down at the boy beside me.

He looked away shyly. Clearly he wasn't that experienced with this sort of thing. I briefly wondered just how experienced he was, but the second thoughts of him with other people crossed my mind, I threw them right out. I didn't need to be tortured with that. Instead, I kept myself calm, looking at him.

I sighed, feeling really good just being with him. He looked back at me. His eyes shone and his skin glowed in the afternoon sunlight coming through the window. I smiled brightly.

"What?" he asked nervously.

"I was wrong," I told him.

"About what?" he asked curiously.

"Guys can be pretty," I said, and with that I leant in, softly kissing his lips.

I pulled back, smiling at him. A much as I didn't want to leave, he was right, we did have practice this afternoon.

"I'll see you at practice," I said and climbed over him, standing up.

"Can't wait," he said, sounding a little disheartened since "seeing" each other was literally all we would do.

I didn't say anything else as I left the room, not before checking that the coast was clear, of course, and went back down to mine to get ready.

* * *

I walked side by side with Sonny onto the soccer field, heading towards where most of the team was already assembled. I couldn't get Andy and our little make out session off my mind though. Going to practice seemed like the most boring thing in the world compared to that.

The realization hit me like a ton of bricks. It's happened, it's finally happened, I've found something I like more than soccer. The thought, rather than scaring me, made me grin. I never thought I'd feel this way about someone. Not too long ago I was watching couples interact and feeling down-right depressed because I never thought I'd get to that point, and now here I am, happily with Andy.

It took me a few seconds to notice that Sonny was staring at me as we walked. I looked at him, frowning.

"What?" I asked.

"Nothing, nothing," he smiled and looked away.

"No, come on. What is it?" I asked. He sighed, looking at me again, his eyes lit up.

"You just look really happy is all," he said.

Oh great, he was getting mushy with me. Andy was the only person I wanted to see this side of me, definitely not Sonny. I still had somewhat of an image I wanted to keep up.

"Shut the fuck up," I snapped playfully and walked a bit ahead of him to avoid any further comments.

I could see Andy within the crowd of team mates. I wanted to go straight over to him, but I didn't. I had gotten into the habit of avoiding him completely. Before we got together, we were friends and I would talk to him sometimes during practice, but now that we were together I was paranoid that any form of interaction would be so obvious. I couldn't hide how I felt from Sonny, so I knew the others would see it too.

I sent Andy a glance and discreet smile as I went towards the locker rooms. He looked up past his long eyelashes, his lips twitching slightly before turning away from me. He was right, sneaking around was kind of fun. No one here had any idea of what was going on and that was thrilling.

I dumped my things in the locker rooms, and so did Sonny before we both went back out. There was some tension between me and some of the team, not that they would know it since it was one sided.

Antony was still here. I hated him with everything in me and if it wasn't for Andy's no violence rule then I would have broken his leg by now or something. Instead, as per Andy's wishes, I tried to pretend he didn't exist. He was scared of me though. I could see it in his eyes. A lot of people still thought I was responsible for Ethan, so Antony thought I could do the same thing to him that happened to Ethan. I didn't bother silencing the rumors.

Ethan was still gone. I hadn't heard anything about him and some of the guys would ask Coach Dreelan every day if he had any information, which he didn't. I didn't want him to get better and come back. I didn't know what I would do if he did come back. I would lose my mind.

Mikey was still M.I.A too. Andy, much to my dismay, had been texting him since he's been gone. I still didn't like their friendship even though I knew nothing was going on with them. I wanted Andy to myself and didn't like him being close to another guy. I couldn't control him though. I didn't want to control him. I wanted him to do what he wanted, but it didn't mean I had to like it.

When I got out of the locker rooms, Coach Dreelan was just getting there, approaching the group. He had his usual aggressive look on his face which was seemingly stuck there for life.

"Positions! Let's get this show on the road. We have a game tomorrow night!" he announced, although we all knew that already.

I was nervous for tomorrow's game, and for the party that would follow, given what happened last time. Bad things happen at parties. I would suggest to Andy that we skip it, but if we're both the only team mates not there then it'll look bad, especially since we're captains. I didn't want to leave him alone either.

I forgot about it for now as I ran onto the field, taking my position and practice got started, beginning with warm-ups and moving into a mini-game. Everything was going okay, then half way through I stopped, seeing someone jogging across the field in the soccer uniform, showing up late.

"Cobban! Nice of you to make an appearance!" Coach Dreelan shouted. He for one had been more than annoyed at Mikey's disappearance.

Mikey simply nodded. He looked tired, exhausted even. My gaze went straight to his hands. From where I was I couldn't see any bruising or marks except maybe a light red tinge. His eyes then locked with mine, but I couldn't read him.

I looked back over at Andy who looked just as surprised to see him back as I was. He glanced at me, giving a little shrug before turning back to the game. He didn't know he was coming back today, and here I thought they were best buddies who texted each other all the time.

I got back into the game, my mind now distracted, but it didn't affect my game too much. I didn't know how I was going to react around Mikey. He was a friend. He was. I didn't know if he still was, actually. I was still pissed off at him for selling Ethan the drugs. It was a shitty thing to do, but he did it and he was sorry about it.

I didn't know what to do, but for now, I played the game to the best of my ability. When it was over and Coach Dreelan told us we could leave, I was feeling kind of anxious and it didn't help when I saw Mikey and Andy walk straight over to each other. They stood away from the rest of the group, talking in hushed tones. I frowned, my stomach twisting and turning. I was so jealous and I hated the feeling, but I couldn't stop it. I couldn't stop thinking of how he chose to help Mikey and not help me, even though I knew and understood his reasoning for it.

"You alright?" Sonny asked me.

I looked at him, a little surprised since I barely took notice of him standing next to me in the first place.

"Yeah, I'm...super. I'm gonna go shower back at the dorms," I muttered.

"You sure you're okay?" he asked.

"Sonny!" I said in frustration, "I'm fine."

I didn't give him another chance to argue with me. I turned, forgetting about my things in the locker rooms. Sonny would probably bring them back to me. I headed back to the dorms, not stopping for anything. I hated that I was so insecure about this when the bit of rationality in me told me I was being an idiot, but I couldn't help myself from reacting in this way.

I got into the dorm building and went to the elevator, impatiently pressing the button for it to open. I looked around as I waited and my gaze fell on Andy. He was coming towards me, clearly noticing I left. He gave me a look. It was that 'what are you doing? We're going to talk about this whether you like it or not' look.

He nodded towards the stairs and I sighed before following him past the door. Stairwells were becoming our own little meeting place now. I wouldn't be surprised if we got married in one. That thought left my mind as quickly as it got there.

"What's wrong?" he asked facing me.

"Nothing's wrong," I shook my head.

"Oh come on, Rye. What happened to communication being good for a relationship?" he asked. He got me there.

I sighed and leant my back against the wall. He came around in front of me, not letting me avoid his gaze. I looked down though and reached forward, tugging at his soccer jersey and pulling him a little closer.

"Can't we just make out?" I asked.

"No," he said and I looked up in time to see him shaking his head, "It's Mikey, isn't it?"

I sighed, knowing it would be pointless to ignore the topic now that he's brought it up.

"It's just that you've been texting him all week and now seeing you talk to him I just...I'm an idiot, I know," I mumbled.

"Yeah, you are an idiot, but that's why I like you so much," he said sweetly. I rolled my eyes at him.

"Stop being cute," I demanded, but not with any conviction. He couldn't stop being cute even if he tried.

"I can't help it," he smiled smugly.

He stepped a little closer and kissed me. Admittedly I tried to resist, but it felt so nice and made me feel better, so I let him do it, giving in. He pulled back all too soon though.

"I've been texting him so much because I'm trying really hard to trust him," he said.

"Trust him?" I asked.

"Yeah...I mean, I know he's not a bad guy and I don't hate him for what he did, but he did put Ethan in hospital and that makes me really...just uneasy, I guess. He's so unpredictable and living with him again seems...I don't know. No matter how good of friends I am with him, it just fills me with anxiety thinking about being alone with someone capable of doing what he did to Ethan...If that makes any sense," he said.

It did make sense. It made a lot of sense, as confusing as he was. I hated knowing that he would feel uncomfortable being around Mikey, even though that was technically a good thing for me. I liked knowing their friendship wasn't too strong anymore, but I still didn't want Andy feeling like that.

"What if you stayed with me instead?" I asked without much thought. The decision was so easy for me.

"Oh yeah, I'm sure Sonny would just love that," he said sarcastically.

"No, I mean, I can talk to Sonny. He's friends with Mikey. I can ask if you two can swap rooms," I suggested, suddenly feeling so anxious. What if he said no?

"You're serious?" he asked, no longer taking it as a joke.

"Well, yeah. I'd rather you staying with me than with him," I said.

"And that's not just your jealousy talking?" he asked.

"It is...but I don't want you feeling uncomfortable by staying with Mikey either. I'm serious about this, Andy," I told him.

"We can't just...like...we can't just switch roommates," he said with a laugh.

"Yeah, we can. People do it all the time. They always switch to be with their friends," I said, remembering how in the first week of college almost everyone switched to be with their friends. Administration didn't care as long as there were no complaints and everyone agreed on it.

"But we're more than friends," he pointed out.

"No one has to know that," I said.

"You don't think it'll make things weird with us?" he asked.

"Hell no. I love being around you," I told him with a smile, and it was true. The thought of living with Andy actually made me really happy.

He smiled, looking away shyly, "Well...I guess it would be nice staying with you...as long as you, you know, boundaries and all."

"Of course. We'd be just like any other roommate, only we make out every now and again," I said with a laugh.

He smiled and nodded. I could see him quickly coming around to my genius idea.

"So, I can talk to Sonny then?" I asked.

"Yeah, sure, fine. I'll talk to Mike," he agreed.

"What are you gonna tell him?" I asked.

"Probably that I don't feel comfortable around him after what happened, which he already knows. Don't worry. I won't tell him we're a thing," he said. I nodded in appreciation.

"Great, sounds like a plan...roomie."


	21. Chapter 21

You know the feeling you have as a child on Christmas morning when you first wake up? Your body is so full of excitement that your heart pounds rapidly in eagerness as you think about running out of your room and getting your presents. That's exactly how I felt when I woke up on Saturday morning and remembered that Andy was in the bed directly across from mine.

I woke up with a smile that day; a tired smile, but a smile nonetheless. I could tell from how dimly lit the room was that it was still fairly early in the morning and I definitely wasn't an early bird, plus I was a light sleeper, so what the hell woke me? I rolled over and looked at Andy. He was awake, but still in bed, shuffling around a little.

He caught my gaze and stopped. I didn't say anything, just smiled. He looked so perfect laying there with his sleepy eyes and tousled hair. He looked adorable. I could definitely get used to this first thing every morning.

"Oh no," he groaned.

"What?" I asked, my voice coming out as a hoarse whisper.

"I just realized the downfall to living together." He said. That was weird, because I couldn't think of a single one.

"And what's that?" I asked curiously.

"You see how horrible I look first thing in the morning," he complained.

He rolled onto his other side, facing away from me and pulling his blanket over his head. I frowned because just moments before I was thinking to myself how perfect he was, but he thinks he isn't? The thought that he didn't even know how damn cute he was was unsettling. That was something he had to know.

"You don't look horrible. You're cute." I said.

He mumbled something incoherent in his tired state. I myself was tired as well, exhausted, actually. We were up late last night moving Sonny's and Andy's stuff around. Sonny was reluctantly okay with the change. He generally got along with Mikey so it wasn't like I was sticking him with someone he hated.

The only down side was that we always said we'd do college together, which included being roommates. He understood the decision though. Andy couldn't stay with Mikey, and while I didn't explain all the details to Sonny, he just seemed to understand that this had to be done. If Andy didn't have a panic attack about living with a violent person, then it would have been me having a panic attack with Andy out of my care. I just wanted to look after him and I slept a lot better at night knowing he was in the same room.

I still felt bad about Sonny though. I didn't want to be the type of person who ditches their friends the second a girl, or guy, comes along. I'd have to try and make up for it somehow. The guilty, bad feeling didn't leave the pit of my stomach though, which was a good enough reason for me to want comfort, so I quietly got out of bed and went across to Andy.

I pulled back his blanket and he glanced back at me. I waited for some sign of approval, and when he moved closer to the wall, giving me enough room to get in with him, it was like a green light.

I lay down next to him, pulling the cover over both of us, being enveloped by warmth. I wrapped my arm around his waist and pulled him as close to me as possible. His clothed back pressed against my bare chest and I'd be surprised if he couldn't feel how hard my heart was beating. These feelings were crazy. I had never been this affected by anyone before, and if anyone knew the mushy thoughts floating through my mind then I'd be made fun of for an eternity. It was a good thing I could keep them to myself.

Andy took my hand in his, lacing his fingers between mine. I wished I could do this all night. That would be perfect, but he was so adamant about not sharing the same bed. I really liked the feeling of him next to me though.

"Don't get used to this," he warned.

"Used to what?" I asked.

With my eyes closed in a sleepy state, I leant forward a little, kissing the back of his neck. He was so perfect I almost hated him for doing this to me. I relaxed back on the bed, waiting for an answer.

"Sleeping in the same bed," he said slowly.

"What have you got against sleeping with me?" I asked.

"You know what." He said a little quicker this time.

I did know what. He wasn't ready for the physical side of a relationship. I was well aware of that and accepted it, no matter how much it would kill me not to act on my impulses.

"I can control myself." I said, a little unsure. But surely I could sleep in the same bed as someone and not try to turn it into sex, right?

"Just give me a bit of time to get used to this," he said.

"Take all the time you need," I said and paused before smiling cheekily, "Darling."

"Hey, that's my word." He grumbled.

"I know, but it seemed fitting." I told him.

"Shh," he hushed me, "It's so early."

"Go to sleep then," I whispered.

He hummed, not saying anything else and I could physically feel his body relax against me. I wasn't even aware he had been tense. I hoped I wasn't pushing anything here. He didn't tell me to leave though, and I knew Andy well enough to know that if he didn't like something then he would tell me.

It was Saturday morning, meaning there was no class today. In fact, we didn't have to do a damn thing until later in the night for the game. The thought was comforting to me. So, without a care in the world I let myself fall asleep next to Andy.

* * *

I woke up again that morning to the distinct sound of a door closing. I looked around, seeing Andy standing by the door. He was dressed, not in his pajamas anymore, and held his toiletries bag.

"You left?" I asked. "I didn't hear."

"I'm sneaky." He smiled.

He came back over to me, getting on the bed, or more specifically on me, his knees on either side of my hips. I suddenly felt a bit self-conscious. Here he was, refreshed, clothed and looking hot. Then there was me, probably looking tired, dressed in nothing but my boxers and with him on top of me, well, it was starting to affect me in a way he wasn't ready for.

"So, what do you want to do today?" he asked.

"You," I muttered under my breath, but he caught it.

"Excuse me?" he asked quickly, amusement playing in his eyes.

"I said, you? What do you want to do?" I covered it up. He looked at me suspiciously.

"I don't know." He shrugged and got off of me, sitting on the bed at my side. "I'd suggest hanging out here all day, but you'd probably get bored of me."

"That'd never happen," I said.

"Trust me, I can get pretty boring," he said. I didn't like self-depreciating Andy in the slightest.

"Doubt it," I said simply, and nothing else was said on the matter.

I sat up, my head spinning. I kind of just wanted to go to sleep again, but instead I got out of bed. Facing away from Andy, my cheeks flushing when I realized I had in fact gotten a little too excited with him on top of me.

"I'm gonna go have a shower," I said and grabbed my towel which was hanging off my bed post. I held it in front of me as I turned back to Andy who was looking up at me with innocent eyes, none the wiser.

"Okay, I'll be waiting here," he said with a smile.

I nodded, taking some clothes from my drawers and everything else I needed to get clean, then left the room. The second I was in the hall, separated from Andy, I let out a long sigh. I didn't realize it would be this hard, in more ways than one. I loved the idea of living with Andy, but he was killing me here.

I glanced down at the front of my boxers. Yep, it was still there. I huffed in annoyance and headed towards the showers. When I got there I looked from the open showers, to the few with doors. There were a couple of guys already in here, so I opted for the ones with doors. I needed to fix this problem.

It was insane just how attracted to Andy I was. I had never been attracted to a guy before, ever, at all, not in the slightest, and here I was getting a fucking hard on just because he straddled me. The image of him on top of me was enough to get me going.

I stood under the hot, steamy shower, fixing the problem and feeling guilty because I felt like I was going behind Andy's back, but what else did he expect me to do? I was a young male so there was no stopping these hormones and I couldn't spend the rest of the day with Andy without letting the frustration out, so I did, relieving myself while daydreaming of the boy back in my room. Even a bit of alone time like this, which I had done hundreds of times before, felt better with Andy on the mind. I had it bad.

I finished cleaning up in the shower and went out to the counter, setting my things on it and ignoring the few people around me. I grabbed my tooth brush, squeezing toothpaste on the end. I stopped when I heard whispering, and looked to my side to see Cam and Liam from the soccer team at the other end of the counters. They looked at me and whispered to each other again.

"The fuck is your problem?" I asked. I never really liked those two. They were annoying little pests who didn't really do anything for the team.

"Snappy, much?" Cameron asked.

I rolled my eyes, ignoring the comment as I started brushing my teeth.

"So, we heard Andy's your new roommate." Liam spoke this time.

I froze. I knew I couldn't hide it forever. People were bound to find out eventually that we're roommates. At first I didn't think I would care too much about what other people would assume, but right at this second I was terrified that they knew what was really going on.

"So?" I asked with a mouth full of foam.

"So...why?" Liam asked.

"He didn't wanna be roommates with Mikey," I said as casually as I could, and continued brushing my teeth. I was acting calm and collected but on the inside I was having a major freak out.

"So you got stuck with him?" Cam asked.

I shrugged, not saying anything.

"Man, that sucks for you," Cam laughed, "Has he tried coming on to you yet?"

I took the toothbrush out of my mouth and spat into the sink before rinsing out my mouth with water. I was stalling, not wanting this conversation to continue.

"Grow up," I muttered, looking at the two of them, both of them laughing at their own stupidity.

"Just don't let him turn you into a sissy fag," Cam said.

" _Her_." Liam chuckled.

I didn't say a thing. Not a single thing. I didn't yell at them like I wanted to. I didn't tell them they were stupid. I didn't tell them they were wrong. I felt down right sick at the conversation but I kept my mouth shut, almost like my lips were glued together. I was scared to defend Andy.

"God, they're such a freak," Liam scoffed, mostly talking to Cam.

"Anyway," Cam spoke this time, "Good luck with that, Rye."

He came towards me and patted me on the back. All I did in my pathetic moment of weakness was give a half-hearted smile and nod. They two of them left me there, now the lone person in the bathrooms. I turned towards the mirror and looked directly at myself. I could see the guilt written all over my face for letting them say those things about Andy. I was such a shitty person.

I finished up in the bathroom, wanting to be out of there, out of the public eye. I marched back down the hall quickly to my room and as I got there, right before I went to turn the door handle I realized the worst thing about Andy staying with me; I had nowhere to run from him.

I was being an idiot. I loved Andy staying with me. Yes, it's only been one night, but I love being around him. It was just unsettling knowing that in the first ten minutes that I'm out of the dorm, people are already whispering behind my back and while I think I've fooled Liam and Cam for now, there are going to be people smarter than them, people like Sonny, who can see right through me and see the situation for what it was.

I kind of wanted to escape, but I found myself twisting the door handle and letting myself in. Andy was sitting there on his bed with a laptop on his lap. He looked up at me with an adorable smile.

"Hey, you took a while," he commented.

"Did I?" I asked in a shaky voice as I shut the door behind me.

"Yep. I was about to send out a search party," he joked. I laughed along awkwardly.

I didn't want to be awkward around him though. I thought I had gotten past that when we officially got together. He was just so perfect and when I was in this room with him, alone, everything was okay. Everything was perfect. Yet, after the conversation I just had with Liam and Cam, I felt so horrible. I felt like the worst boyfriend ever.

"You okay?" he asked me, picking up on my change of mood in an instant.

"Yeah," I said quickly with a nod.

"Liar," he sighed, "What happened out there?"

I looked at him like he was crazy, "Nothing. Nothing happened."

He didn't believe me, not even for a second. He rolled his eyes, shook his head and his focus went back to the laptop screen. I felt even worse now. I didn't want to be like this. I didn't want to constantly be fearful that people are going to find out about me and him. We've just gotten together and I really didn't want to screw things up so quickly because I'm a moron.

I went over to the bed and got on, sitting next to him. He looked a little uncomfortable, maybe even flinching away from me. He was so good at reading me, but that was a bad thing. He picked up on my negative moods and it affected him too. It's like he distanced himself from me in a second.

"What are you doing?" I asked, looking at the screen.

"Just on Tumblr," he muttered.

I looked from the screen, back to him. He's my boyfriend. He's actually my boyfriend and since we got together I've been thinking about how lucky I was to have him. That feeling was still there. I really did like him a lot.

I gently touched the side of his face and made him look at me. He didn't look very impressed with me. I wouldn't be either. I was always such a mess with my emotions and that probably got exhausting for him.

I leant in and kissed him, knowing full well that a kiss couldn't solve anything, but maybe my charm would get to him. It did. His lips slowly, but surely moved with mine. He brought his hand up to my neck, sliding his fingertips along it as he got more into it. His kisses were so addictive. I could probably do this all day if he didn't stop, which he eventually did.

"I hate when you get weird around me," he said. I opened my eyes, looking at him.

"I'm sorry," I whispered. I couldn't help myself. I kissed him again despite knowing he wanted to talk.

He stayed still and I reluctantly pulled away. He gave me a small smile before holding my hand.

"What happened out there?" he asked me again.

I sighed, sitting back a little, leaning against the wall. I guess I might as well tell him. He clearly didn't like me keeping things from him. He liked honesty and as scared as I was that he would hate me, I still told him.

"I ran into Cam and Liam and they mentioned us being roommates now...and it kind of freaked me out," I said shamefully.

"You're afraid of them finding out it's something more?" he asked. I nodded.

"Yeah, and they...they said some douchey things about you and I...just..." I stopped, hesitating, feeling awful before going on, "I didn't say anything. I just let them."

"Oh." He spoke and looked away from me. I kept his hand locked with mine, not daring to let go.

"I'm sorry. I feel awful," I apologized.

"Don't. You can't stop them from thinking what they think." He said like it didn't even matter, like he didn't even care.

"Yeah, but still...I didn't say anything because I was scared they'd know something was up," I said quietly.

He looked at me thoughtfully. I hoped he had something helpful to say. I wasn't very bright and while I tried to be in touch with my emotions, I never completely knew what they meant. I just wanted him to solve this for me.

"Before we got together, we were friends and you used to stand up for me when anyone from the team said or did something bad to me, and no one ever suspected you had feelings for me," he said.

He had a good point. I did act like that when we weren't together and no one said anything. Now that we were together I felt like I was under a microscope, but I was being ridiculous.

"You don't have to change who you are just because we're together. You can be the same person," he added on.

I smiled widely. Just like that he was able to make my worries drift away. I was acting completely unlike myself because I was scared and what he said made me see I didn't have to act that way at all. I could be normal.

"You're so clever," I said, and kissed his cheek.

"I know I am." He laughed.

I caught his lips in mine again, kissing him deeply, and to be honest, that was what we did for most of the day.


	22. Chapter 22

I sat on a log on Saturday night long after the game had finished. A massive bonfire was situated mere feet in front of me. The heat burned my face, causing me to shake my messy hair in front of it to protect it. All around me there were people drinking, having fun, celebrating the team's most recent win over a neighboring state's college's soccer team. I loved this sort of atmosphere.

I had been with Andy for most of the day, then we had the game where we had to act like we were just friends. Coming to the party and knowing I had to stay away from him was agonizing. Being around him would be bad. Even Sonny had said earlier tonight that the few times I had talked to Andy during the game, my body language was too obvious. I didn't even touch Andy and Sonny could see it. That was why I had to keep my distance.

Andy was with Brook and a couple other guys I didn't recognize, but they seemed nice enough. Brook and Andy were friends, sort of. I would say they were more like acquaintances. Thankfully I wasn't jealous of Brook, not like how I was with Mikey.

Even though I was keeping my distance I was still watching Andy like a hawk. I knew it was probably a little stalkery, but what else was new? I just wanted to make sure nothing happened. Both of us were very precautious because of what happened last time, but with no Ethan here, everything should be fine. We were both sticking to water or soda tonight too and didn't let anyone near our drinks.

I glanced at Sonny, who was sitting next to me. This was the first time we really had a chance to catch up properly today.

"So...how's living with Mikey?" I asked after a few minutes of not talking.

"It's alright," he said, and silence fell once again. It was a normal conversation but I was so paranoid he was upset with me because of all of this.

"Are you mad at me?" I asked.

He sighed and looked at me, shaking his head, "No. I'm not mad at you, Rye."

"You seem annoyed," I said skeptically.

"Because last night you asked me that like five times. Dude, I'm cool with switching rooms. Chill out," he said.

"Okay, okay. I just don't want things to be weird," I said defensively.

"They're not. Relax, man. How's life with you know who anyway?" he asked.

"It's okay," I said, holding back a bit on how I really felt.

"It's okay," he mocked my voice, "Don't give me that. Give me the details."

"There are no details," I said, but couldn't help the smile from forming. I looked down at the ground, away from him.

"Are you two getting serious?" he asked.

"We've only been together for like a week," I pointed out.

"You and I both know something's been going on there for longer than a week," he said.

I didn't say much, mostly because he was right and I didn't want him to know that. Mine and Andy's relationship did feel a lot longer and more intense than a normal relationship would, or at least on my end it felt like that. I didn't really know what Andy was feeling.

"Is this what we do now? Mushy little heart to hearts?" I joked.

"Maybe. Consider me your conscience," he said.

"The devil on my shoulder," I corrected him.

" _Angel_...on your shoulder," he said warningly.

I rolled my eyes and shook my head. Looking to my left I saw a familiar person walking over; Mikey. He had his sights set on us and I inwardly groaned.

"Have you spoken to him yet?" Sonny asked. I looked to him, seeing him looking in the same direction I had just been.

"Nope," I said simply.

"Are you going to?" he asked.

"I don't know," I muttered.

"I think you should. I mean, Andy's gotten over what he did. You're the only one with a grudge," he said.

"I don't have a grudge," I argued.

"Sure you do. You should sort it out. You've been friends forever," he said.

"Nah, not right now," I shook my head.

"Now seems like a perfect time," he said, and got up.

I looked up at him with wide eyes. He was ditching me? Seriously?

"Wait, where are you going?" I asked quickly.

"To find Hannah. Have fun," he said cheerily.

"Sonny!" I whispered harshly, but he was already gone.

I grit my teeth, grumbling in discomfort. He would pay for this later. I had half the mind to get up and walk off too, but Mikey knew I had seen him and I didn't want to look like too much of an asshole, so I stayed put as he came over. He sat where Sonny had been seconds before.

I looked at him and honestly he looked awful. He was obviously tired. His skin was paler than usual. There were dark circles under his eyes; his eyes which were filled with worry.

"This seat taken?" he asked.

"Well you're already sitting there," I said, sounding a little meaner than I intended to be.

"Right," he said, followed by an awkward silence.

Despite the sounds of music and party-goers, to me in this moment it felt like I could hear nothing but the fire crackling.

"So, how's Fovvs?" he asked.

"Why don't you go ask him yourself?" I muttered.

"Okay...I get it," he said. He sounded so disheartened and exhausted. I actually felt bad.

"Wait," I said before he got up and left, "he's fine."

He stopped his movement and turned to me a little.

"He is?" he asked hopefully.

"Yeah. He's tough like that," I said, hiding a smile.

"I'm pretty sure he hates me," he said.

I shook my head, my hatred fading away once I actually started talking and listening to him.

"He doesn't," I assured him.

"Pretty sure you do though," he said.

It was so strange seeing Mikey be serious for once in his life. I didn't blame him for thinking I hated him though. I was being cold towards him. I wasn't even mad at him for being violent since I wanted to do much worse to Ethan. I knew he didn't mean for Andy to get hurt with the whole drugging fiasco. I was jealous of his friendship with Mikey which was completely irrational but I couldn't help what I felt. I knew it wasn't fair though.

"I don't hate you," I said sincerely.

"Then why are you being weird with me?" he asked.

I couldn't tell him the truth without telling him I liked Andy, so avoided the topic all together.

"Forget it, man. We're cool," I told him.

"Really?" he asked.

"Yeah, really. Now stop being so pathetic," I joked. He laughed, smiling, and it felt good to make a friend smile. He was my friend. I had to get over myself.

"I'll try my best," he said.

I looked away at our surroundings. Naturally my eyes landed on Andy. He was talking to Brook, but I noticed him glancing over at us every now and again. He knew I wasn't on the best of terms with Mikey so it was probably a little surprising that I was sitting here with him.

"So, how are you doing anyway?" I asked, turning my attention back to Mikey. He avoided my gaze, looking at the fire and frowning.

"As best as I can be after putting someone in hospital," he said.

"He deserved it," I said quickly and bitterly.

"I know but...never mind," he mumbled.

"You're worried you'll get caught, right?" I asked. He shrugged like he was indifferent to the entire situation.

"He never saw me. At least I don't think he did," he said.

"How could he not have?" I asked. There was the look of guilt again.

"I hit him from behind, knocked him out. He didn't even know I was there at first. I hit him from behind like some kind of coward," he spoke quietly. I could barely hear him over the music but I still got what he said.

"He was the coward. Not you. You did what I wanted to do but couldn't," I said.

"Hmm...yeah...I guess," he said thoughtfully. He sighed before rubbing his hands on his face and groaning in frustration. He stopped, looking at me and I just listened.

"I was out of control, man," he said, "I couldn't settle for hitting him once...Once he was down I just..."

He paused, and it really looked like he was struggling. Mikey didn't hurt people. He just didn't. He never had for as long as I had known him. It just wasn't him, but this time, like he said, he had lost control, which happens to the best of us.

"I just kept hitting him over and over...and over. I was just so mad at him..." He stopped again, shaking his head slowly and looking at the ground, "I don't even know if he's okay. I don't know if or when he's going to come back."

No one had heard anything about Ethan yet. I guess his friends didn't care enough to find out.

"Hey, man, don't feel bad about what you did. You just care about Andy," I said.

He laughed, shaking his head, "You make me sound like a fag or something."

I rolled my eyes, "I meant that you're friends."

"Yeah, I guess," he shrugged.

"You guess? You put a guy in hospital for him. I mean, it kind of seems like you care about him," I said.

He looked away from me again, going silent. I wondered what he was thinking about. Mikey always seemed so basic, so shallow, but I was finding out he was actually quite complex. He sort of reminded me of myself.

"He stopped me from dropping out of college, ya know?" he said.

"You were going to drop out?" I asked.

"Mhm. I was failing everything," he said.

"Why?" I asked.

"It was too hard. I was having trouble keeping up. I thought I was an absolute idiot and not cut out for this bullshit," he said.

"And how did he convince you otherwise?" I questioned.

"He just reminded me that there are some things I'm good at and some things I'm bad at. He helped me figure out which major would suit me better and I switched," he told me.

"You switched your majors?" I asked, a little shocked. I had no idea.

"Yep. Made my mom real happy," he said sarcastically, "I could see her dreams of me becoming a CEO of some bullshit corporate company vanish in front of her eyes...and at first I felt bad, but Andy reminded me that it's my life and not theirs."

I felt a little weird having such a deep conversation with Mikey since we never had before. I guess he felt the same considering what he said next.

"Anyway, fuck man. We're turning into a couple of girls," he laughed and stood up. "I'm gonna go get a drink and find someone to nail."

"Sure," I said, ignoring his vulgarity, "I'll catch you later."

He gave a quick nod before leaving me there. I guess I felt a bit better now that the air was cleared and we were friends again. I always felt a bit off when things weren't right with a friend. I blamed Andy for making me so in touch with my emotions. He brought it out in me without even knowing it. It was just his existence.

I looked back over at the boy who had a firm grasp on my heart. He looked so hot tonight. It was crazy how I was suddenly finding a guy to be so attractive. It was a lot more than looks though. It was so much more than that.

I watched him as he was talking to Brook, and before I knew it he was coming towards me. I held back the smile and urge to go and attack him with kisses. I remained calm as he sat next to me, keeping a safe distance between us though.

"Finally, you're free," Andy said.

"I'm always free for you," I flirted. He smiled shyly, brushing off my comment.

"So, what was that all about?" he asked.

"Nothing. We were just chatting," I said.

"You two okay?" he asked.

"Mhm," I nodded.

"Good. Maybe things can start going back to normal now," he said hopefully.

"I don't want normal," I said. _You. I want you_.

"It's killing me seeing you around and not being able to-" I stopped myself mid-sentence because what I wanted to say sounded so lame.

"Kiss me?" he asked mischievously. He discreetly licked his lips and smiled, biting on the bottom one. I sighed deeply. He was killing me and he knew it.

"You can't do that and expect me to not want to take you back to our room and-" Once again, I stopped myself.

I really needed to just stop talking. I couldn't get sexual. It would make Andy uncomfortable because he wasn't ready for that. That's just another thing Andy and I differed in. I was so used to jumping into sexual relationships, and him? I had no idea was his past relationships were even like. All I knew was that he liked to take things slow.

"Anyway...I want at least a little bit of alone time with you tonight. I mean, innocent alone time," I said. I glanced around me quickly. There was no one close enough to hear our conversation.

"We live in the same room," he pointed out.

"I know, but...I thought you liked the danger of sneaking around," I said, hoping I could tempt him, and it worked.

"Well, what do you suggest?" he asked.

I thought about it for a moment and looked around for a solution. I really did just want to take him back to the dorms, but for now I thought of a different option.

"I'm going to go off in that direction," I said, pointing towards the woods, "Wait five minutes and then follow me."

"Sneaking off together? What are we in, middle school?" he laughed.

"That's how you make me feel sometimes, so it's all your fault." I stood up, dusting myself off. I held up my hand, showing five fingers.

"Five minutes," I mouthed, and with that, I headed off.

I went past the few people that were beyond the fire and walked towards the woods. I chose the side opposite to campus. Most people would be trekking to and from campus so I didn't want to risk running into any of them. If I went this way instead then no one else would come out here. There was no reason to.

I left undetected. No one was really paying any attention and, like I suspected, there was no one out here. I kept walking, going far enough in so I was away from the party, even though I could still hear everything, and see the flicker of fire through the trees.

I stopped and waited anxiously. Five minutes went past and that's when I heard a sound; the sound of leaves crunching on the ground. I looked around, trying to see Andy through the darkness but I couldn't see a thing.

"An-" I stopped, thinking twice. If it wasn't Andy, then I didn't want someone knowing that I was out here waiting for him.

"Babe, is that you?" I called out.

I felt a little silly calling him babe, but it also felt kind of nice to say. I heard another sound, this time a twig snapping. It sounded a lot closer than the last sound. I frowned, wondering what the hell it was. I turned around slowly, glancing in every direction. It was silent now.

"Babe, huh?" A voice came from behind me, and I swear I almost had a heart attack.

I spun back around and saw Andy standing there. I put my hand on my heart, trying to calm myself down. He wasn't lying when he said he was sneaky.

"You just scared me half to death," I scolded.

"Couldn't help myself," he said with a cheeky smile. My heart was still pounding rapidly.

"Just for that, you're not getting a kiss," I said smugly.

"Fine by me," he shrugged.

He leant against a nearby tree, slipping his hands into his pockets. Stubbornly, I did the same, leaning against a tree straight across from him, crossing my arms over my chest. I stared him down, not wanting to give in just yet.

"Surely you didn't lure me out here for a Mexican standoff," he said.

"Well you shouldn't have scared me," I told him off.

"Aww...poor baby," he pouted.

"You know what, you're actually really mean despite how nice you try to come across," I said. I hardly meant it though.

"I'm not mean. You're just fun to tease," he said and pushed himself from the tree.

He came towards me, his eyes trailing up and down my body. I swallowed hard, feeling like I was put under a microscope. Adorable, harmless Andy had a little bit of an intimidating side.

"You're easy to tease too...in more ways than one," he smirked.

He hooked his fingers past the hem of my jeans and pulled my hips closer. Him touching me added with the way he was looking at me just set me off. My skin went hot and my heart was beating double time.

"You're not allowed to do that," I said quietly, my throat tightening. I took his hands, holding them and gaining a little bit of control back.

"Do what?" he asked so innocently.

"Make me feel like this when I know you're not ready to go through with anything," I said. I was just being honest and thankfully I didn't offend him or make him feel bad.

"Good things come to those who wait. Calm yourself. We've only been going out for a week," he said.

"Feels like longer," I told him.

"Why?" he asked, furrowing his eyebrows together in a way that made him look positively adorable.

"Because I feel stronger than I should in a week long relationship," I mumbled. He raised his eyebrows, looking a little surprised now. I realized what I said and shook my head, not wanting to admit just how strongly I was feeling.

"I mean...uh..." I fumbled over my words and sighed, giving up, "Okay I don't have an excuse for what I just said."

"Good. Your excuses are terrible anyway," he said.

"I know. I'm a bad liar," I grumbled.

"Bad liars are only bad liars because they want people to know the truth," he said.

I could barely comprehend what he said because I was finding it difficult to concentrate with him standing so close to me. I could barely breathe with him here, his body mere inches from mine, and those damn looks he kept giving me which he probably didn't even realize he was doing.

"So...will you kiss me now or are you still being a baby?" he asked.

"Mmm...still being a baby," I said.

"My baby," he grinned.

He titled his head up, his nose brushing against mine. I closed my eyes as his breath warmed my lips. He let go of my hands and put his around my neck before pulling me closer. He kissed me and I threw away the whole idea of punishing him with no kisses. His kisses were too good to give up anyway.

I gently grasped his hips, sliding my hands around his back. I turned us around, pressed him against the tree and kissed him harder. Screw the party. I wanted to take him back to the dorms and just kiss him all night. I was about to suggest that when the sound of leaves rustling made us pull apart.

I let go of Andy and spun around quickly, looking in the direction of the sound, just in time to see the dark shadow of someone running off.


	23. Chapter 23

"Did you see that?" I asked Andy quickly. My eyes darted around the area in front of me, squinting desperately in the hopes of seeing the mystery person.

"Yeah," Andy said, much more calmly than I was reacting.

"Did you see who it was?" I asked.

"No, it was too dark," he said, stepping forward to be by my side.

I felt like I couldn't breathe. All the blood had drained from my face as my stomach plummeted. This couldn't be happening. Not now. I knew we'd be caught one day. I wasn't that stupid, but I thought we would have more time. I couldn't handle this right now. I couldn't do this.

"Oh my god...Oh god," I barely choked out.

I really couldn't breathe. It was like my lungs had tightened, sucking all the air out and my throat closed up. My face felt hot. I wanted to be anywhere but here. I wasn't equipped for this.

"Hey, it's gonna be okay," Andy said.

He touched my shoulder to give it a comforting squeeze, but on impulse I flinched away, taking a step to the side as if I had just been burned. I looked at him, letting out a shaky breath. He frowned at me but I was far too deep in my freak out to even worry about what he was thinking.

"Look, it was too dark for us to see who it was. Who says they were even able to see us?" he asked.

Common sense; it was one thing I didn't have right now, or at least wouldn't listen to. I felt doomed and anything he could say wouldn't make it better.

"Why would they have run away if they didn't? Oh God, they probably heard us talking," I panicked, running my fingers through my now sweaty hair. My eyes darted around frantically in every direction as if expecting a predator to come out of the shadows to ruin my life.

"Let's just remain calm for a second," Andy said, stepping towards me. He held his hands in front of him defensively as if approaching a wild animal. Life would probably be easier if I were a wild animal, actually.

"Easy for you to say. You want us to come out. You're probably glad this happened," I said without much thought.

"Hey, excuse the fuck out of you. I don't want something that makes you uncomfortable, Rye, and I'd really appreciate it if you stopped talking to me like this," he said firmly, and he sounded down-right pissed off.

I stopped looking around and let my gaze fall on him, seeing the disappointed frown on his face. I didn't even realize I had been talking a certain way, but now that I thought about it, he was right. I sighed, looking at him apologetically.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean it. Really, I didn't," I said, and just my luck I had one of the most understanding boyfriends in the world.

"It's okay, just listen to me...we don't know who that was. They might not even care about what they saw," he said, but the negative side of me was shining through fiercely tonight.

"Or it might have been someone from the team," I pointed out.

"Then we'll deal with it together like a couple of adults," he said.

"Are you saying I'm acting like a child?" I asked.

"Well, I'm trying not to say it," he mumbled.

"You don't get it okay. You don't," I said quickly.

"Darling, I do," he said like it was obvious, and of course it was. He knew exactly what I was feeling and probably a lot worse; most definitely a lot worst.

"I know, I know," I muttered, "I'm just...I'm not ready for this, And."

"I know you aren't. Everything's going to be fine though. I mean, you can always deny it or say you were drunk," he suggested.

"Right! Right," I said in excitement, "I can deny it."

"Exactly. Just deny my whole existence. Whatever. It's cool," he shrugged, his sarcasm evident.

"Stop using dumb things I say against me," I whined.

He smiled, his eyes lighting up in the moonlight. This wasn't the time for smiling.

"Why are you smiling?" I asked.

"Because you're cute when you're worried," he said.

If he could properly see my cheeks in the darkness I was sure he'd see a pink tint to them. Sometimes I hated that damn fluttery feeling when he's around.

"Gee, thanks," I mumbled sarcastically. He stepped forward, taking my hand, only this time I didn't flinch away.

"How about we just get out of here?" he asked.

"I don't think we should leave together," I shook my head, once again looking around and seeing nothing but trees and darkness. When I looked back at Andy it was just in time to see him rolling his eyes at me.

"Can you please stop acting like I'm being stupid about this?" I demanded.

I was actually really worried about it. He was acting as though it wasn't a big deal, and that's because to him it wasn't. Most people would think I was being stupid, but I wasn't ready for this. I wasn't ready for my friends to find out, yet alone anyone else at college. Mostly I wasn't ready for my father to know, and I knew this information would somehow get back to him if it got out. I was shaking just thinking about how he would surely disown me. The thought made me want to cry, but with Andy holding my hand I knew I wasn't alone with this. I just needed more time. I was hardly used to being with a guy. Coming out to everyone before I was ready would put way too much strain on the relationship.

"I'm sorry. You're totally right. It's not fair of me. I've already been through this, so I know I can't rush you through it too," he said. He really was so understanding. I didn't know what I did to get him.

My head was beginning to hurt. That was the result of so much worry; a head ache the size of Mount Everest.

"I don't wanna be here anymore. I'm going to go back to the dorms," I told him.

"Okay," he nodded, "I'll stick around at the party for a little and come back later."

"Alright...be careful," I said, and I meant it. We both knew how bad college parties could get, and he was clever. He would stay out of trouble.

"I will," he said.

He came a little closer, obviously wanting a kiss, but with the scare of being caught still so fresh in my mind, kissing Andy out in the open wasn't something I wanted to do.

"I'll see you later," I told him as I let go of his hand and stood back.

"Okay," he sighed, "I'll miss you."

"I'll miss you more," I murmured, suddenly feeling so shy.

He smiled brightly, "Get out of here."

Reluctantly I managed to pull myself from his magnetizing charms and head off back in the directions of the dorms, ready for a restless night full of worry.

* * *

It was Monday morning. I had spent all day Sunday locked away in my room, too scared and paranoid to face the outside world. I didn't want to deal with the fact that someone probably knew about Andy and I. Andy on the other hand was less stressed. He got bored with me moping around and left me a few times. I didn't blame him either. I was horrible when I was in a bad mood.

Now though, it was the beginning of the week and Andy wouldn't allow me to stay in my room all day again. He practically forced me to get up, shower and get dressed. Before I knew it I was walking down the hall towards the dining room and kitchen for breakfast.

My eyes connected with everyone I saw, searching for some sort of sign that they knew. Every glance towards me sent an electric shock down my spine. I hated this. I hated not knowing.

"I don't see why I can't just skip class," I said to Andy who was walking beside me.

"Because you skipped last Monday's classes," he told me.

"For good reason too," I muttered.

"And what's your reason this time? Too scared to face the world?" he questioned.

"Maybe," I almost hissed.

"Don't you think we would have heard something by now if whoever saw us told everyone?" he asked.

That was the one thing that was stopping me from having a major meltdown. No one had said anything to either Andy or myself. There was just nothing.

"Just relax. Nothing bad has happened. It was probably some drunk who doesn't even remember," he assured me.

Perhaps he was right. He usually was right about, well, everything really. I just nodded, accepting what he was saying because I wanted to forget about all of this. I couldn't let it go just yet though.

The two of us walked into the crowded dining hall. I felt like all eyes were on me, when in reality only a couple of people actually looked up. My stomach felt empty, but still the thought of food made me sick.

"I'm not even hungry," I told Andy.

"Eat something," he ordered. I gave him an unimpressed look.

"What are you, my mom?" I asked.

"Your mom? What, because I'm trans you automatically make me a female parent?" he whispered angrily and my eyes went wide in a panic.

"No, no, no. I didn't mean-," I stopped, noticing the glimmer of amusement in his eyes and the twitch of his lip.

"Don't be a jerk," I sighed.

"I told you, you're fun to tease," he jeered, shrugging as he walked past me to the kitchen area.

He was killing me here. He was just so captivating in everything he said and did, even if it was tormenting me. I followed after him like a lost puppy and mimicked his actions in getting cereal, all the while keeping a safe distance. Once we had our breakfast I turned back to the room, taking note of the empty tables, but my eyes eventually landing on Sonny and Mikey.

"Over there," I said to Andy, nodding towards the boys, and so the two of us went over to them both.

Sonny smiled up at me, maybe even a little cheekily which had me a little wary, but he was just a weird guy so I brushed it off.

"Hey," I said, taking a spot next to Sonny.

Mikey, who was straight across from Sonny, abruptly stood, his chair screeching along the floor. He looked flustered, frantic. He almost spilt his cereal as he yanked it up off the table.

"Gotta go study. Bye," he said.

With that, he wandered off, not saying anything else to the confused Andy and myself. I exchanged a questioning glance with Andy who shrugged, equally as clueless. I watched Mikey curiously as he dumped his bowl in the kitchen and left, almost running into a few people who were coming in.

"Him? Study?" I asked, looking at Sonny.

"Oh, right..." he said casually, and paused. "Yeah...he kinda knows."

"He knows?" I asked in confusion.

"Saw you two playin' tonsil hockey the other night," he said.

My heart leapt into my throat, beating erratically. I swear I broke out in a sweat then and there. Everything stopped and my hands shook.

"What did you tell him!?" I asked Sonny accusingly.

"I didn't say anything!" he defended.

"Why didn't you tell me?!" I barked and got up without waiting for answer.

I couldn't believe he didn't tell me Mikey knew. This would have saved a whole lot of freaking out, although I was still freaking out. My emotions were all over the place right now but there were two stand-out thoughts; I was relieved because it was just Mikey, but on the other hand I was in a panic because this was Mikey. He was unpredictable so this could swing either way.

I jogged down the hall, being vaguely aware that Andy was following me. I didn't see where Mikey went but it was a safe bet he went to his room. When I got there, the door was unlocked and I let myself in, seeing Mikey turn to me like a deer caught in headlights.

"Whatever you think you saw, un-see it," I commanded.

"Rye...welcome, let yourself in," he said, his attitude shining through, but I really didn't have time for that right now. Mikey was either about to become a really good friend, or an enemy. I really hoped it was the former.

"Oh good," he spoke when Andy showed up next to me. "You're both here." He didn't sound happy. He sounded nervous now.

Andy shut the door, cutting us from the outside world. He didn't say a thing, and neither did I. I didn't know what to say. I didn't want to say out loud that I was with Andy. That would be admitting it, and sure I had admitted it to myself and Sonny but this would be admitting it to someone else. I simply wasn't ready for that yet.

"Okay," Mikey sighed, "so you made out with a dude. These things happen! I mean, you had to be drunk to make out with him, right?"

"Hey!" Andy exclaimed, sounding hurt.

"No offense," Mikey added.

"Offense taken," Andy grumbled, crossing his arms over his chest.

This wasn't such a bad idea though. If Mikey thought I was drunk, then he'd forget about it and leave us alone.

"Alright yes, yes I was drunk," I lied.

I glanced at Andy and I wished I hadn't because he was glaring at me.

"Okay," I groaned, "I wasn't drunk."

"So...why...?" Mikey seemed so confused. His eyes darted back and forth between the two of us and I really didn't know how to just say it.

"We're together," Andy answered for me like it was the easiest thing in the world. My initial reaction was to deny it but I couldn't even begin to form the words.

"Seriously?" Mikey asked in disbelief.

"Yes. Seriously. It's not that big of a deal," Andy said casually.

Mikey looked at me for confirmation and it felt like I was put under a spotlight with an entire stadium looking down at me judgmentally.

"O-okay, yes. We're together," I choked out. That was difficult, but surprisingly felt kind of okay.

"What the hell, guys? Since when?" he asked.

"Since...after the last party," I said thoughtfully.

"How?" he questioned. I felt like I was being interrogated.

"Do you really need the details?" I asked.

"No, but...I don't get it. I mean...you're a dude...and he's a dude, so...so like, you're gay?" he asked slowly.

"I'm not gay," I spoke quickly, but that just confused him more.

"He's not gay. He's just a guy who likes another guy," Andy sassed. He was really testing my patience right now.

"Look, I don't like guys. I still like girls but...I like..." I stopped, taking a deep breath, "I just like Andy. Whatever. It doesn't matter. What matters is that you can't tell anyone."

"You know how much I suck at secrets," Mikey groaned.

Andy took a step forward, looking Mikey right in the eye.

"Mikey, you can't tell anyone," he said firmly.

Mikey didn't look happy with the decision, but he sighed and nodded, giving in.

"Fine, fine. I won't tell anyone," he grumbled.

"Thank you," Andy said appreciatively.

"What were you even doing out in the woods that night?" I asked suspiciously. It was a little strange that he was just there.

"I saw Andy wandering off by himself. I didn't want him getting into any trouble, so I followed him and then...saw you two going at it like a couple of horny teenagers," he said.

My face lit up, my cheeks burning. I couldn't believe he just said that. I didn't say a single thing. I was mortified that he saw us.

"This is so weird," he said once neither of us spoke.

"Please don't be weird about it," I said desperately.

"I'm not weird about it. I mean, this is weird, but I'm not weird with it," he argued.

"You kind of are," I commented.

"It's just weird!" he shouted and I cringed, hoping surrounding rooms couldn't hear his little outburst.

"Stop saying it's weird," Andy scolded.

"Listen, Mikey, please...I don't need one of my friends treating me differently," I said, trying to be as calm and nice as possible.

"I'm not gonna treat you differently," he said like it was a ridiculous notion.

"Are you sure? Because you're kind of freaking out right now," I pointed out.

"I'm not freaking out. I'm not. I'm chill, okay? I'm totally chill about this," he said with a nonchalant shrug.

"Really?" I asked cautiously.

"Yes, really. I'm fine with it," he nodded.

"So you're not going to be awkward around us?" I asked.

"Nope. I can accept different people. It's fine. In fact, it's so fine that we should go on like, a double date. Me, Sonny, you two. A big ol' gay fest," he said.

"Jesus Christ, Mike, you don't have to pretend to date Sonny just to prove you're fine with this," I said.

"Calm down, I'm just trying to lighten the mood, man," he said with a soft laugh. I wasn't at the point of being amused though.

"It's not working," I said plainly.

"Okay...okay. But I'm serious. I'll prove just how super chill I am by hanging out with you two. We can go to the movies. With Sonny though. I don't want to be a third wheel," he spoke quickly.

"I'm not going to the movies with you and Sonny," I dismissed the idea.

"Actually," Andy started, "A date might be a nice change to spending all our time together in the dor-"

"Woah! Woah woah woah," Mikey said, holding up his hands, "I do not need to know what you two do alone."

"Gee, Mike. That's not very chill of you," Andy said.

"Sorry. Sorry. It's just gonna take some getting used to," Mikey said.

I rolled my eyes and turned my attention to Andy.

"Well? Movie date with...him?" I asked, not sounding happy at all because I was perfectly content with spending my days locked inside my dorm with Andy.

"Why not?" he shrugged.

I turned back to Mikey, sighing, "Okay, fine. When?"

"I'm free...Wednesday night, I think?" Mikey pondered.

"Me too," Andy said.

"Same," I said after a moment of thought.

"Great, so it's settled," Mikey said cheerily.

"Great. And remember...please don't tell anyone about this," I said, trying not to make it sound like a threat.

"Your secret's safe with me," Mikey guaranteed.

I didn't know how well I could trust Mikey. Sure, he's been my friend for years, but we weren't that close. Andy seemed to trust him though, to an extent. I knew he lost that trust after the whole Ethan thing. But he seemed to trust him with this, and I trusted Andy so it was good enough for me.

I didn't say anything else to Mikey. The whole conversation was a bit much, so I left him there with Andy tagging along behind me. I headed straight for our room. I needed a second to just breathe before I went back out to the world.

Andy followed me in, shutting the door. I stood in the middle of the room, breathing in and out slowly to calm myself down. I felt a lot better now. I didn't have to worry about some random person knowing. It was just Mikey. I had to try and trust him.

Once I was calm I looked at Andy who was leaning against the closed door. He was being so patient with me, and now that the worry was fading away, I realized just how much of a terrible boyfriend I had been. I had neglected him, pushed him away and wouldn't let him come near me yesterday because I was too busy fretting. I said some really stupid things, yet he was patient and waited for everything to be solved and he never got too angry with me. God, he was perfect.

"I'm sorry I've been acting like a dick," I told him sincerely.

"It's okay," he said, pushing himself from the door and coming towards me. "I get how confronting people finding out stuff like this can be."

I nodded slowly, feeling ashamed, "It just freaked me out."

"Mhm...but on the plus side, it's a small baby step to eventually telling everyone. I mean, other than Sonny, Mikey's the first to know, and it went okay. Others will be okay with it too," he said, but even in his optimism he sounded a bit unsure.

He stepped towards me, looking into my eyes which calmed me down in an instant. He put his arms around my neck, his fingers playing with my hair.

"Everything will be fine in the end," he said.

He tilted his head up to kiss me sweetly.

"You're the best," I said when he pulled away, but I pulled him right back in for a hug, wrapping my arms around him, sighing in content with his warm body pressed against mine.

I smiled as we held each other. I just adored everything about him so much. Every day I'd find something new that I liked about him. He changed more and more every day. When we first met again, he was a little defensive. He was shy. He was sassy. He had attitude. I got to know him better and he was still all of those things but there was so much more to him. The more comfortable he got with me, the more of his personality I would see and every bit of it intrigued me.

I pulled back, looking at him. His lips looked so inviting and I couldn't help but kiss him. I could barely explain how I felt with him anymore. It was something I hadn't felt for anyone ever before, and although I had never felt it before right now, I knew exactly what the feeling was.


	24. Chapter 24

We were on our movie date with Sonny and Mikey. It was a little bit awkward knowing that they knew about us. It was okay with Sonny, but Mike was being his usual self by trying to make us feel comfortable by being overly weird and saying stupid things. It was just strange and I felt like he was watching our every move. I knew he was just trying to be supportive though.

There weren't many people in the spacious movie theatre tonight because it was Wednesday night. Most people would wait until the weekend to come here. There were a few people here though sitting up the front and the middle, all of which I didn't recognize. The boys and I were sitting right up the back.

Sitting next to Andy reminded me of the last time we were here together and how we weren't actually together. I had been strangely nervous and had no idea what I was feeling, and only now do I realize why I had acted that way. It was because I never stopped having feelings for him.

It was different now. I felt like a different person with him. I was actually with him. I had him. I wasn't with some random girl I'd be rid of after a few days. I was with someone I cared for and right now that meant everything to me.

We were half way through the movie and this time I was actually trying to pay attention to it. Trying being the key word here. Andy's arm hung off the side of the arm rest, his fingers absentmindedly trailing along the material of my jeans on my thigh. He didn't realize he was doing it, or at least I didn't think he did.

I glanced at him out of the corner of my eye. He was so engrossed in the movie. His eyes didn't hold that glimmer of playfulness when he was purposely teasing me. His fingers were sending shivers through me and I had to put an end to it.

I took his hand, lacing my fingers with his. He looked at me briefly, giving a small, innocent smile before looking back at the screen. My fucking heart swooned. I hated feeling this way but loved it at the same time. I leant in and lightly kissed his cheek, getting a small giggle from him.

I relaxed back in my seat and went to watch the movie, only to see that Sonny was looking at me, or staring more like it.

"What?" I whispered.

"Nothing." He shook his head and looked away.

Now I felt self-conscious. Why couldn't I just go on a date with my boyfriend without having a million conflicting feelings all at once? I felt weird with friends here, so much so that I let go of Andy's hand, crossed my arms over my chest and stopped leaning towards him.

Andy didn't take much notice of my change in behavior. He was oblivious. I kind of wished Sonny and Mikey weren't here. No, I kind of really wished we were back in our dorm where I could just kiss him forever without worrying about anyone seeing, or about my friends making fun of me for it.

"You can act normal with him," Sonny whispered into my ear, so the other two wouldn't hear.

"I know," I grumbled.

I did know that. I knew I shouldn't care what they thought, and it wasn't just the fact that it was Andy that I was with. It was complicated. I didn't like showing affection in front of my friends, which sounded so ridiculous to me because I had literally had sex in the same room Sonny was in before. Somehow that didn't count as affection to me. It was so different and such a new territory for me.

Sonny stood up next to me, and so did Mikey, who was next to him. They then climbed over the backs of the chairs in front of us, then another row, and sat down two rows in front of us. I almost wanted to tell them to come back and ask them what the hell they were doing, but then I realized what they were doing. They were letting me be alone with Andy.

"What are they doing?" Andy asked.

I shrugged, shaking my head, pretending that I had no idea what was going on. Andy didn't seem to care that much. He turned his attention back to the movie. It actually was a really good movie, despite the fact that I was a little lost now because I was paying too much attention to other things.

I held his hand again, feeling a lot more comfortable in doing so. I looked at him again. He had candy now; twizzlers to be exact. He was eating one slowly and I don't think I had ever seen someone so teasingly eat a twizzler. He took his time putting it between his lips, being much too distracted by the movie to even realize he was doing it.

The red candy stayed on his lips for longer than normal and I couldn't stop watching. I loved his lips. They were ridiculously kissable and they were all mine. I felt a little jealous of the damn twizzlers getting more action than I was.

He unconsciously licked his lips and that was it, I was done. I couldn't resist. I couldn't stop myself. I leant over the arm rest, gently turned his face towards me before forcefully kissing him.

He was a bit surprised at first, but didn't hesitate in kissing me back, his lips meshing perfectly with mine. I tasted the sweetness of the candy on his lips and tongue. He was delicious.

I stopped abruptly and pulled back before I couldn't control myself any longer. I sighed deeply and looked back at the screen as if nothing just happened.

"Okay then," he whispered.

I smirked and took his hand in mine again, feeling much, much better about getting that out of my system. I glanced at him, only to see him pick another twizzler out of his packet. I frowned and for the sake of my hormones I took it off him, plus the packet, and put it on the other side of me where he couldn't reach it.

"Hey," he complained.

"Shh, movie," I whispered.

I pretended to be into the movie as he watched me. I couldn't help but smile a little. He was so cute, sitting there pouting at me. He didn't fight me for the candy back though. He sat back in the chair and kept watching the movie with his fingers laced tightly with mine.

* * *

A lot later that night Andy and I were walking back from the showers. We had, for the first time, showered at the same time. Disappointingly, he went into one of the stalls and I didn't blame him for that, although my imagination was running wild the whole time.

I was cool with my own body, and very confident, so I didn't care about the communal showers. They were empty this late anyway. I did manage to catch a glimpse of a shirtless Andy when he came out of the stall just in his grey sweatpants. I liked it, I mean I really liked it. I was, surprisingly, still finding Andy exceedingly more attractive every day.

Unfortunately we were both fully clothed; him with a white shirt on now, and me in my black boxers and shirt. He still looked adorable though.

When we got into our room I sat on my bed, leaning against the wall. I sighed, not feeling all that tired, but at the same time wanting to sleep.

"It's getting late," Andy said, as he put his stuff away.

"You tired?" I asked.

He shrugged carelessly. "Should probably go to sleep soon."

"How 'bout a goodnight kiss first?" I asked hopefully, smiling sweetly at him.

He looked at me with a small grin. I held out my hand, coaxing him to come over to me. He took and I pulled him onto the bed. He straddled me, sliding his hands around the back of my neck. I tilted my head back a little, looking up at him. I went to kiss him but he tangled his fingers in my hair, making me stop from moving.

"Don't be mean," I warned.

"You stole my twizzlers," he pouted.

"I was jealous of them touching your lips," I said with an innocent smile.

"You're such a dork." He laughed.

He pressed his soft lips to mine. This wasn't a simple goodnight kiss. He stayed there, his lips moving slowly at first, then the second I placed my hand on the small of his back he moved his lips faster in a feverish kiss. One hand was pulling him closer, the other went up to caress his neck and make sure he wouldn't stop.

He arched his back, slowly rocking himself against me and I wondered if he knew exactly what he was doing. My skin was on fire, burning up with every subtle movement. I felt myself getting hard and I silently cursed myself.

Fuck, calm down, Rye. Calm down. I slowed the kissing down, hoping that would help, but his annoyed little sigh just got me all worked up again. I shifted around a bit, hoping that would help make it less noticeable, but that did the exact opposite. I made it worse.

Andy stopped suddenly and looked down. He noticed, goddamn it. I just couldn't control myself. Being a nineteen year old definitely had its downfalls. He looked back up at me, raising his eyebrows. Well, what the hell did he expect to happen?

"Sorry," I said, actually feeling a bit ashamed, "I didn't mean it."

I gently pushed the boy off of me and half expected him to get all weird around me, but instead I saw him smiling in amusement.

"Enjoying my embarrassment?" I asked.

"No, not your embarrassment it's just...never mind." He shook his head and went to get off the bed, but I grabbed his wrist, stopping him.

"No, tell me." I pleaded.

He sighed, giving in, "It's just that...I was worried that you wouldn't get turned on by me."

"What?" I asked like he was crazy. How could I not get turned on by him?

"I mean like, you've never been into a guy before. I was afraid that it was just emotional between us and you wouldn't be physically attracted to me," he explained.

"What? I'm totally physically attracted to you," I said.

"Clearly," he said, nodding towards my boxers.

I flushed in embarrassment and grabbed my pillow, putting it on my lap.

"Don't tease me," I said.

"Don't be so teasable," he said, leaning forward to peck my lips quickly.

As much as I would love to solve the problem in my boxers, I knew his boundaries so I reluctantly ended things there.

"Goodnight, Andy," I sighed.

"Goodnight, Rye." He smiled.

He gave me another kiss before getting up and going over to the light switch, flicking it off and plunging us into darkness. I got under the covers, listening to him do the same and we whispered a few more goodnights before we both went silent and I was left to my thoughts.

Tonight was so perfect. I just loved being with him. I honestly didn't know how I managed to not share a dorm room with him before. I liked kissing him goodnight before we went to sleep. It left me feeling all warm and happy. I felt like I was the luckiest guy on campus to have someone so close to me be in the same room.

It actually made me wonder if there were any other people like us; I mean two guys pretending to be just friends but actually being much more. For all I knew there could be other guys here just as scared of coming out to anyone.

"Hey." Andy's voice came out of nowhere.

I jumped in surprise, seeing his shadow standing by the side of my bed.

"Jesus, Andy, you scared me. I thought you went to sleep," I said quietly.

"I don't want to sleep," he said, and if I wasn't mistaken there was a little hint of flirtation in his voice.

He pulled my sheets back before getting on the bed, and at first I figured he just wanted to share a bed tonight, but boy was I wrong. He got on top of me and before I knew what was going on, he was kissing me.

He really, really couldn't do this to me, not when I was just starting to calm down from before. Was he trying to kill me or something? Regardless of knowing that we'd probably have a repeat of him turning me on, I kissed him back anyway.

I ran my fingers through his hair, scrunching them around his locks. He kissed me hungrily and I realized this wasn't just another goodnight kiss. He was serious about this. He felt so, so good on top of me and although in the back of my head I was telling myself to calm down, I couldn't help but indulge in every feeling.

He bit my bottom lip teasingly as he pulled back then went to my neck. What the hell has gotten into him? Whatever it was, I liked it. My body was reacting to him quicker than it had with any other person before.

He pushed my shirt up and I sat up a little, letting him pull it over my head. The break in kissing let me look at him and in the darkness I saw his eyes. He was looking at my lips but I wanted him to look at me to get some sort of indication of what he wanted.

I took a chance, sliding my hands up his sides, pushing his shirt up, and he helped me take it all the way off. I couldn't believe this was happening. It was almost too good to be true. I tossed his shirt on the floor and pulled him back down to me, loving how warm he felt against my bare chest.

I flipped us around, almost aggressively pushing him on his back on the mattress. I kissed him harder like he had just unleashed this animal in me. I was so hard and pressing against his thigh. Rocked myself back and forth as I kissed him, by body shaking, my lips quivering as I kissed him desperately.

My hand was on his hip, gripping it to pull him even closer. We still had too many clothes on. I slid my hand down, slowly and cautiously pushing his sweat pants down, and then it all just ended. His hands were on my chest and he was pushing me back.

"Wait, wait. Stop." He breathed heavily.

I knew it. I knew I shouldn't have let myself go like that. I knew he wasn't ready and still I couldn't help myself. With all the will-power I could must up, I pulled myself from his body, looking down and seeing an apologetic look on his face. I sighed and rolled off him. I wasn't annoyed or anything, it was just that this was killing me.

"I'm sorry," he stammered.

"It's okay," I said quickly. I didn't want him feeling bad. He could say no whenever he wanted. I could be all lubed up, ready to go, and he could say no and I would be okay with it. Sexually frustrated, but okay.

He got out of bed but I really wanted him to stay with me and not get upset about this. I watched as he grabbed his shirt, pulling it back on, but then instead of going to his bed like I thought he would, he went for the door.

"Wait, where are you going?" I asked.

He ignored me and out he went, shutting the door behind him.

Full of worry, I got out of bed and ran out of my room, not bothering with a shirt. He was quick, but I knew where he was going. The staircase was his one escape. I opened the door to see him already going down them, and I was just so confused about what just happened.

"Please don't run from me," I pleaded desperately.

He stopped at the sound of my voice, letting his bare foot linger on one of the steps. I heard him sigh, and then he sat down. I approached him, careful not to make him freak out any further. I didn't want to be the cause of a panic attack. Maybe I went too far back there, but I honestly thought he wanted to go further with me. After all, he did initiate taking our clothes off.

I knelt down on the stair below him, facing him so we were eye to eye. He looked sad, defeated, a drastic change to the playful Andy from moments before.

"What happened back there?" I asked him softly. He shrugged, looking away from me, like he was purposely trying to shut me out.

"Uh uh, communication is key, right?" I asked. That was what he was all about, after all. He looked back at me, sighing.

"I just freaked out is all," he said.

"It's okay, ya know? If you don't want to go any further with me, it's fine." I assured him.

"I know. That's not it." He frowned.

"Do you want to talk about it?" I questioned, hoping the answer would be yes.

He shrugged again, not saying anything. As much as he had already opened up to me, I could tell there was still a lot he kept to himself, masking however he was feeling with jokes or changing subjects. He didn't think I noticed, but I did. I always did.

"We may as well set up our own office in here with the amount of little meetings we have," I joked.

He laughed a little, but as quick as the sound was there, it was gone and his face fell again. I wanted to move closer. I wanted to comfort him, but at the same time I was worried about the door opening and someone seeing us. He deserved my full attention.

"Come back to the room so we can talk, please." I requested kindly. I was actually a little scared about what was wrong. I always got a little scared when something went wrong with us because I didn't want to lose him.

Andy nodded, and so we stood, going back up the stairs and into the empty hall. I held his hand as we got to our room and went back inside. He sat on his bed and I sat by his side, facing him. I waited patiently for him to say something, and for a few moments he was quiet, but then he turned to me, letting go of my hand. He pulled up his sleeve, revealing the scar on his upper arm.

"Do you know what this is?" he asked.

I only glanced at the scar briefly, before looking back in his eyes. Andy almost always wears shirts with sleeves so it wasn't often that I saw the scar. I knew exactly what it was though.

"Yes," I told him.

"Other than a scar, do you know what it is? What it's from?" he asked.

"I did my research." I nodded.

I did a lot of research actually because I wanted to understand Andy. I knew that surgeons took skin, and muscle, or whatever from one part of the body, in Andy's case the arm, to use for surgery.

"You had bottom surgery. I know, you don't have to worry about that, Andy. I know what to expect," I said.

He looked at me thoughtfully as he pulled his sleeve back down, covering the scar.

"You really did research?" he asked.

I nodded. "Basically the second you come back...as soon as I started feeling something for you again. It was important to try and understand you..." I trailed off, hoping he wouldn't find it offensive or too nosey that I had looked this stuff up. He didn't look offended, though. He looked dumbfounded, like he didn't expect this from me. I needed to lighten the mood a little.

"So, you've got a dick, ain't nothin' I've never seen on myself before," I said, but I didn't get a smile that I was hoping for.

"It's not quite the same," he said.

"I know...it doesn't matter." I said. I just needed him to know that this wasn't something that bothered me. Yeah, it was a little weird for me, but it honestly didn't matter all that much.

Andy looked a little less confused and stressed out, and perhaps even a little appreciative, but was still quiet.

"I want to talk about this with you, Andy. Everything. You don't have to be scared to talk about personal things like this. You have zero judgment here from me," I said, squeezing his hand in mine.

I had seen Andy be shy before, but never this shy. This was an extremely personal topic and if he opened up to me about it then I would be elated because then I would know just how real this was and just how close we were. I wanted him to feel comfortable with me. I wanted him to open up because I cared about him more than I had ever cared about anyone else before.

"I'm lucky enough to have a dad who had the money for me to get the full surgery," he started, and I listened carefully. "A lot of trans men don't get that chance, or some are fine without the surgery. It depends on what your resources are or personal preference really. But for me...I just needed the change, so I did it, and I'm happy with it and all, but..."

"But what?" I urged him to go on. He kept his gaze away from me, his eyes not giving anything away for once.

"Back in high school...when I was still known as Drew. I, um, I used to try, ya know, like...try being physical with guys." His voice quavered. I didn't like hearing about him with other people, but this was important so I kept my mouth shut.

"But I always used to stop it before anything happened, because I wasn't happy with how I looked. I didn't feel comfortable in my own skin...a-and now that I've had the surgery." He stopped, wiping away a tear.

"Hey, it's okay. You don't have to talk about this if you don't want to." I said.

He shook his head, "No, I need to."

I stayed quiet and waited for him to go on again. He looked at me, finally, his eyes shimmering but showing clearly how scared he was.

"I finally look how I want...but I'm still terrified. Like, I thought that feeling would stop. I thought it would be different and everything would be okay." He whimpered.

"Hey, hey, shh shh," I hushed him, hating seeing him cry, "Being scared of this might not have anything to do with your body. Everyone is scared their first time getting close to someone. Everyone. Hell, I was so scared my first time with a girl that once we started, I couldn't get hard and it was fucking embarrassing. It took me like half an hour to recover and after that it was awkward as hell."

He laughed through his tears, shaking his head at my absolute stupidity.

"Is this supposed to make me feel better?" he asked.

"Did it?" I questioned.

He paused before nodded, "Yeah."

"I'm just saying, everyone's a little scared their first time, and I'm not pressuring you here. You take all the time you need in the world, but when you are ready, I'll take care of you. I'll love every inch of your perfect body," I told him, and meant every word of it. There's no one, nothing, that I wanted more than Andy.

"Yeah?" he asked softly.

"Of course," I said with a smile. He smiled back, rubbing his hand affectionately over mine. The tears had thankfully stopped by now.

"I wish you would have told me you knew. I've been freaking out about what you might think for a while now," he said.

"Really?" I asked. Other than right now, I had no idea he had been worried about that. He always seemed so confident.

"Mhm." He nodded.

I was about to say something else when he spoke again.

"Does it bother you?" he asked.

"If it makes you feel better about yourself then I'm all for it," I said.

"So...you don't find it weird?" he questioned.

"I'm dating a guy for the first time in my life. That's what's weird to me. Nothing to do with you having surgery," I said.

There was a pause, a moment in silence. He looked at me contemplatively before asking a question that threw me off-guard a bit.

"Would you have preferred me without the surgery? I mean...would you prefer me looking like a woman? Being a woman..." he asked.

"You can't ask me that." I shook my head.

"So, that's a yes then," he said, taking his hand out of my grip.

That wasn't fair. I would never say it to him, but the reality of it was that yes, I was into women. I always had been, so yes, it would be a lot easier if he was a woman, but that didn't mean I would ever want him to go back. It was hard to explain my feelings for him, but I just felt so attacked by this question and needed him to see it from my point of view.

"Well Andy, come on...would you prefer me to look how I do now, as the gender you're into, as opposed to if I were to look like a woman?" I asked.

He went quiet, frowning, then shook his head.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry, you're right. That was unfair of me. My head's just all over the place right now," he mumbled.

"It's okay. You don't have to worry about this. It's not about preferring you looking one way over another, because I'm with you, and I prefer you, right now, as you are, over anyone else in the world, because you're perfect, Andy, and what you looked like before doesn't matter to me now. What's in your pants doesn't matter to me at all. I love everything about you. Every little thing. From your appearance, to everything on the inside. I wouldn't be with you if I wasn't attracted to you," I explained, realizing that I just went on a bit of a mini rant but he had to know this.

"You love everything about me?" he questioned, a quiver of hope in his voice.

"I do," I said firmly.

He smiled, sighing, and reverting back to his normal self.

"I'm sorry I'm being stupid," he said.

"You aren't being stupid. It's fine," I said, and moved a little closer.

He smiled at me, "You're the best, you know that right?"

"I am aware," I joked.

He laughed a little, looking away shyly.

"So, are we good?" I asked.

He looked at me again, nodding, "We're good."


	25. Chapter 25

I was fast asleep when the sound of a door closing woke me. Rolling onto my back, I opened my eyes, squinting in the sunlight that was shining through the window. Andy had just come into the room. Where he went? I didn't know or care. He was fully dressed though and looked ready to tackle the day, unlike me who would rather stay in bed all day.

"Mm, what time is it?" I groaned as I wiped my eyes.

"Don't worry, you don't have to get up for class just yet," he assured me.

"You're too much of an early bird," I commented.

He smiled and came closer. He tugged at the sheet covering my body and I didn't hesitate before moving over to make some room for him. He got in bed with me, an arm loosely draped across my stomach, and his head rested on my shoulder. I rolled towards him, hugging him closely, letting my fingers play across his back. I loved mornings like this.

"How are you feeling?" I asked. Last night's conversation was coming back to me. It was intense, but he seemed fine now.

"Better than ever," he said genuinely.

He buried his face in my neck and kissed it lightly. Sure, it was probably meant to be innocent, but I was a teenage boy and any sign of affection would be made into something much more than it actually was. His warm breath on my neck was beginning to do things to me. It was morning. I had just woken up. My body was relaxed and more responsive to the slightest of touches.

"You were so good to me last night," he said as he cuddled in closer to me.

"I try," I said simply.

I breathed in deeply. I felt like this was a repeat of last night and if he kept being this close to me then I knew what would happen. It was already happening, pressing against his thigh. I cleared my throat and rolled onto my back. There was no doubt he felt that. He propped himself up on his elbow and looked at me. Yeah, he felt it.

"You really can't control yourself, can you?" he asked in amusement.

"It's your fault," I accused. At least I wasn't embarrassed this time. I had a feeling this was going to happen a lot while living with him. It was inevitable.

"I'm sorry," he said a little sarcastically.

He moved closer and slowly, softly pressed his lips to my neck. I closed my eyes, gritting my teeth. He was doing this on purpose now. I knew he was when he kissed my neck again. The warm palm of his hand tenderly slid across my stomach, stopping on my hip.

"What are you doing?" I asked calmly.

"Nothing," he said sweetly.

He kissed my collarbone and I held back a gasp, instead breathing out deeply. I bit my bottom lip, on the one hand trying to control myself because I couldn't handle it if he left me high and dry again, but on the other hand I wanted to indulge in what he was making me feel.

He kissed me again, and this time I felt his teeth nipping along my skin. His fingers slipped past the fabric of my boxers, but only a little bit, almost teasingly. He couldn't be messing with me again, not after last night.

"Are you trying to kill me?" I asked.

"Not this time," he spoke into my ear.

He pulled back a little then kissed my lips, only briefly, leaving me wanting more. He looked at me and I gave him a questioning stare. I was confused. What was he up to? He wasn't ready for more, but he was pulling all the moves. Did he change his mind? Or did he realize the power he had over me and was teasing me? I didn't get it. Maybe this was some sort of gay guy ritual I missed in homosexual 101.

"You've just been such a good boy," he said. My interest in what was going on had officially peaked.

"A good boy?" I questioned.

"Mhm, and good boys get rewarded," he said.

I smiled and couldn't help but laugh a little.

"Rewarded? Now I feel like I'm at the beginning of a cheesy porno," I told him.

"Are you making fun of me?" he asked, not at all sounding offended, but it was more like a warning. I loved when he got all playful like this.

"Maybe." I shrugged.

"So, now you're being bad," he said.

"Am I?" I asked.

"Yes. Maybe I'll have to punish you instead," he threatened. The thought, surprisingly, had me a little excited, even though I knew he was joking.

"Andy Fowler, I didn't know you were into dirty talk," I teased.

He smiled, shaking his head, the little persona he had put on had drifted away right in front of my eyes. He sat up a little, but still stayed closed to me, sighing.

"I'm not good at this," he admitted.

"At what?" I asked.

He went quiet, not giving me an answer. His blue eyes scaled my body, peering down, almost like he was nervous or thinking. His fingertips which had been at my hip crept over to the front of my boxers, but he didn't go any further.

He gazed back into my eyes. The fake confidence from before was gone. It was a cover up; a defense mechanism for the nerves and I saw the trepidation written all over his face, but I also saw hopefulness, questioning, even requesting. I was wary because just last night this ended in a near disaster, but I gave Andy the benefit of the doubt and nodded, silently giving him the little push he needed.

His eyes fluttered back down my body. My breath caught in my throat. The anticipation was getting to me. He slipped his hand beneath the material, going over my quickly hardening length. His hand was a touch cooler than what he was touching. He made my body both shiver and heat up at the same time.

His touch was so gentle, but holy hell, it was perfect. I had never really gone this long without being touched by someone, and it wasn't even that long of a time. Feeling his hand slowly rubbing me, groping me, it was unbelievable.

"I swear to God if you're screwing with me I'll..." I breathed.

I looked up at the ceiling, my mouth slightly agape. The boy next to me was avoiding eye contact, focusing on what he was doing.

"You'll what?" he asked sweetly.

I tried to think of something, but nothing was coming up. My brain had turned to mush. This was amazing, absolutely incredible.

"I don't know," I whispered in a gasp.

He looked at me and I glanced at him. A small smile played at his lips. He seemed to be enjoying this, probably not as much as I was though. He leant forward and kissed my lips before kissing my cheek, then my jawline, then my neck. I couldn't ever remember feeling this good, and from a simple touch? It was insane.

"I'm dreaming, aren't I?" I asked.

"No, but you can stop talking now," he ordered before he kissed right under my ear.

He was right, everything I said was dumb so it was probably best if I stayed quiet instead of pushing my luck.

This boy, this amazing, wonderful boy next to me, kissed down lower on my body, drifting further and further south. His grip around me tightened, moving a little quicker. I squirmed around, knowing that I probably wouldn't last long. It was all Andy. Usually I could last a while, but with Andy? He turned me on more than words could explain.

He got right down to my boxers, placing a small kiss on my hip. I felt him tugging the material down, exposing me. I admitted to myself that I felt a bit nervous. I was confident in myself, in my body, but this was Andy. His opinion meant a lot to me, so with my boxers down to my knees, I felt a little vulnerable.

"Hmm..." he hummed.

"What?" I sighed.

"Mine's bigger," he said.

"What?!" I almost shouted. I sat up quickly, looking down at him, ignoring how fucking hot he looked holding my rock hard dick, and instead focusing on what he just said.

"I'm kidding," he laughed, "It's fine. Mine's an average size so it won't hurt too much when I fuck you."

"E-Excuse me?" I stammered. He just laughed again.

"Relax. I'm screwing with you," he said.

I felt relieved, but still frowned. He better be kidding. There was no way in the world I was going to let Andy top me. I thought I was straight my entire life so I was nowhere near ready to even consider what he was joking about.

"I don't think I'm in the mood anymore," I muttered.

"Oh? Are you sure?" he asked curiously.

His hand which had been idly wrapped around me started to move, stroking me up and down.

"I mean...if you're not in the mood..." he trailed off.

His eyes held so much lust, and even a little tormenting. He smiled, his glistening lips moving closer. He surprised me a little by licking me, right from base to tip. I couldn't resist this. I was a goner to him. I fell back to the bed, looking at the ceiling again.

"You know, for someone who says they're not good at this...you're really good at this," I told him.

"I thought I told you to stop talking," he commanded.

"Bossy..." I mumbled.

He was being bossy, and why? It was because he had full control over me. I was literally in the palm of his hand. Every tiny movement he had this huge control over me, and no matter how dominating I was, or how submissive he was, right now he had full power, and he was a total tease so he would abuse it.

I was pulled from my thoughts with the feeling of his warm, wet lips wrapped around my tip. He had no idea how long I had been fantasizing about this. Ever since high school this was right up there with my top daydreams and it was actually happening. I've never felt so lucky before. I wanted to praise him, tell him how much I wanted him, how much I was feeling for him right now, but as he ordered me to do, I kept my mouth shut.

He took in half my length, his soft lips sliding over me. He sucked back up to my tip. He was making me go crazy already. He was sending me into over-drive. I tangled my fingers in the sheets, gripping them tightly.

My breathing was shaking as he kept going, bobbing his head up and down almost like an expert and I briefly wondered how many times he had done this. The thought was quickly pushed from my mind when he swirled his tongue around my tip.

A moan escaped the back of my throat. I reached out to him and ran my fingers through his hair. It took everything in me not to make him go deeper, but Andy was like a delicate flower to me that I didn't want to hurt.

I let my hand drop to the side and it was quickly taken by Andy's. He laced our fingers together and just that simple motion somehow seemed to push me right to the edge. My heart was exploding with emotions I didn't even think were possible.

"Andy..." I breathed warningly.

I arched my back, trying not to writhe around. He didn't miss a beat. Somehow he managed to be so gentle, yet so rough at the same time.

"Andy..." I said again as I got closer.

I couldn't hold back any longer. The whimper at the tip of my lips was warning enough for him and before I knew it I was squeezing his hand tightly as I had, probably, the best orgasm of my entire life. Relief and pure ecstasy flooded over me.

He kept going, making sure I was well and truly done. My mind was a mess, my body floating away in the clouds. My pulse throbbed through my entire body. My hand went limp in his as he pulled back. Through dark, hazy eyes I looked down at him. He was smiling like he had just accomplished something, which he had. What a wonderful start to the day.

The beautiful man carefully pulled my boxers back up, then crawled back to my side. I looked at him with a smile. I just appreciated him so much right now. That was amazing and so out of the blue. It was like he had a mission to make me feel good, and in turn, I just wanted to do the same to him.

Without a second thought, I sat up, pushing him onto his back. I began to move down his body when he stopped me.

"Wait," he spoke, and I froze, looking right at him, "Wait...um...just wait."

He sounded so nervous, he looked so nervous.

"Let's be real, you wouldn't even know what to do with yourself down there." He laughed a little.

I thought about it and realized he was kind of right. This wasn't something I had ever thought about doing, or ever thought I'd find myself in the position to do. This was completely new territory to me.

"I'll figure it out," I said, feeling unsure, but at the same time confident. It wasn't like this was rocket science.

"I, I uh...I appreciate the gesture but..." he trailed off at a loss for words.

"I just want to make you feel how I just felt," I told him with a pout. He smiled brightly.

"I know, and one day...sure, but right now...I'm still not ready," he said.

I guess I should have figured that that would be the case. I had been a little unsure where Andy stood because last night he didn't want to do anything, then this morning he did, but clearly he didn't have a problem with doing things just to me, it was when the tables were turned that he wasn't comfortable.

I was serious about repaying the favor though. I wanted to be a good boyfriend. I wanted to get physical with him, but now that I thought about it, maybe Andy wasn't the only one not ready. As much as I liked Andy, maybe I wasn't quite ready to be so physical with a guy. In the heat of the moment with hormones taking over I really wanted it though. With logic thrown in, I ended up nodding and backing off.

"Okay," I said, sounding a little disappointed.

He smiled warmly and lightly touched the side of my face. He sat up and kissed my cheek before maneuvering around me and off the bed.

"I have class soon, so I'll catch you later," he said.

I sighed, relaxing on the bed. I didn't have class with Andy today so I didn't know when I'd see him next, probably not until this afternoon and I felt so attached to him lately that the thought of spending a day without him didn't go over too well.

"I'll see you hopefully soon," I said as I watched him gathering a few things.

"I'll text you," he said.

"I'll be waiting." I sighed.

Once again he smiled, the simple action lighting up the whole room. He blew me a kiss before disappearing out into the hall and leaving me alone.

* * *

"I can't believe we're hanging out in the library like a bunch of nerds," Mikey said with a shake of his head.

"It's college. We're supposed to be here," Sonny pointed out.

"And we wouldn't be here if we didn't leave our assignments 'til the last minute," I added.

We got up to the second floor of the library where most of the rows of books were and stopped, looking in all directions.

"They're supposed to be in the 'S's," Sonny said, and pointed in one direction.

Mikey and I followed his lead, walking down the aisles until we got to the one we needed to be in. The three of us all started searching for books that we needed for this ridiculous assignment. I would have loved to use the internet like any normal person living in the 21st century would, but our professor was very old fashioned and was clear that we had to use actual real life books only.

I truly hated the academic side to college. I just wanted to play soccer all the time, after all that's what I had a scholarship for. Instead, I found myself leaning against the shelves, lazily flipping through the contents pages of a book, trying to see if it was relevant.

"Oh hey, loverboy just walked past," Mikey said.

I looked up from my book, knowing exactly who he was talking about. I stepped out into the main walkway just in time to see Andy going down one of the aisles.

I couldn't help but smile at seeing him. I hadn't seen Andy since this morning and it was now nearing the late afternoon. Classes were done for the day and all I wanted to do was go back to the dorm and find Andy since we didn't have practice today because there wasn't a game this weekend, which meant I could have spent my free time with Andy, but no, Sonny had convinced me to help him in this group research thing, delaying my time with Andy. I couldn't resist seeing him now though.

"I'll be right back," I said to Sonny, and handed him my book.

I saw him roll his eyes but I ignored him as I went back out into the main walkway. This library was huge. It was like a maze and all too easy to get lost in. There weren't many people up here either. The main collaboration zone was downstairs.

I found Andy, seeing him with his back turned to me in a deserted row. I walked towards him. He had a book opened in his hands. He must have heard me because he glanced behind himself and smiled when he saw me. I wrapped my arms around him from behind, enjoying the feeling of his body being close to mine.

"Hey, boyfriend," I whispered, and kissed his cheek. I liked the way 'boyfriend' rolled off my tongue.

"Hey yourself," he said, snapping the book shut.

"Whatcha got there?" I asked, taking it from his hands. I looked at the cover, ignoring what was actually written on it.

"Hmm...how to make out with your boyfriend in a library, for dummies. Interesting choice," I said and tossed the book back on the shelf.

"Cute," he giggled.

With my hands on his hips I made him spin around to face me. I lightly pushed him against a row of books and moved closer. The small smile and bite of his lips made my heart jump. My nose touched his as I teasingly let my lips hover over his, but let's be real, I couldn't be a tease. I wanted him too much for that.

I pressed my lips against his, kissing him hungrily, trying to get a day's worth into the one moment. He brought his hands up to my shoulders but I was quick to pin them to the shelves. Perfect. He's so perfect.

"I missed you," I said when I pulled away.

"I can tell." He smirked.

I let go of his wrists and he wrapped his arms around my neck. He pulled me closer for another kiss.

"What are you doing here?" I asked against his lips.

"Looking for something to read," he said, kissing me a little harder.

I sighed into the kiss. I just wanted more and more and more, but nerves took over as I realized we were in a public place and instead I pulled back, stopping myself from kissing him further, but kept my body close to his, my hands on his hips.

"You're such a nerd," I teased.

"Whatever. What are you doing here?" he asked curiously.

"Looking for books for an assignment," I said.

"Now who's the nerd?" he laughed.

"Still you," I said.

Once more my lips hovered over his, but the sound of footsteps approaching stopped me. I forced myself to separate from him, standing back as I waited for the person to go by, but they didn't keep walking. They stopped at the aisle Andy and I were in. It was just Sonny.

"Hey, sorry to interrupt. Mikey and I found the books we need. You ready to go, or?" he questioned. I saw the stack of books in his hands and felt a little guilty for not helping.

I nodded at him and turned my attention back to Andy, "You coming with us?"

"Yeah, sure," Andy said, abandoning his own search for whatever book he was looking for.

I resisted the urge to take his hand and instead went off with Sonny and Mikey, checking out the books we needed before leaving. We all headed back to the dorm rooms, walking side by side with each other, laughing, smiling, and everything just felt okay. It felt right, but it was like the universe was against me. Nothing could ever go well for too long.

"Uh, guys..." Sonny spoke. He had stopped walking, and so did myself, Andy and Mikey. I followed his gaze and saw what, or who he was looking at.

Walking out of the dorm building was a certain blonde-haired asshole. Ethan. Had I really fallen into a false sense of security that I was actually surprised he was back, because I was surprised. I didn't expect to see him.

Andy stood to my side, a little bit behind me and I could practically feel the fear radiating off him, and off Mikey standing on my other side. I stood still as Ethan spotted us. We were on the walkway, we were in his path, so of course he would walk right up to us.

"Hello, boys," Ethan said, his voice dripping with loathing and fake cheeriness.

"Ethan..." Sonny spoke, the only one who could hide his emotions right now because the rest of us were unpredictable. I myself had no idea how I was going to react to this piece of shit. "Welcome back. You're looking...better," Sonny said.

He did look better. There were a couple of scars on his face but the bruising was gone, or at least faded away to almost nothing. Last I saw of him he was covered in blood. Now, it was a vast improvement.

"I heard you two found me," Ethan said, pointing to Sonny and myself.

"Yeah, we did," Sonny answered.

What was Ethan playing at here? To him, we were still friends, or frenemies more like it. He didn't know just how much I hated his entire existence. Sure, he had a bit of an idea but he didn't know just how personal it was now. He also didn't know that Mikey was the one to put him in hospital, or at least I didn't think he did. If he did he wasn't showing any signs.

"Thanks, I guess. Did you see the dick who did that to me? Like, I know the police report said you didn't, but still," Ethan asked. He was sounding so casual. He didn't know anything was up.

"No," Sonny said, shaking his head.

"Nope," I finally spoke.

"Damn. It's driving me crazy trying to think of who it was," Ethan said.

"Any ideas?" Mikey piped up this time, and I wanted to just yell at him to keep his damn mouth closed.

"Well, I've had plenty of time to think about it, sitting on my fucking ass all day every day at the hospital, but I didn't see anything. I know it couldn't be you, Cobban. You haven't got it in you," Ethan laughed. Oh how wrong he was. He was so filled with egotism that he couldn't possibly think it was someone smaller than him that beat him up.

"And then there's you." Ethan turned to Andy, "I can't imagine you would have been feeling up for it."

He did not just say that. He couldn't have been so stupid. I wanted to kill him. I wanted to murder him. I wanted to tear him limb from limb for even thinking about poking fun about drugging Andy. I would have launched myself at him too if it wasn't for the tiny little tug on the back of my shirt.

I turned my head, peering over my shoulder at Andy who had a stoic expression on his face, but his eyes told me not to do anything, so I didn't. It took everything in me not to do anything.

"Who knows," he shrugged. "Anyway, I know there's no practice today, but I gotta catch back up to everyone so I'm going down to the field. I'll catch yas later." With that he went to walk around us, but didn't stop himself from knocking into Andy's shoulder as he left.

I turned, watching him walk off, hating him more than I had ever hated anyone in my life. The second he was out of earshot I looked at Andy.

"Are you okay?" I asked.

"No," he said quickly and honestly.

I glanced at Sonny and Mikey.

"You guys go up. We're gonna hang down here for a bit," I told them, knowing Andy would be better without a group of people watching him.

Both of them just nodded. Mikey looked equally as freaked out, but Sonny was level-headed and would take care of him. They both went off to the elevators, and I guided Andy towards the quiet sanctuary of the stairwell. I closed the door, silencing us from the rest of the world.

"What am I going to do?" Andy asked quickly in a panic the second we were alone.

"Nothing, Andy, you're going to do nothing. There's nothing we can do but tolerate him," I said calmly. I stepped towards him.

He leant against the wall and I could see in his eyes that he was struggling with the thin line between staying calm and panicking. He slid down to the floor, sitting down.

"Oh God...what's he gonna do to me?" he breathed in and out heavily. I knelt down in front of him, trying to connect with his eyes but he was looking anywhere but at me. He looked terrified. He kept on breathing in deeply and I knew he was trying to calm himself down.

"He's not going to do anything," I assured him. I wouldn't allow him to.

"He will," he spoke quickly.

"I won't let him anywhere near you. I won't let him hurt you," I promised.

"Did you see the way he was looking at me?" he asked, his eyes darting to mine and then away again, filling with tears.

"What?" I asked.

"He was threatening me. You didn't see that?" he asked. I thought about it, but I didn't know.

"Rye, he's gonna do something...I can just feel it," he said in a worry. His lips shook, but still he wasn't pushed over the edge into a panic attack. His methodical breathing was helping him keep stable.

"He won't get anywhere near you. We just have to stay out of his way and it'll all be okay," I told him.

He looked me in the eyes hopefully.

"Promise?" he asked.

I nodded before whispering, "I promise."

And I sure as hell wouldn't let Ethan make me break my promise.


	26. Chapter 26

It was Saturday, middle of the day, and Andy and I were in the rec room along with Sonny and his girlfriend Hannah, who were actually a lot more serious than I thought with the amount of 'I love you's' exchanged. It made me feel kind of inadequate that I couldn't be all out in the open with Andy.

Hannah and Sonny sat at a table with their laptops open. Andy and I were on the couch, sitting on opposite ends but still close, of course not close enough though. He was reading a book and I was on my phone, entertaining myself with a game.

I peered over my phone at Andy. He was so cute when he was concentrating on something, especially with the way he would mindlessly bite on his lower lip. I looked away before I got too enthralled in him and opened my text messages instead.

'I really want to kiss you.' I sent to Andy.

I looked up at him to see his reaction. Straight away he took his phone out of his pocket and looked at the screen. A moment later his eyes flicked to mine. The cheesy text was totally worth the small smile appear on his lips. He was an angel.

He didn't reply to me, or say anything for that matter. He put his phone back in his pocket and went back to his book. He had been acting a little bit off ever since Ethan came back. It was understandable, of course, but I hated seeing him unhappy. He was constantly worrying about what Ethan would do and I would probably kill Ethan just to make that feeling go away. Unfortunately that was illegal.

I knocked my knee against Andy's, getting his attention again.

"You okay?" I asked quietly.

He smiled and nodded before going back to his book again. I dropped the topic for now. I sighed and leant back on the couch, looking around. It was kind of boring around here on weekends when we didn't have a game. At least I'd get to spend my night with Andy.

Looking towards the entrance of the room, I could have just exploded then and there when I saw Ethan walking through. Antony was with him. I didn't know how I was supposed to act normal around him. I didn't know how I was supposed to ignore the fact that he drugged my boyfriend and wanted to hurt him. I wasn't good with keeping my temper down, but I knew I had to.

I knocked my knee against Andy's again and when he looked up at me I nodded towards Ethan and Antony who were coming towards us. Straight away I saw worry in Andy's eyes. He went from calm and comfortable to looking like he wanted to be anywhere but here.

"Hey there, teammates. Got anything planned for our day off?" Ethan asked as he got to us.

He sat on the arm rest right next to Andy, who visibly tensed up. He kept his gaze away from everyone. I hated seeing him like this. He was usually so confident and sure of himself but now he was just a scared little boy.

"Nope," I answered simply.

"Yeah, I think everyone's kind of in for a quiet night. I heard the last few parties took quite a toll on everyone, right, Andy?" Ethan asked, putting his hand on Andy's shoulder. I wanted to chop his hand off. I've never had more murderous thoughts in my life.

"What do you want, Ethan?" I sighed impatiently.

"Don't be so hostile, Rye. I just want to catch up with you guys. What have you all been up to?" The asshole asked. Antony stood by his side, clearly there just for back-up and not to get involved in any type of conversation that might actually require him to use a brain.

"Same old, same old," Sonny chimed in this time. "Studying, practicing, hanging out."

"Ah, yeah, I've missed practice. I'm kind of surprised you're still on the team, actually, Fovvs," Ethan said.

I saw Andy roll his eyes, going from scared to annoyed in a split second.

"Why?" Andy asked.

"Well, I mean...a girl can't really last long on a boys' soccer team," Ethan taunted, laughing it off like it was just a joke. I wanted to say something, and I was honestly going to, but Andy beat me to it.

"Fuck off, Ethan," Andy muttered.

"What did you just say to me?" Ethan sounded offended. Good.

Andy sighed, snapping his book shut before standing up. I leaned forward, wondering what the hell he was doing. Half of me hoped a fight broke out just so I had an excuse to beat the shit out of Ethan. Andy turned to Ethan, staring him down.

"I said, 'fuck off'. Stay away from me, or are you, like, obsessed with me or something?" Andy asked. Behind Ethan, Antony snickered at Andy's comment, and that was when Ethan's eyes changed from that cocky, arrogant boy, to one that was out for blood.

"You're gonna regret saying that, princess," Ethan spat.

"Do your worst," Andy said calmly.

A small, evil smile played on Ethan's lips that sent chills down my spine.

"Trust me...I will," Ethan threatened.

"Ethan, if you lay one hand on him-," It was Sonny speaking this time, only to be interrupted by Ethan.

"Oh, don't worry," he laughed. "I won't touch a hair on your fucked up little head. I won't need to to ruin your life."

That was enough. I stood, stepping towards them and pushing Andy behind me. I glared at Ethan and it took everything in me not to rip him apart. I knew if I tried then Sonny was up next to me to stop me.

"Hm, what do we have here? A little too over-protective, don't you think?" Ethan asked with that arrogant, piece of shit smile he had.

"Get out of here before I shove Antony's dick, right up your ass," I threatened him.

He laughed, "Yeah, I bet you'd like to see that, wouldn't you?"

Messing with me or not, his words got to me. It was like he knew who I was, what I was hiding. It made me feel uneasy, but I didn't move. I didn't falter. I stared him down, not giving anything away. I willed him to leave, but he stayed put with his arms crossed over his chest, not budging.

No one made a movement until Andy swiftly walked past the two of us and left. My gaze followed him. I no longer had time for Ethan. Andy was clouding my mind, and so without another thought to that asshole, I left the room too, going back to mine and Andy's room.

When I got there I saw Andy pacing back and forth across the small room. I shut the door behind me, locking us away from the outside world.

"I shouldn't have provoked him," Andy said quickly, stopping to look at me.

"What can he even do to you, huh? Just don't be alone. Stick with me, Sonny, Mikey, Brook, whoever, and he won't be able to get to you," I told him.

He nodded, sighing in frustration and running his fingers through his hair.

"I just can't stand him," he said through gritted teeth.

"No one can stand him," I said and went towards him, "He's all talk, just trying to act tough."

I put my hands on his shoulders, gently massaging them to calm him down. He looked at me gratefully, but he also looked exhausted.

"Hey," I said softly, pulling him closer, "I'll keep you safe."

"Promise?" he asked under his breath.

"Always," I said.

He sighed and stepped towards me, resting his head on my shoulder and wrapping his arms around my back. I kissed the side of his head and held him back twice as hard. He didn't deserve this. He shouldn't have to put up with people like Ethan. It wasn't fair. Andy didn't do anything to anyone. He just wanted to play soccer in college and this is the bullshit he always gets.

"I'm thinking I might get off campus for a bit," he said.

"What?" I asked in a quick panic and pulled away. He couldn't just leave.

"Relax. I just mean, like, for the afternoon, or night, or something," he said.

"Oh, okay," I sighed in relief, "Well, I could take you somewhere."

I was a bit unsure though because I had no idea where I would take Andy that wasn't here.

"No, it's okay. Actually, my dad's been bugging me to come and visit him for a while now, so I was thinking I'd give him a call," he said with a shrug.

"Oh, sure. That's good too," I said, not really minding too much that he gave up an opportunity to hang out with me. I couldn't have him all to myself all the time, no matter how much I wanted him.

I went and laid down on my bed, watching Andy as he took his phone out and called his dad. He sat on the edge of his bed before talking to him. I tuned out of the conversation. I was beginning to miss Andy already and he wasn't even gone.

"Right, ten minutes. God it. I'll meet you at the drop-off zone," I heard Andy say towards the end of the conversation, "Okay...see you soon...yeah, love you too."

I smiled. It warmed my heart to hear the lovingness between the father and son. It also made me a little jealous because I never had, nor will I ever have, that sort of relationship with my own dad.

"Someone's a daddy's boy," I teased when he hung up.

"No, someone's a 'that's-the-only-parent-that-likes-me' boy," he said. I frowned, feeling sad for him. While my parents weren't the greatest, at least I knew I had them both.

"That was too depressing, huh?" he chuckled. I smiled sadly.

"Come here," I said, holding my hand out.

He came over, taking my hand and I pulled him down to me, flipping us over so he was on his back. I looked at him for a moment just to take all of him in. He was perfect. I've never been so lovesick before. It was getting worse and worse with every day.

I leant in and kissed him softly. I littered tiny butterfly kisses all over his lips. I pulled back a little and looked at him again, brushing his hair out of his eyes.

"What was that for?" he asked. I shrugged.

"You don't need your parents to like you. You've got me to like you," I said. He smiled brightly.

"Aww, how sweet," he cooed. He leant up, quickly kissing my lips before gently pushing me off of him.

"Anyway, I gotta go. Dad will be waiting," he said.

"I'll walk you down," I said. That wasn't up for discussion. I may have been being a little over-protective, but I wouldn't let Andy walk anywhere by himself. He didn't need a baby-sitter, but even he himself knew he couldn't be alone. He didn't want to be either.

I let him finish getting ready before we left, going down to the front of campus where Andy said he would wait for his dad. We weren't waiting for too long when a black SUV pulled up and a door opened.

"Hey dad!" Andy said happily as the short, stocky man stepped out of the vehicle.

"Ah, my Fovvler!" His dad said, embracing his son.

I stood there feeling a little awkward. I really wasn't used to the whole loving family thing. It was like a whole other world to me. Also, I felt awkward because this was my first time meeting Andy's dad, and I had no clue how to react. What should I even say to him? Did he even know who I was? I really didn't think this through before offering to walk Andy down here.

The two of them pulled apart and Andy turned to me, smiling, also looking a little nervous.

"Uh Rye, this is my dad. His name is Robert. Dad, this is Rye," Andy said. He looked between the two of us, putting on a big, but forced smile.

"Aah, so this is the boyfriend." His dad, Robert, whispered the last word.

I felt all choked up on my words all of a sudden. I don't know why I didn't expect Andy to tell his dad about me. I mean, of course he would. That's what normal families do. They share things with each other.

"Uh, um...uh...y-yes?" I questioned.

"Well, it's very nice to meet the guy Andy can't stop talking about," Robert said.

"Dad," Andy whispered harshly. He was blushing, looking both incredibly shy and annoyed at the same time.

"Don't worry, I won't embarrass you further." Robert laughed, then turned his attention back to me.

"So, Rye, are you joining us for dinner?" Robert asked.

"Uh, no, actually," I said with a bit of a frown, and looked at Andy for help. I really didn't know how to communicate with adults, let alone my boyfriend's dad.

"Oh, I don't even know why I didn't think of inviting you, Rye. I mean, do you want to come over?" Andy asked.

"Do you want me to come over?" I asked curiously.

"Do you want to?" he asked again.

"Jesus, it's like watching two people play 'no you hang up first'. Rye, you're coming with us and that's final." Robert spoke in an authoritative tone. I couldn't say no to that. I didn't want to say no. I wanted to spend time with Andy.

"Sure." I smiled and nodded.

"Great. Hop on in," Robert said.

Without any more arguments I got in the car, ready to go to Andy's house.

* * *

"I'm really sorry for not inviting you," Andy told me right after we got to his house and were able to get away from his chatty father, "I just know how weird you get sometimes with people knowing about us and I didn't want to make you uncomfortable."

"It's okay. I'm not uncomfortable," I said. It was kind of a lie. I wasn't uncomfortable that his dad knew about us. I was uncomfortable, in general, around parents.

"Anyway, your dad seems cool," I told him.

"Don't tell him that to his face. It'll go straight to his head." He laughed.

The two of us got to the end of a corridor where a set of doors were.

"So, this one's my room," Andy said, opening the large double doors. His house was huge. I mean, I always knew they were rich and the house was big, but inside it was incredible.

I stepped into his room. His walls were a bright aqua color. The bed, furniture and almost everything else was white. The place looked very clean, but then again of course it would since he lived on campus now instead of here. Honestly this entire place was amazing. I didn't know why he would ever want to leave it.

"Can I ask you a question?" I asked, looking at him as he leant against the now closed doors.

"Shoot." He nodded.

"Why do you stay on campus? I mean, I stay there for the lifestyle and to get away from my parents. But I just don't see that with you," I said.

"It was part of, like, a deal I made with myself. I promised myself to not hide away from things that make me scared, and that includes living on campus and interacting with people my own age. I don't know, it's just important to me," he said casually, but I knew it meant more to him than his casual tone suggested.

"Fair enough," I said.

I turned back to the room, taking it all in, then went over to the bed, sitting on the edge.

"Your room is awesome," I said.

"That's 'cause I'm awesome." He giggled and walked towards me.

I smiled and looked around, playing with the material of the sheets.

"I've always wondered what your room would be like," I said.

"Let me guess," he pondered as he got to me. "You imagined pink walls...ponies...glitter?"

"No!" I said defensively and grabbed his wrist, pulling him to me. He sat on my lap, straddling me, his arms around my neck, his fingers playing with my hair.

"I always knew what color your bedroom walls were," I said.

"You did?" he asked curiously.

"Mhm. Tenth grade you came to school with aqua paint on your hands. You couldn't get it off and I remember you telling your friends in class how you painted it all by yourself," I told him.

He went quiet, looking at me with raised eyebrows, and it was only then did I realize just how I sounded.

"And I'm getting stalkery again," I sighed.

"If I didn't like you so much, I'd probably get a restraining order," he said.

"That's kinda hot," I joked.

"You know what else his hot?" he asked softly.

He moved a little closer, his lips lightly brushing against mine. I closed my eyes, breathing deeply. He touched the side of my face, his thumb running along my lower lip.

"What?" I asked. I longed for his lips against mine. So many thoughts were drifting through my mind, and we were alone. I wanted to take advantage of that.

"This bedroom," he said. And without a warning, he got off of me. I opened my eyes, feeling a little dumbfounded. He was standing now, smiling innocently.

"Let's go hang out outside," he said, skipping towards his door.

"Are you really going to leave me hanging?" I asked. He stopped as he got to the door, looking back at me.

"Maybe if you behave tonight then I'll make it up to you," he said suggestively before opening the door and leaving.

Oh, he really was trying to kill me.

* * *

Andy and I hung out all afternoon. He gave me an extensive tour of the house and we ended up outside for most of the time until his dad called us in for dinner. Now, I found myself sitting by Andy's side, with Robert sitting straight across from us. The table was set out nicely, too nicely, rich people kind of nicely.

I had briefly wondered if his mom would show up, but I was pretty sure his mom and dad were divorced because of how she acted when Andy came out. I kind of wished there were more people here, because dinner seemed to be starting off kind of awkwardly.

It was quiet. Robert was quiet. It was a vast difference to in the car when he wouldn't stop talking. Then again, all he did was ramble on and on to Andy. I had stayed quiet, enjoying my invisibility. Now though, Robert was looking straight at me, and Andy was by my side. Under the table, he held my hand, giving it a comforting squeeze.

"Um, dinner looks nice." I said to break the silence. I hoped he'd stop staring at me like that. No one was eating or moving. Andy was acting like normal though.

"Let's get down to business," his dad said, sounding way too serious.

I glanced at Andy. Was he for real right now? Andy showed no signs that anything was wrong. I looked back at the scary older man who just hours before I wouldn't have thought would even hurt a fly.

"What are your intentions with my daughter?" he asked. I flinched at the word.

"I wasn't aware you had a daughter, Mr. Fowler," I said politely.

His lip twitched into a sort of smile.

"Good answer," he said with a nod. Wait, was this a test? He was testing me. Despite the small smile, I was terrified of this man. Parents are terrifying.

"What are your intentions with my son?" he asked again.

"Um..." I glanced at Andy, "I...I don't know?"

"You're in a relationship with him and you don't know?" he asked.

I really didn't know what to say. How does someone answer that? Once again I looked at Andy. He was sitting there, looking calm and collected.

"Have you had sex with him?" Robert asked. I almost choked on air.

"N-no! No!" I said quickly.

"Do you plan on having sex with him?" he asked.

Once again, I looked at Andy, wondering why he was being so calm when I was freaking out.

"I...um...uh...I..." I couldn't talk. I could barely breathe.

"Did you know I was on the police force before I got married?" he asked.

"R-really? Fascinating," I said awkwardly.

"I still have my guns locked away in a draw in my office. Would you like me to see them?" he asked.

"No thank you," I squeaked. My hands were shaking as I held Andy's tighter.

"Dad..." Andy warned.

Robert looked to and from the both of us before breaking out in a smile, and then a hearty laugh.

"Relax, kid. I'm screwing with you," he said.

I looked at him like he was crazy, then at Andy who just smiled innocently.

"Seriously?" I asked.

Andy shrugged, "He likes messing with people."

"I guess that's where you get it from then," I said.

My heart rate dropped as I calmed down from the disturbing experience.

"Don't worry, I don't have reason to interrogate you, Rye. Anyone good enough for Andy is good enough for me. Now let's eat!" Robert exclaimed happily, raising his glass of wine in the air.

I smiled a little shyly and after that, dinner went smoothly without a single hiccup.

* * *

Andy and I got back to the dorm rooms kind of late. There were still a lot of people out and about. The two of us discreetly made our way back to our dorm room, closing the door behind us to relish in the privacy.

"So, did you have fun?" Andy asked, turning to me. He pulled me closer by the shirt and kissed my cheek.

"Other than your dad scaring the shit out of me, yes, I did have fun," I said.

He went from my cheek to my lips, finally giving me the kiss I had craved. He always tasted so nice when we kissed. I loved it. I wrapped my arms around him and pulled him towards my bed, knowing we probably wouldn't do anything tonight, but it was worth a shot.

We sat on the edge of my bed, still kissing, his tongue playfully massaging mine. He was so good at that. He put his hand on my thigh and I thought maybe I'd get a little lucky when the sound of both our phone's message tone went off at the exact same time. That was kind of strange. He was first to pull away, looking down at his pocket where his phone was.

"That was weird," he said, and went to take his phone out, and out of curiosity I did the same. I frowned in confusion when I saw what was on the screen.

"That's...odd. I have an email from Ethan," he said, his voice filled with worry.

"So do I," I said, getting a bad feeling.

We looked up at each other, both of us questioning each other but of course neither of us knew what it could be. At the same time we looked back down, opened the email, and when I did, my heart stopped. I was thrown into shock.

I looked up at Andy, his hands shaking as his phone fell through his fingertips, and on that phone I knew was the exact same email I had received with an attachment of a picture of Andy, drugged, and naked in the stairwell.

The worst part was it wasn't just sent to Andy and myself. It was sent to the entire student body.


	27. Chapter 27

Uselessness is an awful feeling. When you care about someone so much, all you want to do is protect them from all evil and fix their problems. You want to stop them from even the slightest bit of hurt, but when that's beyond your control and you can't be the person you want to be, that's when you feel like the most useless and helpless person in the world.

I looked at Andy, almost like everything was going in slow motion. I wanted to believe that this was some kind of nightmare, that I would wake up and Andy would be sleeping peacefully in the bed beside me, because there was no way the world would be this cruel, but it was. It was this cruel. It was unfair, and Andy once again had drawn the short straw.

"No...no, no, no, no, no...I...I c-....I...no..." He stammered out, his whole body shaking. He looked around frantically, almost as if he was trying to physically see if this was real, that this was happening.

I didn't know what to say to him. What could I possibly say to make this better? There wasn't a damn thing. I couldn't fix this.

"Andy..." I started, with no intentions of finishing.

He stood up quickly, facing away from me. He tangled his fingers in his hair, symbolically trying to get a grip on reality, but if I couldn't even accept this as reality then how could he?

He turned back to me, jittering from side to side, his arms and hands shaking. I could see in his eyes that he was trying to keep it together. He was trying to think calmly, but his body language told an entirely different story. He was whispering under his breath and shaking his head.

His eyes were pleading with me to tell him this wasn't happening, but I was a useless moron, sitting there not knowing what to do. Something changed in his eyes so quickly that I almost didn't see it. The shock disappeared and was replaced with devastation and panic.

He fell to his knees, doubling over on the ground as he broke down. He cried, sobbed, wailed. He rocked back and forth on the ground gasping for air. Almost in a daze I looked back at my phone, just to check that this was actually happening. I was immediately disgusted by what I saw and tossed the phone to my side.

I looked back down at Andy. He fell further to the floor, laying on his side. His body shook with convulsions. I heard his chortled breathing, struggling lot worse than other panic attacks I had seen him have.

I quickly got on the floor with him and pushed his hair out of his face to make it easier to get some air. My eyes prickled with unshed tears seeing him like this. I stopped touching him, knowing it wasn't doing him any good. A thin layer of sweat covered his face. He clutched at his chest, feeling his own heartbeat which I knew was beating out of control.

"Remember your breathing exercises, Andy. Count in your head. You're safe in here with me," I said.

His eyes shot to mine, almost in a glare.

"Safe?" he gasped out, "Safe?"

He sat up and I sat back, a little surprised at the sudden movement and crazed look in his eyes.

"No...no. I am not safe here!" he cried hysterically, and rightly so.

He got up and stumbled over to his drawers. He ripped one open and started tossing his clothes on his bed.

"What are you doing?" I asked in confusion.

"I can't stay here anymore," he said.

At those words, I got up and rushed over to him.

"Andy..." I started off calmly.

"I'm leaving. I-I have to go." His voice shook.

"You're not going anywhere. Not like this," I said, and went back to his bed, gathering up the clothes he threw and taking them back to the drawers.

I put the clothes back and all he did was take more, aggressively throwing them across the room.

"Andy, please. Stop this," I pleaded.

I touched his hand, trying to get him to just stop. He wasn't in the right frame of mind to do this right now. The second I touched him though, he pushed me away, facing me again with teary, angered eyes.

"You promised me!" he accused.

"What?" I asked.

"Y-You promised me nothing bad would happen," He whined and my heart fell, "You promised it would be okay and you lied. Why would you lie to me?!"

All I felt was shame. I had broken that promise. I meant it when I said it and all I wanted was to take care of him, but I failed. I failed him.

"I'm sorry," I whispered.

His lips quivered. The scared, whimpering boy shook his head, looking down at the ground.

"I know. I know. I'm sorry. I didn't mean it. Rye, what am I going to do?" he asked quickly. He inhaled deeply but the breath of air was broken by sobs.

I stepped forward, just wanting to hold him, comfort him, anything, but he stepped back, not wanting to be touched. It killed me seeing him like this.

"I-It'll all be okay," I stuttered out.

"You don't know that! Stop...stop saying that," His eyes shot up to me again, "It's not going to be okay!"

His crying and breathing was getting worse. I just made it worse. I watched him go and sit on his bed, leaning against the wall with his knees to his chest. I couldn't go near him right now. I was afraid that if I did then he'd tell me he hated me because I failed as a boyfriend.

I hesitated before going to my own bed and sitting down on it. I couldn't do anything else other than wait this out. I had to wait for him to calm down so we could talk about this rationally. It terrified me when he said he was leaving. It was selfish of me to keep him here when he didn't want to be here, but I didn't want him to go.

I watched Andy carefully. He sat there, rocking back and forth with his hands in his hair, still crying. All I could do was sit here feeling useless. I was trying to think of something to do to fix this.

I grabbed my phone and looked at the email again, but not the picture, just the list off students it was sent to. I couldn't look at the picture again. It made me feel sick seeing Andy like that, drugged and vulnerable. If only I had gotten to Andy sooner that night. I dreaded to think of what else Ethan and Antony did. Andy would have said something if he felt different, like the type of different you feel after being physically assaulted. My guess was that they undressed Andy, took the photo, and re-dressed him all before I got to him. I shouldn't have even let him go alone that night.

I had never felt such a rage inside of me that I felt towards Ethan at this very moment. I couldn't believe he would stoop this low. I wanted to kill him. He's hurt Andy more than anyone else ever had. It wasn't physically, it was emotional, and it would destroy Andy if I couldn't think of a way to make it better.

I heard chattering in the halls and nearby dorm rooms. So many people would have seen this by now. By tomorrow morning everyone would have. This was a disaster.

It was a nude photo, and for a lot of people it wouldn't be a big deal if it were to happen. I knew if it happened to me then I would get over it. It would be upsetting, sure, but this was bigger for Andy. His body was important to him. He had been through a huge change so this was a big deal to him. I couldn't even begin to imagine how he felt. I wished this happened to me instead of him just so I didn't have to hear the sobbing. I could practically feel the pain radiating off him.

I sat there for a while, waiting, trying to tune out of the sounds Andy was making because I knew they'd be stuck with me forever. I was sitting there for maybe forty-five minutes? An hour? Who knew? I was daydreaming, trying to think of what to do. The room had gone quiet, and I only realized that when there was a knocking on the door that got my attention.

I looked over at Andy for the first time in a little while. He was laying on his bed, head on the pillow, curled up in a ball. The crying had stopped. He was just staring off into the distance, not focusing on anything. The knock didn't even deter him.

Whoever was at the door knocked again. I glanced at Andy warily before getting up and going over. I opened the door just a crack and after seeing it was Mikey looking pissed off as hell, I opened it a little more, but not enough for him to see Andy.

"Have you seen?" he asked, his voice rigid and filled with anger.

"Yeah, give me a minute," I told him.

"Is he okay?" he asked.

"What do you think?" I mumbled, "Just give me a sec."

I closed the door and turned back to Andy. He still hadn't moved. I went over and knelt on the floor so I was eye level with him. He just looked so broken.

"Hey," I said softly.

He barely registered me being there, but he blinked a couple times, so I knew he was listening.

"That's just Mikey. He and I are going to go for a walk. Will you be okay by yourself?" I asked.

He was unresponsive. I didn't know if leaving was the right thing to do or not. I couldn't just leave him, especially when he wasn't even talking.

"Never mind. I should stay." I changed my mind.

"Just lock the door," he spoke in barely a whisper. His voice was lacking any kind of emotion. It was haunting.

I slowly reached out and touched the side of his face, gently caressing his cheek. He closed his eyes, a tear or two escaping out of the corners.

"I won't be long. I have my phone so all you have to do is call me if you need me," I told him. He opened his eyes but didn't look at me. He looked down, his long eyelashes getting wet with more silent tears.

"I'm here for you, okay? Always. I care about you and I love you and we're going to get you through this together. That is a promise I will keep," I assured him, not that any promises I made were worth believing. Clearly I wasn't good at keeping them.

Once again I got no response. I couldn't sit around here and do nothing though. I had to take some sort of action. I took Andy's hand in mine and lightly kissed it before getting up. I left the room, locking the door behind me.

My eyes connected with Mikey's. They reflected mine, surely, with the amount of rage in them.

"I'm gonna murder him," he said in a calm, deadly voice.

"This time, I'm with you," I said.

Andy's whole 'no violence' thing went out the window. I knew he would hate me for it, but there was no way I was letting Ethan get away with this. I was ready to hurt him. I was ready to make him pay, and if this affected mine and Andy's relationship then I would deal with that, because there was no way he was getting away with it this time.

Mikey and I nodded at each other before heading down the hall. Most dorm room doors were open and I could hear people talking. Some were sympathetic. Some thought it was hilarious. Some were grossed out, and it was those people I wanted to kill almost as much as I wanted to kill Ethan.

"Mikey!" A voice shouted down the hall. Sonny's voice to be exact.

We both turned to face him just as we got to the door that led to the stairwell. He jogged up to us.

"Don't even try to stop us," Mikey said as he pushed the door open, and I was with him, following him into the stairwell to go to the next floor down which was Ethan's.

"Wait, fucking stop, guys. This isn't going to help anything," Sonny said.

He ran faster than we down the stairs and blocked us from leaving.

"Just think about this for a second," Sonny said quickly, holding his hands up in front of him in a defensive stance.

"I'm not letting him get away with this, Sonny. I'm going to make him pay," I threatened. I meant every word.

"We have to be smart about this. We can't just go and hurt him. Look what happened last time. He went to hospital, Mikey had to leave campus for a while, Ethan came back and then this happened. Violence won't solve shit," Sonny said, and in my mind I knew he was right but I wasn't listening.

"It'll solve everything if I fucking kill him," I growled.

"You're not a killer, Rye. You're not thinking clearly. This isn't the way to go," Sonny said.

I was just about ready to fight Sonny to get past him when Mikey spoke.

"What the hell do you suggest we do then?" Mikey asked.

"Use your brains for once. Think about it. There's a way to get around this," Sonny said.

"Which is?" I asked.

"The God damn law, Rye. He took pictures of Andy without his consent and posted them online, again, without his consent. The email was sent from Ethan's account. That's all the evidence we need. He's screwed now," Sonny explained, and I actually listened this time. He was actually making sense.

"So, now what?" I asked, needing him to walk me through this.

"He's going to get into trouble, a lot of trouble. We need to go down to administration and tell them what happened that night," Sonny said.

"But-" Mikey started.

"They're not going to trace the drugs back to you, Mike. They can't even test Andy. There's no evidence," Sonny explained.

"But Ethan will tell them I gave him drugs," Mikey said.

"What proof does he have? No one else is going to admit to buying drugs off you. You're not involved in that anymore, right?" Sonny asked.

"Right." Mikey nodded.

"Exactly. It's his word against ours. They'll think Ethan is lying to get back at you for telling them about what happened that night. This is bigger than you, Mike." Sonny spoke with such confidence. He wasn't going to let us back down on this.

"He's right, Mikey. We have to tell them what happened. There's no proof that you sold the drugs. We have to do this," I told him.

"Right, so it's settled then? We'll be smart about this and go straight to the Dean," Sonny said.

Mikey and I exchanged looks. He looked scared, but this was beyond him now. We couldn't let Ethan get away with something like this. There was no way. Mikey could get into trouble too, but this was just something that had to be done.

"Okay." Both Mikey and I nodded.

As much as I wanted to tear Ethan apart, it wouldn't do any good. Sonny's plan was smarter. Sonny's plan could get rid of Ethan for good. I just needed him away from Andy. Then there was Antony too. I hated him with everything in me as well, but he was a follower. He did what Ethan asked him to do. We have to cut off the head of the snake so the followers unravel too.

The three of us headed down to the administration building and demanded we be seen straight away. According to the receptionist, there had already been a few complaints about what had gone down tonight. It was a little heart-warming to know that other people actually cared enough to make some complaints.

After we refused to leave, the reception told us to take a seat in the waiting room just outside the offices and wait since the Dean we had to talk to was busy in another meeting. The three of us sat there in the waiting room. We were the only ones there this late. I sat between both Mikey and Sonny.

I sighed deeply. This night had been insane. This definitely wasn't how I expected it to go at all. I couldn't get Andy's crying out of my head. I wanted to be back with him right now but I had to do this first. Even if Ethan gets what's coming to him, it still wouldn't make things better with Andy. Nothing would.

"How's Fovvs?" Sonny asked.

"Devastated," I told him simply. It was the only word I could use to sum it up.

Neither of them said a thing. It was their friend hurting too. They cared about him too. This whole situation was awful.

"I don't know how to make it better," I whispered.

"You can't do anything except be there for him," Sonny said.

I nodded, now wanting more than ever to get back to Andy. I looked at my phone. There were no calls or texts from him. I knew if I were to call then he wouldn't answer. It'd probably just give him more anxiety. Hopefully by now he had fallen asleep.

He was such a fragile person even though he put up a confident front. I didn't know how he dealt with this. I hadn't even been with him for very long, yet my life had been filled with drama since I fell for him.

I sat up from my slouched position, a look of shock and horror surely playing on my face as I replayed what I said to Andy right before I left. It took a few moments of thinking to realize that I had in fact said it.

"Oh no," I groaned.

"What?" Both Sonny and Mikey asked at the same time.

I sighed, covering my face with my hands.

"I told Andy I love him," I said, and I wanted to hit myself because I shouldn't have said that to them because I didn't want Andy to know, let alone them to as well.

"You love him?" Sonny asked.

Did I? Of course I did. It seemed way too soon into our relationship, but I had never stopped liking Andy since high school, so those feelings were pouring over now that we were together. They had escalated into what I knew had to be love. I didn't mean to say it though. He probably thought I was some crazy, clingy boyfriend who fell in love too fast.

I didn't answer Sonny. I didn't want to talk about it anymore. I just groaned in frustration again, silently calling myself an idiot. I guess I had bigger things to worry about than dropping the L-bomb though. I wasn't even sure if he registered what I had said.

We were waiting in here for a while before the door finally opened, and when it did, my calm exterior was broken. Sonny's plan to be smart about this left my mind the second I saw Ethan exiting the office. He looked annoyed, pissed off, but I didn't care much for his discomfort, or what he was doing there, or the fact that the Dean was standing right behind him.

I didn't care about anything as I leapt off my seat, charging towards him.


End file.
